I, who advocate giving up, feel like a disqualified person

Although he was a stranger... However, since I don't remember other people's faces for some purpose, it's possible that he and I had met before.

"Ah,...it's completely fine now."

I said, stretching a bit. "Don't worry about my coursework. I learn much faster than the average person."

"Ahahaha... I don't doubt that."

"..."

This guy came here with a purpose. He was always trying to... change the topic to his side.

"So, what do you want to ask?"

Instead of avoiding him, it is better to ask him to explain his purpose directly.

"...Are you really okay?"

"...Oh."

Feeling a bit bored, I prepared to walk towards school. After nearly three weeks of rest due to injury, it was time to go back to school.

"I skipped class on purpose to wait for you here, not because of your cold attitude." He hurried forward two steps to catch up with me, "I think we can try to talk."

"What are you talking about?"

"Well..."

The corners of his eyes narrowed slightly.

"Don't be so anxious...how about we have a meal together?"

"...OK."

I didn't want to go to school so early anyway.

. . . . . . . . . .

"It hasn't been peaceful lately."

He initiated the topic first.

"Really? I was at home the whole time and didn't really pay attention."

In response, I kept picking up the dumplings in front of me.

"Don't you even watch the news?" He said helplessly, picking up his chopsticks. "Just a few blocks from here, on the road after evening self-study, there seems to have been an accident... The bike he was riding flipped over, and there were other people riding bikes on the road at the time... It seems his legs and arms were crushed."

"Wow, that guy has really bad luck. So if we finish school early, we won't have to deal with this."

"Yes, and now their parents have come to the school to make trouble."

"Boring... Speaking of which, are you a sweet or salty person?" I asked him while stirring the tofu pudding in front of me. "Personally, I think sweet drinks are better in the morning."

"...It depends on my mood. But it's not that important..." He scratched his head. "Come to think of it, the ones who beat you up and put you in the hospital were from other schools, right? They seemed to be a group... or as they call themselves, 'hooligans.' Isn't that funny? They were just a bunch of students... the commotion they caused was probably limited to school violence."

"Even though I don't really take them seriously... it's easy for people like that to bully people who don't have a specific social circle. And school bullying isn't just a minor offense, just look at me. And I'm a relatively calm person, while some people even have psychological trauma from it... Well, even if someone like the school sees it, it doesn't seem to be of much use."

After all, they viewed it as a minor incident. As long as it stayed out of the media's coverage, they could safely ignore it. And if it were ever to be exposed, they would undoubtedly use excuses like "a fly doesn't bite an egg without a crack" or "both sides were at fault" to mitigate their regulatory responsibilities.

This type of approach is well explained.

For example, after I was beaten up, I wrote in the report that I had a fight with others outside the school, without specifying how many people were involved. Most people would think that it was a one-on-one fight... and it would not involve the issue of school violence at all.

"That's the thing... there's a chance of success when you rely on others, even those close to you. Ultimately, you won't betray yourself."

Then I noticed that the buns on the table had been eaten, and he quickly asked for another one.

"I'm sorry for the expense."

Once you say this, there is no reason to pay.

"No...it's okay." He waved his hand. "But...I heard recently that the guy who brought people to cause trouble for you before was actually not a big shot in his circle. But a few days ago, it seems that he made some moves and ended up being severely punished."

"Let's not use the word 'also'... That guy and I are not the same kind of people at all."

"Yeah... Sorry..."

He quickly changed his mind.

"Anyway, it seems like he's at the point where everyone is hammering him down. All the smaller forces he bullied before are coming one after another to seek revenge on him."

"...Are you telling me all this just to cheer me up?" I said impatiently. "It's better for me not to mention them."

"Um... sorry, sorry, forget it if you don't want to hear it." He said with regret, "Actually, besides these, many other people have had big and small problems..."

"..."

"They're basically people who don't usually do anything good. Many people say it's retribution. So now, similar incidents in various schools have decreased a lot... Do you think there really are gods... or something like that?"

The corners of his eyes narrowed again.

"I don't really know about that..." He swallowed his food. "But...if there really are such things as gods, then those who seek their protection aren't just good people with correct values. Those people would pray too."

"That's true..." He nodded, "but don't you think...what I just mentioned is a little unusual?"

"Well, maybe it's God's will that those who do evil will be punished..."

"I don't think so."

This time, he actually started to overturn my point of view, even though I had never intended to admit it from the beginning.

"Hmm... I'm not particularly interested, but I'll still listen to your reasons."

"Ahaha, first of all... I personally don't believe in the existence of God. If there really were, there would be too many people who would suffer retribution, including you and me."

