I, who advocate giving up, feel like a disqualified person

Random thoughts

Raindrops kept hitting the umbrella.

It wasn't until a gust of cold wind pushed my umbrella aside and the dense raindrops hit my face that I suddenly realized I had been kicked out of her house. The reason was very simple...

"Don't you think there's something amiss about Yao Qiong?"

After saying this, the two people's attitude towards me became quite bad.

Obviously, they didn't accept this explanation. This also proved that, despite their continued concern for Yao Qiong, they hadn't realized anything unusual about her. Whether it was the lost memory or the inability to sleep peacefully, they had their own explanations.

"She just doesn't want to recall the sad things that happened before." "She studies so hard, she's much better than a lazy guy like you!"

It was precisely because they were convinced that Yao Qiong, with whom they had been for so long, was normal that they felt that the words spoken by me, a bystander, were an insult to her. Consequently, they became angry.

...When the anger inside of me builds up to a certain point, I'll say things that hurt others. Even if I don't look like a delinquent, they'll think I'm not a good person.

...Well, whatever. I might not be such a good person anyway.

"Don't let me see you again!"

After being rudely pushed out the door, I looked out of habit at the cloudy sky. If I were to describe my mood with a specific image, it would be like this scene all the time... So, surprisingly, I didn't react much to this treatment.

"......"

It took less time than expected, and I didn't get any useful information. But judging by the reactions of the two people, they probably didn't know much about Yao Qiong's experience before being adopted.

"what...."

I actually couldn't help but sigh.

Was everything I had done so far wrong? Was she actually a perfectly normal person and I was just overthinking it?

"Swish-swish-swish-swish-swish-"

No one could tell me the answer. Only the sound of rain, which I had grown tired of hearing since yesterday, echoed in my ears.

If you ask everyone in her class, they will probably think that she is a normal girl except for her love of napping. Not only that, even if you ask the homeroom teacher and the subject teachers, they will also hold this view.

So, I'm probably wrong.

Because everyone's opinion is the opposite of mine.

"......But."

If everyone thinks something is right...is it really right?

Chapter 24: Random Thoughts

"Sheji? What on earth were you talking about?"

Maybe the topic just now was too jumpy, causing Ye Hui to lose track of my train of thought for a moment. Come to think of it, I'm really not good at chatting with girls...

"Nothing, I'm just a little concerned about what I just said." In fact, it should be said that he cares a lot. "What kind of mood do you think someone is in to say those words?"

My gaze turned to Ye Hui who was standing beside me.

"Eh? Um...are you referring to those words 'shouldn't'?" she asked me for confirmation.

"of course."

"...Maybe he encountered something unacceptable? After all, it's such a series of problems..."

"...something unacceptable..."

So, based on what Yao Qiong revealed, the only conclusion I can draw is...his father has never been able to accept his wife's death. This kind of blow would be quite heavy for most people.

"Maybe that's the case..."

I had never thought about it this way before, but now I think about it, maybe this is the reason for everything. If a person's temperament changes drastically and becomes quite strange, it can only be that something unacceptable has happened to them.

"Well... okay, I get it."

Although it's just speculation, this is the only explanation I can give. In other words, the father Yao Qiong has come into contact with since then may have been broken by the tremendous pressure brought by life.

"...Life is really difficult."

Even if there is such a thing as "after adversity comes good fortune," how can one possibly achieve good fortune if one continues to struggle in the so-called "no" until death? Or does the so-called "no" and "good fortune" simply mean that most people in the world bear the "no," while the rest can enjoy the "good" without any scruples?

"Even so, life must go on."

"...That's what I said...but I find it difficult."

How I will live my life in the future is still uncertain... Even if I say I want to continue, I really don't know how to move forward. After leaving the campus environment, I don't know what I can do.

"You don't have to worry about such things."

“…”

"What to do next, what direction to take... we still have a year, so we can take our time to think about it." She looked tired and sighed, "If there's still no solution by then, you can come to me for advice."

"..."

Can I discuss with others what I want to do in the future? But I don't think so.

"Why, don't you want to?"

"Well...that's fine."

Anyway, let me just say this for now.

............

For illnesses like colds, it’s best to avoid going to crowded places...otherwise, you might infect more people.

But now I don’t feel as serious as before, so it shouldn’t matter. Anyway, now I still follow Ye Hui to the living area on the second floor of the supermarket.

"You have to hurry up, otherwise..."

"..."

