I was just fishing, how did I become a Great Old One?

Multiverse, Dimensional Rift, Marvel Cinematic Universe (MCU-616), Earth, Wakanda.

"Buzz——————"

The barrier of space was like a charred plastic wrap, instantly shattering.

【Deep Blue Gluttonous Leviathan】 descended with a roar, reeking of Cybertronian engine oil, residual energy from the Land of Light, and an indescribable aura from the SCP universe.

It's too big.

When this biological warship anchored outside Wakanda's atmosphere, the entire African continent was plunged into darkness.

……

The battlefield of Wakanda.

despair.

This is the only feeling the Avengers have at this moment.

Thor arrived late, and although he was wielding Stormbreaker, his axe missed Thanos's head.

Thanos, the madman from Titan, was kneeling on the ground, wearing the golden gauntlet with all six Infinity Stones on his left hand.

An axe was stuck in his chest, but he was still laughing.

"You should... cut off my head."

Thanos looked at Thor and raised his left hand.

"Now……"

"The mandate of heaven... has arrived."

"Smack."

He was ready to snap his fingers.

That snap of the fingers that turned half of all life in the universe to ashes.

……

however.

Just as the thumb and middle finger were about to rub together and sparks flew.

"Whoosh—"

A... huge, golden rolling pin (formerly the Ultimate Fighting Device) with some flour on it.

Fall from the sky.

"when!!!!!"

A crisp sound.

The rolling pin was precisely inserted into Thanos's palm, wedged perfectly between his thumb and middle finger.

"Um?"

Thanos was stunned.

He squeezed it hard.

It can't be squeezed.

That snap... was interrupted.

……

"Who?!"

Thanos suddenly looked up.

Thor, Captain America, Iron Man, Black Panther... all the heroes who were still standing looked up at the same time.

They saw the colossal ship that blotted out the sky.

as well as……

The young man standing at the bow of the ship, holding a kitchen knife, pointing and gesturing at Thanos.

……

"Tsk tsk tsk."

Jiang Li shook his head and sighed, his voice carrying across the battlefield through the loudspeaker.

"What wonderful ingredients!"

"Purple-skinned, sturdy, and large."

"that is……"

"He's so heartless."

"and……"

Jiang Li pointed to Thanos's gloved hand.

"That golden glove..."

"It looks like... oven mitts?"

"And it's decorated with six... fruit candies?"

……

"Who are you?!"

Thanos pulled the battle axe from his chest (using the Time Stone to instantly reverse his injuries) and stood up.

He could sense that this suddenly appearing human possessed an aura that made him tremble.

That is even purer than the Infinity Stones... the power of rules.

……

Who I am is not important.

Jiang Li jumped from a height of ten thousand meters.

"boom!"

It did not stir up any dust upon landing.

Because Er Gou had laid a shock-absorbing pad on the ground beforehand (that was Red King's skin brought back from the Monster Graveyard).

Jiang Li walked up to Thanos.

He looked the purple Titan up and down.

[Ingredient: Thanos, the Eternal Titan.]

[Alternative names: Thanos / Purple Sweet Potato Spirit.]

[Rank: Universe Overlord-level Ingredient]

【Characteristics: Extremely dense flesh (to withstand the power of the Infinity Stones), rough skin but rich in anthocyanins.】

[Review: This is a... top-grade purple sweet potato that has hardened itself to the bone in pursuit of its ideals.]

……

"Purple sweet potato..."

Jiang Li swallowed.

"I'm just missing one thing... dessert."

"Purple sweet potatoes."

"The best approach..."

"It's just baked purple sweet potato with cheese."

"or……"

"Candied purple sweet potato".

……

"absurd!!"

Thanos understood (although he didn't know what purple sweet potato was, he could tell from the tone of voice that it was food).

He was furious.

"I am destiny!"

"I am the executor of balance!"

"You want to eat me?!"

"Infinite Power - Activate!!"

"Buzz——————"

The six gems on the Infinity Gauntlet lit up simultaneously.

