Ming Dynasty: A centenarian madman criticizes the Grand Secretary and brings his coffin to court!

The Zhengtong Dynasty.

Ministry of Works Warehouse.

Gu Canghai looked at the hundreds of large wooden barrels in front of him that had just been made and were emitting the smell of tung oil.

His eyes were filled with the loving care of a father.

"This is good stuff."

"This is the earliest 'strategic deterrent weapon' of our Great Ming Dynasty."

"Although the range is a bit short and the accuracy is a bit poor."

"But its destructive power..."

Gu Canghai chuckled and turned to look at Wang Zhen, who was directing the eunuchs to move the "ammunition".

Those ammunition were not iron balls.

Instead, it was barrels of tightly sealed, yet still emitting a pungent odor—old manure soup (golden juice)!

There were also sacks full of lime powder!

And the spiciest and most pungent ghost pepper noodles!

"Wang Zhen, be careful."

"If you spill this stuff, you'll never be able to wash off the smell for the rest of your life."

"This is a 'family heirloom' prepared for the Oirat people."

Just then.

The sky above erupted once again with a deafening roar of war drums!

The images flow.

The background music instantly changed from a mystical style to something tense, urgent, yet slightly absurd—"A Hero in Troubled Times" (it even sounds a bit like a variation of "Pigsy Carrying His Bride").

[Ding! The Prequel to Madness: The Campaign Chapter!]

[Famous Scene 15: Li Jinglong's Nightmare!]

[Winter of the first year of the Jianwen reign.]

[Li Jinglong, the "God of War" (pseudonym) of the Ming Dynasty, leads an army of 500,000 to besiege Beiping!]

[Faced with an army of 500,000, was Gu Canghai, with only tens of thousands of defenders, afraid?]

【Do not! 】

He laughed! He looked at Li Jinglong below the city walls as if he were a fat sheep waiting to be slaughtered!

[Gu Canghai: Five hundred thousand pigs? No! Those are five hundred thousand moving targets!]

Today, I'm going to teach you a lesson on what a Ming Dynasty biohazard is!

The image freezes.

The walls of Beiping.

The cold wind howled, and the banners fluttered in the wind.

Beneath the city wall, a dark mass of heads!

An army of 500,000!

It was overwhelming, stretching as far as the eye could see!

The forest of swords and spears, the mountain of armor—just the sheer aura of menace was enough to scare an ordinary person to death.

And in front of the central command tent.

Duke Li Jinglong of Cao State, dressed in golden helmet and armor, rode a tall horse, looking majestic and imposing (like a man in a dog's clothes).

He brandished his riding whip, pointed at the walls of Beiping, and was full of vigor:

"Soldiers!"

"Yan rebels against Zhu Di, but their army is weak and their generals few!"

"We have 500,000 against tens of thousands; the advantage is on our side!"

"On my command! Prepare to attack the city!"

"Flatten Beiping, capture Zhu Di alive! That madman Gu, I'll burn him alive!"

however.

Just when Li Jinglong was feeling good about himself.

On the walls of Beiping.

Gu Canghai, wrapped in a thick sheepskin coat and holding a hand warmer, stared at Li Jinglong below as if he were a fool.

"Tsk tsk tsk..."

"Li Jiujiang, oh Li Jiujiang."

"What a hero your father, Li Wenzhong, was! How could he have given birth to such a good-for-nothing like you?"

"Having you command an army of 500,000 is a gift from heaven—and you've smashed the bowl!"

Gu Canghai sniffed and turned to Zhu Di beside him, saying:

"Your Highness."

"See that?"

"This is the top transport captain of the Ming Dynasty!"

"He's here to deliver armor, provisions, and heads!"

Zhu Di looked at the densely packed enemy troops below. Although he felt uneasy, seeing Gu Canghai's calm demeanor, he forced himself to remain composed.

"Sir, there are too many of them."

"A direct confrontation is definitely not an option."

"Is our secret weapon...ready?"

"I've been incredibly hungry and thirsty for ages!"

Gu Canghai grinned, revealing a set of gleaming white teeth.

