The Quagmire of Desire: From Gambling Addict and Village Flower to Movie Queen

Sun Xiaoyan felt like her whole body was falling apart, especially her waist and legs, which were so sore she couldn't lift them.

It was already broad daylight, and the sunlight streaming in through the window was blinding.

There was a loud banging on the door, along with my mother-in-law's shrill voice.

"Xiaoyan! Xiaoyan! Where have you been? Still sleeping! The village feast is about to start, get up and help!"

Sun Xiaoyan struggled to open her eyes, her mind still foggy.

Last night... in the card room... in the back room... Guo Daqiang and the others...

She sat up abruptly, still wearing her wrinkled, sticky dress.

Liu Meiling, who was next to her, also woke up, groaned, and looked equally bewildered.

The two looked at each other but said nothing.

The knocking on the door became more urgent.

"Did you hear me! Hurry up! All the women in the village have gone, and you two are still lying there! What kind of behavior is this!"

Sun Xiaoyan quickly responded, "Coming, coming!"

She nudged Liu Meiling: "Meiling, hurry up, your mother-in-law must have gone to call you too."

Liu Meiling muttered something, got up, and her legs went weak, almost causing her to kneel on the ground.

"Oh dear... this is even more tiring than a day's farm work..."

The two hurriedly put on their usual clothes, not even bothering to wash their faces, and then opened the doors and went out.

Sun Xiaoyan's mother-in-law stood outside the door, her face looking very unpleasant.

"Sleeping until now? What were you doing last night?"

"No... I didn't do anything, I just played cards until a little late..." Sun Xiaoyan said, her head down.

Her mother-in-law stared at her for a few seconds, her eyes like knives.

"Playing cards? You can get your face all bruised like this from playing cards? Your eye sockets are even black!"

Sun Xiaoyan didn't dare to respond.

"Hurry up, go to the ancestral hall and help wash the dishes and pick vegetables." The old woman turned and walked away, muttering as she went, "All of them, they go wild as soon as their husbands aren't home..."

Sun Xiaoyan breathed a sigh of relief and quickly followed.

The village banquet was set up in the open space in front of the ancestral hall, with more than a dozen tables, and almost everyone in the village, young and old, came.

Sun Xiaoyan and Liu Meiling were assigned to the dishwashing and vegetable-picking stall, along with several middle-aged women.

As soon as the two of them passed by, the eyes of the other women drifted over, sizing them up.

"Oh, Xiaoyan and Meiling are here?" a plump auntie said with a smile. "You look pale...didn't you sleep well last night?"

Sun Xiaoyan didn't say anything, squatted down and started picking green beans.

Liu Meiling chimed in, "That's right, we were playing cards until the wee hours of the morning, and we were so sleepy."

"Playing cards?" Another, thinner woman scoffed. "Who are you playing with? Guo Daqiang and his gang, I guess?"

There's more to that than meets the eye.

Sun Xiaoyan paused for a moment.

Liu Meiling laughed and said, "That's right, Brother Guo and the others are good at cards, they should learn from them."

Just then, several men from the village strolled over.

They were all in their thirties or forties, and usually idled around the village.

"Hey, isn't this Xiaoyan and Meiling?" A bearded man approached, his eyes scanning Sun Xiaoyan. "Your outfit today... is quite simple, unlike last night..."

He didn't finish his sentence, but he conveyed his meaning.

The men nearby burst into laughter.

Sun Xiaoyan's face felt a little hot, and she lowered her head to continue picking vegetables.

Liu Meiling looked up and smiled at the bearded man: "Brother Zhang, you saw it last night, right?"

"Of course," Brother Zhang squatted down, very close to Liu Meiling, "I passed by the card room, and it was quite noisy inside..."

"Then why don't you come in and play a couple of rounds?" Liu Meiling asked, tilting her head.

"I'd like to," Brother Zhang said, rubbing his hands together. "But I'm afraid Guo Daqiang won't be happy about it."

"Let's come together next time," Liu Meiling said. "It's more fun with more people."

She twisted her waist as she said this.

The men's eyes lit up even more.

Another man sidled up to Sun Xiaoyan: "Xiaoyan, did you win any money last night?"

Sun Xiaoyan shook her head.

"Didn't win? That's a pity," the man said. "But it's okay, playing with Guo Daqiang and his gang, winning or losing is all fun, right?"

As he spoke, he "accidentally" touched the back of Sun Xiaoyan's hand.

