Elegy from Another World

On the heart monitor, the curve representing the rhythm of my life fell into complete silence after emitting a long, flat lament.

"Beep————"

The sound was like a cold boundary, severing my connection with this world. First, there was the sense of touch; I could no longer feel the warmth of my wife's hand holding mine. That hand, which had been with me all my life, now felt as if it were separated from me by a thick layer of glass. Then, the suppressed sobs and hurried footsteps around me began to fade into the distance, becoming indistinct, as if they were coming from the other side of deep water. Finally, all was silent.

I know this is just the beginning. My bodily functions have ceased, but my brain is still engaged in its final activities. Perhaps, with only a minute or two left, when the last bit of oxygen runs out, my consciousness, this "I," will completely dissipate, ushering in true biological death.

Strangely, I didn't feel the pain or fear I expected. Instead, an unprecedented sense of lightness enveloped me. It was as if I were shedding a heavy, worn-out body and slowly floating upwards. Is this what it feels like for the soul to leave the body? I don't know.

Then, the familiar "revolving lantern" began. Images of my entire life flashed uncontrollably before my eyes: the paper airplanes I chased as a child, the anime posters I secretly hid as a teenager, the heart pounding when I first held my wife's hand, the loud cry of my newborn child, and countless late nights spent studying obscure academic materials, my eyes burning with a desire for "immortality"... These images were both clear and blurry, sweet and bittersweet. I knew this was my brain dutifully executing its final program, replaying the data of my entire life.

Just as this torrent of memories was about to reach its end, a voice, a voice I had longed for all my life, a voice I had cried out countless times in my heart, rang out clearly. It didn't seem to come from the outside world; it was more like an echo rising from the deepest recesses of my soul:

Do you want to live forever? Do you want to go to another world?

Without hesitation, without even thinking, a cry from the deepest recesses of instinct took over:

"I want to! I really want to!!"

That answer exhausted all my remaining willpower. Then, the voice, with an almost cold calm, pressed on:

What are you willing to give up?

What can I offer? What can I, a consciousness on the verge of complete extinction, offer? My wealth? My body? They have long since lost their meaning. All I have left is this rapidly dissipating "self."

And so, a mix of extreme resentment and strange relief washed over me like a final wave. I was resentful that I had ultimately failed to realize my dream through my own efforts; I was relieved that, in the moment before utter annihilation, I had actually received such an opportunity, even if it was illusory, even if it was just a hallucination created by a dying brain.

With the last vestige of my clear mind, I responded—a response that was both to the voice and a final summary of my life, filled with regrets:

"Everything... everything I have!!!"

There was no fear, no scheming, only a resolute determination to burn one's bridges. If "I" am destined to disappear, then using "everything" destined to vanish to gamble on an unattainable dream is perhaps a form of liberation.

The moment that thought was transmitted, I felt the last thread binding me snap. The rushing memories came to an abrupt halt, and my chaotic thoughts, like a screen without power, suddenly plunged into boundless darkness and nothingness.

My thoughts, too, came to a complete halt at this moment.