He suddenly waved his hand:

"Push it up!"

Rumble!

Dozens of huge wooden barrels, hollowed out of elm wood and reinforced with iron hoops, were pushed by the soldiers to the edge of the city wall.

This is the legendary "Heartless Cannon" (Beggar Version)!

only.

It didn't contain explosives.

But...

Gu Canghai personally prepared the "Great Ming Full-Service Health Care" package!

The propellant is at the bottom.

There was a thick wooden board in the middle.

above……

It was boiling hot, still bubbling away—golden juice (excrement water)!

Mix it with quicklime!

Sprinkled with chili powder!

They even added some of the juice from the poisonous plant *Gelsemium elegans*!

This formula is absolutely vicious! It's the pinnacle of anti-humanity!

"ignition!!!"

Gu Canghai gave the order, his voice filled with boundless excitement.

Hiss! Hiss! Hiss!

The fuse is burning.

Li Jinglong, who was below the city, was still wondering:

"What's that? A wooden barrel?"

"Are they out of ammunition? Trying to kill me with barrels?"

"Hahaha! At the end of the road..."

"Boom! Boom! Boom!"

He hadn't finished speaking.

Dozens of muffled explosions resounded from the city wall!

From those dozens of large wooden barrels, dozens of dark, yellowish, and steaming unidentified objects were sprayed out!

It traced graceful parabolas through the air!

It was like a celestial maiden scattering flowers!

They rained down on Li Jinglong's siege formation!

"What's this? A hidden weapon?"

A soldier in the front row looked up blankly.

Splat!

A scalding hot, yellowish-white, viscous substance was precisely smeared onto his face!

"ah--!!!"

next second.

A heart-wrenching scream, so shrill it was almost unrecognizable, pierced the sky!

"It's hot! It's so hot!"

"My eyes! My eyes are blind!"

"Ugh—! This is shit! It's scalding hot shit!"

Quicklime releases heat when it comes into contact with water (or other liquids)!

Chili powder irritates mucous membranes!

The golden juice brings bacterial infection and mental trauma!

This combined attack instantly turned the soldier into a cripple who could only scream and vomit!

And this is just the beginning!

Crackling sounds!

A shower of "golden rain" covered the entire siege vanguard!

"Ouch! My face is ruined!"

"This is poison! This is sorcery!"

"Help! It's in my mouth! Ugh—!"

The once-aggressive attacking force was instantly thrown into chaos.

The soldiers abandoned their armor and weapons, covered their faces and eyes, rolled on the ground, and frantically tried to choke.

That stench!

That stinging pain!

That kind of extreme psychological breakdown!

It's a million times more painful than being stabbed by a knife!

Li Jinglong was a little further away, but he could still smell the suffocating odor carried by the wind.

"What...what kind of tactic is this?"

Li Jinglong covered his nose, his face turning green:

"Gu Canghai! You have no martial ethics!"

"When two countries are at war, you're throwing excrement at them?!"

"Have you no shame?!"

On the city wall.

Gu Canghai looked at the tragic scene below and laughed so hard he couldn't stand up straight.

"Face?"

"General Li, this is war! It's a fight to the death!"

"As long as I can kill you, who cares what methods I use?"

"This is called—a dual salvation through physics and chemistry!"

"It's not over yet!"

Gu Canghai suddenly pulled out a handful of sunflower seeds, cracking them open while waving his hand behind him:

"Hey you!"

"A group of middle-aged women engaging in verbal abuse!"

"Get them!"

With his command.

Hundreds of the loudest, foulest, and most combative street aunties in Beiping City stood on the city wall in unison!

They were holding gongs and pot lids.

They launched a full-scale, all-encompassing sonic attack on Li Jinglong below the city!

Clang!

"Oh dear! That pretty boy in the golden armor down there!"

"He looks decent enough, but what a coward!"

"Is it not working? If not, go home and suckle your mother!"

"Li Jinglong! You big idiot! You stuff straw in your crotch!"

"Even half a million men couldn't break in, do you want to come in and empty my chamber pot?"

These middle-aged women have received "professional training" from Gu Canghai.

