I, who advocate giving up, feel like a disqualified person

It's just boring stuff...

He thought so and didn't care too much.

Chapter 4: Things You Don't Need to Care About

The shaky footage caused by the swaying of the unstable camera, the unexpected exposure, the completely unfocused framing, and the utterly disorganized editing... Normally, it's simply unpresentable. Yet, in some cases, this kind of video, with its distinctly novice feel, is quite interesting, and some people actually enjoy this sense of childishness. And compared to videos that are embellished with special effects, meticulously crafted, and even rehearsed, that sense of authenticity is simply impossible to achieve.

Well... I'm not trying to overestimate my skill level, nor am I shamelessly making excuses. Being a bad player is being a bad player, and that's an indefensible fact. But when I encounter a newbie with somewhat immature skills, and witness their effortful yet seemingly clumsy moves, besides secretly lamenting my bad luck in being matched with this person, I can't help but think back to my own pre-game days.

In other words, people are constantly reminded of their past selves by various events, whether they want to or not. Life isn't easy, so there are things we want to remember and things we want to forget.

"Hey, are you hungry?"

After Lingcan interrupted my thoughts, I realized that it was dangerous to be dazed while riding a bike on a busy street. Even so, there are some things that I just can't understand...otherwise, why would there be so many philosophers?

"...What do you think?"

Putting aside the time lost filming, the round trip alone was enough to completely consume all the energy I'd taken in that morning... No, far from that. As if to vent the sunlight that had been obscured by rain clouds the previous few days, not just me, but everyone exposed to the sun was now being subjected to exceptionally strong sunlight. Not to mention the fact that we had to rush on a bike.

So, I wasn't just hungry now, I was also on the verge of dehydration.

"Then let's find a place to eat."

She said cheerfully.

"..."

..............

If the most desired destination for a trekker through the desert is an oasis, then what I'm longing for right now is a hotel that's already created a near-winter atmosphere. However, the owners, already tainted by the perverse power of capitalism, wouldn't do that... Just being able to find a bit of cool air inside is something to be thankful for.

Well, thankfully, I’m now sitting by the window not far from the air conditioner, staring at the people passing by outside the window while waiting for my meal to be served.

"Gurgle, gurgle, gurgle..."

A sound like bubbles being blown came to my ears. Following the sound, I saw Lingcan, also bored, blowing the cola in her glass with a straw while looking out the window.

His brow furrowed, as if he were lost in thought. Perhaps he was simply eager to return to the place marked on the map.

"I say... since we planned to eat in the city from the beginning, why did we prepare food in advance?" I spent a long time thinking about what to bring out today.

"..."

She sat up and looked at me, then released her mouth from the straw and said leisurely, "One day is far from enough. Besides, there's a saying that goes, 'It's better to be prepared than not.' It won't hurt to just bring it with you."

"..."

It felt like Ye Jin's style of speech. However, Ye Jin wasn't the type to do things first and talk about them later. Instead, he would weigh and consider things before doing anything... How should I put it? Although this habit would avoid unnecessary waste of energy, it would also make him less resilient to unexpected situations.

And I... am the type who neither thinks about anything nor does anything.

"...That's it, then."

I always feel like the longer we spend together, the more I think about saying things, the less I know how to say them. Besides... saying something at this time always feels rather pretentious.

Ending the topic without permission...sometimes it’s not because you have nothing to say, but because you don’t know what to say at the moment.

"Why leave it at that... Don't you want to continue? Or is it just too boring to talk to me?"

"No...that's not it."

For a moment, I didn't know how to respond to her reaction.

"Then let's move on. The food we ordered is still a long way off. It's been boring, isn't it?" she brought up the topic. "Or, rather than talking to me, do you prefer staring at the long legs of the women passing by out the window?"

"Of course not. Who do you take me for?"

I should have been looking out the window while we were talking. It's a shame that after she said that, I'll probably try to look out as little as possible.

"Well...actually, I've noticed that there are always a lot of people in the restaurant. Whenever I want to eat on the street, there is almost always no place to sit." Except for that time when I went to a more upscale place to eat with Rin Hanekawa.

