Who would study psychology if they didn't have some kind of problem?

Chapter 188 Facing Emotions, Consultation Ends

I wonder if Nan Zhuren saw something else through his eyes.

Zhuang Junzhe seemed uncomfortable, his nostrils flared a few times, then he abruptly lowered his head, refusing to meet Nan Zhuren's gaze.

But Nan Zhuren knew that the other party would listen attentively to every word he said.

Nan Zhuren continued, "Some people cannot face their own shortcomings, while others are the opposite; they cannot affirm their own excellence."

"Using humility and pressure to motivate yourself is not the only way; encouraging yourself with excellence and self-sufficiency can also lead to progress."

Upon hearing this, Zhuang Junzhe suddenly raised his head, as if seeking confirmation of something: "Isn't being humble wrong?"

Nan Zhuren said, "If this makes you uncomfortable and then bothers you, then it's not right."

Zhuang Junzhe was taken aback. He had anticipated that Nan Zhuren would give a negative answer, but he hadn't expected the process of arriving at the answer to be like this.

Isn't feeling uncomfortable because of humility a human problem?
"Feeling uncomfortable because of humility is not a problem with the person, but with the way 'humility' is expressed." As if she could read minds, Nan Zhuren's next question answered Zhuang Junzhe's doubts.

"Your way of being modest is a bit too much."

Nan Zhuren slowly said, "The emotions generated by the body are actually a feedback to the current situation; and the discomfort is the body trying to save itself, reminding you - this can't go on."

"Many educational methods now teach students to suppress and control their emotions, which is not wrong in a sense; but we cannot take a one-size-fits-all approach and suppress all emotions without explanation."

"Emotions are an important part of the body's feedback to the outside world, like a self-protection mechanism; negative emotions are like 'pain,' a warning sign of danger. When a person experiences extreme negative emotions, it is actually the body telling you that you need to escape the present moment as soon as possible, otherwise—the consequences are unimaginable."

Zhuang Junzhe once again had a sudden realization; Nan Zhuren's explanation of emotions was something he had never heard before.

But it's not over yet.

“At the same time,” Nan Zhuren said, “this is another problem of yours—you don’t face your own emotions. Xiao Zhuang, you’re a bit too rational.”

……

Zhuang Junzhe took a deep breath and asked, "Isn't being rational... a good thing?"

His voice inexplicably became weak.

Nan Zhuren nodded, then shook his head.

"'Rationality' is a good thing in itself. When you first came for counseling, you had a full understanding of your situation and a complete self-analysis. Few people your age can do that, and it helps you think."

Nan Zhuren's words sounded old-fashioned and arrogant.

“Reason itself is good,” he repeated, “but to pursue reason excessively—is not good.”

Zhuang Junzhe blinked, seemingly not understanding.

This was within Nan Zhuren's expectations, but instead of explaining it directly, he changed the subject:
"You did a great job with the girl who approached you first, then left you after a few dates, when you were doing Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) on your own."

Zhuang Junzhe felt the topic had changed a bit too quickly, but he still nodded, twitched the corners of his mouth, and showed the reaction of a humble person who was being praised.

"But when you're doing it, your emotional reaction is very strong."

Nan Zhuren pondered for a moment, then said bluntly, "You liked her, or at least you did like her. Although she was the one who took the initiative to approach you, you had already fallen for her during that process."

Zhuang Junzhe opened his mouth, as if he wanted to say something.

"Her departure, besides adding another layer of frustration caused by your 'denial of your abilities,' also brought a sadness that was almost like a breakup... no, it was 'just a breakup.'"

Zhuang Junzhe lowered his head.

“In this situation, you directly categorize her departure as a problem with your ‘ability’; and you use her as the trigger to ignite your past troubles, desperately wanting to solve this problem.” Zhuang Junzhe looked up: “What’s wrong with that? After an emotional setback… shouldn’t you move on as quickly as possible and get your life back to normal?”

Nan Zhuren nodded: "That's a very rational idea."

He looked into the visitor's eyes: "But—can a person be this rational?"

Zhuang Junzhe was stunned.

"No." Nan Zhuren answered his own question directly, "Humans are not absolutely rational; they are bound to be troubled by emotions."

"Because of rational thinking, you know the optimal solution to the problem and know what you should do. You know that in this situation, you need to get out of it as soon as possible, so you want to suppress your emotions and get back into work and life."

"But plans are plans, and practice is practice. When people want to put aside their emotions, their emotions don't listen so easily; unmanaged emotions will follow them around like a shadow, interfering with them, disrupting their lives and work, and creating a vicious cycle."

Nan Zhuren concluded: "This is what I mean—one cannot excessively pursue reason."

"As for the consequences of overly pursuing rationality that I just mentioned, you should have experienced them recently, which is why you came for consultation."

Zhuang Junzhe fell silent.

Nan Zhuren waited patiently.

Five breaths later, the visitor's voice rang out again: "...Teacher...what should I do?"

Nan Zhuren smiled: "Just like I said—accept your emotions."

"Many people feel that being heartbroken is 'weak,' so they pretend to be carefree. But—shouldn't it be normal to be heartbroken after a breakup?"

Nan Zhuren spoke slowly and steadily, with a firm strength: "Just like you get hungry if you don't eat for a long time, you get thirsty if you don't drink water for a long time, and you get tired after working all day, these are all bodily instincts—emotions are the same."

"You must allow emotions to arise and accept their arising. Face them and confront them; only then can you process them."

"If you're injured, you need to get treatment and recuperate; that's perfectly reasonable. Otherwise, it's like someone with a broken leg stubbornly trying to keep running—the consequences will be..."

Nan Zhuren shook his head, made a conflicted expression, and didn't continue.

Zhuang Junzhe's mind was in a mess. He had absorbed too much new knowledge at once, and he seemed to have lost the ability to think.

But he still subconsciously asked, "Then teacher, how should I deal with... the heartbreak after a breakup?"

The answer is quite simple.

Nan Zhuren reached out and gently placed her hand on the table, took the paper that Zhuang Junzhe had just used to practice Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy, and then folded it in half.

Make sure all the text above disappears from the visitor's sight.

"I taught you Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), but I don't want you to start using it immediately after leaving the consultation room. It's a method you'll use to regulate yourself in the next stage; for now—"

Nan Zhuren said matter-of-factly: "Like everyone who has just broken up with their boyfriend—reduce your work and studies, go out to eat and drink with friends, it doesn't matter if you get drunk and cry your heart out; you can also lie in bed for twelve hours a day and immerse yourself in memories, or you can watch some romance movies."

"But just like 'don't pursue rationality,' don't 'pursue heartbreak' excessively. Feel your emotions. If you feel you are still sad, continue the above process; if you feel you have recovered enough, and the remaining sadness is not as intense, then start using Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy to move on and get your life back on track."

“Some visitors get caught up in their emotions and end up needing psychological counseling because they can’t get out of it, but I believe you can find the right balance.”

Nan Zhuren smiled, concluding the consultation.

"Just like I said before—Xiao Zhuang, you are excellent."

At that moment, the minute hand of the wall clock also completed a full circle.

(End of this chapter)