I, who advocate giving up, feel like a disqualified person

"I already said that next time when I have more information, I will naturally ask you to help me—"

Some things are simply unbearable. Even though different people have different tolerance levels for different things... it seems like the amount of things people around me can tolerate is a bit too much. And it's quite unbelievable.

"Then let's just make it a deal for now." He seemed to have received a call from home. "I'll go back that way...someone will come to pick me up."

"Well...see you tomorrow then."

Today is only Monday. Even though the weekend is still quite a while away...it's already here before I know it. Thinking about it this way, it seems like my life has just flown by in this blur.

"...Sheji, are you okay?"

"No. Why do you ask?"

It is very difficult for me to hide important things from Ye Hui.

I've had a vague feeling about this before. And this time, even if I deny it, she'll still notice the difference in my mindset. So, deep down, I hope she won't notice, or ask me about it with a worried tone.

But I couldn't hide it from her...

"You're still saying nothing... Actually, Xiaolin and I have already noticed it. It's just that she doesn't want to get involved in this matter... I think it must be a very important matter, right?"

Is it important...? I can't pinpoint the question. Because the person involved is long gone, for me, whatever happened, whatever I did, had absolutely no impact on the situation at the time, and it's completely meaningless. If I had to explain its purpose, it's probably just to give me some comforting feeling.

"I'm not sure whether it's important or not." He glanced at the information in his hand. "Actually, I just want to confirm whether it actually exists."

I just didn't expect there would be so much news like this.

"...Is that so..." She seemed to understand something. She didn't ask me any more questions. "Then get some rest... After all, it's not very realistic to read all the news in one night. Besides, I still have homework to do..."

"Well... I won't force myself."

Chapter 5: Struggle, Struggle, and Struggle

I still feel that the essence of human beings cannot be summarized by one phenomenon or one word.

I don't know what I should do now. Just looking at the events in my hands... which I don't know how to judge, I feel a constant, constant pain in my heart.

"Why on earth is that..."

Those people, after all, had nothing to do with me. Although we did once live in the same city... I managed to survive. Uncoerced by scumbags, unharmed physically and mentally, I forgot the past and lived like a normal person...

"....all...."

But, many people.

Many people died.

What I've seen is just the information I have... In this city, people who should be enjoying their youth have chosen various ways to end their lives. But others remain indifferent, simply because they weren't involved, simply because their power wasn't enough to change reality, so they don't care.

"...what do I do..."

What I see before me should be a collection of randomly placed copies, but to me... it's clearly the scene I saw in front of that abandoned building that day.

In the shadow of the building, unseen, she lay quietly on the ground. The scavengers gathered, crawling all over her body. To the insects, her lifeless body was nothing more than organic matter destined to be decomposed... Who could have imagined that she once wanted to live in this world?

"..."

No one wants to die in the first place.

I have no idea what kind of struggles she went through, how much she considered, and what kind of despair she experienced before she chose to end her life like this.

At that time, I was just staring blankly at the scene I discovered, my head was so confused with all kinds of thoughts that I couldn't move forward.

Until I saw the traces behind her.

The trail of blood stretched nearly two meters. Judging from this, she didn't fall there initially. She was dragging her injured body... trying to crawl towards the path behind me that led to the outside.

I have no way of knowing what kind of pain she was enduring, nor why she fell from such a height...but she wanted to live.

This is the only thing I can understand clearly.

"..."

Realizing this, I turned and began to run toward the outside world. Then, stumbling to the ground, I realized what I had witnessed, and my body finally reacted as it should... Was it fear? Or sadness? A natural nausea from the stench of decay? Or was it simply the first time I'd seen such a horrific scene, completely numbing my ability to think?

Not sure, I don't know...

Lying on the side of the road and vomiting all over the place, I finally understood one thing through my tears.

Someone who once lived by my side is no longer here.

She's a good girl, she has family and friends, she has things she loves, and she wants to live in this world.

“...Why…”

In the news I found, the only report on this incident was that he ran away from home due to study pressure and unfortunately slipped and fell in an abandoned building and had an accident.

But this is not the case.

But people believe what they see and hear...and what others believe.

“That’s not fair…”

Why didn't those bullies get their comeuppance? Instead, the person who helped others, who even spent their meager living expenses to buy bread for a stranger, died? Is there any fairness in this world?

Everything I thought about, everything I thought about before, was too short-sighted.

Why do I want to forget these things? It's something I clearly can't forget... Is it because I can't accept this fact, or have I realized that my abilities are incapable of changing this world?

Then what is the meaning of my existence...

"..."

Staring blankly at the ceiling.

A guy who has been unable to protect anyone since the beginning and has not improved at all now, clutched his chest tightly with his left hand through his clothes, with a twisted and hideous look on his face, staring blankly at the ceiling of his house.

No one knows what I am thinking about now.

..............

"Let's do a stage play, and I'll be in charge of the script."

"...what?"

Sun, who was deep in his studies, looked quite shocked at my suggestion. He acted as if I were saying something unbelievable... Is this necessary when I'm just suggesting something I haven't already mentioned?

Although it's not quite right to approach Senior Sun about this matter when he's planning to retire, after thinking about it, this is probably the best I can do.

"I mean... I'll write the script and then find a way to perform it during the cultural exhibition." I explained my idea to my senior again.

"I know what you mean. No need to repeat it." He couldn't help but hold his forehead. "But I always find it incredible that you would say such a thing."

