I, who advocate giving up, feel like a disqualified person

"Um...is there nothing else you want to say?"

The head teacher began to look embarrassed, as if he was deliberately reminding her of something.

"...Um...I transferred here from another city."

She thought about it and then added.

"Well, this is also very important... but there should be something else I can add, right?" She said while winking at us. Even the most obtuse person should be able to understand.

"Hmm..."

Yet, she stood there blankly, as if she was thinking, and even in such an awkward moment, she didn't seem to be panicked at all.

"As for the students we're going to get along with...what do you have to say?"

"Oh..." She finally understood and turned to us, "Then I hope we can get along well in this year."

Familiar applause rang in my ears.

However, this applause didn't mean they had accepted anything...it was just a show. I don't know why such a top student with such a charismatic aura would come to a lesser-known school like ours, but now that he's in this environment, no matter how outstanding he was before, he'll surely be assimilated into the mediocre world and forget his past life.

"Ah...boring."

I thought that my overly peaceful daily life could finally be spiced up a bit, but now it seems... this situation will continue for a long time.

.............

"Um...what did that sentence just now mean?"

Perhaps because I didn't say anything else after saying "That's an expression I've never seen before", the little boy in front of me named Yi Shaji was trying to ask me a question.

From a brief observation, it seemed he was a virgin with little experience in relationships. However, he seemed harmless enough to be brought in to discuss how to handle what had just happened to Xiaohui.

But now it seems that there was a slight deviation in his judgment.

"Ah~ That means I fell in love with Xiaohui at first sight~ I felt like I was mesmerized the moment she appeared~"

"Please don't go off topic like that..." He corrected me and then looked at me with a calm look.

"Oh, that's so cold."

I had previously thought he was clueless, but after getting to know him for a while, I realized he might be different from the people I've met. He even pretended not to hear the comments I should have made... This familiarity made it seem like everyone around him must be a little off.

I'm so envious... If possible, I really want to get to know him.

Looking back on my life... well, what kind of people have I been around all this time... I feel like I was born in the wrong place.

"It's not that I'm cold and indifferent... When it comes to handling issues, efficiency is crucial," he said, beginning to explain. "Just provide us with information about their usual performance."

"I agree with you, but...what I said just now was not nonsense." I corrected his opinion slightly.

"well?"

As I spoke, a hint of panic appeared in his eyes... What a surprise! I thought he'd keep a blank look, but now he finally showed a positive expression. If I had to say, he really has a kind of mysterious cuteness.

"That's right~" I confirmed again, "It was because of that expression that I decided to make friends with her."

Although it sounds simple, in my opinion, it is not a simple matter.

................

“Huh…ha…”

The sound of my own breathing continued to enter my senses, and only then did I break free from my blank thoughts.

Am I running... or is it better to say escape...

By the time I finally realized it, I was already running breathlessly on the street under the scorching sun. The heat wave kept swaying in front of my eyes, swaying the scenery before me, as if the world was beginning to become unreal.

What the hell am I doing...

My steps gradually stopped, I could feel the sweat dripping down my neck, and my emotions gradually calmed down.

“…I can’t figure it out…”

Why did he tell me that... And he started talking as soon as he saw me. That decisiveness was something he'd simulated many times. What was his purpose... Ah, I should have listened to him until he finished.

When I think about it this way, he really hasn't changed. He always looks like he wants to express something but can't say it well.

Once the thoughts start, they cannot stop, and memories of the past gradually unfold in the mind.

"I don't want to be a hero..." "Is that all you need?" "You're such an idiot..." "Don't try to imitate others..." "Use your brain..." "If you keep doing that, I'll leave you alone." "Okay, buy me a meal and I'll forgive you..." "Stupid, stupid!" "Teach me what I taught you."

Ah, I think I understand.

Is it because of my attitude?

At that time, I was always jealous of his talent, so my behavior was even to the point of being difficult... So, did he develop a dislike for writing novels? Or was it...

"What..."

So that's how it is... He must have noticed a long time ago that I had no talent, and then he stayed by my side as if watching a joke, watching my self-righteous teaching method without exposing me, and was very generous and tolerant of my almost excessive attitude... Until the very end, he came to give me a fatal blow and showed me that high-level article.

Ah... that's revenge, right? But really, it's all my fault... So, it seems I have no right to rebuke him.

"..."

I always feel like my eyes are dripping with sweat, and they are a little sore..How could I be so careless...

Why had I wanted to meet him in the first place? If possible, I'd like to forget.

Even if it's just hypocrisy

It's been a while since we last met, and during that time I've been trying to forget your face. I've always thought that if I forget you, I won't feel lonely anymore. Unfortunately, this idea isn't true. Once people connect, it seems they're destined to be inseparable from each other's world.

Thousands of words are hidden in my heart, unable to be expressed to others. I have met many different people, but they are like passing tourists, never lingering in my memory. I don't want to remember them, and I don't want to associate with boring people.

I seemed to have lost the motivation to move forward. An unprecedented sense of uncertainty began to creep into my life. Having lost my dream, what could I possibly do? Without an answer, I seemed to be searching for some kind of guidance... well, guidance, I guess it was just psychological comfort.

I'm starting to miss you.

Chapter 6 Even if it's just hypocrisy

I originally thought that the senior schoolmate in front of me named Xiao Qian was a girl with simple and pure thoughts, but judging from her words and actions just now...she may not be that simple.

"Expression... huh? What exactly does it look like?"

Continuing with her topic, I raised the points that I didn't understand.

"It's hard to say. I'm not very good at expressing myself. But anyway, I really like it."

"...Well..."