“Isn’t this a good thing for the operators?”

"Well...it has nothing to do with the operators or anything like that. What I'm thinking about is whether there are very few people of my age who can cook nowadays...After all, schools now have cafeterias, and parents generally don't let their children cook." For example, me.

"That's true... but it shouldn't be a big deal, right?" She didn't seem to understand what I meant. "You can still survive on takeout even if you don't understand these things."

...Suddenly I feel that this guy's way of survival seems difficult to understand.

"...Maybe you don't quite understand because you're a girl," I said, scratching my cheek. "Well, boys actually all want to receive handmade bento from girls. Even when I was a kid, I was still moved when a girl handed me a mud rice ball. But fewer and fewer people can cook these days, and it's not as simple as making mud balls. Which means...receiving a lunch box like this is impossible nowadays."

This is one of the reasons why I don't get gifts from girls. By the way, I also suspect that it's because they are too shy.

"Wow...are you hinting at something?" Lingcan looked at me nervously, "You don't want me to do it, do you?"

"Ah... not really." I quickly waved my hands to deny it, "After all, I know how much you weigh." Let's not talk about whether it's edible or not, I should be thankful that I didn't blow up the kitchen.

Then I felt something stepping on the instep of my foot.

If you don't like this statement, then don't make that expression in the first place.

The floating glimmer

"You just said you knew how much I weigh, didn't you?"

Besides the pain in my instep, I seemed to sense some unfriendly gazes.

When she mentioned this, her tone didn't seem very good. This was really strange. I thought she was just angry because I thought she couldn't cook, but I didn't expect her to care about this sentence. But it didn't seem like there was anything to worry about.

"Yeah... I did say that, what's the matter..."

"What's wrong...don't say it with that knowing tone. Even though you say that, you still don't really understand me or the people around me. So I'm not just disgusted by you, but by this statement as well."

“…”

It's like something a rebellious kid would say after being scolded by their parents... well, it's a bit different. As she said, I don't really know what she's good at, so I don't have the right to say such things.

"Do I need to apologize, then?"

"...Who would ask anyone about this? Just figure it out yourself." She couldn't help but frown after hearing this. "What kind of brain circuit would ask such a question?"

It seems to be true...

"I just feel that a casual apology would be a bit awkward... Look, between Liu Yan and I, we never say thank you or sorry."

Although it seems like we haven't talked much lately, it's summer vacation after all, so it's not necessarily a good idea to bother her all the time.

"What? Who are you talking about? Have I ever known such a character?" She said in surprise, and then put her little mouth close to the straw again.

"What kind of role... You can't even remember the names of your classmates?" Besides, it's not like we haven't come across them before.

"I don't think you have the right to say that..." He leaned back on the sofa, picking up his cup. "Of course I know that guy... Not only that, I remember the names of all the classmates. Whether we have a good relationship or not, it won't cause any offence. And besides Liu Yan, who do you have a good relationship with, Sheji?"

“…Well…”

I hesitated for a moment about whether or not to say that I had a good relationship with Rinquanchuan. It was a bit hard to say, and others didn't seem to think we were that close.

"We need to eliminate Miss Rin."

"Uh...it seems like there aren't many people here." If we're just classmates...I guess they're just trying to make things difficult for me.

"So, you're even more extreme than me, right? I think you're the one who needs to change. And it seems like I understand you better, don't I?" He paused. "But I haven't been judgmental about your attitude towards life, much less saying I know or understand you... Well, I've mentioned you to others in casual conversation, and it seems like it's not just me; many people around you find you hard to understand."

"Huh? Is that so?"

"Well, they all said that you look so gloomy and it would be disgusting to be talked to. If I hadn't met you at Ye Jin's house, I would probably have thought the same thing."

“…”

I always feel like...something is about to fall from the corner of my eyes. Don't ask me why, I have always loved this land deeply.

"However, impressions always change as we get to know someone better. After all, people have terrible memories. I can't even remember what I said or did before."

"What a shame, I still remember it."

Sure enough, he pretended to be so sophisticated just to get rid of his previous middle school behavior!

"Then forget it."

