I, who advocate giving up, feel like a disqualified person

"Because... because it's too messy..."

No, it doesn't seem to be because of that.

"Then why did you run away?"

Step forward again.

He took another step back.

"Run away? What are you talking about...hahaha..."

He pushed his glasses up guiltily and turned his gaze to the side.

"Hmm? Are you actually scared?"

"..."

"Because you've never felt this way before."

"..."

"The person who said that to you felt the same way, didn't she? When she said that, you felt the same way, didn't you?"

“…”

"You deserve to be treated gently."

When she said this...

"Right...right."

It was because of the feeling that sentence gave me that I really began to think about whether what I was doing was right. But I didn't want to deny myself so easily because of a single sentence...

"Do you know why?"

She stepped forward again.

But this time I couldn't retreat.

Now I am only leaning against the wall, and can only let Tongyouxiang press closer and closer to me.

"...did you know...?"

Although I could never put my mind at ease with her, and she seemed to lack common sense, carefree and devoid of any girlishness, I felt like she could answer my questions.

"Yeah, of course."

"........"

"You just feel uncomfortable because of the sudden concern from others."

His eyes drooped slightly, as if he was organizing his words.

"I don't know what happened to you before...but it seems that you are rarely cared for by others, right?"

His lips were slightly closed, as if he was suppressing his emotions.

"...That's why you can't adapt... You naturally become wary and repulsive towards other people's kindness and concern. Because you've never felt it, you've never wanted to possess it."

"......"

"When others are accustomed to the kindness and care of those around them, you are confused because you have never encountered such a thing..."

There was a moment's pause, she avoided my gaze and lowered her head.

"...To be honest, I don't understand..."

Even though I can't see it, I can feel it.

“…”

She clearly didn't know what was happening to me, and her experiences were completely different from mine. Yet, she seemed to understand me, because of me?

It looks like he's sad because of me.

"...Why are you trying so hard to hide what others have when they are showing off? You really want that too... to be cared for, to have someone to talk to, etc... but why do you reject it..."

“…”

Facing her questioning, the things I had always wanted to forget finally reappeared in my memory. No, it seemed that those things really happened, how could I forget them so easily?

"...Humans are very strange creatures."

This is perhaps all I can say about this.

"?"

She couldn't help but raise her head at my answer.

It was the first time I saw her cry. Her eyes were red, and she didn't look pretty at all, but it wasn't because of her own fault...

"After spending time with others again and again, I've found myself somewhat afraid of getting close to others. It's like an earthworm in a maze constantly touching the electric wall. After countless hits, even a brainless earthworm can learn how to avoid the electric wall. I'm similar... Perhaps it's because I'm too lazy to think, or perhaps it's because I've hit too many walls, so I simply don't want to communicate with others. As long as there's no contact, there's definitely nothing wrong. And even if we do interact... it's limited to a very superficial relationship."

For me, the first meeting is enough.

"..."

"It's ridiculous, isn't this kind of thinking just like the self-preservation instinct of lower animals? When faced with a creature that might pose a threat... you always want to keep your distance. Over time, you start to feel like there's nothing wrong with that."

"So... so... that's why she said that, right? It's because you need to be cared for that she treats you like this."

“…”

Well.

Even now, I still don't understand what gentleness is. But I can appreciate that this indescribable thing can be hidden in all kinds of things... Whether it's a word or a gesture, when I notice it, it's like eating the filling when eating a bun, surprising but not abrupt.

Although I still cannot distinguish the kindness of others, nor do I know how to respond to this kindness...but if possible, I will put it into finding what I want to do, and let Tongyou help me figure it out.

"Okay... I'm fine, so why are you crying?"

I patted her shoulder somewhat helplessly.

"Because... you can't go on like this..."

Rubbing the corners of her eyes, she gradually calmed down, but she still looked unhappy.

"...Well, since you say it's not possible, then I'll just take it as it is." Since I've already made up my mind to change, I might as well change it thoroughly.

“Eh?——?”

She suddenly screamed as if she had heard something strange.

"...Why are you reacting like that?" Did I say something wrong?

"...No...What did you just say?_?"

She confirmed it with me again.

