I, who advocate giving up, feel like a disqualified person

...It is said that the world is unpredictable, but this is too sudden for anyone...but it is not difficult to accept.

After all, I no longer want to care about relationships. Like or hate... relationships always change with the identities and status of the people involved. So, everything in the world is false... only death feels real to me.

When I squeezed the life curled up in my hands and snatched it away with my own hands, that helpless struggle and cry for survival became real to me.

No matter how much the living lament their despair and helplessness, it's not real... at least not to me. I don't feel pity for those who display their pity, nor do I offer comfort to those who cry. It's all fake, and even if there's truth in it, I won't accept it.

"...Ah...trouble."

Why do people always tether themselves to a righteousness they can't possibly achieve? They constantly maintain a moral high ground to mask their inner filth...what's the point? Aren't they essentially just a group pursuing their own selfish interests? They should just admit their own ambitions, just like the villains in comics and TV dramas.

"I'm...I'm sorry..." "Watch the road, watch the road——" "Really..."

There were scattered debris all over the floor, anxious faces trying to collect them, and feet constantly walking past.

“…”

Pick them up and put them in his bag. Pick them up and put them where they belong... I, who have nothing to do, will naturally stop and pick up those items that are lucky enough to have a price tag, so that they can play their value to others, instead of being accidentally trampled by passers-by and turned into worthless waste.

"Thank you... Thank you..."

"....You're welcome."

I had no intention of helping him in the first place, so there was no way I would accept such a thank you.

Fortunately, he never said anything like "You're such a good person" from beginning to end. If that were the case, my mood would have darkened again.

When you take away a life's right to live with your own hands, you are no longer a good person. Because of this, I cannot become the hero I long to be, but fortunately, I can calmly say that I am not a good person.

It's just that the bad things they do are smaller, and they are slightly less sinners.

"You really are a good person."

"..."

It wasn't the person involved who praised me...but it was one of the onlookers who said it to me when I was about to leave.

"..."

Although he wanted to argue, it was not appropriate to speak coldly to a stranger, so he smiled shyly and prepared to continue on his way.

"But there are still more bad people in the world, what do you think?"

Someone tapped my shoulder. It seemed to be the person who had just spoken to me.

"...Who knows..." He seemed to be a very friendly guy... "Since you think I'm a good person, then why not imitate me and help me pick up things."

"Oh... What a surprise." The unshaven guy, who looked very young, suddenly laughed. "So you're that kind of person? That smile just now really fooled me... Well, it doesn't matter. I called you just to tell you something important."

"..."

You can't ask me to maintain world peace or something...

"Your wallet was stolen when you were doing charity just now~"

"Huh?!" I was startled when I heard that. I searched for it and found it was gone. But then I realized that my phone was still there, and I didn't have much money in my wallet.

"Well... I'm used to this kind of thing. If it's lost, then it's lost..."

Losing your wallet in a crowded place, not getting anything when you draw something, having a lower drop rate than others, etc...

"Oh...you are really generous." He seemed quite surprised by my reaction.

"It's not about being generous or anything... Since we're all just trying to make a living, harming others' interests isn't something to be surprised about." It's not like I haven't done similar things before. "...If there's nothing else, I'll just catch the subway."

"Oh wow...what a weirdo."

Doesn’t everyone say this?!

"I'm not!"

This guy is too outspoken.

"You actually reacted to that... well, forget it." He smiled helplessly. "You're still the stronger one. You convinced me."

"What do you mean by persuasion..."

Before I could ask a question, he gently tossed an object toward me.

"Well..."

After I caught it and looked closely, I realized that it was my wallet.

"What's going on? It's not about me..."

Just when I was about to ask something, I suddenly realized that the guy had disappeared into the crowd.

"..."

He also said I was a weirdo...he was probably pretty much the same.

Please pay attention to the other direction.

After a few hours of sleep, I opened my eyes today as usual. Seeing the familiar ceiling, I was even more convinced that I was still alive.

I'm glad I didn't succumb to the cold or fatigue.

I recovered without any treatment. I have to say that the human body is really amazing... Well, anyway, I can spend another day doing nothing, which is really a cause for celebration.

No, there really wasn't anything to celebrate.

Chapter 31: Please pay attention to the other direction

"So you still remember to go to school. I thought you gave yourself a seven-day vacation."

"...Saturday and Sunday are fixed holidays, so if I can say I took a day off, it was only five days."

"Oh, since you still have the energy to talk back, it seems that your illness is almost healed."

"......"

It seems like I'm used to refuting her like this.

It was such a coincidence...I met Brother Nan just a few steps out of the house.

