Ming Dynasty: A centenarian madman criticizes the Grand Secretary and brings his coffin to court!

"boom--!"

That was the sound of a salute.

It's also a sound of values ​​collapsing.

The image on the screen depicts a day that will be recorded in history—the fifteenth day of the eighth month in the twelfth year of the Zhengtong reign.

Mooncake Festival.

It should have been a day for moon gazing and mooncake eating.

But at the docks of Ningbo Port, a bizarre military parade is taking place that will make all future historians bite their pens in frustration!

Three thousand ships!

Those were three thousand giant treasure ships, like moving castles!

Each ship flew the Ming Dynasty's sun, moon, and dragon flag, which fluttered in the sea breeze, blotting out the sky and turning the entire sea surface blood red!

What an impressive display! What a grand entrance!

It's a hundred times more spectacular than Zheng He's voyages to the Western Ocean!

The Hongwu Plane.

Zhu Yuanzhang was so moved that tears streamed down his face. He even forgot to put on his shoes and paced back and forth barefoot in the Fengtian Hall.

"good!"

"OK!"

"No matter how awful the old madman's words were before, no matter if he wanted to wipe out their entire lineage."

"But let's face this fleet!"

"We have to tell him—awesome!"

"This is the grandeur our Great Ming Dynasty should have! This is what it looks like to conquer the stars and the sea!"

Zhu Di craned his neck, wishing he could jump into the screen and touch those gleaming cannons.

"The 500,000-strong Divine Machine Battalion!"

"The latest flintlock musket!"

"If a salvo were fired from that area, wouldn't Japan sink instantly?"

however.

Just as the father and son were celebrating the might of the Ming army...

Lens.

It's closer.

It pulled onto the soldiers who were loading supplies onto the ship.

then……

The whole world fell silent.

Zhu Yuanzhang's smile froze on his face.

Zhu Di's outstretched neck nearly snapped.

Because what they saw was neither divine weaponry nor provisions or gunpowder.

But -

"Hmph hmph hmph!"

"Gagaga!"

"Moo moo!"

Cages of grunting, fat, black-haired old sows!

A flock of large white geese stretching their necks, trying to peck at the soldier's rear end!

There were even hundreds of big yellow cows with clear, yet foolish eyes!

Instead of carrying quiver, the soldiers carried sacks labeled "leek seeds," "garlic seeds," and "Sichuan pepper powder"!

Even more outrageous is...

Each sow was carried onto the boat by the neck.

They all had a shiny gold sign hanging on them!

A line of large characters was written above in imperial vermilion ink:

[Imperial Pigs of the Ming Dynasty! Officially Registered Beasts! Those Who Kill Them Will Be Executed! Those Who Torture Them Will Be Sliced ​​to Death!]

boom!!!

This scene.

It's like pouring a bucket of ice water directly into a pot of boiling oil!

Blast!

That's absolutely amazing!

On the backdrop, Yu Qian, the Minister of War at the time, is standing on the dock, looking utterly dejected.

He clutched the list, feeling that his dignity had been insulted.

"Grand Tutor!"

What are you doing?

"We're going to war! We're going to destroy a country!"

"We're not going to the market!"

"Why are you bringing so many pigs?"

"Can these bastards even fight? Are we sending them to wipe out the Japanese pirates?"

Yu Qian was practically going crazy:

"And they even have to put up signs for them? And give them official positions?"

"If word gets out, what will other countries think of us?"

"So, they're saying our Ming Dynasty navy went overseas to breed?"

Yu Qian's words resonated with everyone.

Is this some kind of mighty and invincible fleet?

This is clearly a super-large offshore pig farm!

"breeding?"

Standing at the bow of the flagship, Gu Canghai was gnawing on a roasted lamb leg, his mouth dripping with oil.

Suddenly, the chewing motion stopped.

He spat out a bone and hit Yu Qian's official hat with pinpoint accuracy.

"Pooh!"

"You bookworm! You don't know anything!"

"This is what I call—"

Gu Canghai spread out his greasy hands and made a huge circle:

"Ecological colonization!"

"What the heck?" Yu Qian was dumbfounded.

"What is the purpose of fighting a war?"

Gu Canghai scolded him with exasperation:

"War isn't about killing! It's about seizing territory!"

"But what's the point of just occupying territory?"

"We need to eat! We need to make a living!"

"Whether it's Japan or the New World."

"What's in that area?"

"It's all raw fish and raw meat!"

"Will my big, strong stomach be able to handle it?"

Gu Canghai patted his round belly, his face full of righteous indignation:

"so!"

"We're going to take the pigs, the cattle, the leeks, and the garlic from the Ming Dynasty!"

"Take them all with you!"

"We must spread the seeds of the Ming Dynasty throughout the world!"

"No matter where I go from now on!"

"As long as I see pigs grunting, or chives growing in the field."

"That means—this is our Ming Dynasty's territory!"

"That's what you call—"

Gu Canghai suddenly brandished the lamb leg bone in his hand and shouted that slogan that has resonated through the ages:

"We must not only occupy their land!"

"We also need to take over their dining tables!"

"We'll make it so that from now on, all the barbarians in the world will have to beg us for a piece of pork if they want a decent meal!"

"From now on, all they'll know how to make is—the Ming Dynasty's pork stew!"

"This is the highest form of conquest!"

Rumble—!!!

This theory.

This is absolutely outrageous—it's outrageous to the extreme!

but……

Why does it sound like... damn, it makes a lot of sense?

The Hongwu Plane.

Zhu Yuanzhang stared in disbelief at the sky.

"This...this old bastard..."

What kind of mush is in your brain?

"Taking pigs to colonize..."

"Ecological invasion..."

Old Zhu touched his chin and suddenly felt a little hungry.

"But then again..."

"If only I could eat a bite of authentic Ming Dynasty braised pork, served with a plate of scrambled eggs with chives, even though I'm thousands of miles away..."

"That was really awesome!"

"It doesn't seem... too outrageous?"

Zhu Di nodded frequently from the side, and even seemed somewhat eager to try:

"Father, please don't say it."

"Sir, this is called being prepared for a rainy day!"

"An army marches on its stomach."

"If we raise them alive, wouldn't that provide a continuous supply of food?"

"And it can also disgust those barbarians who eat raw meat!"

"Brilliant!"

"It's like Bulbasaur eating Doritos and ending up in Mickey Mouse Clubhouse—it's absolutely amazing!"

The Zhengtong Dynasty.

Outside Deshengmen.

In reality, the centenarian Gu Canghai was lying in his coffin, laughing so hard he was hiccuping.

"Hehehe..."

"You bunch of mortals."

"How could you possibly understand my good intentions?"

"Back then..."

Gu Canghai's eyes suddenly dimmed.

"The Ming Dynasty was too poor."

"The common people have nothing to eat."

"The only way I can get these precious things out there is to fatten them up in that fertile New World, and then bring them back..."

"Only then can the people of the Ming Dynasty have some meat with every meal!"

This is the tenderness behind the madness.

He does the most practical things in the most absurd way.

The scene changes.

The vast fleet, amidst the grunting of countless pigs and the pungent smell of scallions and garlic.

We've finally set sail!

Target—East!

Go and wipe out the Japanese!

To the New World!

Go and conquer a vast territory for the future of the Ming Dynasty!