I, who advocate giving up, feel like a disqualified person

"Life's three biggest illusions... Thinking others like you is just wishful thinking. Besides, what's so good about you? Why can't I think of any reason why others would like you... It's okay to be optimistic, but overestimating your own looks is your fault."

"Ah... that's right... I don't have anything attractive about me at all... right?"

"It's good to know."

In this case, Ye Hui said that she didn't want me to forget her, probably because there was no one in the class who had a good relationship with her, and coupled with that chance encounter...that's why she said those words.

If she has someone she really likes, then it won’t matter whether I remember her or not.

If that time really comes, I think it would be better to lose my memory.

"...Ah, thanks to you. I'm a little worried about my future now."

"Don't worry, at most you'll just end up alone. But don't worry, no matter how unwelcome you are, I'll still come to your house often."

"...Why can't I feel happy after hearing these words?"

"Because you don't know how to be content. As long as I'm with you, you're fine. You don't need a girlfriend or anything."

"Please don't plan my life so casually... It would be too miserable."

"...It suits you very well."

"I don't think it's suitable... well, but it's really rare that you have this intention. If you meet a boy you can't handle in the future, just tell me."

I said and touched her head.

"...You mean, can you help me take down that boy?"

"No, I'll play games with you."

That contains

What does pain mean to a person?

It is impossible to live without falls and setbacks, but if pain means growth, then the cost of growth is too high... But the fact is that it does not conform to common sense, and unreasonable things often happen.

Therefore, pain often does not bring growth, but only a shadow that cannot be escaped.

That shadow loomed over my heart, refusing to dissipate for a long time... Thinking about it this way, perhaps it was also protecting the injured person. After being hurt, the heart is so fragile that it cannot be touched. The slightest carelessness could lead to a mental breakdown.

Ahahaha, of course it has nothing to do with who I am now.

That's because I've grown...

However, I clearly remember that there was a time when I was deeply hurt due to misunderstanding and various reasons.

During that time, I never communicated with others and was indifferent to my parents' questions.

They went to ask the teacher... but of course there was no result, because the teacher would never reveal his own affairs. The only explanation he gave was a general one like "maybe he had a conflict with a friend" or "maybe he encountered troubles in his studies".

This is fine. During that time, I didn't want anyone to disturb me because, in my opinion, almost no one was worthy of my trust... and there was no need for communication.

"Hey, do you want to play a game? It's been a while since you played with me, brother."

I don't know when, the guy whom I used to care the least about, the guy whom I found difficult to approach, the guy whom I felt we were not the same kind of people, the guy whom I thought we would basically never communicate with again...suddenly, in a rare move, took the initiative to talk to me.

Although...it's not a word of concern.

"Game?"

At that time, I was so used to hearing things like "What's wrong with you?", "Is everything serious?", "Tell me if anything happens" that I had become numb to it.

So when I heard the question "Do you want to play games?", I actually became curious...it's really strange.

This isn't comforting others at all... Well, never mind. I don't need any comfort. It's better to say that her behavior doesn't arouse my resistance.

"Hmm, the game... I remember it was the one you played with me last time I came to your house. Because of my parents' request, I didn't finish it... I think there should be a save file, right?"

Ah... that time... But I only played with her to please her... It wasn't from the heart at all. I hated her, and while I thought she was different from her peers, I never considered getting close to her, even if we were related.

"Um...I don't want to..."

When I was about to refuse, she spoke first.

"Come to think of it, that was the first time someone played this kind of video game with me... Maybe it was because of my personality, I couldn't make many friends... So, after that time, I really wanted to play with you again, brother... Okay?"

"..."

So she is also... very lonely?

"That..."

"That?"

"That's the last time..."

I said as I stood up and turned on the game console connected to the TV.

"Yeah, by the way, playing games is fun, so don't look so depressed."

"...Um..."

But there is clearly no smile on your face.

"Anyway... let's play. There's no save file, so let's start from the first level." I handed her the other controller.

"OK."

......................

"Brother, do you like games?"

The level wasn't very difficult, but she was able to pay attention enough to talk to me...

“…I like it…”

These are words that come from my heart, and I would say them without hesitation even after decades.

"Really?... Why?"

"......"

Why...

Of course, it's because it's fun.

Controlling the characters in the game is like controlling yourself in another world, with agile skills and the responsibility of saving the world.

There are various games with different ways of playing and rules.

more importantly...

"Because of the rules...and the secret manuals and stuff."

"Because that's the character..."

"Because those things can't be changed at will... up and down, left and right... it's just like that... there will definitely be thirty more lives. Entering the secret code will definitely... will... there will definitely be corresponding results..."

“You’ll eventually get through…”

“It’s okay to make mistakes, just start over...”

"Even if it's just one person...if you work hard, you can do it..."

But...these things don't exist in reality.

Rules that seem strict but are actually useless, characters full of contradictions, some people seem to have cheats, there is no clear balance, there is no redo after making mistakes, and they do things without knowing the purpose... It's terrible.

I've realized for a long time... that this world... is so strange.

"elder brother?"

As if she noticed something unusual in my operation, she looked at me curiously.

"I don't understand...why me..."

"But...I did it for them..."

"It's so weird... It doesn't make sense at all..."

"Obviously I'm right..."

Weird... why is the picture blurry?

"I understand. No need to say more."

There was a hint of warmth on the back of my hand.

"I like games, too."

That was her hand on mine.

"Because you are here to play with me."

"........"

I seem to have a thousand words in my heart, but I don’t know where to start.

I heard the sound of being killed by the enemy, but I didn't want to reach out and press the revive button.

It seems like it's been a long time since anyone has done this to me.

"I know you're feeling bad... and I won't try to persuade others..."

"So, I thought if I played a game with you, it might help..."

"Cheer up..."

"Even if there's no one you can trust and care about right now, there will definitely be someone in the future."

"It's... like the final boss."

"...You..."

"Um?"

"What kind of a shitty metaphor is that?"

I was actually laughing and complaining about her.

At that moment, I suddenly remembered a sentence that I had forgotten.

"Even if the whole world calls you a villain, in my heart, you are still a hero."

It seems...it's not too late to think about it now.

. . . . . . . . . . .

"What are you doing? That's so disgusting! Please don't touch me, okay?!" Ye Jin slapped my hand in resistance, just because I had just touched her head.

"...What's wrong?"

"Do you still think I'm a child?" she asked me angrily.

"You're younger than me, and I'm your brother. What's wrong with touching your head?... Many girls want me to touch them, but I'm not happy about it."

Just talking nonsense...

"Your brain is really hot..."

"No."

"And you even said you'd play games with me! Wow, your sister met a guy she couldn't handle, and you actually wanted to play games with her... Are you addicted to games? What problems can playing games solve?!"

Listening to Ye Jin's disgusted voice now, it seems that she has long forgotten what happened back then... Perhaps at that time, she had no idea that I was feeling that way, nor would she have thought that that conversation would help me gradually get out of the shadow...

"Of course it can solve the problem."

"Hmm? Tell me about it..."

"Once you're addicted to games, you don't need a boyfriend anymore."

Then the sound of being slapped echoed in my chest again.

Chapter 21: What it contains

It's been five or six years since I last remembered it, but the warm atmosphere has never changed...

Well, there have been changes...

"...You actually brought a girl here... Should I say you have no common sense? Or should I say you deserve to be single?"

Ah, it would be better if no troublesome fellow were talking.