I, who advocate giving up, feel like a disqualified person

I feel like this is the time I've wrapped myself up pretty tightly.

If I were to exaggerate, I would say that I didn't even feel the cold wind blowing on me. But the reality was that I could still feel a little bit of the cold wind, but it was okay for me.

"You actually came out... Can your body handle it?"

"..."

Could it be that her proposal wasn't sincere? To have believed her instantly was, in a sense, truly insane.

"...I'm not so weak that I can't even walk. I still have enough energy to walk with you for a while."

"Don't force yourself. If it makes your condition worse..."

"Can't you just say something auspicious?" I said, tapping her head. "Like get well soon."

"Isn't that disgusting? Saying something like that to you..."

"..."

As expected, this girl has absolutely no awareness of being a younger sister.

"Speaking of which...I was thinking of a story."

Maybe it's to distract myself. My head really hurts right now, so it feels better to talk about something.

"Oh, that's rare."

"..."

Yeah, she seems completely unaware of my frequent writing. She doesn't seem to have any idea of ​​my writing skills... Yeah, I don't think I've revealed much to her yet, and she doesn't really know me that well either. The only thing that connects us is our brother-sister relationship.

"Don't you have anything to say?"

I was a little concerned about this. After all, she didn't react at all after hearing it.

"Uh, what kind of story is it?"

It sounded like she was being perfunctory. It seemed like she really didn't care about this.

"...something about celestial bodies or something."

"...What an ingenious... subject matter."

Why do I feel hesitant when I say this?

"Unfortunately, I don't know much about celestial bodies. But I don't plan to learn more...so I'm hesitant about whether to do it."

“…Since you don’t understand, why not try to understand.”

Anyone who hears this from me would probably find it strange. They clearly don't understand something, yet they have no desire to learn about it.

"I'm thinking about things that are detached from reality... so forcing some astronomical knowledge into it feels really out of place." Besides... "Wouldn't it make my thinking become rigid if I mixed that in?"

"...You are such a troublemaker."

"Is there..."

"If you're going to write something, it's definitely not something you can do in one go... You need to revise it over and over again to get the final product, right? If you're so timid from the beginning, I doubt you'll be able to write anything good."

“…I see.”

There is an indescribable feeling.

Maybe, thinking too much is not necessarily a good thing.

Maybe I just want quiet

Common medications don't seem to be very effective for me. After all, even after taking them, a cold, something that nobody usually thinks of, doesn't seem to have disappeared.

"A fever is meant to reduce the activity of viruses in your body, but your immunity will also decrease during this period. So although a cold is a minor illness, the series of complications it causes later on can be very troublesome."

Perhaps it was for this reason that Ye Jin asked me to go to the pharmacy. But normally, wouldn't you go to the hospital? Well, never mind. It doesn't really matter. Whatever happens, it will get better.

I don't know where this confidence comes from, but I always have this kind of unreasonable and illogical judgment about my body.

"Blind confidence is a very foolish act."

"..."

I couldn't tell if she was referring to my judgment of my own body or my understanding of creation. Either way, it didn't seem easy to hear.

"If you had paid more attention to exercising, you wouldn't be in this situation now."

This must be a hint that she's so healthy because she exercises regularly. Otherwise, she wouldn't say it with such pride, and even puff out her chest...even though it hasn't developed yet.

"...It would be strange if people didn't get sick."

I think that's the only way I can refute it. Anyway, I've never met anyone who has never been sick since childhood...

"But being sick is going to be really hard, right? Can't you just try to reduce the possibility of getting sick?... The method I mentioned is actually pretty good."

"...Well, that's a good point." But I refused, "But not everyone can do that. At least not me."

"Alright, alright. Anyway, I know that you won't do anything you don't want to do no matter how much you try to persuade me."

"..."

"But then again, why do you want to write a story?" Seeing that I wasn't very interested in this topic, she took the initiative to change the subject... It seems she's not stupid.

"...The reasons are a bit complicated. But the most important thing is to perform at the cultural exhibition."

"What did you say? Are you going to be a screenwriter?" Her focus was surprisingly strange... Could it be that only when others recognized what you did would your work be valued? And being a screenwriter was the so-called "result of recognition"?

“It’s not much different from being a screenwriter.”

There is no denying this.

"In other words, your current illness is closely related to your overwork?"

Are you sure this isn't a sarcastic remark? But judging by her tone and eyes, she doesn't seem to be thinking that way. Perhaps she genuinely cares about me, and I can understand that.

"...No, it was just an accident."

I fell asleep while chatting with Yao Qiong on the voice chat, seemingly without covering myself with the quilt. Then, overnight, I developed a fever... The human body is truly fragile.

"Then you have had quite a few surprises in your life."

"...What do you mean? Are you saying that I'm weak and sickly?"

"I'm just curious what kind of accident could make you sick."

"...You don't have to worry about that."

"Really?" She suddenly stared at me, "I always feel that you have no momentum when you say such unreasonable things."

"...Because I'm seriously ill right now."

"Well, that kind of talk doesn't really suit you." After a brief pause, "You should just continue to reason with others seriously."

"..."

I would do this even if you don't tell me.

Chapter 11: Maybe All I Want Is Quietness

If I think about it carefully, maybe the seeds that led to this result were planted on that day... Yes, it was when I was shopping with Yao Qiong in the cold wind a few days ago.

