I, who advocate giving up, feel like a disqualified person

I answered truthfully.

"...I don't know? You just started writing without a reason?"

"No... I just can't remember..." As I answered this, something flashed through my mind.

"Can't you remember?"

"...It seems..." I couldn't help but slow down my pace, as if any movement would interrupt my thoughts.

"one..."

"prove..."

"To prove something..." He confidently confirmed, but that was all he could think of. "But I've forgotten what it was I was trying to prove..."

"...is it to prove your talent? Or is it to prove that you are better than a certain writer or classmate?"

"...I don't think so, but it's probably for this kind of purpose..." I couldn't remember the specifics, so I just admitted it.

"Well...actually, I usually write things too."

I know this...

"Like you, I do it for myself. I feel writing can bring me happiness."

"Well... isn't this great..."

"So, I don't think the author has any obligation to make the readers happy. Just write whatever you want. Why would you change the plot just to accommodate the readers?"

"...Well...I can't be so absolute...After all...it would be hard to believe if the person you like didn't have a good fate..."

Wait...this feeling...

"But the characters you like are like your friends. To use a crude analogy, we certainly don't want anything to happen to our friends, but it's unavoidable in real life, and so it is in novels too... Just like in real life, the fate of characters can't be determined arbitrarily... Are you listening?"

She seemed to notice my dull look and reminded me.

...Of course I didn't listen, because I remembered something else...I seemed to know why I wanted to create.

Like the facts of the story

"Huh? You decided to draw comics?"

After I expressed my thoughts, the expression on my deskmate's face seemed to be more of ridicule than surprise.

After all, if it were brought up suddenly like this, others would probably have the same reaction.

"Yeah...right." I scratched my cheek with my hand.

"What... When was it decided? I've never heard of it before..." His expression became a little more serious. "Is it because of a comic you read? What's the name... the title of the work?"

"No... I just... felt like drawing."

I hesitated for a moment, but still took out the mecha that I spent a lot of time drawing yesterday from my schoolbag.

"Oh, this... isn't it from that anime? It really looks like..." He grabbed it and looked at it carefully. "This part is so exciting... Why didn't I notice you had this talent before?"

Maybe because he likes it, he has a happy expression on his face.

"Well... because..." I didn't give a reason.

Because I only drew it for her.

"Can you give it to me?" He looked at me expectantly.

"No, I want to give it to someone else." I said and took the painting back.

"Oh? No way... Who is it? So lucky, man or woman, which class?" He immediately showed an interested expression.

"...I can't tell you who it is..." I touched the tip of my nose, "But...it's a girl..."

"No way!" He slammed the table in surprise, "When did you get this girl..."

"No...we've been playmates since childhood, childhood sweethearts, you could say..." I responded shyly.

"Wow... then you are really lucky..."

"It's just that she seems to have lost interest in these mechas recently. She was so happy when I gave them to her when she was a child..." I looked at the painting carefully, "Why is that..."

"You don't understand this, do you?" He interrupted my mumbling. "She's a girl after all. She's no longer interested in this kind of comics. If you want to please her, you'll have to use something else."

He quickly took the painting away and said, "So don't give me such things."

"...Oh...I'll give it to you then, but don't tell anyone about her."

"No problem." He said and made an OK gesture to me.

Chapter 14: The Fact That Seems Like a Story

"Oh? You decided to write a novel?"

A year later, when I said different things to a different deskmate, his reaction was similar to that of the deskmate from last year.

"Ah...yeah." I responded coldly.

But compared to before, I am much thicker-skinned and don’t feel embarrassed or shy when facing such doubts.

"Why? I've never seen you write a novel before... and your essay scores aren't usually very good, right?"

"That's just me getting by with my homework. Who would take something as rigid as an essay seriously..." I said, pulling out a stack of manuscripts from my schoolbag. "Take a look if you don't believe me."

"Oh...that's quite impressive..." He took it in disbelief, "How many days did it take you to write all this..."

He said this and laughed as he turned the first page. Then his expression became serious, and then his brows relaxed.

I didn't disturb him and waited quietly for him to finish reading.

"Oh..." "Hmm..." "Interesting..."

