I, who advocate giving up, feel like a disqualified person

"That guy, Rinquanchuan... is the strangest... weirdest guy I've ever seen."

I shared my first impression of Rinsen River.

"ha...?"

"She has a terrible personality, a very terrible one. She doesn't communicate with anyone, and if you initiate a conversation with her, there's a high chance she'll say something hurtful. She always has a blank expression as she reads book after book, giving you the feeling you don't want to get close to her. I also hate having anything to do with her; it always feels like trouble."

"...Then...why..."

She asked me somewhat puzzled.

"because..."

I sighed, several images flashed through my mind quickly, and I couldn't help but smile bitterly.

"Because if someone like me who wants to get close to her gives up on her, who else would be willing to get close to her? She also wants to communicate with others. Although her behavior is not cute at all, she is very gentle and sensitive at heart. If I don't go to her this time, she might stop trusting anyone..."

I looked at Jiayin, she was looking at my face, I don’t know what she was thinking.

"..."

I hesitated for a moment, then said to her:

"Well, excuse me, I have more important things to do."

Hasn't it been decided... The choice was made several years ago.

And now, it's just a repetition of that choice...

........................

"The state."

Just as I finished explaining why I was going to look for Rinsen River and was about to turn around and leave, Kanon called me again.

"Ok?"

I turned around again, but was given a hug.

........................

Faced with the unexpected hug from Jiayin, my heart beat faster and faster.

"I'll always remember..."

Jiayin buried her head in my chest.

I can clearly hear my own panicked heartbeat, maybe she can hear it clearly too.

"I have never forgotten every word you said to me."

"Yes..really?"

I...had such a huge influence on her...

Maybe I really...really should stay.

At this moment, Jiayin suddenly raised her head, her beautiful face was very close to mine, I could feel her breathing at the moment, and she smiled slightly with a few tears in her eyes.

"I really look best when I smile, right?"

In an instant, the image of Jiayin flashed through my mind again.

Before I could recover from the shock of this sentence, Jiayin had already let go of me and took a few steps back.

"Okay, I know what you're thinking... Go ahead and find her."

She gave me a thumbs up, but tears were still shining in her eyes.

"Come on, since you said it so beautifully, you must get her back."

"Ah, it's necessary."

I also gave her a thumbs up, then quickly turned around and ran away.

I don’t know if it was to hide my inner guilt and inexplicable regret, but I ran very fast. Although I had no destination, I still ran very fast, as if I was trying to get rid of something.

For some reason, this sentence suddenly flashed through my mind.

[By then, I might be brave enough to give you a hug.]

I suddenly stopped and looked behind me.

However, all I could see were the flashing lights on the playground.

After standing there for a long time, I started moving again.

...................

“Huff….Haa…”

Speaking of the location of the Rinsen River, I already have a rough idea.

In fact, I could have found her the first time I looked today, it wouldn’t have taken that long at all.

Because I only looked for places where she might go, but ignored the places she should go.

The activity room of the tea ceremony club.

I guess she's been staying there all day... If I had to give a reason, it's because she was waiting for me to find her.

The reason is even simpler, because who else would persuade her except me... and she is the type who will refuse to take action without someone's persuasion... That guy is really troublesome.

However, now all clubs are not allowed to open according to the school's instructions, so Rinsenchuan is no longer in the tea ceremony club.

But...

I paused for a moment to catch my breath.

Now I am on the top floor of the teaching building, facing the iron gate that can lead to the rooftop as long as it is opened.

If my guess is correct, if I open the iron gate now, I can see the Rinsen River.

"Really..."

A guy who is not easy to worry about...

Thinking this, I opened the iron door in front of me.

Although it was night, based on the faint light coming from the playground and the familiar figure, I could tell that the guy lying on the railing was Rinquanchuan.

"What are you doing here? The show is about to start... well, it's still a while away, but I think it's best if you come back with me now."

I spoke to her in a relaxed tone.

"..."

She turned her head to look at me, then turned away.

"I've decided not to participate."

"Why...are you angry? Who are you picking on?"

At this time, I thought it was just her arrogant remarks, and she would go back if I gave her a few more words of advice.

"I'm not against anyone... If you insist on asking me for a reason..."

She seemed to think for a moment, "I don't know why I'm on stage..."

After she finished speaking, she looked at me with a cold look in her eyes.

That's when I realized she was serious.

.................

Reason...?

We have to admit that anyone needs reasons to do things, whether it is honor or benefits... In short, people never lack reasons, and people who never lack reasons will always do various things, whether it is reasonable or contrary to common sense, people will always have various reasons to explain.

Reasons are often used to convince oneself to do something that can be done or not, and they tend to be negative.

For example, when I wake up in the morning, I always think, "Let me sleep for five more minutes," then turn off the alarm and go back to sleep. When I feel like slacking off in class, I look at the classmates around me, and even if only one person is slacking off, I will think, "I'm not the only one anyway," and so I slack off with a clear conscience...

Therefore, the power of reason is very strong and can make people do many things.

But if you lack a reason, you will lose the motivation to do things.

This is really... troublesome... What reason can I use to let Rinsenkawa go on stage...

................

Just when I didn't know how to persuade her.

My face suddenly felt cold, but not like a biting cold wind... but rather a gentle feeling... like a small piece of solid water absorbing the heat from my skin and quickly liquefying...

Is this... snow?

I temporarily forgot about the problems I needed to deal with and looked up into the distance.

Against the backdrop of distant lights, you can see countless snowflakes slowly falling from the sky.

"It's snowing..."

I couldn't help but mutter to myself, a smile on my face.

....................

【True Title】

Today I think, it's raining and snowing

Merry Christmas Eve

If I think about it carefully, this world is really magical... From another perspective, maybe someone who can control the world is watching me right now.

Whether it was God's help or just a coincidence.

I have to thank this snow that came leisurely.

Because now I finally have a reason to say what has been brewing in my heart for a long time, but has been put on hold because I have nowhere to put it.

Well, let me tell you, I won't hold back when it comes to my mouth cannon against this guy who needs some advice.

A guy who only causes trouble to others and has no self-awareness, a guy who is more prone to self-destruction than me, a guy who looks strong but is still very fragile, a guy who always...always makes me worry...I have to ask you a question now.

Please answer me carefully.

Snow...why is it white?

Chapter 39 Happy Christmas Eve

The snow was still falling from the sky illuminated by the lights, without stopping for a moment.

The atmosphere of this cultural exhibition seemed to be even more lively because of the snow.

On the contrary, I felt very calm inside...an expected calm.

Standing on the rooftop where I was the only one there, I looked at the lights coming from the playground in the distance and the snowflakes that were more conspicuous under the light.

"Really...it seems so..."

I muttered to myself and closed my eyes. What remained was the image of falling snow.

When I reached out to catch this white creature, what I felt was not gentle coolness, but an ethereal feeling close to nothingness.

The sky is clear and the air is fresh, and the surroundings are clearly filled with warm spring scenery.

What blew past me was not the biting cold wind, but the warm wind that moved the willow branches along with it.

“Huff…Huff…”

When I came to my senses, I was already running in the wind, panting, but I didn't want to stop, even though my lungs were aching.

I know where I'm running to.

The station is near the school.

I also know the reason for running.

I'm running for someone.

Come to think of it... I think I ran for someone else before...