I, who advocate giving up, feel like a disqualified person

A man coming towards me suddenly looked at me in surprise and said my name.

"Um...ah...I am."

Even though I don't know him.

"We haven't been in touch since junior high school... Are you still drawing comics?" He then said something that was enough to make me run to the lottery shop.

"No...I've given up on drawing comics."

I scratched my cheek.

"Oh, that's really a pity..." He smiled, "I'm currently attending high school in another city. You should be attending No. 1 High School, right? After all, your grades are pretty good."

"Um... well, it's in No. 1 High School..."

But don't mention your academic performance...

"Hmm..." He nodded, "Well, my friend is still waiting for me, so I'll be leaving first."

"Oh oh..." I moved to the side, but suddenly realized something and grabbed his clothes.

"Huh? What's wrong?"

He looked at me strangely.

"Um..." I quickly let go of her hand, "It's just... do you remember that I had a childhood sweetheart?"

"Qing...Oh, now that you mention it, I remember...By the way, are you still together now? We should be in the same school, right?" he asked me.

"...No...I don't think I've seen her since then, and I don't know where she went..."

"That's a shame... Did you give up comics for her? Did you have a fight?"

"No... There are many reasons... By the way, do you have any impression of her?"

"...No, although I heard you say there was such a person,...I haven't seen her...Are you looking for her?" He looked like he wanted to help. "Do you want me to ask for you at the party tonight?"

"No... no need..."

I felt my face getting a little hot.

"I don't want anyone to know...about her."

"Oh...Is that so? Well...that's fine, let's let bygones be bygones." He patted my shoulder.

"Well, thank you."

I said goodbye to him.

Then, I found a lottery shop and bought a scratch-off ticket.

"..."

Looking at the scratched lottery ticket nervously.

"...really."

My destiny is to thank you for your patronage... and thank you.

After the transformation, you may become worried

Why do people change over time?

Whether it is thoughts or memories, there will not be much change except for appearance, but time is likely to change a person's character.

Is it the surrounding environment that causes people to change, or is it that people naturally change over time...I don't know.

But someone once told me a theory.

Soul Connection Theory

A person's thoughts originate from the soul. The thoughts of a child are different from those of an adult, and the thoughts of a teenager are different from those of an adult. Moreover, childhood memories become blurred as we age.

This means that the soul of childhood has disappeared and has become the soul of a slightly grown-up person.

Although I think this theory is a bit far-fetched... However, if the other me I saw before was not an illusion, this theory is very likely to exist.

"Well..."

In other words... the dilemma I'm facing now might have been deliberately created by my past self?

I wanted to retort with "How is that possible?", but when I thought about it, this was about me...I couldn't just deny it.

Although I don’t know what others think, I still have some understanding of my past self.

If I look at myself from a third-person perspective, I've been a weird person since I was a kid, with a strong curiosity about many things... although not anymore.

Well, it’s quite strange... Although some of the principles in my head are summarized from life, most of them exist in my mind inexplicably.

Because it was a long time ago...well, I always feel that those things might have come from my earlier self.

I vaguely remember...that classmate was from my elementary school days. At that time, I was always gloomy because of some unfair things I experienced...Logically, I would not take the initiative to talk to others.

But I revealed to my classmates my intention to become a cartoonist... I always feel that it is unlikely, and I don’t have the urge to draw cartoons at all now.

So, this is what I care about most.

Why did I, who shouldn't have interacted with anyone at that time, take the initiative to talk about... those things...

If we connect "proof" and "story"...

Am I really telling them a story?

Chapter 15: After the transformation, you may become worried

After writing the last entry in my diary, I stretched and picked up a thick book.

The Capgras delusion?

I heard this word by chance, so I looked it up with great interest.

I, Yi Sheji, am about to enter junior high school...It's time to do an experiment to say goodbye to childishness.

Hmm... Do you feel like everyone around you has been replaced? Interesting... I think it has something to do with memory.

As I was thinking this, I accidentally wrote down the word in my notebook. When I realized it, I crossed it out... It would be bad if the experiment failed because of this word.

Well... now that it has been confirmed, let's execute the plan.

. . . . . . . . . . .