There seemed to be a hint of murderous intent in her smile.

"......"

Chapter 5: The Drifting Light

As soon as I stepped out of the hotel, the sweat that had finally disappeared under the cool air conditioning suddenly broke out again. The streets, which were completely untouched by the wind, were still as hot as ever today.

From a distance, the metal parts of the bicycles parked by the roadside glistened in the sunlight. Even without touching them, I could tell the metallic black leather seat had absorbed so much heat from the sun that even the handlebars were burning hot.

"Push the car to the shade over there first."

I suggested.

"Sure." He didn't ask me why.

"The weather is really hot..." Even if I drank so many self-service drinks in the store, I still wanted to find something to quench my thirst after coming out. So... in summer, the happiest people are actually the cold drink shops and those who make a living from cold drinks.

"Otherwise, it wouldn't be called summer vacation." He looked up at the sky with half-closed eyes. "But the sky looks a lot bluer... so I still like this season."

"Well."

If it weren't for this weird temperature, I think I would have liked it too.

"Okay, you can stop."

I've reached a passage that seems to lead to some kind of institution. Since it's spacious and has no sunlight, I figured I'd just stop here for a bit.

"Crack."

I unscrewed the water bottle I brought with me, and then took out the towel stuffed behind the seat... Although it has been eliminated from the function of wiping the face, it still looks very clean.

"Use some water to cool down the saddle and then continue riding."

I suggested.

"I see... That's what you think."

"...What's the matter? Is there a problem?" I always feel that using this tone means that she is going to say something bad about me.

"No, it's nothing."

"In that case, let's get it done quickly and get on the road." I said as I poured some water on the seat of our car and wiped it with a towel.

"Hey, do you think this world is boring?"

Without warning, just as I was about to finish wiping, she suddenly asked about something I hadn't thought about much. When I looked at her expression, I saw that she wasn't smiling easily, but she wasn't serious either. So I couldn't just brush it off with a casual remark.

"Boring or not..." I muttered to myself as I tucked the slightly damp towel back under the cushion. "Well, I have very kind parents at home, a small but decent group of classmates at school, and plenty of games to play on my computer... So, with all that around me, maybe I can't call it boring at all."

But is that really the case? What I want...

"..."

"Okay." I looked at her and smiled a little embarrassedly, "Sure enough, I still feel bored."

A voice deep inside me kept insisting, "I'm missing something, and because of that something... I feel like nothing around me is worth lingering on." This world is quite boring, but only until I find what I've lost. But when will I find it... I don't know.

"I just asked casually, you really talk too much."

It doesn't look like he's that serious. So, after all that talk I just said...was I just talking to myself?

"I've always been like this... I love spouting completely useless nonsense, but in the end, it doesn't change anything." I used to think words could change a lot of things, just like counselors throughout history, who could use their words to persuade rulers, even use interests to prevent wars... But, what weight do the words of a mere mortal hold? Countless people spout grand philosophies online, but few actually act on them. Someone like me probably does the same thing.

"Don't say that. In my opinion, what you said is not completely useless." She gently pushed me away from the car because the car was hers.

"...is that so?"

"Yeah, at least that's how I feel." She said as she stepped onto the bike, her face finally reaching the same height as mine. "By the way, maybe I'm not the only one who feels this way."

What does this mean? Does it mean that the lives of the people I've spoken with have improved? What? This is like burning incense and praying to Buddha, a superstitious effect... I hope I'm just overthinking it.

"And even though you find the world boring, you still work diligently on things that matter to you. You think you're just acting on a whim, but to me, that's proof you love this world... You said you wanted a bento made by a girl, and you were worried that none of your peers knew how to cook, and you were concerned about the impact you'd have on others. People who find the world boring don't dwell on so many things. Well, maybe you only had those thoughts before, but the things you care about now show that you're gradually starting to pay attention to your surroundings. I still have reason to believe... you'll get over the idea of ​​being 'bored.'"

"..."

I looked at her silently.

"Okay, don't you think it's hot outside? Why are you still standing here? It's time to go." She winked at me and rode away on her bike.

But I still didn't move.

My head is empty.