Who would study psychology if they didn't have some kind of problem?

Chapter 515 The Contradictions of "Me"
Upon hearing Nan Zhuren's words, the visitor put down his water glass and focused his attention.

He gets into the zone very quickly.

Nan Zhuren didn't keep them in suspense and gave the conclusion directly: "You are still attacking yourself."

Then, you explained: "In the second thing you mentioned, you felt that you had caused trouble for the teacher and believed that there was a high chance that the teacher would 'dislike' you—you even found many reasons for your teacher to 'dislike' you."

"In the third thing you mentioned, you described yourself as an 'unfilial' person. Although you complained about your parents, you were also making excuses for them, saying that they had a hard life and that they really cared about you."

“This situation also occurred in our second consultation,” Nan Zhuren recalled. “At that time, you were afraid because you had been deceived, but at the same time you were criticizing yourself for being ‘too easily fooled,’ and even implicitly criticizing yourself for ‘deserving to be deceived.’”

As he spoke, Nan Zhuren stretched out both hands and clenched them into fists in front of the visitor.

Then they clashed their fists together violently.

"It's like there are two people in your head, arguing and fighting each other."

Upon hearing Nan Zhuren's words, the visitor's gaze froze, and a thoughtful expression appeared on his face.

Nan Zhuren continued, "In fact, there are indeed two people in your mind right now."

As he spoke, Nan Zhuren pointed to the visitor's forehead: "Because of this fraud incident, your ideal self and your real self have become separated, causing you to experience a crisis of self-identity, which has even developed into a state of self-conflict. This will cause you to start attacking yourself even when no one is criticizing you."

The visitor nodded as if he understood, repeating Nan Zhuren's key words: "[Ideal Self], [Real Self]?"

……

The ideal self refers to the person an individual aspires to be. It encompasses all an individual's desires, ambitions, goals, and values, representing the most perfect self-image within a person and the direction they strive towards.

The "real self" is an individual's actual perception of their current state. It is based on an individual's assessment of their current traits, abilities, appearance, behavior, role, and social status, formed through subjective or objective information.

The gap between the ideal self and the real self is a common phenomenon in human psychology.

However, when this gap becomes too large, rigid, or irreconcilable, it can trigger a series of deep-seated psychological and behavioral problems:

In terms of emotions, one may experience chronic anxiety, an excessive fear that one's ideals cannot be achieved; one may experience feelings of powerlessness or even depression, repeatedly reinforcing the perception that one is "incompetent"; one may experience pathological shame, believing that one is a "defective person"; or one may experience unwarranted anger, directing extreme emotions towards the outside world or oneself.

In terms of behavior, they may become procrastinators and avoiders due to fear of failure, or they may become overcompensatory and work frantically, leading to physical and mental exhaustion. They may also fall into the perfectionist trap of collapsing due to minor mistakes, or they may develop degenerate vices such as alcoholism.

It may also trigger numerous physical disorders such as headaches and insomnia, as well as damage to social relationships.

……

Looking into the visitor's eyes, Nan Zhuren said, "When a person's ideal self and real self conflict, it is usually because they have to work hard for a long time but cannot reach the ideal state. It is a slow process."

"And you, it's because you've experienced a tremendous change."

“If we consider your ‘real self’ as a progress bar striving towards your ‘ideal self’—” Nan Zhuren stretched out his palm and drew a line in the air, “—your ‘real self’ has essentially been slashed. Suddenly, a huge gap has formed between you and your ‘ideal self,’ causing the conflict to erupt very quickly.” As he said this, Nan Zhuren glanced at the visitor again.

Nan Zhuren's expression remained unchanged at this moment, because counselors should not show negative emotions in front of clients; counselors need to convey optimism to clients.

But in his heart, he sighed for the person in front of him.

Nan Zhuren said, "In our long conversation, I can tell that you are a person who has high standards and strict requirements for yourself."

"When you first come here, you are very eager to return to a normal life, start working again, and start learning efficiently."

"You prefer to solve your own problems and don't want to bother others."

“You studied hard, left your hometown to attend university, joined the army after graduation, and then took the postgraduate entrance exam after your discharge. These are all very difficult things to do.”

"In court, you even rushed forward to help others without thinking when facing danger, and you were injured as a result."

Nan Zhuren meticulously listed the details for the visitors, almost one finger at a time, which was also a process of providing support.

"These are all things that require very strong intrinsic motivation to do and achieve. It's clear that you have a very stable ideal self, which continuously radiates power to support you in improving your real self. And it is because of this—"

Nan Zhuren pursed her lips: "When your [real self] is frustrated, the resulting [self-conflict] will be particularly intense."

The visitor's hand trembled, and he remained silent.

His breathing became increasingly rapid, and his gaze fixed on the air in front of him grew increasingly rigid.

"There are many reasons that can cause this kind of self-conflict. You may experience existential anxiety, thinking that 'good people should be accepted' or 'I don't deserve help.'"

"Your [self-continuity] will be disrupted. Your [real self], which has been improving all along, will suddenly stagnate or even regress. You will feel a loss of control over your life, or even feel that your life is collapsing."

"At the same time, because of excessive thinking and prolonged periods of high stress, your defense system will also become disordered, causing you to overreact to minor things."

Every time Nan Zhuren utters a sentence, the visitor takes a deep breath.

Because every word he said directly addressed the visitor's deepest thoughts.

Fear, loss of control, and stress were his true thoughts and reactions during this period.

After a long pause, he finally spoke, his voice hoarse, almost like a groan: "Teacher, you're right..."

He looked up into Nan Zhuren's eyes, his expression pleading: "Then, what should we do?"

Nan Zhuren smiled and said, "We need to integrate it together. The method we'll use next is the Gestalt school's empty chair technique."

(End of this chapter)