Oh no! I've been kept as a pet by a stray killer whale!

The five killer whales stared at each other, their ten small eyes wide open, filled with disbelief and terror.

"Holy crap..."

Big Fatty's heart trembled as it turned to look at its wife beside it:

"Honey, was that... just a hallucination? Did that two-legged creature answer me?"

The wife looked completely bewildered, her tail unconsciously slapping the water's surface.

"It seems...right? He said he doesn't smell bad? And he said our mouths smell bad?"

"I heard it too!" The mischievous kid excitedly poked half his body out of the water, pointing at Jiang Che and shouting, "He matched! He really matched! Big brother, you said he stinks, and he said he doesn't! His logic is flawless! No problem at all!"

At this moment, the intelligence of these ocean predators was subjected to an unprecedented shock.

In their understanding, although two-legged creatures are intelligent and can build ships, they are "deaf and mute" when it comes to language. No matter how they try to communicate, the two-legged creatures can only make meaningless "ah ah ah" or "feed" sounds.

But today.

Just now.

This "defective" pet that they picked up actually understood their sophisticated吐槽 (tu cao, a form of online commentary/criticism) perfectly and gave a powerful rebuttal!

"Oh my God!"

The old grandmother sighed, her tone filled with awe for the unknown:

"This two-legged creature has become a spirit!"

"He can understand the language of Przewalski's whales!!"

"Wow, that's awesome!" The fat man's eyes changed instantly.

If it looked at Jiang Che like an adorable pet dog before, now it looks at him like a Border Collie suddenly reciting three hundred Tang poems.

That's more than just liking.

That was absolutely astounding!

"This pet is incredibly intelligent!" Big Fatty excitedly wagged its tail wildly, the splashing water nearly drowning Jiang Che again. "I told you I had good taste! This isn't a pet, it's a translator!"

"Quick! Don't let him get away!"

Big Fatty became even more excited, and it even started shouting in a tone as if it were worshipping Jiang Che:

"Hey! You...you prodigy! Since you can understand me, how about we have a chat? Who did you just call foul-mouthed? Come on, get down here, let's have a proper discussion!"

Jiang Che watched as the group of orcas in the sea suddenly became even more excited, as if they had been injected with chicken blood, and the corner of his mouth twitched involuntarily.

He was so angry that he blurted out his words without thinking.

Now that I've come to my senses, I realize how stupid I've been.

He was live-streaming.

Moreover, he just had a "cross-server debate" with several whales in front of thousands of people.

"broken……"

Jiang Che secretly glanced at the comments on his phone screen.

Sure enough, the current sentiment has shifted from "feeling sorry for the streamer" to "the streamer's mental state is worrying" and "does the streamer understand animal language?"

If I don't explain it clearly, I'll be treated as a mental patient before I'm even rescued.

But how do you explain it?

They say I have a system? They say I have a built-in translator with a Northeastern accent in my head?

They would be captured and dissected for research.

Jiang Che's mind raced as he tried to find a solution.

He gave the camera an awkward but polite smile and pointed to the orcas in the sea:

"Um... everyone, please don't misunderstand."

"I was just... um... having an emotional exchange with them."

"As marine biologists, we can roughly judge an animal's emotions by its body language and the frequency of its vocalizations."

Jiang Che began to spout nonsense with a straight face:

"For example, just now, that male killer whale that was leading the group was spouting water very rapidly, making very high-frequency calls, and it was also slapping the water with its pectoral fins."

"In the sociolinguistics of orcas, this behavior usually indicates... well... dislike or urging."

"Given my current appearance..." Jiang Che pointed to his clothes, which were covered in mud and salt, "I suspect it might be annoyed by my uncleanliness, or it might be urging me to go take a shower."

"That's why I replied without thinking."

This explanation, though it sounds a bit far-fetched, is surprisingly convincing when combined with Jiang Che's identity as a "doctor".

The trend of bullet comments has shifted again:

So that's how it is! Is this what a professional is like?

[Orca: You stink. Doctor: I don't stink. You can tell that from body language? That's amazing!]

Believe it or not, I believe it. That orca's disdainful look just now really did sound like it was cursing at someone.

[Haha, what the hell is "sociolinguistics"? The anchor is really going all out to save face.]

[But to be fair, this orca is incredibly intelligent; it seems to genuinely listen to the broadcaster.]

Just as Jiang Che breathed a sigh of relief, thinking he had gotten away with it...

The big fat guy in the sea clearly didn't want to let this "prodigy" go so easily.

"Hey! Stop wasting time with that metal ball!"

Big Fatty extended the invitation again, and this time, it took immediate action.

It swam to very shallow water, turned its body to the side, and exposed its huge back on the surface of the water, like a black floating bridge.

"Get down! Since you can understand, that makes things easier!"

"Quickly rub my back! I have a barnacle on my back, it's so itchy! If you get it off, I'll protect you in this area from now on!"

"What do you want to eat? Tuna? Lobster? Or maybe shark fin? I'll get it all for you!"

Upon hearing the words "tuna" and "lobster," Jiang Che's stomach rumbled loudly, much to his dismay.

Gollum—

The sound was so loud that even the microphone picked it up.

Jiang Che swallowed.

For survival.

For the tuna.

It's just a back rub, right?

"OK!"

Jiang Che gritted his teeth and said to the camera, "Brothers, it seems these big shots really want me to go down and do some service. In order to improve neighborly relations, and also for... well, for scientific research and observation, I've decided to venture into the lion's den."

After saying that, he took off his spoiled windbreaker, revealing his lean but muscular upper body.

Under the watchful eyes of the entire internet audience.

Under the expectant gaze of five killer whales.

Jiang Che took a deep breath and strode towards the sea.

Giving a male orca that weighs over six tons and is nearly eight meters long a "bath" is definitely a physically demanding task.

Especially when you've been starving for a whole day and night and are only surviving on a few mouthfuls of rainwater.

Jiang Che stood in waist-deep water, holding a handful of rough seaweed he had gathered from the seabed. He rubbed against Da Pang's broad back, which was as wide as a wall, a few dozen times, and was already so tired that he was seeing stars.

"Huff... huff..."

Jiang Che felt his arm was so sore it was like it was filled with lead, and every time he raised his arm, he was draining his life force.

As for the "customer," the fat man was clearly not satisfied with the intensity.

"Huh? Why am I feeling so weak?"

The fat man turned to the side, his large eyes staring at Jiang Che with a puzzled look, his mind filled with confusion:

"Weren't you being pretty aggressive just now? Did you not eat? Push harder! This one! There's an old barnacle here, it's so itchy, scratch it off!"