"...Feel the same."

I'm not some noble, good person, so I certainly can't represent justice. If karma truly existed, then why do some people lament, "Good people don't live long, while evil lives on for centuries?"

"Secondly... while the retributions those people received were different, they were generally directed at their lives... things like accidents, internal conflicts, being caught by the police during a brawl, sudden conflicts, and so on... and they all happened recently."

"...Are you saying...that someone is causing trouble?"

"Ah, it's not appropriate to use evil as a pretext. Don't you think this behavior is like... well, like a superhero punishing evil and promoting good? Punishing those ignorant people in your own way."

"...I don't think so at all. I don't think anyone could do such a thing."

His eyes looked out the window.

The sunlight reflected from the street windows was beginning to become dazzling.

"I see..." He sighed, "Perhaps it's a group. Those who were bullied banded together to gather information about each other...then combined forces to find an opportunity to do something like this."

"Unfortunately, this is impossible."

"...Um?"

"How could someone who already considers themselves weak think they could seek revenge on those guys? For them, perhaps not getting beaten is a good thing."

"..."

"Besides... no one considers themselves weak. Even if they've been bullied before, if they see someone else being bullied, they definitely won't want to help someone in the same situation as they once were... They'll either pretend not to see it, or they'll take advantage of the situation and try to see what it's like to bully someone else."

"You...are thinking a bit too dark, aren't you?"

"That's basically what I saw," I said, getting up from my seat. "If I want to change my perspective on this world, I have to make myself lose my memory and never come into contact with this information again."

"...This is impossible..."

"Who knows?"

After picking up my schoolbag, I started to walk out of the store.

"But there's one thing I want to change."

"Um, what?" He turned around and looked at me while paying.

“In fact, I believe someone can do it.”

"..."

"Well, thank you for the treat."

Now I step into a world bathed in sunshine.

彳言

It's been a long time since that happened.

No matter what the reason was for burying it deep in my mind, I have now dug it out from my vague memory.

While lamenting the passage of time...a new problem arose for me.

What is it that drives me?

I know it's not about some empty justice, nor is it about compassion out of good intentions. If I were to define it as a certain mentality, I'm not sure what words would be appropriate.

Well, since it's something that's quite difficult to understand or explain, maybe it would be better to just not try to figure it out.

.....

But there is only one thing I am clear about, that is, I did those things just for myself.

But now I feel a little bit strange...

Obviously, I shouldn't be interested in anyone other than her.

Not only that, I shouldn't be meeting or interacting with people like this.

But this is the fact. Even though it is still hard for me to believe it, I just want to help the girl named Yehui.

Ah, that's right.

She's a nuisance to me. But I don't mind this feeling of annoyance... Ah, that's a rather contradictory statement. I'm not good at thinking about this kind of thing, so it's better not to think about it anymore.

Do what you want to do.

After convincing myself in this way, I mentioned part of my idea to Lin Chenruo who was standing beside me.

"Is this really okay? What if we get caught?"

After hearing my plan, Lin Chenruo, who had always been quite hostile to me, actually started to worry about me. As someone who had no connection with her, it wouldn't be a big deal if I didn't pay attention.

And what drives her?

"That's good. Our goal is to change her life, isn't it?"

Worrying too much will only hinder the original purpose.

Human attention is like this, it will be diverted by the trivial things around it. And since we have a black and white vision, we can only focus on the target we decided to focus on in the first place.

Gorgeous colors? The prosperity of the past? What does it have to do with me... In my eyes, it is just the smooth intersection of black and white.

"I understand...but if anything happens, I won't care and I won't admit it."

"Okay, got it."

This is natural. I don't need this level of care from strangers. To me, this is perhaps unnecessary.

Unnecessary sympathy... Unnecessary attention... If you think about it this way, there are enough unnecessary things in the world... I myself am actually unnecessary too... Who knows.

"Oh, trouble."

Because of my own unnecessary words that sounded like self-deprecation, I couldn't help but mutter to myself.

Chapter 7

"Oh, what... are you thinking I'm troublesome?"

"Ok?"

I don't know when I started to get distracted.

If Rinquanchuan hadn't shown a slightly dissatisfied reaction at this moment, I might have remained in a state of talking to myself for a while, led by my own thoughts.

If I don't have to eat or do other things, I will probably sit in one place and stare blankly for about a month... Although I have this feeling for some reason now.

"...No, what you heard were just slogans to me... words like "come on" and "work hard." I said casually.

It turns out that as long as you are serious, you can get away with most things.

"Ah, forget it." She sighed. "I was going to say something... but seeing your attitude, I feel like I've lost interest."