I, who advocate giving up, feel like a disqualified person

"It's okay, my physical fitness is very good."

Actually it's very weak.

"Ah... really." He didn't seem to want to complain about me. Actually, he wasn't the kind of person who was good at conversation.

However, I already felt that Senior's request for me to come out was definitely not just for a walk... He must have something to say.

"....." Faced with the quiet atmosphere, I didn't know what to do for a moment.

"Just now you... wrote a novel, right?"

He suddenly asked me, but his eyes were looking ahead.

"Um..."

I'm not going to lie because there's no need.

"Has it been published? Can it be found on the website?"

"It's just... a few people noticed it."

This is not a lie, it's modesty.

"Really? I remember there was an author with the pen name 'Ling Cun She Ji'. It can't be you, can it?"

His tone was casual, like a casual inquiry...but I always felt that he was "suspecting" me. And of course I couldn't expose myself.

"Ling... Cun..., wow, what a crappy pen name... I think my name "Sheji" is ugly enough, and there are actually people who choose a pen name like this..." He laughed after saying this.

"You can't really say that. Sheji is actually a very grand name. When you mention 'Sheji,' you think of the people of the world... Your father probably wanted you to become a great man."

"Is this so..."

I haven't really thought about the meaning of this name.

"Then what does 'Hao' mean in 'Senior's' name?" Because this character is a bit uncommon.

"It has many meanings, but it means brightness." He looked at me and smiled. "It sounds complicated, but it's actually very easy to understand, right?"

"Hmm..." It's okay... Actually, I still care about the other meanings.

"Well, even though you refused... I still want to read your work if I have the chance..." He seemed a little unwilling.

"Well... let's wait until after the holiday! I will write a good novel for you to read carefully." This obsession is similar to Xiaoye's just now.

"Oh...thank you then."

"No...you're welcome." Ah, this feels so troublesome.

"Senior, you know some scripts, so novels should also be involved, right? Do you have any works?" I asked my senior.

"Ah, come to think of it... I tried writing a novel before..." This topic seemed to bring back memories for him, as his tone was much more depressed than before, "but I gave up long ago."

Did I hear correctly...

"Put...why..."

I think this word should not appear at all on seniors.

"It's not suitable, that's all." He smiled to himself, a hint of helplessness in his smile. "Everything in the world that I can't do is simply because it's not suitable. When I realize I can't do it, I lose interest in it, and then I naturally choose to give up."

"......"

It seems...that's really the case.

"Sheji...you really have talent. I've already seen that. You might give up on many things...but when it comes to writing, please...don't give up."

“…”

I didn't agree to him because I didn't know if I would keep my promise in the future.

"Actually, senior, you really like novels, right?" I could tell from what he just said. He advised me not to give up, but in fact he was regretting his past choice.

"I like it. How could I not like it?"

He really didn't shy away from it.

"It's just that I don't find it suitable, so I just don't write anymore. Otherwise, why would I read so many novels? Isn't it because I love them?"

“Even if it’s not suitable...if you like it, just write it...”

"no!"

He suddenly interrupted me loudly, and this sentence felt extremely abrupt in the silent environment.

The tone was a little angry... but also mixed with sadness...

"It will...disappoint people...that's why I won't write it." He reached out and patted his cheek, looking at the ground, as if muttering to himself, "Even though that person will never see my awful work again..."

"........."

I really want to tell him, "Okay, it's all over."

But in the end I remained silent, because I didn't know what he had been through, and naturally I had no right to pretend to be an experienced person or a wise man to enlighten him... Yes, after all, I am just an ordinary person.

"Huh..." I sighed.

But it's not good to say nothing, so let it be...

"Senior, if you don't go back now, you'll catch a cold."

He slowly raised his head, perhaps his emotions had stabilized.

"Well... let's go back."

If you have something to say, could you please say it clearly?

It was just as my senior said. It didn’t take long for me to feel a bit of coolness. Although such coolness is really rare in summer... but after a long time, I still felt like I was in autumn... so strange.

Come to think of it...was the senior regretting what he did just now?

I looked at him, lost in thought as he walked, but I couldn't quite place my thoughts. It seemed like people really couldn't understand each other.

Maybe the things you don’t care about are what others want but cannot get.

Looking at my senior who said nothing, I suddenly remembered this truth...it's a very simple truth.

But for a senior, that kind of thing isn't about not being able to get it...it's about giving up. I didn't ask why, because I didn't really want to pry into other people's pasts. Besides, even if I asked him...he definitely wouldn't tell me, and it might even make him angry.

