Who would study psychology if they didn't have some kind of problem?

Chapter 514 The tip of the iceberg

The negative emotions expressed in the visitor's statement were very strong.

However, the way it was stated at this moment carried a joking tone.

Essentially, it's still a form of defense.

Fortunately, given the current counseling relationship between Nan Zhuren and the client, a slight verbal provocation was enough to break down this layer of "defense."

Nan Zhuren nodded first, indicating that he had received the information from the visitor, and then gave feedback: "It sounds like you seem to be having some... difficulties communicating with your parents?"

This sentence is phrased as an interrogative sentence, but it is actually an affirmative sentence.

Sure enough, after hearing Nan Zhuren's feedback, the visitor's smile vanished immediately.

He first exhaled two breaths through his nose, then opened his mouth and let out a long sigh, his whole body going limp as he collapsed onto the sofa.

"My relationship with my parents is... complicated."

Half a day later, he first said something that set the tone.

“I don’t like talking to them, but they really enjoy talking to me. After I left my hometown for university, they were the ones who called me; I hardly ever contacted them on my own initiative.”

“When we chat on the phone, it’s basically just… ‘small talk,’” the visitor said, using a word that is not quite appropriate for parent-child relationships.

He then explained, “I always feel very tired when I talk to them. I feel like I’m playing the role of a ‘son’ in the conversation, responding to their concern for me in order to satisfy their need to play the role of a ‘parent’…”

After saying this, the visitor looked up at Nan Zhuren and, as if to avoid misunderstanding, explained, "Of course, of course, I know their concern for me is genuine, and they really missed me, which is why they called me, but..."

Then, there was a moment of silence.

Nan Zhuren waited for two breaths before asking, "Don't you miss them?"

"No," the visitor answered quickly. Then, after a moment's hesitation, she added, "I might have thought about it before, but later... I felt very tired. Every time I finished talking to them, I was exhausted because I had to play the role of a 'son' who could satisfy them, which became something even more exhausting for me than working all night."

"Well... I've encountered some things that made me very anxious before, like filling out college applications. My parents offered to help me, but it only made things more confusing. I was already feeling really down, so I asked them if I could think about it on my own. But they said no, they said it was such an important matter, and as my parents, they had to be there to offer advice so I wouldn't get nervous..."

"Ha ha……"

The visitor was almost forcing a smile, or rather, a bitter one: "During that period, I was simultaneously dealing with the anxiety of less-than-ideal grades, the exhaustion of spending a lot of energy searching for schools to apply to, and also had to explain the application process to them, and then reassure them that I would definitely get into a good university and that they shouldn't worry..."

"I'm very tired," the visitor said. "There are many more occasions like this."

At this point, the visitor took a deep breath.

“Like this time when I had this problem, my mom called me that day. I know she was worried about me. But I felt... she was more panicked than I was. When we talked, she was the one expressing her emotions to me, and I was the one comforting her.”

The visitor slowly exhaled the air he had inhaled and looked up at the ceiling: "If it were the same situation as before, I could handle her. But not this time. I felt so bad, so bad. I didn't have any energy left to give to her, so I... lost control."

Nan Zhuren suddenly said, "Looking at it this way, your out-of-control smashing of things can actually be seen as a subconscious way for your body to protect itself, allowing you to stop this high-energy conversation."

The visitor was taken aback by what he heard.

He didn't seem to have thought about it in that direction, which stirred his thoughts.

After a long pause, he slowly continued, "Regarding this matter, I... after regaining my senses, I feel very guilty towards my mother."

"Then, it made me feel even more remorseful about being scammed." The visitor said, "I went to university, served in the army, then went to graduate school, and found part-time jobs to become financially independent. In a sense, I wanted to build myself into an 'independent son,' so that even if they called to contact me, I could sometimes say that I was 'busy' and get away with it."

"But after this incident, we started communicating frequently again, which made me very tired."

That concludes the presentation of the three matters.

"That's it," the visitor said, glancing at Nan Zhuren's expression. "It's only with you, Teacher Nan, that I'll mention the third thing. If it were outside... anyone who heard it would criticize me, after all, this is... too 'unfilial'."

……

Nan Zhuren first gave the client a smile as he finished his statement, and then offered a word of support: "In the consultation room, we can say whatever we want. I am a counselor, and I know that many seemingly simple relationships in the world actually have complex backgrounds."

The visitor looked relieved. Perhaps because he was thirsty from the long explanation, he reached for a water glass and brought it to his lips.

Gulu gulu gulu——

At the same time, Nan Zhuren's eyes went out of focus.

[Flow state] activated.

Nan Zhuren quickly analyzed the content of the visitor's statement and tried to combine what was expressed in it with the consultation plan.

[If only you could have said all this during the first consultation... cough cough, my thoughts have wandered a bit too far.]

[After all, clients are complex individuals who have grown up under the influence of both their subjective inner world and objective external environment, and it is impossible for them to present themselves in the form of textbooks and reference books during counseling...]

Nan Zhuren blinked.

The visitor's statement contained many classic questions.

The most profound issue is the problem of the family of origin—this is also the most important part of Nan Zhuren's counseling program, because the problem of adult attachment style is definitely related to the family environment in which one grows up.

Nan Zhuren is also certain that the visitor has much more to say about family matters. What has been shown today is only the tip of the iceberg.

but--

This is not the focus of today's consultation; it's an issue that will be addressed in the third phase of the consultation.

If we visualize the visitor's problem, we can see him as someone who suffered from malnutrition since childhood, resulting in physical weakness, and then broke a bone during outdoor sports.

The previous stage of "grounding techniques" involved emergency measures such as stopping the bleeding, applying splints, and injecting antibiotics to prevent the person from dying before reaching the hospital.

The second phase, which begins today, involves performing surgery on the client to help him heal from the injuries sustained in this accident.

As for the third stage, the exploration of the "family of origin" involves conditioning the client's body and providing physical training to make him healthier—or at least as healthy as possible.

……

These thoughts flashed through Nan Zhuren's mind in less than two breaths.

At this moment, the visitor had not yet put down his water glass.

Nan Zhuren patiently waited for the other party to be ready again before slowly saying, "In your statement just now, I noticed a few very crucial points."

(End of this chapter)