Ming Dynasty: A centenarian madman criticizes the Grand Secretary and brings his coffin to court!

Dead silence.

A deathly silence.

Inside the Fengtian Hall, you could hear a pin drop.

Only the enormous light screen that occupied half the sky was still crackling, playing the "bullet screen" reactions from the Hongwu era.

But at the moment.

No one paid attention to the miracles in the sky.

All eyes were fixed on Gu Canghai, a hundred-year-old demon who seemed to have crawled out of hell, in the center of the hall.

And at his feet was a massive, dark, heavy coffin made of Phoebe zhennan wood, exuding an ominous aura!

Zhu Qizhen sat on the dragon throne, as if he had nails growing under his buttocks.

His face, which had been flushed with excitement, had now turned deathly pale, like a freshly painted wall.

cold sweat.

The tears streamed down his noble forehead and into his eyes, stinging painfully.

But he dared not blink.

Because the rusty iron sword in Gu Canghai's hand was pointing directly at his brow!

"Gu... my dear minister..."

Zhu Qizhen spoke in a trembling voice, barely louder than a mosquito's buzz:

"What...what are you doing?"

"This coffin... is an ominous object! You've brought it to my throne room; are you trying to curse me to death?"

"Curse you?"

Gu Canghai seemed to have heard the biggest joke in the world.

He casually stuck the rusty iron sword into the coffin lid.

Om-!

The sword trembled, emitting a sickening metallic hum.

Gu Canghai raised his hand, which was covered with age spots, and gently stroked the cold coffin lid, his movements as tender as if he were caressing a lover's skin.

"Your Majesty, how could this be a curse upon you?"

"This is a testament to my unwavering loyalty!"

"Didn't you intend to personally lead the army? Didn't you want to emulate Emperor Taizong's sealing of the wolf's lair?"

"But on this battlefield, swords have no eyes, and the Oirat people have no martial ethics!"

"just in case……"

Gu Canghai suddenly grinned, revealing his few remaining yellowed teeth, and said menacingly:

"In case His Majesty passes away, our Great Ming Dynasty must maintain a sense of dignity, mustn't it?"

"This coffin was made by the best carpenter in the capital overnight, after I sold my ancestral home and raised three thousand taels of silver!"

talking.

Gu Canghai suddenly reached out and grabbed a corner of the coffin lid.

Give it a hard push!

Slurp—!

A smooth, frictional sound rang out.

The incredibly heavy coffin lid, as if coated with oil, slid open halfway!

It revealed the bottomless inner lining lined with bright red silk.

All the civil and military officials present nearly dropped their eyeballs!

Holy crap?

Why does this coffin have sliding doors?

What kind of grotesque design is this?!

Gu Canghai patted the coffin lid triumphantly and introduced it like a salesman:

"Your Majesty, please look!"

"This is a custom-made imperial-style sliding coffin for you!"

"It employs the ingenuity of Lu Ban's mechanical design; it's as smooth as silk and opens with a single push!"

"Most importantly, it's extremely breathable!"

"Even if Your Majesty only faked your death, or was captured and buried by the Oirats, a gentle push would bring you back to life!"

"It's practically an essential tool for home use, travel, leading troops into battle, or even dying and being reincarnated!"

puff--!

Kuang Ye, the Minister of War standing in the front row, couldn't hold back and spat out a mouthful of blood.

What the hell is this sliding coffin?!

It's incredibly breathable!

Are you hoping the Emperor won't die soon enough?

Above the sky.

In the time and space of the thirteenth year of the Hongwu reign.

Zhu Yuanzhang was squatting on the steps eating a sesame seed cake when he saw this scene, and he crushed the sesame seed cake in his hand into powder.

"A sliding...coffin?"

"What kind of nonsense is going on in that old madman's head?"

"Why didn't we receive this kind of treatment when we died?"

"but……"

Zhu Yuanzhang's lips twitched, and a strange glint flashed in his eyes:

"This thing... seems pretty useful?"

Return to the orthodox dynasty.

Zhu Qizhen looked at the dark coffin opening and felt a chill run from the soles of his feet straight to the top of his head.

It was as if a monster was lurking inside, ready to devour him at any moment.

"No... I don't want to..."

Zhu Qizhen shook his head frantically, shrinking back as if he wanted to disappear into the crack of the dragon throne:

"Gu Canghai! How dare you!"

