I, who advocate giving up, feel like a disqualified person

"It seems that disgusting is no longer enough to describe you... Well, this place suits you well after all."

It seemed like she didn't intend to continue pestering me, so she decided to leave.

"You are indeed afraid... No, to be more precise, you are running away from something."

"Stop being so stubborn. It's so hard to admit you're useless..."

"Wrong..."

"What did you say."

"I mean, I've never denied... that I'm a loser."

"Heh...that's unreasonable."

"On the contrary, it seems to me that you are running away from something..."

"I advise you not to talk too much."

Her voice was still cold, but it was completely different from before... It seemed like this was the area she didn't want anyone to mention.

"What on earth is this... How could someone like me, who wouldn't even be saddened by my death, be associated with someone like you, who is considered 'perfect' by others? To others, this must be quite strange... and unbelievable."

"..."

"But do you know how this matter is presented from my perspective?"

Am I just being quick-witted? The guy who just beat me up is right outside the door. If I do that, I might get hurt again... No, with this girl's personality, I definitely will.

But what does it matter?

"I'm not interested..."

"Actually, you're afraid of yourself... those illusions you've created..."

"hiss--"

A breath of anger followed, and then there was the pain from the top of his head... His already injured scalp was being tugged at harshly by the hands of this... I couldn't even describe it anymore.

"There's no good ending for deliberately provoking me..."

"But... in my opinion, you're actually the same as... me, the one you look down upon, and everyone else you look down upon... So, you still act like a superior person... It's okay for those who don't know, but I happen to know what kind of person you are... and to me, it's quite ridiculous."

It feels a bit funny.

Even though I was in extreme pain, expressing my feelings like this felt like... a fight back. But no matter what, I was still at a disadvantage.

I feel a bit like...Ah Q or something like that.

"If you don't want to be beaten again, shut up."

"Well...it doesn't matter..."

But since I can't be a great man, and can't accomplish anything practical... then maybe it would be nice to be a character written by a great man.

"No matter what happens to me in the future...right now, I just want you to remember one thing..."

"..."

The guy who always had a cold expression finally showed an expression other than a flattering smile... and he looked quite angry.

But this has nothing to do with me.

"Just like how I am in your eyes... you are the same in my eyes now..."

"..."

"Nothing, nothing..."

Well, for the last words... I'd better leave her with a better-looking expression.

So, I forced myself to smile...which probably wasn't very pretty.

Start

I vaguely remember someone once discussing life and death with me, but I can no longer recall who we were talking to.

"what..."

My head hurts.

But it wasn't like the feeling of being hurt... It was a subtle, vague feeling of having lost something important. It felt like a period of time had passed, but I couldn't quite grasp what it was. Whenever I tried to recall it, my head started to hurt. Well... I'd better not think about it.

"......"

I don't understand what the point of discussing this is.

As long as there is life, there will always be a day when it disappears.

Some creatures, destined from birth to be food, have less than a year to live. Domesticated animals, unaware that their fate is controlled by humans, exist solely to be eaten. No one would grieve for them, perhaps. Perhaps even a simple "delicious" or other compliment after eating one is quite rare.

But what is the meaning of human existence?

I don't have any clear goals, and I don't want others to decide my life for me... For someone like me, wouldn't it be better to force myself to have a life arranged for me?

"...I don't understand."

All I know is that some people can't be called human. And there are many different ways people live... some live like humans, with dignity and status; some live like dogs, dependent on humans, with no dignity but status; and some live like ants, with neither dignity nor status. And there are many in between... In short, living in this complex, not-so-simple world is a complex experience.

No matter what, I want to do my best to live in this world.

Because they want to live so badly, most people have a morbid resistance to death. The word "death" cannot even be mentioned casually in daily conversation, as if saying it will happen immediately.

But it exists.

No matter what, it is impossible to avoid...

"Dongdong—dongdong—"

The heart is beating violently.

As if he had a premonition of what was going to happen, his heart had been beating rapidly since a while ago, as if he had just run several thousand meters.

Why didn't I notice it just now? I feel like I'm severely nearsighted, and I can't see anything around me clearly. But my feet are firmly planted on the ground.

“Ding Di——”

“....!”

