I, who advocate giving up, feel like a disqualified person

"..."

"Didn't you ask me before about the troubles of love?" I remembered the conversation I had with my senior shortly after we met. I had already noticed something at that time. "But now it seems that I misunderstood then. What you were expecting, senior, was not an ideal encounter."

All he expected was to meet her.

"If you really can't express it, at least express your gratitude."

Chapter 19: Slightly revealed emotions

I thought there would be some awkwardness at the dinner table, but Xiao Qian in front of me did not show the same expression as before as I expected.

It felt incredible... as if nothing had happened. A smile appeared on Xiao Qian's face.

Strong emotional conditioning ability? But this reaction is too beyond my cognition and gives me a vague sense of unease.

She picked up the chopsticks, and for some reason my eyes were fixed on her every move. Then, the tip of the chopsticks caught the dish I was cooking and quickly put it into her mouth.

"Hmm~Hmm~" A happy smile appeared on her face, "Xiaohui's skills are still as amazing as ever."

It doesn't seem strange.

"Can you please stop using such weird terms?" I relaxed a little, then waved my chopsticks in front of her face as a threat. "It's clear that calling it cooking techniques or cooking skills makes no difference."

"Hehe~ Because it's more interesting to say it this way~"

Seeing a smile on her face again, I finally felt a little relieved.

"I'm really sorry about what happened just now..."

"Hmm? Don't worry about it. It was just a whim. After all, since the topic had come to that point, I suddenly had the idea to imitate the plot of the TV series." She scratched her head embarrassedly. "I wanted to see how you would react when I pretended to be sad, Xiaohui, but I didn't expect you to be so serious and said such corny things. In the end, I couldn't bear to continue."

"You...you mean, you acted that out?" I suddenly felt like I was being deceived. "Don't lie to me, if you're really unhappy with me..."

"Hey, it's okay, it's okay. We're good friends, so why wouldn't I want you to be happy? It was just a prank just now. Haven't I lied to you often enough? Back then, Xiaohui, you were just so angry that you didn't even doubt the truth." She paused and picked up the soup on the table. "This time, you're suspicious... Ah, I see."

She suddenly made a look of sudden realization.

"Oh? Understand? What do you mean by understand..."

"So it's because that boy is involved that you're paying extra attention to it, right?" She almost knocked over the bowl of soup in her hand as she assumed a crime-solving posture.

"Be careful! Seriously... I'm not like you think... His affairs don't matter at all. I'm just concerned about you right now."

Ah, what shameful words did this guy force people to say!

"So...so don't mention it anymore..."

"Oh, I didn't expect to hear such words." She interrupted my statement with an unusually cheerful voice. "It's really disgusting. I didn't expect that the goddess Li Yinghui, who is known for her aloofness in school, would say such words."

"...those are all settings imposed on me by others. I just don't know how to communicate with others...If possible, I also want to get along well with others..."

"Thank goodness you have me." She suddenly interrupted me, perhaps because I was too long-winded. "As for me, your care is enough."

"Hmm... whatever... whatever, just eat quickly and stop talking nonsense at the table." Sometimes I still can't stand Xiao Qian's erratic style...

"OKOK..." She also put on a serious attitude.

The atmosphere at the table suddenly became quiet.

Just as I brought the bowl of soup to my mouth, a recording sounded faintly in the room.

"I'm not like you think... His affairs don't matter at all. I'm just worried..."

"Cough, cough, cough!"

I choked! I really choked! The words that I wanted to erase from my memory echoed in the room. No matter how I thought about it, it must be Ming Xinxi's doing.

"Ahem, what have you done!?"

I looked at her across from me through my tears, and she took out her phone. "I'm sorry, Xiaohui, I was so bored when you were setting the table just now that I tried the recording function..."

"Don't try to lie to me, you definitely did it on purpose."

"Well, so what if you did it on purpose?" She actually admitted it and even tilted her head to ask me... She was basically mocking me.

"Now that you know, delete it quickly!" I said as I tried to snatch the phone from her hand which was still playing the shameful recording, but she dodged to the side and ran to the living room.

"I'm going to use this as a notification for incoming calls... and text messages~" He said as he jumped onto the sofa.

"Hey, take off your shoes!"

"Oh~ I can't hear you~"

"Damn it! If you dare, I'll break up with you!" I threatened while chasing after Xiao Qian, who now looked particularly worthy of a beating in my eyes. "Delete it quickly!"

"Breaking off? What's that?"

"Damn it..." This guy is playing dumb again.

As I got to know her, she gradually revealed her true colors. She went from being the calm and reliable person I'd always thought of to someone who was still reliable, but a bit more lively... Was this a good or bad thing? After all, I don't like some jokes, and if they're too much, I get angry.

But, looking at her smile, I couldn't help but forgive her... She is indeed an important person to me.

How can I put it...it's really frustrating.

However, seeing the smile on her face again, I felt that there was no need to worry about her.

..................

What are you worried about, what are you concerned about?

I really want to know, I'm eager to find out.

