Love, Gun, Cupid

Lin Jiade sat up and rubbed his face: "I haven't bought a gift for Teacher's Day yet, and I also need to tell the police that there's a murderer at the wholesale market."

Oh right, you said it was a duo of murderers, one specializing in deception and the other in ambush.

“I’ve bought you a Teacher’s Day gift.” Du Juan pointed to the gifts piled on the sofa. “Also, there’s no need to call the police. Ordinary police don’t handle this kind of thing; there’s a special organization that takes care of it.”

"Really?"

"As a visitor from the heavens, do I need to lie about such a thing?"

"If you come from another world, why am I able to communicate with you without any barriers?" Lin Jiade asked.

Du Juan replied cheerfully, "It's magic."

"Why were you able to pull me back from the brink of death?"

"It's magic."

Why do you want to sign a contract with me?

"It's magic."

"Why didn't I die when you shot me in the heart?"

"It's magic."

Lin Jiade had many questions, and Du Juan responded to each one with the perfunctory "it's magic."

He looked at Cupid as Kazuma looked at Aqua. The cuckoo calmly replied, "Don't be angry. Every answer you crave challenges your common sense. If I tell you everything at once, it will only confuse you."

Lin Jiade fell silent. Just as Du Juan had said, many things that happened tonight could not be explained by his common sense: the alley where light and sound were erased, the strange killer, the magic that instantly healed him, and the bullet that Cupid shot into his heart but did not kill him.

Is it scary? Yes, it's very scary.

Lin Jiade was a stubborn and inflexible person. Du Juan's words and what he saw and thought tonight made him vaguely feel the risk of his values ​​being shattered.

“Then tell me what I can accept,” he replied stiffly.

“No, you introduced yourself first,” Du Juan said.

"Introduce yourself? Didn't I say that?"

"No."

The last time Lin Jiade did this was when he enrolled in university. He quickly replied, "My name is Lin Jiade, I am 19 years old, and I am a resident of Fuxing City, the 18th Division of the 13th District of the Eastern Province of the First Continent of the Universal Empire."

My family members are my parents, but they both work in other cities. I don't live on campus and currently live alone at home.

I am a second-year student in the Department of Mathematics at the nearby Sannam Dongdo University. My hobbies include nutrition, playing soccer, watching dolphins, shooting games, and watching anime.

Well, I won't go into the last point.

Du Juan blinked: "I watch human animation too, what's the problem?"

Lin Jiade lowered his head. He always felt that this non-human girl's heart-shaped pupils could electrify him. Whenever he looked at her, he felt a tingling sensation in his heart, so he dared not look at her closely.

Therefore, in his mind, the cuckoo's shape was clear, but her face was blurry.

He doesn't mention animation because he thinks watching cartoons is just a normal hobby. Unfortunately, every time he mentions this hobby, the people around him look at him with gentle and tolerant eyes, and he is inexplicably taken care of in group activities afterwards.

At first, he thought he was being rewarded for his actions of contributing to the collective, embodying the spirit of "everyone for me, and me for everyone." But soon, he discovered that he was simply being underestimated; people thought he was naive and were helping him from a position of superiority.

After figuring out the reason, he never mentioned his love for watching cartoons in public. Unexpectedly, he let it slip today.

Du Juan, however, seemed quite interested and asked, "Which of the five Zhong sisters do you like?"

"Uh, I want them all?"

"Where are Kinoko Sakura and Daidouji Yo?"

I like them both!

Du Juan hesitated and said, "But even in the ○ card arc, they were both under 14 years old."

Is this a sting operation?

Lin Jiade explained, "No, I didn't have those kinds of thoughts about them."

Well, how should I put it? I might have some emotional attachment to fictional characters, but I can still distinguish between reality and fantasy.

Du Juan laughed, "I was just trying to crack a joke. I happen to know a little bit about the animation on this planet. This is just a relaxing segment. Let's get down to business—"

I hope you can go on a blind date with the person I've chosen, the sooner the better.

“You’ve been emphasizing this point repeatedly ever since you helped them,” Lin Jiade said.

Du Juan replied, "Our predecessors said that Homo sapiens have poor memories, short-sightedness, and are extremely impetuous in everything they do. If we don't repeatedly emphasize the most important things at the beginning, they may not be able to grasp the key points, and they also lack patience."

“As a Homo sapiens, I feel offended.”

"If my words offended you, I apologize. Now, let's first confirm one fact: I saved you from the brink of death, right?"

Lin Jiade nodded, and Cupid continued, "So, within reasonable limits, I can ask you to give me something in return, right?"

Lin Jiade nodded: "I'm not the kind of person who takes other people's kindness for granted. I will repay your life-saving grace to the best of my ability."

Cupid continued, "On this planet, using life magic consumes a lot of energy, and you were seriously injured, so I used up half of my energy to save you."

"……Thanks."

"I want to regain my energy, and I need your help to do so. You said you would help me to the best of your ability, right?"

Lin Jiade nodded, and Du Juan's smile grew even brighter. She said, "Going on blind dates with the person I've chosen is how I recover my energy."