A distant horn interrupted my thoughts. If they could even be called thoughts... Anyway, I finally realized that the surroundings weren't just a hazy blur, but rather a remote, deserted alleyway. Besides long-uncleared trash cans, there were also some construction materials scattered around on both sides.

"..."

This wasn't a strange place, actually. I was probably near an abandoned building not far from the school... and this road led to the building that was nearly demolished, yet construction hadn't even begun.

There was nothing valuable there, and it looked dilapidated and ready to collapse at any moment. I didn't think anyone would want to go near it. Everyone was hoping that this old building, which didn't match the other buildings in the city, would be demolished, and I was no exception.

"..."

I noticed my phone clutched in my hand and glanced at the time. It was already around 2:00 PM on Saturday...

Well, the problem is coming.

Why am I here?

Above the old building shrouded in shadows is the clear blue sky.

Episode 6: Start

"Is that girl's reputation really that bad..."

Looking at the insulting words written on the blackboard by someone unknown, I asked the boy who was reading a book nearby without knowing what was going on.

"Ah... Don't worry about that."

His tone was very flat, as if he was used to it.

"...Well..."

It felt like he didn't want to talk much... so I'd better forget it. Thinking this, I sat down in my seat.

"You transferred here, didn't you?" He finally couldn't help but talk to me after seeing me reluctantly take out my textbooks. "Why? That school is pretty good, right? You could just keep going. Why did you choose this kind of school?"

"what..."

Yes, I think I have had this experience before. Strange, why didn't I think of it before?

"Because of all sorts of troubles..."

"Looking at you like this, didn't you offend someone?"

"...I guess so."

"Is that so? No wonder." He immediately revealed a smug look after confirming it, as if to show off his accurate guess. "Well, since you've transferred here... if you want to graduate well, just be careful not to offend anyone again. Besides, you can't afford to offend the people here."

"Is that so? Then I'll be more careful."

If possible, I don't want to cause any trouble. Just spending this time in peace is exactly what I want...

"Huh? Someone erased the words on the blackboard..."

I pointed at the frail figure struggling to erase the words.

"Ah, that's the person they were talking about." He glanced at her casually and passed on. "Just be careful not to get involved with her."

"...Is she really that bad..."

She has short black hair with a slight curl at the bottom. She looks like a girl who takes care of herself every day, and on the surface, she seems to be a very quiet type... It's hard to imagine a girl like this doing anything outrageous.

"Who knows? You can only judge a person by their appearance, not their true heart... If we only looked at the surface, then the police wouldn't have such a hard time. Don't be fooled by appearances."

"Yeah... that's right."

My recent experience has made me fully realize this, so I can quite agree with this statement.

"...I can't reach it."

Because of her height, she tried to stand on tiptoe to erase the words written at the highest point, but in the end there was no way.

"What does it have to do with you..."

It wasn't long until the first class. Students who had gone to the cafeteria were gradually returning, but no one had helped wipe it off. It felt as if she was isolated, no... like she was cursed. No one wanted to get close to her, even the slightest contact.

"..."

Just ignore it like this...

After some hesitation, I finally chose to sit in my seat and watch quietly.

. . . . . . . .

Perhaps people's curiosity comes from "constraints".

Just like if you want to make someone want to open a box, you should tell them "don't open it". The surrounding environment kept reminding me that I should not have any contact with that girl, but the more this happened, the more curious I became about her.

What kind of outrageous thing did I do to be treated like that?

"...but..."

I guess this is just because I'm meddling in other people's business. If something goes wrong again due to something I have nothing to do with, I can't just transfer to another school.

"Ah, this is reality."

I couldn't help but sigh as I wasn't paying attention to the class at all.

I can't mobilize any resources, and I don't have any superpowers at all, so I can't change anything... This is probably the reality for most people.

"..."

But I really can't imagine what kind of conspiracy was in the mind of the guy who only remembered to move the stool to erase the words at the last moment.

Save

When something is tacitly accepted by everyone, even if it is not allowed in theory, it can still exist openly.

Some people call this phenomenon the "elephant in the room." If we compare the incomprehensible event to the elephant and society to the room, then if no one cares about the elephant, then even if someone does, their surprise will be drowned out by the crowd.

There is nothing wrong with doing the same thing as others.