Sun Xiaoyan flinched, but didn't dodge.

The man laughed, but instead of removing his hand, he touched the back of her hand.

Sun Xiaoyan's heart beat a little faster, but she didn't say anything.

The plump auntie picking vegetables nearby saw this and spat, "Shameless!"

The sound wasn't loud, but Sun Xiaoyan heard it.

She gritted her teeth and pretended not to hear.

The men gathered around for a while, telling inappropriate jokes and laughing, their eyes glued to Sun Xiaoyan and Liu Meiling like flies.

Sun Xiaoyan kept her lips pursed, occasionally smiling.

Liu Meiling was quite uninhibited, laughing and joking along, and even making a few more explicit remarks.

The men got even more excited.

The group of men only dispersed when the person in charge told them to move a table.

After they left, the plump auntie whispered to the person next to her, "See that? That vixen, she shows her true colors as soon as her man isn't home."

"That's right, look at how Liu Meiling twists her waist, it's like she's a snake spirit."

"Sun Xiaoyan isn't a good person either. She acts like a little white rabbit. Why didn't she push that guy away?"

"They're enjoying it!"

Sun Xiaoyan and Liu Meiling both heard these words.

Neither of them reacted.

After a while, Sun Xiaoyan's mother-in-law came over, carrying a basin of washed dishes.

"Xiaoyan, wipe these dry." The mother-in-law put down the bowl and glanced at the gossiping women next to her.

The women immediately put on smiling faces.

"Auntie, your Xiaoyan is so diligent; she picked these green beans so cleanly."

"Meiling is quite capable and quick."

The mother-in-law hummed in agreement and said to Sun Xiaoyan, "Work hard and don't slack off."

After saying that, she added, "A big butt is good for childbirth; you can do more work and have more energy to give birth later."

I don't know if that's a compliment or an insult.

Sun Xiaoyan lowered her head and said, "I understand, Mom."

My mother-in-law has passed away.

The women exchanged glances and fell silent.

When the banquet began, Sun Xiaoyan saw Guo Daqiang.

He came too, and sat at a table near the middle, drinking with several prominent people from the village.

Guo Daqiang also saw her and Liu Meiling.

Their eyes met briefly, then quickly looked away.

They acted as if they didn't know each other.

Sun Xiaoyan breathed a sigh of relief, but also felt a little unspeakable.

The banquet was lively, with people playing drinking games, urging each other to drink, and boasting.

Sun Xiaoyan and Liu Meiling sat at a table in the corner, eating quietly.

Nobody spoke to them.

They don't talk to anyone.

After the meal, Sun Xiaoyan and Liu Meiling helped clean up, and it was almost dark.

The two walked back together.

There was no one on the road.

"Want to come to my place?" Liu Meiling asked.

Sun Xiaoyan nodded.

When we arrived at Liu Meiling's house, we closed the door.

Liu Meiling took out a cigarette from the drawer and handed one to Sun Xiaoyan.

The two lit up and sat on the edge of the bed smoking.

Smoke swirled around.

"Xiaoyan," Liu Meiling exhaled a puff of smoke, "did you notice the way those men looked at us today?"

"Um."

"It's different now," Liu Meiling said. "Before, I would watch secretly, but now I watch openly, and even with a smile."

Sun Xiaoyan did not speak.

"Those women too, they used to just talk about it behind my back, but now they dare to spit on me to my face." Liu Meiling laughed, "The two of us are quite famous in the village."

"You're famous...is that a good thing?" Sun Xiaoyan asked.

"What's good or bad about it?" Liu Meiling flicked her cigarette ash. "It's all the same now. Besides, being famous means more people will want to hang out with us, isn't that great?"

Sun Xiaoyan looked at her.

"Are you going again tonight?" Liu Meiling asked.

Sun Xiaoyan knew she was asking about the card and chess room.

She thought of last night, and how everyone massaged each other comfortably on the wooden bed, and her body felt a little warm.

"Go," Sun Xiaoyan said.

Liu Meiling laughed: "I knew it."

After it got completely dark, the two went out.

The walk to the chess and card room felt so natural, like coming home.

The lights were on in the card and chess room.

Pushing open the door, I saw Guo Daqiang, Brother Wang, and Brother Li.

There was wine on the table, and a few other things I'd never seen before...

Plastic, oddly shaped.

"You're here?" Guo Daqiang stood up with a smile. "I've been waiting for you for ages."