This feeling is like a volcano that is about to erupt and cannot be suppressed, stored in my chest... I have a feeling that the day of its eruption is not far away.

"Who do you care about more?"

This thought came out clearly as my thoughts guided me.

At that moment, I clearly felt the pressure that had been accumulating for a long time...released.

But it is only at a very low level, and it is not my original intention.

What I want is not some vague answer, but...something concrete.

So... not yet... I can't let her see how different I am from before. In her eyes, I should still be Xiao Qian.

Yes, seeing her lost face, I would also feel bad. I will not let her blame herself for her own reasons.

...What am I worried about? She won't doubt me at all.

As long as I give her a reasonable explanation, she won't think too much about it... Because I know her better than I know myself, so I can make such an assertion.

So, let’s forget about my uncontrolled emotions just now for a moment.

"I was just... joking."

The shadow in the eyes

"Just say what needs to be said."

After I told my senior this, he didn't seem to react in any particular way. However, if I thought about it, this statement was indeed vague.

"If you say so, I'll give it a try." He didn't look at me as he spoke, perhaps simply avoiding my gaze. "Don't hold out any expectations and calmly say what you didn't have time to say... is that right?"

"...The prefix can actually be removed. There's no need to do all that." One should still have expectations, right? And how could one possibly remain calm in that situation?

"But I need time to prepare."

"What are you preparing for..." Although I could roughly guess it, I still asked.

"do not know."

"ha?"

Okay, I take that back.

"It always feels like it's not the right time... I can't explain why, but I just feel like something is missing."

I think what he lacked was courage...and a prepared speech.

"Besides, even if I wanted to tell her now, I don't know where she is."

"..."

I always think this is the main reason.

"So, do you want to look over there?" I pointed in the direction behind me, which should be the direction leading to Senior Sister Xiaohui's house, although the chances of finding it are very slim.

"No need." He stretched slightly, then looked in the direction we were walking. "When fate brings us together, we'll naturally meet."

"Hmm..." I didn't know how to refute.

Because in my opinion, the chance of him meeting the senior was very small, but it happened just like that.

"Go home. Your home isn't close to here. Anyway, thank you for coming here with me."

"Well..."

If I remember correctly, I seemed to have asked him to bring me here... Well, never mind.

"Well, if you still have questions, you can come to me anytime."

"I believe it will be soon."

A smile appeared on his face again.

Chapter 20: The Shadow in the Eyes

"That's all. Goodbye."

After waving goodbye to my senior, I walked alone back the way I came.

By the way, how's things going with Akane-senpai? Has she calmed down after her advice, or is she still complaining about her senior's slowness?

"what..."

I wasn't paying attention for a moment...and the shadow appeared again.

Because my body blocked the sunlight, it reflected something that was similar to me yet different... Why didn't I find this strange? Is it because I'm used to it?

Come to think of it, I'm doing this for my senior's happiness... Is that really the case? Does finding love mean you'll be happy? And being alone means you can't be happy at all?

"ridiculous..."

My behavior is ridiculous. I presumptuously think that my senior needs to fall in love with someone and that that is his happiness, but he has never said what he hopes for.

But I couldn't laugh.

Shadow, I just saw the shadow on his body that overlapped with mine, and then I made a random guess based on my own experience.

It's very strange... After seeing a senior who was in a similar situation as me, I naturally thought of my past experiences.

Different, yet similar...isn't shadow such an ambiguous existence?

"There's a bit of her shadow in you," using this as an excuse to fall in love with someone else, "There's a bit of a famous work in your work," the style seems superior, and "Your every move has the shadow of your father," seems like a lifetime bondage that can't be escaped.

Ah... Speaking of which, after encountering a branch in the game, the first thing that comes to mind is of course to save the game, because there are too many things that you can't decide, so you might as well go through all the routes... Whether it is a perfect ending or a bad ending, you can see the whole picture of life in the game.

But... there is no second chance in life.

But there's one thing... no matter what, I want to do it again. It wasn't obvious at the time, but the longer I've experienced it, the more I care about it.

So, perhaps it was instinctive, when I put myself into the shoes of my predecessor, I found myself as if reloading a save file, and came to the time to make a decision.

"We really are alike."

What my seniors have always said to me, I now want to say to them from the bottom of my heart.

We are indeed very similar, whether it is our personalities, our relationship experiences, or even the decisions we are about to make, they are all so similar, just like shadows.

So, saying that it's for the happiness of my seniors...that's just a way to numb myself.

Everyone in the world works for themselves, and as a mortal, I'm naturally not that selfless. It has nothing to do with other people's happiness; I simply want to know the outcome of the other branch.

When you meet someone who brings you hope and change, when you meet someone you have not seen for so long that you have almost forgotten him, when you meet again after a long time with someone you like and who also likes you, what will be the result of choosing the other option?

Would that way I wouldn't have any regrets... wouldn't her voice and appearance vaguely appear in my mind... wouldn't I regret it when I think of it by chance?

I do not know.

So I want to know the answer.