I seem to have caused her a lot of trouble. Although I don't want to do this... but even if I tell her not to take care of me like this, she won't accept it easily.

"By the way, Sheji, what would you like to eat today?"

"...anything is fine. I don't know anything about cooking, so I'll just pick what you want."

I think I'm a picky eater, but after all, Ye Hui took the trouble to make this, so no matter what dish it is, I have a reason to eat it. Of course, the fact that it tastes really good is also a factor.

So, the reason why I am picky about food is probably not because I hate certain ingredients... but because when I was young, my parents' cooking skills were not very good, so I was left with the impression that certain ingredients were unpalatable.

"Then..." Ye Hui said, and then he started to pick out the ingredients he wanted to buy. However, I couldn't judge what kind of food I was going to make just by looking at what I bought.

"..."

The people around me were doing the same, selecting ingredients for their upcoming meals. Unlike the people rushing around on the streets, this place didn't feel cold, but rather bustling with life.

The average person's life is constantly shifting back and forth in this atmosphere. On the one hand, they endure the ant-like mechanical and monotonous life, while on the other, they seek simple relaxation during meals... Those who have a special liking for food seem to easily find a reason to live.

"Here, take it."

Some of the ingredients have been weighed and are now stuffed into my hands along with the plastic bag.

I have to say, it seems a bit heavy.

"Don't stand here, you'll be in the way of others." Ye Hui pulled up my sleeve and pulled me aside. "Can you walk a little faster?"

"Oh...."

I doubt I'll see this kind of scene for a few years... No, maybe even next year. After graduation, I'll definitely go to different places, do different things, be assigned to different jobs... and live different lives.

So, instead of letting me meet someone like this and leaving behind so-called beautiful memories...why not just let me never meet him? Fate is such a strange and troublesome thing.

"..."

How to take the first step

I don't like getting wet, and I don't like the feeling of a cold wind blowing over me. So, to sum it up, I just can't like this kind of weather at all.

However, even if you don't like it or can't adapt to it...this kind of weather will always appear in a year.

"...I really want to stay indoors, even in a classroom..."

As I walked down the street, I couldn't help but speak out what was on my mind.

Accompanied by a puff of white mist, the words disappeared without a trace in the streets where only Yehui and I were walking.

"Then...how about speeding up a little?"

Perhaps she thought I was sick and unable to run, so she just suggested a solution in a negotiating tone.

"Why not... run."

I said, reaching over to take the other bag filled with ingredients from her hand.

"Eh? Isn't it too much for you to do it all? And like this..."

"It's okay, just put away the umbrella."

There are many disgusting things in this world. Even if you want them to disappear, the world will remain the same as always.

"But...your cold isn't gone yet."

Rather than the still drifting raindrops, she was more concerned about my illness.

"It doesn't matter--"

Now, it's hard to tell whether this body is important to me. I don't need others to worry about it, and I don't want to care about it either.

So what? So what?

These are the only words swirling in my mind. Perhaps it's simply because I'm overwhelmed with so much that I choose not to think about anything.

"This minor illness will eventually heal..."

Sometimes it's just like that. Even if it's something you hate, you still want to do it from the bottom of your heart.

No, maybe it wasn't just a whim. Rather, I was using this abnormal behavior to replace something I didn't have the courage to do.

Chapter 25: How to take the first step

"Sorry... for making you play around with me for a while."

Having said that, I'm the one who's breathing the most. I'm not good at sports, but I always want to make things difficult for myself...

"Actually, there's no need to rush... there's still a long time until the first class this afternoon."

Ye Hui seemed to understand this behavior as me just thinking about her, and I agreed with her.

"Ah... I just... didn't want to waste your time. Well, even so, I still made your clothes get wet."

always there

"It's okay. The heater is on now, so drying it won't be too difficult." Ye Hui was wearing a windbreaker, so his school uniform wasn't too wet underneath. He had already hung his clothes near the air-conditioning vent. "But to be on the safe side, it's better to take a hot shower."

"...Um."

"Then I'll borrow the bathroom in your house."

"Um..."

For a moment I didn't realize what was wrong.

"...So, could you please lend me a hand... a dry towel, a hair dryer, or something?"

"Oh, I'll go look for it..."

The moment I stood up, I suddenly realized what was about to happen.

"Then I'll leave it to you~"

"..."

. . . . . . . . . .

"The clothes and things we need are all placed on the washing machine at the door."

I just gave her my mom's bathrobe. She really likes her anyway, so she definitely won't mind.