I might have been feeling unwell late at night on that day, and coupled with the triggering events of last night, it was understandable that my body had problems like this... But I don't really want this kind of causal relationship.

"Gurgle gurgle gurgle"

The pills, along with the hot water, went down my throat. On the one hand, I was hoping for a quick effect, and on the other, I was hoping I could stay home a little longer... After all, such a quiet, undisturbed creative environment is quite rare. It wouldn't be so easy to immerse myself in writing at school...

"What's wrong with receiving praise by riding on the coattails of others? I didn't seek it; it was bestowed upon me by humans... If anyone should criticize, it should be those who fail to see reality. I have always been this way, and I will always remain this way. Whether for a hundred years or a thousand years, I will be a celestial body reflecting their light in the night sky. That's all."

Wasn't that a bit too arrogant for a satellite? Just as I was thinking this, my phone suddenly vibrated and rang. But judging by how long it lasted, it was probably just a text message.

"...Who would send a text message at this time..."

If it was Ye Jin, he should have been in class by now. As for the other candidates...

"You weren't here again today. Did something happen? I really enjoyed yesterday's story, and I hope to hear something just as interesting tonight... or a sequel to yesterday's story."

You don't even need to look at the signature; you can tell who sent it just by looking at the content. Since Yao Qiong doesn't know I'm sick, I won't tell her, so as not to put unnecessary psychological pressure on her... For example, she might think that my health problems are because of her.

"I can't go every day. But I'll continue thinking about the story. You didn't fall asleep yesterday, did you? I'll find a way to solve this problem as soon as possible."

This response should be enough.

"Then... go on."

I said and picked up the pen again.

"Why do we exist? Just to be observed by a species whose lifespan is not even one billionth of ours?"

"But just shining on your own doesn't seem right, does it? Why not proactively approach those non-luminous creatures? With the right location, perhaps an intelligent species will emerge there and worship you like a god... and then everything on that planet will be dependent on you. Your light and warmth will affect everything in those creatures, and you'll get the attention you want, and they'll worry about when your life will end... Isn't that the fate you desire?"

"But one day... our lives will come to an end. When that time comes, what will become of those who worship you? Since there's no guarantee that you'll always shine brightly and warmly, then don't give it to them so easily from the beginning."

"...This will turn it into a debate... But this is not bad either—" A little bit of rivalry shouldn't be a big deal. It all depends on how the actors perform...

If I were to be accepted, I would definitely be considered a troublesome person.

Just as everything was going smoothly, the phone rang again. It was the same rhythm as the first time it rang today.

"Will you reply..."

It's a bit too slow to reply. But considering that she doesn't seem to know much about mobile phones, it's normal for her to type slowly.

"Did you get enough rest? If I'm not mistaken, no one is home today. I'll take your homework and notes home after school. I'll also ask what you'd like to eat for dinner. I'll bring some ingredients on the way here."

Similarly, you don’t need to look at the signature, you can tell who it comes from just by looking at the content... I suddenly feel like I am very popular today, I hope it’s not my illusion.

To put it more seriously, it's all your own fault.

Dreams are very strange things.

It always accompanies sleep, and dreaming always means you're asleep... But are there people who are able to sleep but can't fall asleep at all, with only darkness before their eyes? If so, what does it feel like?

"...Hey, Yao Qiong——Are you listening——"

Until now, all I've seen is darkness, and that same scene that's been repeated countless times. But after meeting that person, a long time has passed, and something else has appeared in my dreams. Besides that dream of my mother, whom I hadn't seen in a long time, as if following his words, I've dreamed of twinkling stars.

"Compared to planets, which don't emit light, stars are much larger... Therefore, stars have a higher status than planets. Isn't it interesting to apply human concepts to inanimate objects?"

It was as if they were connected—those stars twinkled with their own light, as if communicating... I'd never paid much attention to them before, but now I could see them clearly through my dreams. It was truly incredible... and more importantly, I could actually... truly enter the dreamland I'd longed for.

And all this is just because he is telling a story involving stars.

He really is a... rather strange person.

"Yao Qiong—are you in a daze?"

"..."

When Yao Qiong, who was indeed in a daze, came to her senses, she realized that her teacher was standing in front of her with an sullen look on his face.

"Oh...I'm sorry..."

She quickly stood up and suddenly felt a burning sensation on her face. Although she had been woken up for dozing off in class before, this feeling was rare.

"...Really? Even though you have good grades, you don't listen in class and just study hard after class to make up for it... Isn't that putting the cart before the horse?"

It was clear that the teacher didn't understand her situation. She didn't know why Yao Qiong couldn't sleep at night, nor did she know that she actually didn't like studying at night... She simply made her own inference based on superficial phenomena.

“…”

Yao Qiong had no idea how to respond. As before, she chose to remain silent for a long time.

"But... you're definitely making progress by not feeling sleepy today... Never mind, pay attention in class from now on and stop daydreaming." Seeing this, the teacher didn't know what to say next. He waved her aside and asked her to sit down. "Then... let's move on to the next question."

"..."

What is he doing now?

Yao Qiong couldn't help but think about him again. It seemed that it was difficult for her to stop daydreaming... For some reason, this was the same as her thoughts about the guy named Sheji.