He can insult someone without using any vulgar language, yet every word he utters is venomous!

And it was even turned into a catchy rhyme! It became the tune of "Eighteen Touches"!

Hundreds of people shouted together!

That sound was even louder and more piercing than the explosion from before!

"puff--!!!"

Li Jinglong had never suffered such humiliation in his life.

He is the Duke of Cao! A member of the imperial family! A scholar!

Being called a coward by a group of middle-aged women? They even accused him of stuffing straw in his crotch?

He coughed up a mouthful of blood!

He was so angry that he was trembling all over and almost fell off his horse.

"Witches! They're all witches!"

"Shoot them! Kill them! Shoot them dead!"

but.

The archers in the front row had already been drenched in the "golden rain" so much that they couldn't even open their eyes, let alone shoot arrows.

The soldiers in the back row listened to the curses from the city wall and looked at the miserable state of their comrades in front, who were covered in excrement.

Morale has collapsed!

It's completely collapsed!

This war is unwinnable!

This is disgusting! It's so filthy!

If you die on the battlefield, that's one thing, but if you die from being drenched in excrement... you'll be laughed at by the ghosts in the underworld!

"Retreat! Retreat now!"

"It stinks! I'm going home to take a shower!"

"Everyone in Beiping is crazy! We can't beat them!"

An army of 500,000 was so disgusted by the insults and curses of a few dozen buckets of sewage and a few hundred old women that they had to retreat repeatedly!

The so-called offensive crumbled instantly!

Above the sky.

This "smelly" war scene made everyone want to vomit.

I'm seriously sick of seeing this!

The Hongwu Plane.

Fengtian Temple.

"vomit……"

Zhu Yuanzhang covered his mouth, almost vomiting up the sesame seed cake he had just eaten.

"This...this is fucking..."

That's so mean!

"That's absolutely despicable!"

Zhu Yuanzhang pointed at the sky, looking disgusted. He didn't even want to throw away his shoes, afraid of getting them dirty.

"That bastard Gu Canghai!"

"Is this what he meant by military strategy?"

"Does 'The Art of War for Mad Dogs' even include methods like throwing feces?"

"This move...it's simply...it's..."

After holding it in for a long time, Old Zhu finally managed to utter a sentence:

"This is absolutely outrageous!"

"but……"

Zhu Yuanzhang looked at Li Jinglong, who was retreating in a sorry state, and then glanced at Gu Canghai, who was cracking melon seeds on the city wall.

He suddenly sighed.

"Although it's disgusting."

"But it fucking works!"

"Li Wenzhong's son is a good-for-nothing; he got disgusted and vomited over such a small scene?"

"If it were us..."

Zhu Yuanzhang thought about it.

If I got splashed with that stuff...

"vomit--"

Old Zhu gagged again.

"Forget it, if it were us, we'd dig up his ancestral graves too!"

"It's best to avoid messing with that madman Gu in the future; he's too unscrupulous!"

The Zhengtong Dynasty.

Ministry of Works Warehouse.

Gu Canghai looked at the scene on the sky, his face full of nostalgia.

"Back then, after that battle, even the price of manure in Beiping went up."

"That kid Li Jinglong took baths for half a month after he went back, and he scrubbed off a layer of skin."

"Ha ha ha ha!"

Gu Canghai patted the large wooden barrel next to him that contained the "enhanced biological weapon".

"Yes, yes."

"Li Jinglong is one of our own, so I went easy on him."

"This time, I've prepared something for you..."

"But it's the supreme version, with arsenic and corrosive poison added!"

"I'll let you know."

"The Ming Dynasty has arrived."

"Not only must we save our lives."

"It'll leave you with some psychological trauma!"

"Wang Zhen!"

"Move all these treasures to Deshengmen!"

"Set it up!"

"Wait until the Oirat people show their faces!"

"Just pour it on me!!!"

Wang Zhen covered his nose, his face showing disgust, but his eyes revealed a hint of excitement:

"Alright!"

"Grand Tutor, just you wait and see!"

"This servant will go and give them extra food right away!"