I, who advocate giving up, feel like a disqualified person

Should I say he's boring or too serious? The man before me is clearly Yi Sheji. Yet, I feel like he's vaguely different from before.

"So, what exactly is the reason for letting me join the club?"

"You came in without permission."

It’s a natural response, and it’s true.

"That's true. And it was me who took the initiative to ask to join this club... But even so, you can still choose not to let me join."

"..."

"I just want to know the reason why I'm allowed to join."

"...Who knows." After thinking for a moment, he added, "Maybe he can't stand your thick skin."

"How ruthless... It's not that serious yet."

"Don't you have any self-awareness at all? Whether it's..."

At this moment, all the things she had experienced with that guy named Yi Shaji came to her mind. And when she thought about it, most of them were difficult for her to talk about... When they were alone, it was even more difficult to talk about them.

"Ok?"

"No... no matter what, you're just meddling in my business! I didn't ask you to help me, nor did I expect you to find me... It's always like that, as if I have to do it because of you. Why do I have to listen to you? You're just a clueless guy. To me, those experiences are simply an insult."

In fact, it is quite the opposite.

Whether actively approaching the self who was once alienated, or searching for the self who wanted to escape, she gradually developed trust in him from her initial resistance. Perhaps it was because of meeting him that she experienced a different story beyond what she had read in books.

The reason why I said that was simply to escape my inner shyness.

"So that's what you think..."

However, for Yi Sheji now, he had no way of judging the true meaning of those words. Because of his past, he associated Linquanchuan's words with the experience he had wanted to forget before.

"I didn't ask for your help..."

It can be simply understood as good intentions leading to bad consequences. Because of his so-called sense of justice, the guy named Yi Shaji caused something he still regrets.

It is more like a serious injury than a scar, and it has not healed to this day.

"Of course... You don't understand me at all, and you don't know what I'm thinking. It really bothers me that you're making decisions for me without my permission."

The so-called aversion to making decisions on one's own is actually related to the requirements of parents for oneself. It is not actually aversion to what the country does.

"Is that so... In that case, I won't do that again."

Still repeating...that false help.

For the current state of affairs, this thought is filling the mind.

"...Can I take it that you're upset?"

The reaction was completely different from what I expected.

She had originally thought he'd treat it as a joke, as it had always been the case. No matter what she said, he'd just sigh slightly, revealing a helpless expression, and definitely not take anything she'd casually mentioned to heart.

He should be that kind of person.

"Not really."

It was not until this moment that Rinquanchuan suddenly realized that she still did not understand him... She had thought that he would accept all her willfulness, but now it seemed that it was just her own interpretation and the person she had shaped.

"...What are you talking about...doing something like that really bothers you? That's unmanly of you."

However, until now, she still refused to admit that she was wrong. It had to be a joke... a joke pretending to be serious, right?

Thinking this way, I finally didn't say the words of apology.

"...sorry."

Why, why did he apologize.

"Today, I will leave first."

"Eh..."

But you didn’t come the past few days... Shouldn’t you stay longer today?

If I say it out loud, it might change something. However, these words could not come out of Linquanchuan's mouth, at least she didn't have the courage to say it now.

"...I always feel...it's hard to calm down. So, I'm sorry."

Not the same at all.

He is completely different from the previous person.

"Um..."

What could he do about this? For Rinquanchuan right now, there was no answer at all. Perhaps it would be best to let nature take its course and let him go.

However, she couldn't agree with her own thoughts.

"Well, see you tomorrow."

. . . . . . . .

When the light seeping in from the window was no longer enough for her to see the words on the book, she suddenly realized that she had not tried to understand the words in the book at all, and naturally had no impression of the content of the book.

At the same time, I don't know since when, the action of grabbing the corner of the book and preparing to turn it over has stopped until now.

"..."

What on earth was I thinking about during this time that passed in such a magical way?

........

In reality, he didn't leave early solely to calm down. If a clear reason was needed, it would be to mention the insignificant things he'd done without realizing it... things like leaving the classroom immediately after class, looking at his phone in the stairwell unnoticed until class started, going to secluded places during lunch, and slacking off in the classroom during gym class.

The reason for this is to escape.

It's not something big like avoiding disaster, it's very subtle in comparison... just to avoid one person.

To him, that was a pretty incredible person.

"...ah."