"I am the Son of Heaven! I am protected by countless spirits! How could I possibly die?"

"Get this jinxed thing out of here right now! Get it out of here!!!"

"Take it away?"

The smile on Gu Canghai's face vanished instantly.

Instead, there is a kind of violence that makes you feel like you've fallen into an ice cave!

He suddenly pulled it from his waist—the place where the jade pendant should have been hanging.

He pulled out a...

ax!

A blade, its edge curled, stained with dried, dark brown blood—it's unclear what it's been used to cut something…

A butcher's axe!

when!

Gu Canghai slammed the axe heavily onto the coffin lid, making a loud bang.

His once cloudy old eyes were now frighteningly bright, fixed intently on Zhu Qizhen:

"Does His Majesty dislike this coffin?"

"This is Phoebe zhennan wood! Every inch of it is worth its weight in gold!"

"To build this coffin, this old minister has even poured his savings into it!"

"Are you saying no now?"

Gu Canghai picked up the axe, weighed it in his hand for a moment, and walked step by step toward the dragon throne.

The heavy footsteps sounded like a countdown to death.

"Your Majesty, you haven't tried it yet, how do you know if it's suitable?"

"Come on, come on, lie down!"

"This old minister has measured your height, and this size is absolutely perfect!"

"What if..."

A fierce glint flashed in Gu Canghai's eyes, and the axe blade cut through the air with a cold light:

"What if, by any chance, this coffin is even an inch too short..."

"Then this old minister will take on the trouble!"

"Use this axe to trim His Majesty's toes!"

"Just chop off the heel, then you can put it in, right?"

"You agree, right?"

crazy!

This old man has completely gone mad!

Chop off the emperor's heels?

They even have to trim the emperor's feet?

Is this the legendary "physical cutting off one's feet to fit the shoes"?

Zhu Qizhen stared at the axe that was less than half a foot from his nose, at the rust on the blade that seemed to still carry the smell of blood.

He finally broke down!

"Protect the Emperor! Wang Banban! Quickly, protect the Emperor!"

Zhu Qizhen let out a scream like a pig being slaughtered.

however.

Wang Zhen, who is usually the most considerate, is now covering his face, which is swollen like a pig's head, and hiding behind a pillar, pretending to be dead.

Escort?

Protect my ass!

Didn't you see the axe in that old madman's hand?

Whoever goes up there is just asking for trouble!

Gu Canghai looked at Zhu Qizhen, who was cowering in fear, and the contempt in his eyes was palpable.

"waste!"

He snorted coldly, turned around, and swung his axe hard at the golden dragon pillar beside him!

Click!

The golden pillar, which was as thick as three people could hug, was actually chopped half a foot deep by his axe!

Wood chips flying everywhere!

The entire hall seemed to tremble!

"With your cowardly attitude, you think you can emulate Emperor Taizong?"

"Still want to lead the army in person?"

"Emperor Taizong was carrying a sword and beheading people, what are you going to do? Are you just going to offer yourself up for execution?"

Zhu Qizhen was terrified by the axe blow and cried out in a sob:

"Then...then I won't go! Is it alright if I don't go?"

"I'll stay in the palace! I'm not going anywhere!"

All the ministers breathed a sigh of relief upon hearing this.

Although the process was terrifying and the methods were brutal.

But as long as the emperor doesn't go and die, this is a win-win situation!

Grand Secretary Gu, you are truly the savior of the Ming Dynasty!

however.

Gu Canghai's next move, however, made everyone's jaws drop to the floor once again.

"Not going?"

Gu Canghai raised his eyebrows and suddenly pulled the axe off the pillar.

"Why not go?"

"We have to go! We have to go now!"

What?

The officials were dumbfounded.

You carried your coffin to your death to remonstrate, wasn't it all to stop the emperor from personally leading the expedition?

Why is it that now that the Emperor has backed down, you're refusing to do it?

Gu Canghai kicked aside the imperial desk in front of him, stood atop the steps, and roared down at the top:

Where did that energy go?

Where has that "I'll go even if it means facing a million men" attitude gone?

"Want to fight? Fine!"

"I will grant your wish!"

"but!"

Gu Canghai held up one finger and waved it in front of Zhu Qizhen:

"An army of 500,000? That's child's play! That's suicide!"

"Since we're going to play, let's go big!"

"All in! Get it?!"

"Give me a million!"

