Who would study psychology if they didn't have some kind of problem?

Chapter 439 [Avoidance] manifests in different ways

—In order to keep my mother from knowing that I am doing counseling, I only do it "when I have time."

—I felt terrible at night, but because I was sleeping with my mother, I endured the discomfort and got through the whole night.

This information gathering was very efficient; it outlined the visitor's main problem in just two sentences.

However, in addition to outlining the contours, filling in the details is also necessary.

What if there's some misunderstanding?

Nan Zhuren thought for a moment, then continued to guide her, "Do you live with your mother now?"

"Correct."

The visitor nodded and continued to elaborate on the background before Nan Zhuren could ask further questions.

“My parents divorced when I was in junior high school. My dad, well…” At this point, the visitor frowned and twitched his lips, “He used to beat me and my mom all the time.”

“My mother couldn’t take it anymore, and she also wanted to protect me, so she got a divorce… It was a very difficult time for her.”

Nan Zhuren didn't speak. He held a pen in his right hand, which was suspended above the record sheet in front of him, while his left index finger was habitually held up in front of his lips.

Then observe the visitor's reaction.

Keep your body upright and maintain your posture.

There were pauses, but the speech was still relatively coherent.

Less emotional involvement.

"After the divorce, my mother never remarried and raised me with great difficulty."

The visitor pursed his lips: "After graduating from high school, I enrolled in Jizhou University so that I wouldn't be too far from home, and I also live with my mother. This way, it's convenient for her to take care of me, and it's also convenient for me to keep her company."

“My grades in college were pretty good… My teachers recommended that I pursue further studies because it’s not easy to find a job with a humanities degree… My mother was very supportive of my graduate studies, including my doctoral studies later on… It was only during my graduate studies that I was separated from my mother for a short time.”

[His gaze was unfocused, and he nodded slightly.]

[The pauses in speech have increased.]

[The space between the eyebrows flickers with a quick tightening and relaxation.]

As the narrative and recollections deepen, emotions begin to emerge, and they appear quite... contradictory.

“I did my PhD in Beijing. When I had the opportunity to stay in Beijing, my mother moved in with me. She helped me clean the house and cook, which was very hard work for her…”

Nan Zhuren listened silently to the visitor's long and detailed account.

He did not rush to respond to or repeat the emotions expressed in the visitor's words.

It simply distilled an answer without any bias, the answer to my initial question: "So, your mother lives with you now, right?"

The visitor was taken aback: "Yes."

"And sleep with you?"

The visitor nodded: "At first we slept in separate rooms, but one time she was in a bad mood, so she pulled me to chat while we slept, and then we started sleeping together again."

Okay, the details are there.

In the process of enriching the details, we also observed the behavior of some visitors.

However, out of caution when seeking advice, there are still some things that need to be clarified.

The counseling relationship with the client also needs to be further developed.

The good news is that although this visitor seems to have some similarities with Nan Zhihao, he has a strong desire to confide in others.

When telling stories, there is little involvement at the beginning, but then a series of genuine feelings follow.

Although this series of emotions seems very subtle.

Nan Zhuren selectively extracted some keywords from the client's previous statements, attempting to continue to evoke the client's emotions. "You just said you didn't want your mother to know you were doing counseling, so only today—this short period of time," Nan Zhuren gestured a separation, "is it possible to do counseling then."

"Do you usually spend most of your time with your mother?"

The visitor nodded: "Yes."

Nan Zhuren thought for a moment, then deliberately asked, "If you compare the time you spend with your mother to the time you spend with your colleagues and friends, which would be more?"

The visitor then gave a stiff, forced smile: "I could say... I don't have many friends. I don't spend much time with my colleagues, we've basically never spent any time together."

"What about your relationships with members of the opposite sex? None?"

The visitor lowered her head further: "We haven't really spent much time together. After all, I was studying hard from high school to my doctoral graduation, and by the time I graduated, I was already a grown woman, and now I'm busy with work..."

"At this point, most of my peers already had partners and wouldn't even look at someone like me."

Nan Zhuren raised an eyebrow and said deliberately, as if chatting, "'Someone like you'? You're a university lecturer, a highly educated, high-status, and stable-income profession."

The visitor paused for a moment.

Then he forced a smile: "But this job, only those who actually do it know what it's like inside. I know I'm not a very capable person. As for my education, it's just because I didn't know what to do back then, so I just kept studying. I was also lucky to have kept having the opportunity to learn, and then I got a teaching position..."

Nan Zhuren nodded slightly, steer the conversation back on track, and confirmed, "So you still spend more time with your mother?"

The visitor nodded, straightened his posture, and answered methodically, as if answering a question in class: "You could say we're together all the time except for work. Eating, sleeping, daily life..."

……

Let the visitor take the lead, and gather information by supporting the visitor's words.

This process is almost over.

The visitor did say a lot and provided a lot of information, but her narrative lacked a key point—at least not a point that she subjectively understood.

Therefore, Nan Zhuren needs to personally point out this part.

He began to grasp the direction of the consultation.

"Teacher Lin." Nan Zhuren smiled slightly.

Let's ease the tension and lay the groundwork.

The visitor smiled, as if amused by the humor, and leaned forward slightly from his straight back.

"I've heard a lot from you just now, but I'm a little confused."

Nan Zhurendao, a standoff ensues.

“You’ve said a lot, and although these things are all told from your first-person perspective, it seems like the protagonist isn’t ‘you’.”

Nan Zhuren observed the other person's expression.

[Pause in movement, stiffness in the body—freezing reaction.]

Upward-curling eyebrows indicate surprise.

[And then the corners of his mouth—turned up?]

Nan Zhuren continued, "Of course, there is indeed a part about yourself in it, but for the majority of the text, you are describing another person—your mother."

Even the few parts that feature you are mostly 'you with your mother'.

This is the first question.

There is also a second question.

"But even if you keep narrating, the language you use to describe it remains very objective and formal."

Nan Zhuren described it as, "It's like telling someone else's story."

(End of this chapter)