I, who advocate giving up, feel like a disqualified person

Why do you have to wait for others to ask for help before you take action?

"Boom——"

He slammed his clenched fist into the hard wall.

Why should you choose to compromise like others?

"Boom——"

Even though it hurt, the punch was delivered with no less force.

why...

"Dong—dong—dong—dong—"

I've been asking myself all sorts of questions.

My fists felt like they weren't my own, hitting the wall again and again without changing at all.

But in the end, I still couldn't get an answer. It was as if the self inside was really dead. I was just silent and couldn't feel any pain at all.

"..."

Maybe, I really need to do something now.

Something

Today the earth is still turning as usual.

And I was also taking in the necessary energy from food as usual in order to continue my life for some unknown reason.

The sky is as clear as yesterday.

The people were just as noisy as before.

The only difference is that my dining venue has shifted from the crowded cafeteria to the rooftop I stumbled upon a few days ago. And the food I'm using to fill my stomach has become... bread. Ah, yes, for some reason, now that I've come to my senses, it seems like I've been eating this stuff all along. It's not particularly tasty, and the satiety it provides is subtle, but it's not unpleasant.

"Speaking of..."

What is this feeling...

I leaned against the railing, gazing up at the sky, pondering this question silently. However, I didn't particularly appreciate this interruption, and then, before me appeared someone who clearly wanted to disrupt my interest.

"You are indeed here."

"..."

I ignored him and turned my gaze to the abandoned building beside me.

The demolition plan, which had been quiet for a while, now seemed to be about to begin, and the deserted building was finally becoming busier. If demolition was truly necessary, the school might have to close for half a day or even a full day to avoid being affected by the dust.

And those guys who are completely unaware must be clapping and cheering now.

"...Is that where she was found...she...that." His gaze followed me and turned there.

"Yes. Didn't the teacher tell you the details? You'd better not ask questions when you already know the answer." I interrupted him coldly.

"...Are you angry?"

"..."

My first reaction after hearing this question was hesitation. I hadn't even considered it before, but after he reminded me, I realized I couldn't feel angry anymore. Well, I was angry at so many people, so many that I didn't know who to vent to, so I just stopped wanting to be angry about anything.

"Who knows..." I sighed, "Even if it is, what's the point."

"..."

All I know is that I regret it now.

"How should I put it...I feel a little sorry."

"I'm sorry... who do you mean?"

I stuffed the bread in my hand into my mouth, chewed it randomly, and then washed it down with warm water from the teacup at hand.

"...You look a little down and out...I feel like it's because of me."

"...Hmm?" I gave him a puzzled look. "What are you talking about?"

"Well... I just feel that if I hadn't stopped you... maybe the result would not be like this. Ha..."

The smile he showed at this moment seemed quite awkward to me.

To explain why, it's probably because he takes himself too seriously. I don't understand how he could possibly have made himself the center of events, but when he approached me with that mindset and realized I wasn't taking him seriously at all, the awkwardness he felt was certainly more than just a feeling.

"What is this?" I asked myself.

"...Whatever...I'm just a little worried about you."

"Because I'm your neighbor and we're in the same class?"

"...Of course...what else?"

"..."

I didn't respond to him immediately.

"Come to think of it. What do you think people should be like?"

"Hmm? Why are you asking this all of a sudden..."

"Don't you think it's hard to explain in just a few words?" I saw that he wanted to change the subject, so I immediately followed up.

"Well, that's right."

"Some countries think the death penalty is too cruel to humans, so they abolish it altogether."

"...? Does this have anything to do with the problem you just mentioned?"

"Of course it does." I responded, seeing his puzzled expression. "Isn't it strange? No matter what unforgivable things a person has done, as long as they are placed in a life-or-death situation, there will always be people who treat them as an ordinary life and put their survival first."

"...You mean...some people ask victims to forgive the perpetrators?"

"Well, that's about right. So... I think the world is telling me: no matter what you do, it can be forgiven, because you have human life, and human life is more precious than any other species, so you can make mistakes as much as you want. No matter what the mistake is, there will always be someone who will forgive it."

"...This...this idea is too extreme..."

He laughed awkwardly again.

"Well, maybe." I responded to his awkward smile and then kept quiet about it.

