I, who advocate giving up, feel like a disqualified person

So-called hope

I must be a terrible person.

Because I was shaken by what she said.

"If you have such doubts, why don't you go ask her yourself?"

This is indeed what should be done.

But I told myself I couldn't do that.

Whether there is a reason or not, I simply can't do it.

"I have nothing good to say to you about this matter."

She told me so.

Even someone like me who prides himself on being heartless would still be depressed after such a blow.

In the past, I didn't care how much I was excluded, because there was no one I wanted to talk to. But now, the people I wanted to talk to are suddenly avoiding me... Is this why I'm so upset? I'm not sure.

But one thing is clear:

I really am... no longer a strong person.

Chapter 40: So-called Hope

"Yo."

Somewhat suddenly, the voice of my senior appeared behind me along with the salty air.

"...Um..."

He was waving at me as if to say hello.

It was then that I realized I had been sitting on the steps leading to the beach for who knows how long, and my mind had been in a mess during this time... so messy that I couldn't even remember what I was thinking.

"Is it okay to skip dinner..."

He said as he sat down next to me, not looking worried at all.

"It's fine."

This means that it’s okay not to eat, but your mood will indeed be very bad.

I don't know how I managed to stay suffocated by this indescribable emotion until the evening. I didn't participate in any activities today, and I simply brushed off others' greetings. Of course, I had no appetite at all.

"What happened... I feel like Miss Rin isn't in a good mood today... Did you quarrel?"

"If we had a fight... I probably wouldn't be like this."

“…I see.”

He said nothing more.

The sky was gradually darkening, and the people strolling on the beach were leaving one after another. A deserted atmosphere was spreading among us.

"...So," I broke the atmosphere, "Senior, what are you doing here? Didn't the others come with you?"

"They didn't come...and I came to talk to you."

"Yeah..."

It seems that what I said this morning has taken effect...

"Well, there are a lot of things I don't understand... I'd like to discuss them with you." He paused, "I believe you also have something you need to talk to someone about."

"what..."

Yes, there are indeed many things I don’t understand.

But not everything will be said.

"Well, I'll go first..."

This tone...are you playing truth or dare?

"Um...well, please do as you please..."

Tell your story.

..........................

"Actually, I have to confess something first. I have someone I like." He looked at me when he said this.

"Hey...wait..."

This scene...could it be...

"It's just that I haven't seen that person for a long time."

"No...ah...oh..."

I thought it was me... That action just now looked like a confession. Fortunately, the senior spoke quickly, so I didn't ask, "It can't be me?" Otherwise, it would have been so embarrassing.

Thinking of this, my face turned red. This is the downside of having a big imagination.

"That...that's really unexpected..."

It wasn’t Senior Lu Yunzi.

"Are you surprised? Sheji, you must have someone you like too." The senior said with a matter-of-fact expression.

"This...this is correct...but you should talk about your own things first and don't change the subject." Isn't this really a practice of truth?

"Oh...that's right." He looked calm.

"Has the country ever had any dreams..."

"Yes, yes... but I already said it, so stop changing the subject..."

"No, my story begins with a dream." His gaze turned to the distant sea, and his tone became deeper. "Because I used to be a person without any dreams."

"Because of some childhood reasons...I gradually began to lose my dreams. At that time, I always told myself, 'No matter what, you can't succeed.'"

“I feel like I can’t achieve my dreams, so I just don’t dream.”

"When someone asks, just use their own words..."

"In the eyes of teachers and parents, I'm an obedient top student, but my inner personality is empty... I have absolutely no goals for my future life."

"Then...she showed up."

. . . . . . . . . . .

Very similar...My predecessors and I both gradually changed ourselves because of the appearance of one person.

However... the ending was different.

"Suddenly one day, she got very angry with me."

"Because I showed her my attempt at a novel. And then she got really mad..."

"I don't know what I did wrong... Maybe my work was just too awful. Or maybe I simply failed her expectations... Anyway, after that, I couldn't face her anymore."

“When she was angry, she yelled at me many times, ‘You don’t understand at all’...”

“Maybe I just can’t understand.”

"That's it... Even now when I think about it, I still regret... why did I show her that thing? If I hadn't shown it to her... maybe I could still stay by her side."

"..."

Me too. If I hadn't sent her away and asked someone else to help... maybe I could have stayed with her.

However, things cannot be reversed. Even regretting it will be of no use.

"Sometimes things are not what you think, Senior."

Since I haven't experienced it, if I just imagine it... everyone would think positively, right? But imagination is just imagination, it can never become reality.

“Of course we don’t understand other people’s thoughts…”

Because we've never communicated... How can I possibly understand someone else's feelings so easily...

"so..."

So this may be the only thing that can be done.

"If in doubt..."

She was right. "If you have any questions, why not go and confirm with her in person?" I finally understood now.

Rinquanchuan didn't say this out of anger or disgust... He was just speaking the truth. If you have questions about someone, then go to another person for answers... Isn't that stupid?

"Just go and confirm it with her in person."

What am I saying... It's something I don't even have the courage to do, but I say it as if it's a matter of course.

"..."

"But... this is impossible... I don't even know where she is right now, and I'm not sure if she still hates me... How can we have a good conversation..."

"If you worry about the future... you won't get anything done."

I say this to my seniors and also to myself.

The reason why I want to forget about Jiayin again... is because I am worried... worried about various things happening, so naturally I don’t want to face it again.

But what needs to be faced must be faced...

"Then just wait for the opportunity to come."

There is always a chance...if you just believe...

I won't run away anymore...I'll definitely ask for the answer myself.

"...Huh...I see." He sighed and smiled as usual, "That's really your style of answering..."

"...style?" No one ever said that...

"Yes, that kind of thing, although full of uncertainty... it gives hope to those who listen... is very reassuring."

“…”

"Maybe that's why so many people like you? Haha..."

"... maybe..."

That's not the case... Actually, it's because I'm not completely sure, so I used vague terms... The so-called hope is actually just a consolation that is not worth mentioning.

So be it...it will be discovered sooner or later anyway. I am not what they think I am at all.

And then...what will happen then?

At most, I'll just be back to being alone, absolutely...nothing to worry about.

Chapter 8 Closing Remarks

Chapter 8 Closing Remarks

Hello everyone... I am a disqualified human, not an old thief in the world. It is not yet time for me to be called an old thief.

Speaking of the story of this chapter... Actually, I originally wanted to just write about the beach and the seaside, but then I mentioned the past of the predecessors and the protagonist.

Because there were quite a lot of people involved in the design, and I wanted to be fair, so everyone had a considerable part, and so I wrote a lot... Unfortunately, the pace seems to be much slower now... But I don't admit to being called water... It doesn't really count.

And this chapter wants to express...there are probably two things.

"Everyone inadvertently brings hope to others/is given hope by others"

In fact, everyone has had this feeling...decided to do something because of a person, and finally chose to give up for various reasons...and then could never forget it.

It's like you like playing a game because of your girlfriend, but in the end you break up and don't want to play the game anymore. Later, after a while, you find that you can't let go of the game, and then you realize that the game is more important than your girlfriend [not at all].

And people always bring hope to others inadvertently.

Maybe it's because there are so many people waiting for comfort or encouragement... I didn't expect that my book would give others the motivation to write... It is often called a "crappy novel" by a senior named Sun... Is it because that guy is a tsundere and doesn't admit it, or is it because it is just crappy and will be easily surpassed... That's why some people will be motivated to move forward after reading it... Haha, just kidding.

In short, if you are determined to do something... then do it well. It may take a long time or a short time, but there will always be results.