The Power Gem (Purple) unleashed a purple beam powerful enough to shatter a planet, shooting straight at Jiang Li's face.

……

"strength?"

Jiang Li did not dodge.

He simply extended his left hand.

He held the [Necromancer Living Metal Pot] in his hand.

"when!!"

The beam of light hit the bottom of the pot.

Not moving.

The pot wasn't even red (after all, it had just been used to cook the Cosmic Emperor, so this amount of energy was just a drop in the ocean).

"The heat is just right..."

Jiang Li shook his head.

"Too small."

"That's enough... to heat up some milk."

……

"What?!"

Thanos was shocked.

"Reality Gem (Red)! Change reality!!"

Red ether particles surged forth, attempting to turn Jiang Li into a pile of stones or a puddle of water.

however.

A red light enveloped Jiang Li.

Jiang Li did not turn into stone.

His apron... had been changed to one with lace trim.

The kitchen knife in my hand... turned pink.

That's it.

……

"Reality?"

Jiang Li touched his pink kitchen knife.

"In a world of binge eating."

"The only reality is..."

"Survival of the fittest".

"Your reality rules..."

"Not as big as my appetite."

……

"Space Stone (Blue)!!"

Thanos attempted to open a portal to escape (or throw Jiang Li into space).

But Er Gou barked once.

"Woof!"

(Space lockdown!)

Having devoured Blackrock Fortress and fragments of Unicron, Er Gou's control over space has long reached the multiverse level.

The blue portal had only opened halfway when Er Gou bit it to pieces.

Like eating potato chips.

"Click."

……

"This is impossible..."

Thanos was completely panicked.

The Infinity Stones...have stopped working?

No, it's not invalid.

It was suppressed.

The opponent's energy level is completely above the rules of this single universe.

……

"Have you had enough fun?"

Jiang Li approached step by step.

"I've had enough fun."

"It's time to...prepare the ingredients."

Jiang Li raised the pink McCann chainsaw.

"Regarding purple sweet potatoes..."

"first step……"

"Of course... peel it."

……

[Culinary Skill: Titan Peeling Technique - Precision Slicing.]

"Swish! Swish! Swish!"

The blades flashed like silk.

Thanos didn't even have time to raise his hand to defend himself.

I felt a chill on my body.

His heavy, golden Titan armor.

It collapsed in an instant.

Shoulder armor, breastplate, leg guards...

All the connecting clips were cut off, and they fell to the ground with a clatter.

It revealed... a muscular, purple body dressed in a tight-fitting bodysuit.

……

"good."

Jiang Li nodded in satisfaction.

"After peeling, it definitely looks much better."

"That purple skin..."

"The color is perfect."

"Suitable for making...purple sweet potato puree."

……

"You humiliated me!!"

Thanos's eyes were bloodshot.

He brandished the Infinity Gauntlet, his last resort.

He punched Jiang Li.

"Smack."

Jiang Li raised his hand and casually caught the golden fist.

His hand grasped the back of the Infinity Gauntlet.

"This glove..."

Jiang Li examined the six gems carefully.

"The workmanship is quite rough."

"It's just a mass-produced product of the dwarves."

"but……"

Jiang Li looked at the six gems.

"These six candies..."

"That's quite interesting."

"Perfect for... seasoning."

……

Liuwei Dihuang... no, Liuwei seasoning.

Jiang Li held Thanos's hand, and it didn't break.

Instead... he placed his hand on the edge of the large black pot.

"Ergou! Fire!"

"Swann! Pour the oil!"

"Tex! Bring me the Cybertronian Caramel (popcorn crumbs)!"

……

"Let me go!!"

Thanos struggled desperately.

But he found that his strength was like that of an infant in front of Jiang Li.

"Don't move."

Jiang Li held a spatula in her other hand.

"Can I borrow your gloves?"

"After all, this pot is quite hot."

Jiang Li actually... grabbed Thanos's gloved hand.

They treated Thanos like a... human blender.

Using the Infinity Gauntlet, stir in a pot of boiling oil...

……

"Aaaaaah!!!"