He walked over, putting one arm around Sun Xiaoyan and the other around Liu Meiling.

"I've prepared something good for you today, I guarantee you'll feel..." he lowered his voice, "comfort to the core."

Sun Xiaoyan's body stiffened for a moment, but quickly softened.

Liu Meiling leaned directly into Guo Daqiang's arms: "Brother Guo, what good stuff is it? Let me see."

Brother Wang and Brother Li also came over.

"Don't rush," Guo Daqiang said, "Let's have some drinks first to liven things up."

He poured three glasses of baijiu (Chinese liquor) and handed them to Sun Xiaoyan and Liu Meiling.

"I drank it."

Sun Xiaoyan took the cup and glanced at Liu Meiling.

Liu Meiling had already tilted her head back and drunk it.

Sun Xiaoyan also drank it.

The liquor was very spicy, and it made my stomach feel hot and burning.

"That's more like it," Guo Daqiang smiled with satisfaction, picking up a plastic part from the table. "Never seen this before? It's from the city, a high-end item."

Sun Xiaoyan looked at the thing, her face turning slightly red.

Liu Meiling pretended not to understand but reached out and took it, asking, "How do I use this?"

"I'll teach you." Brother Li leaned closer and placed his hand on Liu Meiling's waist.

Brother Wang also took Sun Xiaoyan's hand: "Xiaoyan, let's try something new tonight."

Sun Xiaoyan did not dodge.

She was even... a little excited.

On the wooden plank bed in the back room, everyone was huddled together.

The smell of alcohol, cigarettes, and sweat.

Guo Daqiang put the new thing to use. He had Sun Xiaoyan lie face down, placed the thing on her back, and pressed the switch, and it started vibrating with a buzzing sound.

Sun Xiaoyan initially pursed her lips, but later she couldn't bear it anymore.

The sound leaked out of his throat.

She was startled herself.

"Shout it out," Guo Daqiang whispered in her ear. "If it feels good, just shout it out. What are you afraid of? Nobody will hear you anyway."

Sun Xiaoyan then started shouting freely.

Liu Meiling, who was standing next to her, spoke even louder, and her voice was laced with laughter.

"Yes! That's it! It feels so good!"

Brother Wang and Brother Li also came over and helped massage their shoulders and legs.

Sun Xiaoyan no longer strains herself as she used to.

She opened her eyes, staring at the swaying light bulb on the ceiling, her body gently swaying with the rhythm of the massage.

She even reached out to grab the massager and gave the person next to her a massage.

"Brother Wang... please... please be gentle..."

"Go easy? Who complained that the force wasn't strong enough?" Brother Wang said with a smile.

Sun Xiaoyan laughed, a rather unrestrained laugh.

She herself feels that she has changed.

But who cares?

As long as you're comfortable.

The 12,000 yuan debt, always available whenever needed—I can't even remember those things now.

That feeling was all I could think about, coming in waves, like a tide.

Liu Meiling's side was even worse; she started giving orders to Brother Li.

"A little to the left...yes! Right there!"

"Brother Guo, you should join us too, don't just watch!"

Guo Daqiang readily agreed.

The room was filled with sounds: comfortable humming, laughter, and the soft creaking of the bed.

mixed together.

I don't know how much time passed, but everything stopped.

The group lay sprawled out, panting.

Sun Xiaoyan was covered in sweat, and she had long since thrown her outer shirt away somewhere.

She stared at the ceiling, her eyes somewhat vacant.

But in my heart... I don't feel sad.

It's even a little...light and airy.

Liu Meiling was next to her, also looking at the ceiling, and neither of them spoke.

Guo Daqiang lit a cigarette, took a puff, and handed it to Sun Xiaoyan.

Sun Xiaoyan took it and took a puff.

They're very skilled at it.

Smoke was exhaled and drifted in the dim light.

She turned her head and looked at Liu Meiling. Liu Meiling also turned her head and looked at her.

The two stared at each other for a few seconds.

Then, they both laughed.

The laugh was soft, but it was definitely a laugh.

There was no struggle in his eyes, no tears.

There was only a blank space, and a little bit of... relief after accepting one's fate.

The cigarette is finished.

Sun Xiaoyan threw the cigarette butt on the ground and stomped it out.

The room was quiet, with only the sound of snoring slowly rising.

She closed her eyes.

Tomorrow will probably be the same.

I'll come back here tonight.

day to day.

A daily routine as abyss.

But it seems... it's not that hard to get through anymore.