"What? Don't you agree?"

"No, no, no, I'm glad you had this idea. I'm just a little curious about what made you come to me to discuss the drama club."

“…”

That's right. After all, I've always tried to avoid anything to do with the drama club. Taking the initiative this time would be considered unusual by everyone.

"...personal reasons." I thought for a moment and added, "Some things must be written into a stage play before they can be seen by others."

"...What? Could it be that you're confessing your feelings to a girl? You're really young."

The senior who had the liberty to guess my thoughts couldn't help but smile.

"Wouldn't it be too embarrassing if this happened on stage? It's like inserting a video of me and my girlfriend together after a movie and then proposing to her. Wouldn't it be awkward?"

"...You don't think this is romantic."

"Senior, if you propose like this, you will definitely be rejected." I retorted disdainfully.

"It's too unrealistic for me to propose... I guess I have to wait a few years."

"So you already have someone to propose to..." It seems that it is senior Xiaohui who is far away in another city.

"Isn't that natural... Well, let's not talk about that for now. As for the fact that you wrote the script... what was the reason?" The senior seemed to be very concerned about the reason why I wanted to write.

"...It's a long story."

I still can't tell anyone the reason...even to my seniors.

There's not too much to do.

"It shouldn't be a problem, right?"

"It won't be a problem. After all, apart from this year's newcomers, everyone knows you." Although I only revealed a few details about my motives, the senior still agreed to my proposal. "Besides, you won't be solely responsible for the script. I will also make appropriate cuts to any scenes that require revisions or are difficult to realize."

"Eh...are you going to delete more..."

"Of course. If you write something incredible, we can't possibly perform it all." He thought for a moment and added, "This is a rare opportunity. Why don't you try to perform on stage?"

"...I'd better forget it. Just writing it is troublesome enough. Even though I wanted to write it..."

"Didn't you agree to take over next year? How could I trust you with the responsibility if you don't know what it takes to manage the drama club?"

The senior immediately changed the subject and brought up this matter. There was no doubt that it was Senior Su who told him.

"It's easy. You can find a suitable person when the time comes." Anyway, I don't have to be the leader of this club.

"Then the conditions are not equal... If you have this idea, then you should come and understand. Otherwise, don't say such things so easily." The senior closed the book at hand. "Besides, I'm already on the verge of retirement. Saying I want to re-emerge to manage things at this time... doesn't seem reasonable. So, negotiations with the club will mainly depend on you... As I said, although the previous seniors know you, newcomers are still quite difficult to manage."

"...Wouldn't it be better if we just eliminated the guys who just wanted to join in the fun?"

And this guy definitely didn't want to show up in the club because of this, but because he didn't want to face Senior Lu Yunzi. After all, it was so obvious... meeting him would definitely be very awkward.

Although I was initially leaning towards Senior Lu Yunzi, after all, his bond with Senior Hui was much deeper. It seemed that even a Skyfall wouldn't necessarily be able to defeat a childhood sweetheart... Although Senior Lu Yunzi and Senior Sun could be considered half childhood sweethearts... well, that was hard to judge.

"You can contact Jia Li Du for specific matters. For now, I can only wait with great anticipation for you to finish the script... I'll help you revise it, and then I'll go see it live on the day of the performance."

"...Isn't this the same as doing nothing?"

"That makes me sad. But you're right," he said with a helpless smile. "I'm currently working towards my previous goal...that's why I've chosen not to get involved in the drama club too much. And besides thanking Hui for your unwavering support, the second person I need to thank for this idea is you."

"Eh...what does it have to do with me?"

Are you playing the emotional card with me?

"Come on... Although the situation was certainly dangerous, there's no need to avoid it. I'm still pretty resilient... Besides, you were the one who got hurt."

"Um...you mean...the incident where my hand got hurt?"

From his expression, I knew he wasn't cheating. However, I couldn't recall what I had done.

"What else could it be?"

"..."

"My feelings at that time... well, how should I put it? It was like giving yourself a reason to create something, and instantly understanding the meaning of life. I almost died—it was then that I suddenly realized that I hadn't properly completed everything I had wanted to do before."

"Uh..."

Have I ever done something so extraordinary...

"Regret, disappointment, and a longing for life—all flooded my mind as the knife nearly pierced my body." His expression was subtle, as if he were recalling the moment. "Only those who have experienced it firsthand can understand. Things like this can never be expressed in words. That's why I chose the drama club, because, to a certain extent, actors can express more to others than words can."

“…”

"And you probably felt the same way, so you chose to express it through a stage play, right?"

"Um..."

That's true. No matter how I think about it, what I think and what I can express my thoughts on can only be expressed in this way at this stage.

"Then try your best." He said, standing up from his desk, "I'm going to eat now... want to join me?"

There isn't too much to do in Chapter 6

For most people, irony and symbolism are completely useless. It's not an exaggeration to say that this is a uniquely human arrogance; most people don't want to believe that certain words and plots contain hidden meanings that the reader wants to convey.

Because overinterpretation exists, they think all interpretations are excessive. Because they think something is childish, they think childish things lack irony; because they think something is vulgar, they think vulgar content lacks what the author intended to express.

It's not foolishness, but it's even more pathetic and lamentable. They flaunt their knowledge to the world, even when it's completely irrelevant. Admittedly, there are too many people like this.

However, even so, the creator is still creating. Even if only a few people can understand and read it, that is enough.

So, what kind of story should I write...

.......

The weather today is still very good.