She raised a fist, mimicking a classic scene from a comic book, and said to the young man, "So, go on a blind date as soon as possible for my sake."

"I'd agree... no way!"

Lin Jiade looked at Du Juan's knees: "I can't accept this setup. Please explain in more detail!"

Chapter Two: Moral Blackmail

Du Juan looked a little impatient. She touched her wings, and Lin Jiade's DNA stirred. He remembered that the other party had shot him in the dark before.

He raised his hands: "Homo lives matter!"

Dujuan scratched her wing and said somewhat strangely, "Our conversation hasn't gotten to the point of sexual orientation yet."

Please understand me as "homo sapiens" (biology), not "homosexual" (slang abbreviation)!

Du Juan's expression became even stranger: "Then your slogan is also very strange. What is this, a religious ritual of upright apes?"

Lin Jiade explained, "I thought you were going to pull out a gun and shoot me again, and then say in the news that I shot myself in the back."

"I just have an itchy wing base and want to scratch it."

"Didn't you say you couldn't feel your wings?"

“This setting can be changed at any time,” Du Juan replied nonchalantly. “It usually doesn’t itch, but if you have flowers and plants at home, I might be allergic.”

Lin Jiade lowered his arm, and Du Juan pointed to herself: "What is your understanding of Cupid?"

Lin Jiade thought for a moment, then said uncertainly, "It's something like the master of love, equivalent to our matchmaker. Legend has it that Cupid shoots arrows at lovers, and they can become a couple."

But right now, a Cupid shooting me with a revolver is making me question my existence. The shock to my worldview is like being told that the voice-controlled race cars in "Let's & Go!!", which are actually Cybertronian technology.

Myths... shouldn't be taken too seriously after all.

Du Juan nodded: "Indeed, both Jack and Yi Xiaochuan have some flaws in their stories and character designs."

Are we talking about a 'myth'?

"This isn't a pun, so there's no need to deduct money."

Although Du Juan was a visitor from outer space, she was very familiar with the local culture. She said seriously, "How dare you use mythology to define the image of Cupid? That's a stereotype!"

The boxing technique left Lin Jiade somewhat bewildered. Du Juan put on a smiling face and said, "I've learned a lot about the culture here. Judging from your expression, my learning has been quite effective."

"Big sister, what have you learned?" Lin Jiade lamented inwardly.

"Let's get back to business," he said.

Du Juan nodded: "In the Middle Ages, Cupid had two arrows, one to bring lovers together and the other to break them up."

In much earlier times, Cupid's weapon was a spear; in modern times it was firearms; and in contemporary times, even more powerful weapons have emerged.

It's a very simple principle: with full-screen phones available, would the mainstream population still be carrying around a brick-sized mobile phone?

I'm a vintage enthusiast, that's why I use a revolver.

Lin Jiade thought for a moment and said, "That makes sense. Technology is advancing, and Cupid's weapons are being upgraded. I think I can accept this setting."

"By the way, the modern mainstream Cupid uses armed helicopters to mass-bomb lovers. Let me tell you, that's incredibly efficient."

Du Juan's eyes lit up. "My dream is to save enough money to buy a bomber with a cluster bomb dispenser, so I can bomb all the lovers in the area."

"Where did you come from, you FFF group? I take back what I said, I can't accept this setting!"

Du Juan ignored Lin Jiade's resistance: "Getting back to the topic, Cupid, if she brings together a couple, can draw energy from their love."

In other words, if you go on a blind date and it works out, I can draw energy from you and your partner... you know what I mean.

"So, that's why you're urging me to go on blind dates?" Lin Jiade asked.

"That's the main reason, and then there are secondary reasons. So you're not surprised that I'm having you go on blind dates with the person I've chosen instead of helping you win over the girl you like?"

"Oh, why?"

"No, wait a minute." Du Juan looked at Lin Jiade with some confusion. "Why were you staring at my knees the whole time you were talking?"

"Uh……"

Du Juan put her knees together, leaving only a small gap. She covered the gap with her hands and said, "If you're curious about the styles of celestial underwear, then it might not be as you wish."

My torso is imbued with holy light magic; you cannot see my undergarments.

"I didn't want to watch this!"

Lin Jiade turned to stare at his floor, his lips pressed tightly together, his expression serious as if his brother had just died in battle, but his red ears betrayed his true thoughts.

A man's shyness is usually a turn-off, and sometimes a weakness. Cupid thought for two seconds, and realizing that Lin Jiade was shy, she didn't hesitate to attack this weakness.

She moved an arm's length away from Lin Jiade, her wing edges barely touching his, feathers lightly brushing against his ribs.

Her wingtips left an itch on his skin, followed by an emptiness. The young man took a deep breath to try and calm himself, but the fragrance she exuded filled his lungs with even more discomfort.

Upon seeing this, Cupid's voice softened, and she said, "The secondary reason is that I came from the heavens this time for my graduation project."

My research topic is about bringing together two lovers on this planet, and I'll be writing a thesis about it for my defense next semester.