"Bring up all three major military camps of the capital! The Embroidered Uniform Guards and the Eastern Depot's agents, all of you, put on your armor!"

"Bring all the death row inmates, the beggars on the streets, even the palace guard dogs, to the battlefield!"

"Nobody's leaving until we raise a million!"

At this moment.

The aura of madness emanating from Gu Canghai was ten times stronger than before!

He doesn't seem like a loyal subject who would stop the war.

Instead, he resembled a gambler who had lost everything and wanted to stake the entire Ming Dynasty on one hand to decide the outcome!

Wang Zuo, the Minister of Revenue, was terrified and crawled out shakily.

"Grand Secretary Gu..."

"A million-strong army...that would drain the Ming Dynasty dry!"

"Food supplies...where do the food supplies come from?"

"Even if you caught and ate all the rats in the national treasury, you still couldn't support an army of one million!"

Gu Canghai turned his head, his blood-red eyes fixed on Wang Zuo.

Sudden.

He smiled.

His laughter was chilling.

"forage?"

What kind of provisions do you need?

"The country is about to fall, who are you saving that little bit of silver for? To give it to that bastard Esen as a dowry?"

Gu Canghai waved his hand, pointing towards the gate of the Ministry of Revenue:

"go!"

"Pass on my orders!"

"Break down the gates of the national treasury for me!"

"Take out all the silver, cloth, and grain inside!"

"What can't be moved, burn it!"

"We're not going to continue!"

"We, father and son, are leading an army of one million, and with the accumulated wealth of the Ming Dynasty over two hundred years!"

"Let's go to Tumu Fort and set off a huge fireworks display!"

"Or, let's wipe out the Oirat tribe and seal the Wolf Mountain!"

"Or, let's blow the Ming Dynasty to the sky and we'll all be finished!"

"Now that's what you call a royal expedition!"

"This is what they call—'No destruction, no construction!'"

boom!!!

Gu Canghai's words were like a nuclear bomb detonating in the Fengtian Hall.

Everyone is stupid.

I was completely dumbfounded.

They stared at the old man, his hair and beard bristling, looking like a madman, their minds blank.

Is this even human?

This is hardly a war.

This is clearly dragging the entire country down with it!

Zhu Qizhen was completely out of control.

He stared blankly at Gu Canghai, his lips trembling, unable to utter a complete sentence for a long time.

He originally thought he was crazy enough.

did not expect.

In front of this 108-year-old ancestor.

He, Zhu Qizhen, was as pure as a newly sprouted white flower!

"What? Scared?"

Gu Canghai took a step closer, his old face almost touching Zhu Qizhen's.

The madness in his eyes sent a chill down Zhu Qizhen's spine.

"Your Majesty, didn't you aspire to be a great emperor for all time?"

"A great emperor of all time must possess the charisma and vision of a great emperor!"

"Come!"

"Issue an imperial decree!"

"Let's burn down the national treasury, blow up the Ming Dynasty, and add some excitement to this boring history!"

Above the sky.

The Hongwu Plane.

Zhu Yuanzhang looked at the old madman in the picture who was threatening to "burn the national treasury and bomb the Ming Dynasty".

This time.

He wasn't angry.

There was no cursing.

He simply took off his size 42 cloth shoe.

then.

He turned to look at Crown Prince Zhu Biao, who was standing to the side trembling.

"Biao'er..."

Zhu Yuanzhang's voice was eerily calm:

"Look at other people."

"Let me look at you again."

"Why do I feel like that old geezer Gu Canghai is more like a descendant of the Zhu family than you are?"

"That crazy energy..."

"I love it!!!"

Zhu Biao: "???"

Father, have you gone mad too?

Inside the Fengtian Hall during the Zhengtong reign.

Gu Canghai did not give everyone a chance to catch their breath.

He turned around abruptly, his gaze passing over the kneeling officials and landing on the figure huddled behind a pillar.

Wang Zhen.

The culprit who encouraged the emperor to personally lead the expedition.

A cruel smile curled at the corner of Gu Canghai's lips as he lightly tapped the axe in his palm.

"It seems like someone just said..."

"Should we protect you?"

"You spineless bastard, get out here right now!"

"His Majesty dares not sleep in this coffin."

"How about... you go in and warm the bed for His Majesty?"

"With this sliding design, it's only natural that it could break a few of your bones, right?"