Speaking of which... when I was reading that diary one time, I found a crossed-out word. After I looked at it carefully, I found that it was not an unfamiliar word.

But... why did this word appear? Did I learn about it back then and write it down so I wouldn't forget it? No, I don't think so.

After researching the issue, I discovered that this disease, called "Capgras delusion," causes the person to have the illusion that their closest friends are being replaced by identical strangers.

Well...I don't think this has anything to do with me.

But...it just happened to appear in that diary, and I think it is worth thinking about.

So...I called her.

...............

"what..."

I don’t know if it was because of the exercise or because it was already noon, but I felt hungry, and its barking interrupted my thoughts.

But... the most important thing is that I didn't have any money on me, because my sportswear didn't have any pockets... and Rin Hanekawa's outfit had pockets. Come to think of it, it was Rin Hanekawa who paid for the ice cream just now. But after all, he is a rich man, so he shouldn't care.

“…”

I'd better bear it for now and use distraction to reduce hunger... I just thought of something...

Looks like he called...

. . . . . . . . .

I should have thought of it earlier and just called her.

Because all along, whenever I encountered trouble, I would always ask her to come up with a solution first, but this time it took her a long time to think of it... Is this also a kind of growth?

"Hey..."

The call was connected.

"Ah...Ye Jin, I have a problem."

I explained my current situation directly.

"...Huh? Did you suffer a setback in your relationship, or did your confession fail?"

"They're both similar in nature, right? But they're not this kind of thing."

"Well... go ahead, I don't have anything to do today anyway..." a lazy voice came.

"That's good..."

"I can come to your house and chop you up anytime... No, it depends on you." She seemed to be changing her words.

"..." But I think this is a naked threat.

"Okay... Actually, I just want to confirm something." My tone became more serious. "I want to ask you... before I entered junior high school, was I very different from now?"

"...Huh? What are you talking about? Isn't it obvious...you are very different from then."

"So, what's the difference?"

"Ah... the biggest difference is... you're more perverted than you were back then, and you've become a lolita control, and you've fallen in love..."

"Stop... I'm not saying this is the only way to grow up." I interrupted her.

"Ah? Is this the only way?" she asked in surprise. "Are you planning to continue on this path of perversion?"

"No... I'm not talking about that..." I thought for a moment, "I'm talking about whether my personality has changed since then."

"..."

There was silence on the other end of the phone for a moment, as if he was considering what to say.

"I'm just a little curious... You don't have to think about it." I said to the silent Ye Jin.

"...elder brother."

Eh? She actually called me brother? Shouldn't it be "stupid brother" or something like that...

"Oh no, brother..." She suddenly changed her tone... Well...

"When I first remembered you...you were the guy I hated." She said this slowly.

"Well, don't you hate me now too?"

"No...ah...how should I put it? When I think about it, I feel that we might be two different people. You are too naive because you always fought for your own justice...and never regretted it."

"Hmm...that's true..."

I used to be like this... until I encountered that incident...

"But after a while, when I saw you again, I felt like you had become a different person. Not as sunny and positive anymore, but... giving off a gloomy vibe. Maybe you've been through a lot."

"That's right..." I responded briefly.

"But, if you ask me, that was when you were the most handsome, brother."

"Huh? Why..."

"Have you forgotten... Although you were gloomy back then, you developed a love for reading. When you had nothing to do, you'd always lock yourself in your utility room to read some profound book you'd gotten from somewhere... Sometimes you'd even tell me some very difficult-to-understand truths."

"Yes...really?"

I don't have any impression of these.

"Even though I don't understand, I don't hate you back then. On the contrary, I think you were pretty handsome back then... I admired you for a while... but forget it now."

...What's going on with this inexplicable feeling of loss?

"Um...is that all?"

"If I'm answering your question just now, this is probably enough." Her tone seemed a little hesitant. "It's just... well, tell me more. When you reached junior high school, it was like you were a completely different person. You no longer went to the utility room to read, and you no longer lectured me on big principles... I even heard that you were going to draw comics or something... Maybe you've gotten over the psychological trauma... It's really a pity."

"...Oh...I see."

These words...are very interesting.