Who would study psychology if they didn't have some kind of problem?

Chapter 276 Those Obedient Children

I'm happy because my child is obedient.

There's nothing wrong with that.

but--

"You think Xiao Jie makes things 'easy' for you, so what was your reaction afterward?"

Nan Zhuren asked a crucial question: "Is this why you want to 'save trouble' in your lives?"

This is a very sensitive question.

Dr. Chen did not answer this question.

The answer is obviously yes.

In families where parents are busy with work and often argue as a result, children often exhibit two extreme traits:
1. Become rebellious.

Second, behave obediently.

Chen Jie is clearly the latter.

For Dr. Chen and his wife, Chen Jie's performance was undoubtedly a stroke of luck.

Despite being busy with work, my daughter is so "sensible" that I don't need to spend much time taking care of her or worrying about her.

Then parents can more naturally and comfortably devote their energy to their work.

And because of this, they will go a step further—neglecting their daughters.

This forms a cycle.

Ultimately, this reduced their attention to their daughter to a critical point.

Nan Zhuren turned slightly to face Dr. Chen more directly: "You two used to argue frequently at home, and there was a possibility that Xiao Jie overheard these arguments. Did you try to comfort her or talk to her about it?"

Dr. Chen slowly shook his head: "No."

"what?"

"Because Xiao Jie... is sensible."

Nan Zhuren lowered her gaze.

He continued, "So, when she's at home, has Xiaojie ever proactively asked for anything? For example, the extracurricular classes or tutoring classes you mentioned, has she ever expressed a desire to learn them... or to put it another way, has she ever said she didn't want to learn them?"

Dr. Chen paused for a moment, then slowly shook his head.

"Xiao Jie... has never said anything, she's just... obedient."

“She not only never said anything about her studies... but also the decorations in her room, her clothes, and the places she goes out to play were all arranged by her mother and me; occasionally when she gets first place in a test or wins an award, and we go out for a nice meal to celebrate, she says she doesn't know and just listens to us…”

Nan Zhuren astutely captured a key phrase: "Celebrate with something delicious—do you know what Xiao Jie likes to eat?"

Dr. Chen answered very quickly this time.

He seemed like a drowning man grasping at a straw, desperately trying to prove something: "Grilled fish, Chaoshan hot pot, seafood and river delicacies; for home-style dishes, she especially likes bone broth, steamed fish, stir-fried beef with bean sprouts, tomato and egg, steamed egg custard..."

Nan Zhuren listened silently.

Dr. Chen had a deep memory of these things and could recite them without any difficulty.

Nan Zhuren even believes that after Chen Jie's death, Dr. Chen would often recall these things.

However, after Dr. Chen finished saying all that...

Nan Zhuren asked again quietly, "How did you know Xiao Jie likes these dishes? Did she specifically ask you to make them?"

"No, she didn't offer any suggestions. But when we ask, 'How about we have stir-fried beef with bean sprouts tomorrow?' she always happily agrees, and then she eats a lot at the table..."

Nan Zhuren nodded: "But, these are all dishes you like to eat, right? In the beginning, and even later on, you were the ones who took the initiative to make these dishes, right?"

Dr. Chen was startled.

He bent his neck and slowly placed his hand on his forehead. But this movement didn't seem to be enough to support him, so he completely collapsed and hugged his head with his arms.

In a daze, Dr. Chen felt as if something fundamental in his understanding had been shattered.

Some things collapsed, while others were rebuilt with the support of Nan Zhuren.

It seems that only now has Dr. Chen realized just how vast the difference is between what Nan Zhuren called "obedient" and "sensible".

And, just how big are the flaws in their family's once proudly harmonious parent-child relationship of "no disputes"?

……

Only now did they finally have an answer to the question raised by Dr. Chen that was acceptable to him.

Nan Zhuren continued his analysis.

It sounded like an explanation, but also like a word of comfort.

"In our psychology course, there is a course called 'Developmental Psychology,' which studies the psychological changes throughout a person's life."

"From the perspective of developmental psychology... obedient children are actually very bad, even very unhealthy."

Nan Zhuren explained: "People in their early years—or 'children'—need to constantly explore the world and form their own worldview. They need to constantly try and make mistakes through their own actions; and under the supervision and care of their parents, even if they make a 'mistake,' the consequences can usually be mitigated."

"This kind of 'trial and error' may seem like 'mischief' or 'troublemaking' to most people, but it is actually an important process for forming one's own worldview, outlook on life, and values."

Nan Zhuren's tone was very soft and gentle.

“But obedient children…they don’t have this process.”

Chen Jie was clearly the obedient child.

“Obedient children grow up completely dependent on their parents, who are like gods to them. But they learn very little, or almost nothing, from their parents – because all they have to do is obey.”

"When they leave their parents and start trying to live independently, they will find themselves suddenly without direction. They are almost unable to think independently, yet they are forced to think independently."

"This can lead to severe anxiety, depression, and other negative emotions."

“Some obedient children may grow up with some bumps and bruises; and because they don’t have their parents to support them, they have to pay a higher price than those who are naughty from a young age, but they can still learn and grow gradually.”

"As for the other group of children..."

At this point, Nan Zhuren sighed again.

“They… will go and find new ‘parents’ and then attach themselves to them.”

Nan Zhuren glanced at Dr. Chen and hesitated for a moment.

"Actually, I've always had a suspicion..."

"The reason why Lin Lilin's drug abuse was able to proceed so smoothly and to such an extent with Xiao Jie is probably because Xiao Jie has come to regard Lin Lilin as a new... 'father'."

The topic then turned to something too heavy.

Dr. Chen remained silent in response.

And that concludes Nan Zhuren's analysis.

Weng Pingting gripped the steering wheel and quickly turned left twice at the intersection ahead, causing the three people in the car to involuntarily lean their bodies, and then suddenly return to their original positions, as if they had been gently tossed up by a large hand.

"actually……"

Dr. Chen suddenly spoke up at this moment.

"Xiao Jie has made requests before."

Nan Zhuren looked over.

"When she was choosing her major for college, she wanted to study medicine."

"But we rejected her first and last wish. We felt that studying medicine was too difficult, and we all felt guilty for not being able to give Xiaojie a happier home with more companionship. We didn't want her to end up like us..."

(End of this chapter)