"what..."

Suddenly I realized that he could remember things from the past... Although I could vaguely remember some things, I always felt that I had forgotten something important... In this way, I was actually a little envious of him.

"What's wrong with you...why are you sighing?"

I have to say that the senior is really sharp...

"Nothing..." I scratched my scalp, which was numb from the cold wind. "It just suddenly occurred to me... Is it better to forget about the past or remember it... Hey, what do you think, senior?"

"It doesn't matter whether it's good or bad." He quickly came to the conclusion.

"Is that so..." Thinking about it calmly, this is surprisingly consistent with my usual thoughts.

"But... as a rule, people always want to forget things that bring them pain. Otherwise, why would they say 'let time heal everything'... Perhaps forgetting is the greatest happiness."

After saying that, he sighed helplessly.

"..."

Is it possible that there are things that Senior wants to forget... Could that be the reason why he gave up writing novels... Interesting...

"But, I still want to remember... because of that... I may have forgotten the reason why I wanted to forget. Although it sounds a bit awkward... but I am probably sure that I really wanted to forget those things at that time... but I am no longer the same person as I was back then..."

I explained in a panic, afraid that my senior wouldn't understand.

"I know...it's nothing. It's like when you accidentally watched a horror movie as a kid and tried hard to forget it, but then when you watched it again as an adult, you didn't feel anything at all."

Although this is the truth, I always feel that there is some subtle difference...well, never mind.

"It's not a bad thing to want to remember, after all..."

"...after all?"

His sudden pause puzzled me.

"After all, there are some things we have to face."

Chapter 36 If you have something to say, can you please say it clearly?

"Well, I'll go back to bed. You should get some rest early too. There will probably be activities tomorrow... Even though school starts the day after tomorrow, you haven't finished your homework yet, right? I wonder if you can catch up... Never mind, good night."

The senior waved at me and walked towards his room.

Hey...it's better not to add those last few words. How would you say goodnight to someone like that? How can I sleep if you're like that?

"Ah...homework...it's so troublesome."

After this strange yet familiar concept was mentioned, I realized... maybe selective amnesia is a good talent, but Brother Nan probably won't buy it.

"Amnesia, huh?!"

It's scary just thinking about it...

So, thinking this, my hand had already touched the door handle, and my right hand was ready to take out the key to open the door.

"Wait a minute..."

Before I opened my room, a familiar voice suddenly came from behind me.

"You want to scare me to death..."

I looked back at Rinhanekawa who was wearing pink pajamas... Although she was wearing casual clothes, her temperament still retained her usual dignity. She really looked more like a young lady than Rinzenkawa.

"I didn't mean to scare you to death... I just wanted to ask you a few questions... If you don't answer them well, you'll probably die, but you won't be scared by me."

Wow... these are very threatening words.

"...and you said you didn't scare me..."

"I'm not trying to scare you."

“…” I was speechless.

"Okay, come here..."

. . . . . . . . . . . . . .

"Is this your room..."

Maybe I've seen a few girls' rooms before, like Ye Jin's room when they were little, Ling Can's room, and Ye Hui's studio, so I wasn't surprised by Rin Hanekawa's room... Aside from the more expensive-looking furnishings, everything else, from the wallpaper to the dolls, is pretty much the same as what the girls chose... It seems like all girls have similar hearts...

But this is also a bit surprising, this guy actually has a girly heart...

"Well...that's right, and you are the first male to come, so be grateful." As she said this, she sat down on the bed.

"I reject..."

In my opinion, it’s just entering a room, not the bridal chamber.

"...So...Aren't you afraid your sister will see this?"

It wouldn't be good if other people saw it. I'm fearless, but for Rin Hanekawa... her reputation might be damaged.

"It's okay, it's okay. I know her schedule perfectly well. Do you think she wouldn't notice you spending so much time downstairs with that new girl?"

"That's not like you're doing anything fishy...and how would you know that?"

I suspect she's secretly watching me...

"I just happened to see him when I went downstairs to get some water."

"Who are you kidding...your servant will deliver it for you."

This lie is too obvious.

"The servants are already resting, and I won't exploit their rest time. Besides, I'm not spoiled, so I can still do small things like this myself."

Oh, I almost believed it.

"Forget it, let's not talk about this for now... What on earth did you call me here for? If it's about Rinquanchuan's birthday, I've already taken care of it."

Although it may not be a problem for you.