I know the location of her house, and the routes she can take to school are compared to the routes I can take, and considering her wake-up time, the probability of running into her on the way to school is comparable to starting with five Exodias.

"I originally wanted to visit your home and do a home visit or something. I didn't expect to run into you directly."

"Ah, that's it."

Well, in that sense, it wasn't a chance encounter. It was like the other party could print cards on the spot, so whatever cards they pulled out was understandable.

"You've fallen behind a lot in classes and homework these past few days. It's best to find someone to help you with tutoring at school. After all, the exams are coming up soon, and you don't want to waste your winter vacation, do you?"

I actually heard from her what a normal teacher would say... I felt so surprised.

"Well, whatever's fine..."

I don't really want to bother others... well, I just don't want to learn. If I ask someone to teach me and they're not paying attention, it will definitely make them angry.

"It's not that everything is fine, but you have to do it well. You could choose to be serious, but you always seem absent-minded... I'm curious, what do you want to do in the future?"

"..."

It seems like more than one person has asked me a similar question. And my response to such questions is always the same.

"I... am not sure."

"...Since you don't know, why don't you just focus on studying first?"

"..."

"Anyway, of the thousands of people in this school, few have a clear idea of ​​what they want to do in the future. They study simply because they've been told to do so since childhood, and they don't know anything else." He paused briefly. "I know you're different from those people... but as a teacher, I naturally want you to achieve something in the future, so that you won't have to constantly struggle to make a living."

"..."

"But on the other hand, it's good that you're worried like this," she said, placing her hands on my shoulders and patting them twice. "The more things you worry about, the more you're thinking... But dwelling on too many things isn't good for you either."

"..."

"Speaking of which, do you have a girl you like?"

"Eh?"

Why did they suddenly bring up this topic? Could it be some kind of sting operation?

"Don't be nervous, I'm just asking. I won't tell your parents or report it to the school or anything like that."

"....I may have had it before...but now I don't want to care about that kind of thing." I don't seem to have any interest in getting involved in love or anything like that.

"...It's such a big school, isn't there anyone you like?"

"No." He responded without thinking.

"You are such a strange student..."

"What's so strange about that?!"

It's not just Yao Qiong, now even passersby and Brother Nan are starting to think I'm weird? But there's nothing weird about me, right?!

"Generally speaking, it's normal for a boy of that age to be sexually suggestive of a girl. Even if they're not officially dating, it's perfectly normal to have a crush on a girl. You're being so categorical and saying there's nothing wrong with that."

That being said, it seems to be true...

"...The so-called puberty? That period has long passed." I stopped thinking about this as early as junior high school.

"According to that statement...you're really abnormal. High school romances are always like this..."

"It's always been like this, right?"

This is a quote from Mr. Lu Xun. I never had the chance to refute it, but I never expected to find myself using it now.

"...You clearly said you don't like using other people's quotes, but now you're using them to refute others?"

"It's just that what I wanted to say happened to coincide with what a great man said. What I want to express is still my own thoughts."

No one has ever been able to refute me in a debate. In the end, I'd just get so pissed off that I'd end up saying, "You're just a nitpicker." Now that I think about it, arguing with people like that is just plain boring.

"Unpolished jade."

She didn't respond to my rebuttal, but just looked at me with a gratified look and said this word lightly.

"...?"

"Teacher, I think this word is quite appropriate to describe you."

"...Is it appropriate?"

"Quite fitting. After all, you are just that kind of person... you have the potential to be a jade, but it's yet to be discovered. And it's hard to find someone who can carve you... after all, you won't listen to anyone."

"...I will definitely listen to what Teacher Nan says—"

"Alright, even if you say you'll listen, your body will still do what it wants. I know this all too well." She raised her hand and flicked my forehead as if to vent her anger. "If being a stone brings you happiness, then why do you have to be jade? That's what I think, so I won't force you to do anything."

"..."

"But what is happiness for you? The country."

“…”

"If you must daydream and think about random things during class, then I hope you can think about this problem."

"..."

“Perhaps the answer to this question is important to you.”

.............

There are three explanations for the so-called "unpolished jade".

Because I was a little concerned, I searched on Baidu.

The first refers to the jade wrapped in stone that has not yet been carved, the second refers to the talented people who have not yet been known...the third refers to the hermit.

Although I personally feel that none of these things have anything to do with me... but that's probably just the way it is. I don't admit that I have any talent, because even if I did, it would take a lot of time to hone... the so-called unpolished jade is like that, if it's not carved correctly, it might become waste.

Rather than the high-quality waste that looks regrettable, it is better to be an inconspicuous stone from the beginning.

"Uh-huh..."

He was so troubled that he put his forehead heavily on the table.

Because it is morning self-study, no one will care if you do this except the teacher.