There is no cure for love

My dad was scared to death by me and stood trembling in front of me while getting dressed. Oh, do you know? It was the first time in my life that I saw a man’s body, and it turned out to be my dad. He was very thin and had well-defined bones.

I can't tell that the woman is interested in him.

His hands were trembling, and he had to put on his pants several times before putting them on. He looked at me in fear, but did not dare to say a word. After he put on his pants, we both looked at each other awkwardly, and my mother slashed him.

The scars circled ugly on his arms. I asked him, "Why are you such a dog that you can't change your mind about eating shit?"

Then my dad sat slumped on the bed, looked at me blankly, and said only three words, "You don't understand." Three light words.

"I really don't understand your dirty world." I said coldly.

Then my dad raised his head and looked at me, his eyes filled with despair.

That day, I told my dad that if you keep interacting with that bitch, we will sever the relationship between father and daughter and never interact with her again.

My dad just looked at me, his eyes full of sadness. I thought my harsh words would make him look back, but I was wrong. Maybe in his eyes, solving physical problems is more important. My unpromising daughter, in

In his eyes, it was worthless.

He still went his own way and interacted with the bitch, but he never dared to bring him home again. The bitch was afraid of me and would go crazy and chop her with a knife. If I said anything, I would throw water out and go to the local store alone.

The police station went to the household registration department and asked to change my name.

The police officer from the household registration department told me that if I wanted to change my surname, I needed the signature of my biological parents. I said that my mother has schizophrenia and is in the hospital and cannot sign. He said, then you have your father to sign and also press your fingerprints, and take it with you after signing.

When he comes, we will change it for you.

I took the application form back to my dad and coldly said, "Sign." He sighed deeply, signed, and accompanied me to the police station the next day to complete all the formalities.

After it is cured, it will take more than a week.

After leaving the police station, we went our separate ways. At that time, he basically stayed at the bitch’s house every day and would not come back. I ignored him and went home alone. My dad came up to me, called me, and asked me

I didn't want a card, but he pushed it into my hand and said, "This is your college tuition. I know you complained that I sent your mother to the hospital, but I have my reasons, Maureen.

Maybe you can understand me a little bit when you grow up."

This time I didn't refuse. Without money, I couldn't pay my tuition fees.

From that day on, my dad never took care of me again. A sum of money would be transferred into that card regularly. I knew it was him. I felt that I despised myself so much that I didn’t even want to deal with him. Why should I?

Want his money? But think about it, if I don’t want his money, what will happen to my tuition? What if my mother was bullied in the hospital? I need money to take care of everything. Maybe everything is just a drop in the bucket, but stuffing some red envelopes will help.

Those nurses could be somewhat nicer to my mother.

From that day on, my name was Mo Lin, not Xu Molin. My mother’s surname was Mo, so I changed my name to follow her.

Meng Zhirou and I were in the same university. I thought that after entering university, Lin Heng would completely disappear from my world. I tried my best to convince myself that he was just a passerby in my life and was not worth feeling sad for.

.

But everything is in vain. I have changed a lot during my four years in college. It can be said that I have completely changed as a person, but it has not changed my deep love for Lin Heng.

Many nights, I hid in the quilt and cried. I asked myself, is this kind of life interesting? Meng Zhirou often advised me to look forward. She said, Mo Lin, your life has just begun.

When I entered college, I weighed 160 pounds. I believe everyone can understand what 160 pounds means to a girl who is only 1.58 meters tall. I never look in the mirror because

The mirrors on girls' dressing tables often cannot fit my face. Every time Meng Zhirou and I go shopping for pants, I have to buy boys' sizes because the largest girls' sizes can no longer fit my thick thighs and round buttocks.

The same goes for clothes. Meng Zhirou always takes the trouble to accompany me to the wholesale market to look for the kind of plus-size women's clothes, which are usually worn by aunts in their forties and fifties who are fat.

Yes, I spent the first two years of college wearing those clothes.