Thanos screamed in agony.

Although the Infinity Gauntlet can insulate against heat.

But the fire Jiang Li used was Sarnaga Karma Fire.

The heat was conducted in through the gloves.

Thanos felt like his left hand was about to get cooked.

……

"Add more ingredients!"

Jiang Li stirred the mixture with Thanos's hand while giving the order.

"Power Gem (Purple)! Unleash the fire! Reduce the sauce with high heat!"

"Reality Gem (Red)! Increase sweetness! Turn oil into honey!"

"Time Gem (Green)! Speeds up cooking! Makes meat tender instantly!"

"Space Gem (Blue)! Infuse flavor inside! Deliver the seasonings directly to the cells!"

"The Mind Gem (Yellow)! Infused with soul! Imbuing this dish with wisdom!"

"Soul Gem (Orange)! Lock in the umami! Sacrifice... uh, sacrifice the soul of that Corvus Glaive General from before (he's dead anyway)!"

……

Unlimited stewing.

Under Jiang Li's manipulation.

The Infinity Stones are no longer weapons of mass destruction.

They became... the ultimate seasoning machines in the universe.

The power of six rules intertwined in the pot.

They concocted a pot of... a divine syrup that radiated six-colored light and smelled so good it would make the Avengers drool...

……

"That's about it."

Jiang Li looked at the thick syrup in the pot.

"The final step."

He released Thanos's hand (Thanos was already exhausted at this point).

then……

He grabbed Thanos by the neck.

"Get down!"

"Sizzle!!!"

The purple Titan was thrown into that pot of infinite syrup.

……

"Coated in sugar!"

Jiang Li took a large spatula and quickly stir-fried the ingredients.

Thanos is rolling around in the pot.

Every inch of her purple skin was coated with a layer of golden, red, and green syrup.

The high temperature caused its outer layer to shrink and become crispy instantly.

The meat inside, however, became soft, tender, and sweet due to the effect of the Time Gem.

……

"Out of the pot!"

"Pulled sugar!!"

Jiang Li swung the shovel.

Thanos was launched into the air.

Countless thin, translucent sugar strands stretched from its body.

It's like a... purple work of art.

……

"It's done."

Jiang Li caught Thanos as he fell (now Thanos in his pudding form).

Thanos at this moment.

They no longer had the strength to resist.

He was lying on a plate (a plate made of a giant vibranium shield).

It was covered in sugar.

His eyes were unfocused.

He muttered to himself:

"I am... destiny..."

"No……"

"Am I...sweet?"

……

The Avengers' collapse.

Not far away.

Iron Man Tony Stark opens his mask.

"Jarvis (or Friday)..."

Tell me this is a hallucination.

"That purple alien pervert..."

"It's been made into...candied sweet potatoes?"

Thor swallowed hard.

"that……"

"Even though he is an enemy."

"But the taste..."

"It smells... really nice."

Hulk (Banner) inside the mech, his stomach growled.

……

The real crisis: Uncle Swallow has arrived.

Just as Jiang Li was preparing to invite the Avengers to taste this "Infinite Candied Purple Sweet Potato".

"Rumble rumble rumble ————————"

The sky changed color again.

This time.

It's not black.

It's not purple either.

Instead, it was a vast, endless void of space.

A gigantic head, wearing a distinctive purple horned helmet, pierced through the atmosphere and appeared in the sky above Wakanda.

That head was too big.

It's even bigger than the Gluttony from before.

Two stars burned in his eyes.

His aura was billions of times more ancient and terrifying than Thanos'.

……

[BOSS: Galactus, the Devourer of Planets]

Real name: Galan.

[Rank: One of the five primordial deities of the multiverse.]

[Status: Extremely hungry (Hunger)]

……

"I can smell it..."

The sound of the planet devourer shattered all the glass in Wakanda.

"energy……"

"Pure...cosmic-level energy..."

His gaze.

It was not looking at Earth.

Instead, he stared intently at the plate of... candied Thanos in Jiang Li's hand.

It contains the six rules of the Infinity Stones, as well as Thanos's own Titan power.

