My sister never calls me brother.

That's probably just my personality; I like to accept things as they come.

At the time, I felt it was only natural for them to order me around.

Because, as I understand it, most classes are divided into four tiers, forming a pyramid shape—

Pinnacle: The most popular person in the class, always surrounded by a large number of people, but very few in number.

Upper class: Individuals with strong personalities but lacking independent thought; they tend to follow the leaders at the top, and their numbers are slightly larger.

Middle level: Easily swayed by others, likes to follow trends, lacks individuality, and constitutes the largest number of people.

Lower class: Individuals with strong personalities, their own ideas, and a reluctance to follow the crowd; these are very few in number.

When I was in junior high school, I was probably from the lower class, even though I seemed to have a lot of heroism.

In reality, those in lower grades are often the punching bags in the class, constantly being bullied and harassed.

Therefore, I don't mind being bossed around by those in higher positions.

Perhaps because I was timid, I didn't dare to resist.

Because as long as you don't resist, those people will still appear to be friends on the surface.

I know this is fake.

But I need it.

I don't want to go home alone.

I don't want to be all alone doing the activities during PE class.

I don't want to not receive a single birthday greeting email on my birthday.

I don't want to...

After entering high school.

I continued to use my old behavioral patterns.

They are subservient to others and live cautiously.

I don't want to offend anyone by apologizing to others so easily.

I just want to live an ordinary, invisible life.

To avoid being around everyone.

Every day at lunchtime, I deliberately let myself get hungry for a while, waiting until most people had finished eating—

I will then go into the cafeteria to eat.

Sometimes, I wonder if I'm being too sensitive.

Why am I afraid to see my friends when I eat out?

To say we know each other is an exaggeration; we've probably only exchanged a few words, and most of the time it's been...

What's the date today?

"Help me hand in my homework."

Such words.

Well, the idea of ​​us being friends is just wishful thinking on my part.

I had no friends after entering high school.

I have low self-esteem.

Because I am shy, timid, and ordinary.

I always felt that girls like me were "uncool," and people always looked at me strangely.

I don't know if it was my nervousness that put me under so much mental pressure.

It made me hallucinate.

Sometimes, when I see the way people look at me, I can always sense a kind of disdain.

I am terrified of that kind of look.

It's normal to care a lot about how others perceive you, right?

How you appear in the eyes of others often leads to many unexpected results.

There are as many Hamlets as there are readers; that's just how it is.

Everyone has a unique and varied image of themselves.

Are there any identical ones?

I don't think it exists.

Because everyone has different values ​​and perspectives, the impressions they form will also differ.

This feeling of being looked down upon constantly weighs on my fragile nerves.

Eventually, I became even more withdrawn.

They even reached the point of self-pity and despising themselves.

I haven't looked in a mirror in a long time.

With the arrival of puberty, I also entered this magical period.

Most people are rebellious and unconventional during this period.

But I am the opposite; I am quiet and transparent.

I want to rebel.

I want to be different.

But it seems like nobody cares about me.

There is something during adolescence that many people are eager to have.

That is—love.

Every time there are girls around, he talks about his first experience of the forbidden fruit in front of everyone.

Many girls looked on with longing.

Of course, I'm no exception.

But for me, love is like poison.

I yearn for it, but I cannot touch it.

Because I'm afraid of getting hurt.

Like the red poisoned apple in fairy tales, it looks very attractive, but if you actually eat it, you'll probably die.

Although I was very scared, I later realized...

I was really overthinking it. How could anyone possibly like a shy, timid, and ordinary girl like me?

Perhaps it was a fairy with wings who heard my self-pity and felt sorry for me?

In short, I got a chance to fall in love.

It was a sunny afternoon, not too bright.

I'm holding a basin of water and wiping the windowsill.

I was wearing my thick, black glasses that didn't have a prescription.

Although I am not nearsighted, I need it.

Just like at a masquerade ball, everyone wears a mask to hide their true selves.

Wearing glasses makes me feel safe.

The boy I confessed my feelings to was named Du Jun.

I don't know why he would confess his feelings to an ordinary girl like me.

I only vaguely remember that the earring in her hair was dazzling in the sunlight.

The faint scent of lavender wafted from my clothes, stimulating my sense of smell.

This scene has a romantic feel to it, and also a bit... Mary Sue-ish.

I was a little overwhelmed.

Because there were always witches in front of me constantly telling me about the wonderful things about the poisoned apple.

When the poisoned apple appeared in front of me, I didn't hesitate to take a bite.

My first impression of Du Jun was good because he was willing to confess his feelings to someone as ordinary as me.

So I thought he was a very special person.

I accepted his confession.

I've been in a relationship since then.

But it didn't feel real.

Because the confession that afternoon felt like a dream to me.

From then on, I lost contact with that boy named Du Jun.

I don't know what love is, but this is definitely not it.

I knew in my heart that I might have been deceived.

But I don't want to admit it.

That's just how I am—

I will not give up until I am covered in wounds and on the verge of death.

Having no friends, I didn't know who to ask for help.

I stumbled upon a small club called Seigaku Office.

After reading the notice on the door, I inexplicably wrote a letter asking for help.