He looks troubled, but he's probably avoiding something. Is it because he can't easily reveal the origin, or is he hiding some unspoken secret? Either way, it's very concerning.

"But Xiaohui is such a charming person, so I don't want to see her feeling down." She said, stirring the small amount of ice cream in the cup in front of her with a spoon, seemingly not intending to eat it. "She was bullied when she transferred to our school. But after deciding to be her friend, I didn't want her to suffer any more harm or unhappiness."

"...Um..."

I had no discernable ability to interpret her words. After all, without knowing them, I could only trust them for now. However, when someone is daydreaming... their true nature tends to reveal itself a little.

That motion of stirring the few morsels of food before her... Although I haven't met many women, I don't recall anyone ever doing that... after all, it's not very elegant. But experiencing it yourself will make it clear that it's something you only do when you're thinking about something that stirs up strong emotions. Her emotions fluctuated greatly when she mentioned that incident... While it's normal to feel angry when a close friend is bullied... but the person before me gave me a feeling that wasn't just anger, there was something else intense going on... If you paid close attention to her eyes, you could see a subtle flicker of regret.

Do you regret not protecting her the first time, or do you regret something else?

"So...why was Senior Xiaohui bullied? Can you tell me about it if it's convenient?" This might be very important information.

"Why? Don't you feel anything..." She habitually wanted to bring the spoon to her mouth, but after realizing something, she put the spoon down and turned her eyes to me.

That's a serious look.

"People around me don't like people who are different... Whether it's because of strange behavior or aloof personalities, those who don't fit in are always ostracized." She sighed softly, "Especially in a lesser-known school like ours. Those with no talent can't stand people who are much better than them the most."

Is it because I'm too talented that I'm being bullied? In a sense, maybe not having talent is actually safer...? Then wouldn't I have nothing to fear?

"Don't you have such people around you?" Seeing that I didn't react, she frowned and asked the question as if to remind me.

"...Is there one or not..."

I don’t even remember the appearance of many people in the classroom, let alone what their likes and dislikes are.

"Ah?" She was a little dissatisfied with my vague answer. "Don't you make friends?"

"...I really don't have many friends." The people around me seemed to have nothing to do with me. They didn't want to get along with me, and I had no desire to get along with them. "But now that I think about it, I guess they're just afraid of trouble."

"What about the person you call 'senpai'? Aren't you two friends?"

"...If I must say..."

Does it count?

We've been together for what seems like a long time, but when I think about it, I don't feel like we have a strong connection. Anyway...what's the definition of a friend? It seems to me to be a vague concept.

Willing to travel together under the scorching sun, forgiving each other's mistakes and gaffes in life, traveling together, being asked to look after the club, exchanging many ideas with each other, and even having a fight... These deeds seem very intimate to outsiders, right?

But now it seems that there are still many things I don’t know about him.

"Is this... a false friendship?"

However, sometimes false things are even more important than real things.

"Haha, that seems a bit too much..." I was about to correct myself when I noticed that Xiaohui, a senior student beside me, was stunned. She seemed to be thinking about what I just said.

"Hmm..." It's not nice to interrupt without permission.

and...

Her hands began to stir the ice cream in the cup again.

...............

Everyone seems to have a different understanding of what hypocrisy means. So, the criteria for judging it aren't clear... so most people still rely on their own subconscious judgment.

In other words, any behavior or speech that does not conform to one's own views will basically be considered hypocritical by oneself.

"Hey, don't you think that new transfer here is pretentious?"

The girls who used to hang out with me started to come over to me... Although I was now living a boring campus life just like them, I wasn't sure if it was the right thing to do.

"So what..." I responded to her in an indifferent tone, and then wanted to look for the guy named Li Yinghui.

But the coldness in his tone wasn't due to a lack of interest, but rather a reluctance to engage with the people before him. If you ask me, they're just a bunch of people without ideas or merit. It's simply because I have no choice, otherwise I wouldn't want to be associated with them.

On the surface, we interacted and our relationship was good. But deep down, I was reminding myself not to be like them... Ah, this must be fake. To be more precise... it's a fake friendship. I didn't intend to lend a hand when they were in trouble, and even if they helped me, I wouldn't try to return the favor.

Whether it is false or true...isn't friendship just a lie?

"Let's teach her a lesson. That kind of self-righteousness is really unbearable." She said with a look of disgust. "All she says when she greets someone is just a 'hmm' and a nod. She doesn't take anyone seriously at all. We're going to stop her. Do you want to come?"

Ah, I'm so envious. I can reveal my true feelings to fake friends... but I can't just give her a disgusted look and tell her... she's the one who's being so self-righteous, and I'm disgusted by their behavior.

But life has long taught me...some things just don't make sense.

"No." I shook my head. "I have something to do today, so you guys go ahead."

...................

I remember declaring I wasn't interested in that sort of thing. But for some reason... when I saw that group of people gathering around her after school, demanding she go with them, my legs seemed to start trembling, and then I stood up excitedly and looked over at Li Yinghui.

If she asked for help, even if she just looked at me, I would rush over to help her.

That was my decision at the time.

I don't know why... but the feeling is so strong inside. I keep thinking... that my previous judgment might have been wrong. Maybe... that seemingly arrogant guy can really change my life. And make my life less boring.

So... ask me for help...

However, she still had the same expression as always, and followed them out of the classroom as if she had no intention of relying on anyone.

"..."

Is she stupid? Doesn't she realize anything?

"hateful..."

I grumbled softly and hurried after him, but I didn't realize why.

..............

The spoon that was stirring at a steady speed suddenly stopped, and it was only after a while that she realized she had been distracted.

She didn't react. After adjusting herself, she raised her head, which had been slightly lowered, and turned her gaze towards me again.