For Uncle Galactus, who lives by devouring the energy of planets.

This is simply... a ray of light in the world of bizarre cuisine.

……

"Little guy."

Uncle Tun extended a finger large enough to cover the entire continent of Africa.

Pointing at Jiang Li (the plate in his hand).

"That purple thing..."

"Give me."

"I... am hungry."

……

Are you hungry?

Jiang Li looked at the huge purple helmeted man above his head.

Laughed.

He held the plate and instantly teleported into the air.

He met the gaze of Uncle Swallow's enormous eyes.

"Want some?"

Jiang Li picked up a piece of Thanos that was covered in sugar strands.

He waved it in front of Uncle Swallow.

"This is my homemade dish."

"I want to eat..."

"We need to exchange something for it."

……

"Change?"

Uncle Tun was stunned for a moment.

As the creator god, he always sucks food dry; when has he ever paid?

"I have no money."

Uncle Tun spoke honestly.

"But I have..."

Uncle Swallow pointed to his messenger—the Silver Surfer, who was waiting on his skateboard.

"I can make you my... messenger."

"I bestow upon you the power of the universe."

……

"Not interested."

Jiang Li pursed her lips.

"I'm not going to be a wage earner."

"but……"

Jiang Li looked at Uncle Tun's enormous body.

And that technologically advanced armor.

"I heard you...only eat planets?"

"Are you a bit... picky about food?"

"Or rather..."

"Anorexia?"

……

"Anorexia?"

Uncle Swallow's eyes flickered.

"No……"

"I just... apart from the life energy of this planet, nothing else tastes good."

"It's like...eating wax."

……

"That's because you haven't met a good chef."

Jiang Li tossed the Thanos-like string in his hand to Galactus.

"then!"

"Try this appetizer first."

"If it doesn't taste like eating wax..."

"Let's talk..."

"How can I cure your... anorexia?"

……

Uncle Tun's critique.

Galactus caught the plate of Thanos, which was as small as a grain of rice to him.

Carefully... toss it into your mouth.

"Click."

The sugar coating crumbled.

The energy of the Infinity Stones erupts.

The soft and glutinous texture of purple sweet potato.

"!!!"

Uncle Tun's eyes, burning with starlight, instantly... lit up.

"this……"

"What is this taste?!"

"Sweet? Spicy? And with a vintage, aged feel?"

"I……"

"I feel... that long-lost feeling of fullness?!"

……

"Is it tasty?"

Jiang Li crossed his arms and asked with a smile.

"tasty!!"

Uncle Tun roared.

"Is there anything else?!"

"That's all."

Jiang Li shrugged.

"There's only one purple sweet potato left."

"but……"

Jiang Li pointed to the depths of the starry sky.

"I know a place."

"There are many... colorful stones (Infinity Stones) there."

"There are also many... strangely shaped ingredients (such as Dormammu and Mephisto)."

"If you'd like..."

"I can take you there..."

"Eat your way through the entire universe."

"The premise is..."

Jiang Li took out Occam's Razor.

"You need to take your...reserve food (planet)..."

"Give me half."

……

Uncle Swallow's decision.

Uncle Tun looked at Jiang Li.

I savored the taste of that purple sweet potato again.

He made a decision that went against the wishes of his ancestors.

"make a deal."

Uncle Swallow stretched out his giant hand.

"Lead the way... chef."

"As long as I can eat my fill..."

"Don't even mention half a planet."

"The entire Marvel Universe..."

"I'll use it all as your kitchen!!"

……

Epilogue: Thanos's fate.

As for Thanos...

He did not die.

As an eternal Titan, he possesses extremely strong vitality.

now.

He's inside Uncle Swallow's belly (or rather, in his energy pouch).

Although the body has been digested.

But his soul... was elevated.

Because he finally achieved his ideal—balance.

only.

It's not about balancing the universe's population.

Rather, it's about... Uncle Swallow's nutritional balance.

"Destiny..."

"So it was... to become a dish."

Thanos's soul shed tears of emotion (syrup).