"Huh...just listen to me carefully. It's always like this." I couldn't help but sigh, "Then listen carefully, I'll say it again."

"Hmm..." Then he nodded.

She looked much more nervous.

"Don't be so nervous... Well, never mind." After a pause, "I want to entrust you with something."

The moment my frown relaxed, I was reminded of the moment when the clouds cleared. I was a little surprised by the rapid change of mood.

"Well, please tell me."

"...Well." In this situation, he always felt a little embarrassed, "..." But it was rare for her to show such an expectant look, so he might as well fulfill his wish.

"My request is... I want to know what I can do. I've been searching for a long time on my own, but I can't find it. So I need your... the cooperation agency's help."

"No problem~"

"Also, I haven't finished yet." It's too early to be happy...

"Eh? It's different from what we agreed on?"

"What's the difference? Who told you otherwise?" I complained. "This is a request I made from the bottom of my heart."

"...Speaking."

"Then..." I felt like this matter was even more important than the last one. "Let's be able to trust the kindness of others."

"....Wow."

It seems that she has some objections to this commission.

"What's wrong? Is there a problem?"

"There's no problem, but it just feels a bit... uncomfortable."

"..."

"Alright, alright, it was just a joke~" She quickly changed her tone after noticing my silence, "Anyway, I've accepted the commission. As the head of the Cooperation Society, I'll take care of your matter."

"This kind of lines would make people feel uncomfortable, right?!" It feels so embarrassing.

"What? As a club member, you should respect the club leader and not raise any objections to me."

Sure enough, this is her normal state.

"I'm your client, I won't fall for that."

"Oh, even so, you're still a member of my club. Club membership is a higher-level contract than commission. Don't you have this common sense?"

"What kind of common sense is this..."

Although it was still as noisy as usual, I felt that my mentality had changed a lot.

"Of course it's common sense in this world. Please remember it well, member Xiaoyu." She once again showed that smile that made me feel at ease.

Speaking of which, I've always been wary of others. It's like I instinctively avoid anyone who tries to get close to me, as if I were avoiding danger.

But when facing her, I didn't have the slightest thought of running away, so I got along with her naturally until now.

Now that I think about it, maybe it wasn’t due to accidental laxity.

"Huh? Why are you staring at me like that?"

I don't know when Tongyou went to play games again. After noticing that I was looking at her, she said something to me with a hint of dissatisfaction.

"No...nothing."

I shook my head.

Now that I think about it, maybe my subconscious judgment was that someone like her, completely brainless, couldn't possibly do anything that could threaten me? And the facts proved that she was indeed just a simple-minded fool.

Well, I don't hate it though.

Change in negotiation

"Well, you know what?"

It was completely defenseless for me.

I was concentrating on transferring the image in my mind to my fingers and controlling the tip of the pen to move across the drawing paper when this voice suddenly sounded from behind me.

"What?"

Luckily, I was drafting with a pencil, so nothing serious happened. I breathed a sigh of relief and continued to respond to her, who had appeared behind me out of nowhere.

But she seemed to have no intention of understanding my current hardship, and was tearing something apart... Judging from the sound, it should be a plastic bag.

"Crack—"

A crisp sound came out of her mouth. From the sound, it can be judged that it was a snack similar to potato chips. Combined with the information just obtained, she should have gone to a convenience store on her way back... I wonder if she brought back a portable lunch box.

Eating takeout all the time feels like a luxury, and I also vaguely feel it's not good for my health. I can cook for myself if I can.

"Because of various things, I didn't follow him to the house of the girl who helped him."

“Crack—crack, crack—crack—”

"...Is that so...did something happen?"

Although I didn't look back at Kurimasa, who was sitting behind me, I knew she was talking while eating. And that meant...she was thinking. It must be said that creative people have their own unique quirks...some of which are reflected in their clothing, like wearing pajamas while writing or stripping off clothes when drawing. Well, this isn't based on my own experience, so its authenticity remains to be verified. Speaking of which, this was something an editor mentioned to me casually during a chat.

If this is a side effect of talent, then many writers probably have quirks. And I first learned from her about her habit of binge eating whenever she's worried or inspired.