"Then again...it doesn't matter whether you stop me or not...if I really want to do something, one person's words alone won't be enough to restrain me."

So, it is not someone's advice that restrains oneself.

“…”

"Actually, I was scared back then." I was hesitant because of all sorts of concerns, and I also began to doubt my own abilities. "But now, I feel like there's nothing to worry about."

What bound me was the rules I was aware of, but those around me never followed what they were supposed to do...which meant I didn't have to follow them.

"...What? Are you planning something..."

"Who knows."

I looked at the white clouds floating in the sky and slowly closed my eyes.

Episode 10 Something

I don't know when, my dreams began to become monotonous.

“Huff, huff, huff…”

In the dream, I was running wildly on the open ground, as if I was desperately chasing something.

It seemed like there was no end. I just kept running, breathing heavily, but not feeling tired at all.

When the end finally appeared, I realized I had reached a dead end. Ahead was a place that looked like a cliff, yet also seemed to have been neatly cut through.

But he didn't stop, instead he lunged in the direction he had been running. At that moment he remembered what he was trying to catch, but in the end he didn't catch anything.

When I looked down, I saw only a weak figure slowly falling under my gaze, until a muffled sound rang in my ears.

"..."

I woke up in the middle of the night drenched in sweat, not knowing what I was feeling.

I still haven't come to any conclusion as to whether what I'm doing now has anything to do with her.

"...The time is almost up."

Leaning against a tree where few people noticed me, I glanced at the time. The scene I had been waiting for seemed to be approaching.

"Dong dong——"

Placing his hand on his chest, he could clearly feel his heartbeat quickening, but at the same time, a kind of pleasure mixed with a hint of guilt could not help but burst out.

"squeak----!"

The sound of the emergency brake came as expected.

Then came a scream so shrill that it seemed to pierce the sky.

Judging from the tone, there was no mistake.

"call..."

He heaved a sigh of relief, his thoughts becoming clearer. Perhaps he simply wanted to avoid that scene appearing in his dreams too often.

..........

The bonds between people aren't unbreakable...otherwise, there wouldn't be so many strategists specializing in tactics. Although I'm merely a crude imitation of what my predecessors left behind,...no matter what, as long as I can accomplish what's expected, that's all that matters.

And what was the thought that motivated me to do it...I don't think it was a normal feeling.

I still wasn't listening carefully, so I turned my pen and looked at the empty table behind me.

His eyes swept across the almost empty row of tables, then lingered on one for a few seconds.

It was as if she had dropped out of school for some reason. After just today, the scene in the class was as if this person had never existed.

We continued to learn knowledge that might be useful, talked about seemingly useless topics, and spent the day leisurely like before.

"...Teacher, I need to go to the bathroom."

"..."

The teacher, who was teaching, looked at me, then at the empty desk in the back row. This took less than a second, but I could understand what she was thinking... However, she eventually allowed me to leave in the middle of the class.

Generally speaking, the guys in the last row would return to their seats during class, no matter what. But to say they were following school rules was a stretch... From what I understand, they probably just thought sleeping in class or playing on their phones was better than squatting outside somewhere.

And once they don't show up here in groups during class, it usually means they have some personal matters to deal with.

These rules, which we learned after only a year or two of school, are certainly familiar to teachers who have been teaching here for quite some time. Yet, they continue to ignore them. Whether they know they are powerless to change them or feel it is none of their business, I don't want to find out.

"..."

But it seems that she is settling the score with me.

"Oh, isn't this very clear..."

But even if you know this, you still don't do anything. It seems that teaching and educating is much more important than a person's campus life.

"Hmm..."

I can hardly figure out what kind of environment I live in. But at least for now, I don’t hate it here.

"I...I really don't know..."

"...I really don't know..."

"That's easy, I'll just wait until you understand..."

Only when we reached the door could we hear the detailed conversation. It seemed like a conflict had occurred, just as I'd suspected, and the source of the conflict was that guy from before. His name... well, forget it. It didn't seem to matter if I couldn't remember his name.

I leaned against the door quietly, listening carefully to their conversation and the occasional moan... Perhaps it was because I was too excited by the close contact with my favorite cigarette. Perhaps this is why smoking is harmful to health (physics).

"call..."

Things seemed to be developing just as I expected, and no one noticed who played a key role in these changes.

What is unknown to others does not exist.