My only good friend was Meng Zhirou, and later I added Lu Yun. Meng Zhirou had a very good temper, and she was reluctant to hurt me. She knew all the secrets in my heart, and she took care of my self-esteem every step of the way. At that time, we

There are four people living in the dormitory. In addition to Meng Zhirou, there are two others. They are both very beautiful and slim. They are dumbfounded every time they see me eating three bowls of rice. When I return to the dormitory, I eat snacks all day long.

Overeating, they just think that I am intemperate and dare to eat and drink like this despite my appearance.

They don't know that I have bulimia.

My weight has only increased.

Only Meng Zhirou knows this secret. Every time they look at me with that surprised look, I huddle on my little bed, holding snacks and stuffing them into my mouth. Only them, only

They can fill my empty and helpless heart.

Meng Zhirou often didn't want me to eat, but she felt distressed when she saw me panicking from hunger or getting emotional. In the end, she gave the snacks back to me, and then she would hug me and cry when no one was in the dormitory.

While crying, she blamed herself and said, "I'm sorry Maureen, I don't know how to help you, I'm sorry, I'm sorry..."

Then we both held each other and cried bitterly.

I don't like to talk to the other two roommates in the dormitory, and I don't interact with them often. In their eyes, I am a monster. Similarly, they are also monsters in my eyes. Beautiful girls are just like me.

As terrifying as a wild beast. Song Nianqing is the representative.

At the end of my sophomore year, my weight almost reached 170 kilograms. When I walked, my legs would rub together, and the skin would often break due to friction in the summer. I didn’t want to go to the infirmary, so Meng Zhirou went to the infirmary to help.

I took the ointment and came back to help me apply it. I didn't want her to help me, even though she was my best friend.

I hid in the bathroom alone, took off my pants, looked at the red spot between my legs, and looked at my thick white thighs, and I had the urge to die.

I would cry every time I took a shower, and my tears would fall down uncontrollably, and the hot water from the shower would disappear. Every time I took a shower, no one would notice that I was crying, including Meng Zhirou.

Why am I crying? Haha, because I feel sick when I look at the fat all over my body. Especially the two circles around my waist, as well as my thick thighs and arms. Do you understand the pain? I just can’t touch it.

The pain in my back.

I think you don't understand.

Even though I hate my body so much, I can't control my appetite and the impact of bulimia on me.

I often dream about what Song Nianqing did to me in the park. Her words keep lingering in my ears. Every time I wake up, my face is full of tears. The pillow is wet. The long night is endless.

The loneliness and despair that no one can understand.

"Do you know why Lin Heng doesn't like you? Because you are ugly."

Can't sleep anymore.

I took out the instant noodles from the box at the end of the bed and ate them piece by piece. Sometimes I finished three packs and drank a bottle of water, sometimes five packs. Like a mouse, I secretly ate the instant noodles. I only felt full.

It makes me feel safe.

No one knew what happened and they slept well.

I think, if Meng Zhirou and I had not bravely stood up to save Lu Yun that night, if she had not appeared in my life, my life would have been worse. Maybe I would weigh 200 pounds and my bulimia would become worse.

The more serious it becomes, the more withdrawn it becomes...

When Lu Yun played with us, I rejected her because she was pretty.

Song Nianqing's incident buried a deep grudge in my heart. Except for Meng Zhirou, I never dared to interact with anyone else. I carefully closed my heart tightly and didn't let anyone come in, because I was afraid.

Getting hurt.

But Lu Yun is very brave. She used her actions to approach me step by step, forcing me to open my heart, and moved in forcefully, becoming the most important person in my life besides Meng Zhirou.

When eating in the cafeteria, Lu Yun would, in front of many people, not caring about my feelings. When I finished the first bowl of rice, she would throw garbage on my plate or just take it away. In short, she just didn't care.