He couldn't help but say these words while watching, and nodded along the way.

Finally, he returned the manuscript to me.

"That's pretty good... But why did you just think of writing a novel now, and show it to me?"

"Oh... I just wanted to let you take a look at it and give your thoughts before I give it to someone else."

"...Oh...is it for the editor to see?" he guessed.

"No...I'm giving it to...my childhood playmate." I suddenly felt a little shy and couldn't help scratching my cheek.

"...When they were little...boy or girl? Could it be a girl?"

"Well, it's definitely a girl..."

Why do you all like to bring up the topic of girls?

"Hey?! How come you...well...it makes sense...So? Did you write the novel just for her?" He asked me with a little reluctance.

"Yeah." I nodded. "If I could become a novelist, she would probably be happy."

"...I thought she was going to marry you."

"Don't... don't talk nonsense! I don't have any intention of marrying her." Although I said that... I still have such an idea, but I don't know if it can be realized.

"Well," he sighed, "then I wish you fame soon."

"Ah."

.................

"That's about it... I created this work for one person..."

I told Xiaoya next to me about my previous creative experience.

"Oh... In other words, you are working hard to create for the girl you like?" She touched her chin and muttered to herself, as if thinking about what I just said.

"Well...it's a girl I liked a long time ago...you could say she was my childhood sweetheart, but now I can't even remember her, so I've forgotten all my messed up ideals as a manga artist."

I said this pretending to be regretful.

"Hmm..." She glanced at me with distrust in her eyes.

"What...what happened?"

I don't know what's wrong with what I just said...Except for the fact that I didn't become a novelist, everything else is true...

"You...really can't remember her?" she suddenly asked.

"Hmm...yeah, if I hadn't suddenly remembered her recently, I would have almost forgotten her...Well, even though I remember her now, I can only recall fragments..."

"...Ah...interesting." She smiled inadvertently. "I'm very interested, but...well, I'll give you a hint. Go find those two classmates you mentioned her to, and you should be able to find something."

Having said that, she turned around.

"Huh? You're not going to stay with me?" I was a little surprised by her sudden behavior.

"Yes, I thought you had something to do, so I didn't bother you. And thanks to you, I feel like I have some inspiration in my head."

As she spoke, she ran away into the distance.

"See you next time..." I waved at her back.

Then the back figure turned into the front and approached me quickly.

"Why...why are you back again?" I was very surprised by this behavior, and passers-by around me also gave me strange looks.

"I suddenly remembered something very important." She looked at me seriously, "You just said that you created this work for a girl, right?"

"Oh, yes..."

Is there something wrong?

"But before you lost your cool, I clearly remember you saying 'to prove something'."

"........"

This problem...I also realized it after she said that.

"Why..." She stared into my eyes, "Why are the two answers different?"

"...Maybe to prove something to her?"

I guessed.

"...No...I don't think so...Besides, I always feel that the two examples you just mentioned don't have any sense of reality."

"Huh? How is that possible... He described it in such detail..."

"Yeah, because it's so detailed, it doesn't feel real to me... It's like I'm just listening to a story."

Although she wasn't making up the story, I broke out in a cold sweat on my back for no apparent reason after hearing her say that.

...What is...going on?

"...Well, even though I say that...I just had a baseless suspicion. Anyway, it wouldn't be wrong to check with my classmates."

After she said this, she really left, leaving me standing there in a daze.

. . . . . . . . . .

...Now that I think about it, there doesn't seem to be anything wrong...

I sighed and cracked my knuckles, making them make a snapping sound.

I had already passed Xiaoya's school and was running towards the less crowded outer ring street.

I don’t know if it’s because Rin Hanekawa and I wasted too much time in the cold drink shop, but I always feel like I’ve fallen behind. I can’t see any classmates in front or behind me.

"So..."

I sighed.

Because I suddenly thought of the conversation with my classmates.

.................

In the days after talking with Xiaoya, I deliberately looked for the classmates who had once told me about my childhood sweetheart.

However...although this city is not big, I don’t know the exact location of their home, so the possibility of running into them by chance while shopping is even smaller than the chance of winning the lottery.

"Hey...Isn't this Sheji? You should be Yi Sheji, right?"