The so-called incredible wasn't just incomprehensible. There was also something else that was hard to fathom... it was as if that person knew him intimately, and no matter what unexpected action he was about to take, she would instantly detect it.

"Are you avoiding me?"

"...Maybe."

In fact, he didn't know what he was thinking at the moment. He knew that he couldn't avoid it, but he still wanted to do it.

Behind him was a luminous celestial body about to fall beneath the numerous buildings. The afterglow reflected on the man's straight face, swaying with his long black hair in the wind.

"...Why?"

"Actually, I'm not very clear either."

There is no reason.

He just thought that she, whom he had deliberately avoided, would definitely come to his club to look for him, so he wanted to leave early. In order to prevent the possibility of her stopping him on the road in advance, he went to the rooftop to see if there was anyone waiting for him at the school gate.

Unexpectedly, as soon as I arrived at the rooftop, the person I had been trying to avoid found me.

"That's it..."

As far as I could remember, this was the first time her eyes had shown such a resolute look. As for the reason...it wasn't hard to guess.

"I have a guess about this matter. The content might be a little disrespectful to you... Can I tell you?"

"...certainly."

Even if she disagrees, she will still say it.

Having said that, now that she said that, I could almost guess what she was going to say. Had I really gone too far, or...had I been influenced by the person in front of me? I didn't know. It was indeed a troublesome matter.

"It's strange to say this... and I find it hard to convince myself to believe it." She lowered her head slightly, "But, for whatever reason, I just can't connect you with the guy I know."

"..."

"Even though his appearance and body are the same, he is still different from the impression you have of him and me."

Perhaps in my impression, he is a little more so-called "gentle" than me.

Thinking of this, he couldn't help but smile.

"So, you're not him...right?"

The sunset has not yet set.

黯呓

Where did I come from and what do I need to do in this world? I believe that those who have more profound knowledge than me have already thought about these questions.

But the answer is not unique to different people.

Who exactly am I?

Perhaps many people have never thought about this. Even if I had been thinking about it, it seems that I still can't come up with any clear answer.

So, when someone asks me, "You are not him...right?", this is the only answer I can give.

"That "he" you're referring to is me. And to me, I am also me. So... it's wrong to treat me as someone else."

Possessing all the memories of the past ten years in this body, it can think, communicate with others, and can subjectively judge one thing or multiple things... At the same time, it controls this fragile body.

Therefore, I am fully qualified to call myself Yi Sheji, and, moreover, I am Yi Sheji.

"But...you're not the same person you used to be."

She raised her doubt nervously.

"Ah, indeed, I do not deny it."

"..."

It was as if the moment I admitted I was different, I had become a complete stranger to her. A wariness appeared in her eyes that hadn't been there before, a gaze like she was looking at a stranger... and it made me feel quite uncomfortable.

"But, do you know me from before?"

"...this..."

She hesitated to speak and lowered her head silently.

The expected speechlessness.

Because she has only known me for a year, and she only knows me during that year, it is impossible for her and she has no chance to get to know me before that.

"Isn't that fine? People change over time, so this is normal."

I sighed and looked at the building beside me that was dyed red by the setting sun.

"But... this change is too unreasonable... It was clearly the same before..."

"It seems you have misunderstood what I said."

I interrupted Yehui who was still struggling.

"...Um?"

"When I say people change, I don't mean that who I am now is the result of change." I pointed my finger at myself. "Have you ever considered that I was always like this?"

"Eh?"

"And that person you remember as either cowardly or gentle, always using what he thought were kind words to deceive others about the beautiful world, the one who seemed decadent but was actually a pushover, was actually a coincidence in the midst of change. To me, that was the fake me... If I explain it this way, do you understand?"

"......"

"That guy shouldn't exist, and your relationship should remain the same as it is now... just two strangers who happened to be assigned to the same class, completely strangers who are wary of each other and have no connection whatsoever."

Something that has already shifted...there should be nothing wrong with correcting it this way.

"That's it..."

Chapter 23: Dark Whisper

When the life I held in my hands gradually faded away under my power, I suddenly realized that the so-called justice I had previously advocated was not something that could be clearly seen.

So, what's the point of pursuing what has become a rigid label called justice? Just because you put on a mask doesn't make you a powerful hero, and not everyone... can understand the unclear rules.

"Then why are you still helping me?"