Let me continue eating. Meng Zhirou did not dare to do this after being with me for more than ten years, but Lu Yun did it. I was so ashamed that there were so many people in the cafeteria, and Lu Yun did not leave me any sympathy.

Just say, "Stop eating. That's all you need to eat today."

I sat in my seat and shed tears. Because my hair was very thick, I lowered my head so that no one else could see it. Lu Yun handed me a tissue and said, "Wipe it quickly, don't cry. You know, I'm doing this for your own good."

.”

Every day when I go to the cafeteria, I will attract the attention of many people. They all look with disdain, ridicule and surprise, "Look, why is this girl so fat? Look, why does she eat so much? She is just like a pig."

"

I suddenly changed, from a bowl of rice to a bowl of rice, the joke that everyone was waiting for me to see. Zhirou had a good temper and would not get angry, but Lu Yun, on the other hand, threw away her chopsticks and stood up to say

Those who saw my joke said, "What are you looking at? Haven't you seen anyone eating? If you have nothing to do, just go back and wash up and sleep! You are sick!"

After saying that, Lu Yun couldn't eat anymore, so she pulled Zhirou and I out of the cafeteria and went to the school's grove. She looked at Zhirou angrily and scolded her, "I know you can't bear to scold her, but look at her like this."

Is it okay to go down? She doesn’t love herself anymore, so how can others love her? Don’t think you are doing her good by doing this, let me tell you, you are doing it for the sake of evil!"

Zhirou stood aside, not knowing what to say, she just held my hand tightly and told me not to cry.

"You're still crying! I can't bear to see you like this anymore, and you still don't know how to change? Maureen, are you stupid? It's a good thing to be the focus of other people's eyes, but you have to look at it with envy.

It's still a mocking look! Let me tell you, your biggest enemy is yourself. If you can't defeat yourself, how can you be qualified to face others?" Lu Yun looked at me angrily and said. Her eyes were big.

, the way he looked at me with wide eyes was very cute.

From that day on, Zhirou was completely on the same side as Lu Yun, forcing me to lose weight every day. At that time, two girls in our dormitory applied to move out of the dormitory because they couldn't stand our atmosphere, and then Lu Yun moved in with us.

live together.

The two of them put all my things in their cabinets, and locked them all so that I couldn't pry them open even if I wanted to.

After learning that I had bulimia, Lu Yun and Zhirou worked together to trick me into seeing a doctor in the hospital and prescribed me medicine to take every day. They supervised me every day and I could only eat a bowl of rice, some vegetables, two apples, and I could drink as much water as I wanted.

.You can’t eat the rest. You have to go running and exercise with them.

During those six months, I came here like this every day. At first, when I fainted from hunger, Zhirou looked distressed and cried with me. She relented, but Lu Yun refused to give me anything to eat. In order to make me persist.

, the two of them even starved together with me and skipped meals together. Later, they gradually got better and their stomachs shrank, but sometimes they were still so hungry that their eyes lit up with stars. Looking at my arms, I almost wanted to chew them.

Half a year later, my weight dropped from 170 kilograms to 105 kilograms. It was like I was a completely different person, because I had a small frame. After losing weight, I finally saw

figure.

Lu Yun looked at me who had successfully lost weight and said, Mo Lin, if you don't mind, go for a double eyelid surgery.

Yes, my eyes are very small. When I was fat, my eyes were almost invisible. After I lost weight, they became a little bigger, but they still didn’t look good.

I looked at myself in the mirror, thought about it for a long time, and finally made up my mind. I listened to Lu Yun’s advice and had double eyelid surgery and opened the canthus of my eyes. From squinty eyes, I turned into a big-eyed girl, with a bright look on my face.

Flying.

That was seven years ago, when I was twenty-three years old, during the winter vacation of my senior year of college.

I finally grabbed the tail of college and transformed myself from the ugly duckling Maureen to a white swan.

Just when I was ready to welcome the new students, I didn't expect to meet Lin Heng again at a class reunion after graduation.