Who would study psychology if they didn't have some kind of problem?

Chapter 187 needs the phrase "You are excellent."

What is the third answer to the question?

Nan Zhuren clasped his hands together and jumped from the right side of his chest to the left, as if sliding through time, turning his memories back to the not-so-distant past.

"In fact, if you compare your irrational beliefs with your rational beliefs, you will find that the irrational beliefs are all biased towards the negative and are a denial of yourself."

"Rational beliefs are all positive; they are affirmations of oneself."

"But when you are thinking, you discard all the rational beliefs that affirm you and only keep the irrational beliefs that deny you."

Nan Zhuren looked at the visitor again: "There seems to be a habitual trend."

The visitor, Zhuang Junzhe, was tall and thin with outstanding looks. Although his clothes were inexpensive, they were all carefully selected. Overall, he was a very pleasant person to be around.

At the same time, he is also a graduate student who jumped from an ordinary undergraduate university in a second-tier city to a top 985 university, Jiangnan University; as mentioned above, he has already done projects with his supervisor and received invitations from many organizations.

Based on Nan Zhuren's understanding of the graduate student community, someone who can achieve all of the above is definitely a prominent figure within the college, whether in the same year or across years.

It is something that, many years later, can still be mentioned by mentors as "I once supervised a student," "There used to be someone in the research group next door," or "There was a senior student in our college," thus inspiring younger students.

but--

"You seem to have a rather awkward way of responding to praise and affirmation."

“When I affirmed your ‘mindset’ and said you ‘are good at self-reflection,’ you were very calm, kept looking at me, and even smiled at me.”

“But when I praised you earlier for being able to ‘pass the postgraduate entrance exam in your fresh graduation year,’ you looked away.”

Nan Zhuren recalled: "I could sense that you were expecting my evaluation of the matter, and you were indeed happy after I affirmed it—but you didn't seem to accept such praise."

“You are not very willing to accept my affirmation of your ‘achievements’, nor are you willing to show your joy about them.”

"I'm curious about your attitude of treating the two differently."

The changes in the visitor's body were visible to the naked eye.

[Swallowing saliva, stiff neck muscles.]

[The lack of obvious body language, such as "crossing arms," ​​indicates a well-established therapeutic rapport.]

But without a doubt, she was nervous.

"This is because... um..."

Zhuang Junzhe's voice was somewhat hesitant, as if he was thinking while answering: "'Getting into graduate school' is something that happened in the past... Although it is indeed an achievement, it is definitely not useful for the future; moreover, exams involve a bit of luck, and my good grades in the past do not mean that I can always get good grades."

"But 'mindset' and such... are different. This is something I cultivated through a long period of effort, and it will continue to be useful in the future. I'm glad that this trait, which I developed through my own efforts, has been recognized by my teacher..."

Looking at the visitor's demeanor, Nan Zhuren suddenly offered a "positive regard" gesture: "You are very humble."

Without affirmation, denial, or hesitation, Zhuang Junzhe responded almost instinctively: "After all, humility leads to progress, while pride leads to decline."

This response came out extremely smoothly, as if it were something that had been thought of on the spot, but rather something that had been repeatedly polished, pondered, and absorbed in one's mind. It was something that had truly been engraved into one's motto, something that one would use to constantly spur oneself on.

Nan Zhuren asked, "This sentence seems to have great significance for you?"

Zhuang Junzhe subconsciously avoided eye contact: "This is my...father, who taught me from a young age."

The word "father" was used instead of "dad".

Nan Zhuren pursed her lips.

Nan Zhuren glanced at the wall clock. Time was running out. He might be able to get a general idea of ​​some deeper things now, but there wasn't enough time to analyze them. So, he decided to skip the dialogue and go straight to "teaching."

Even a little influence is beneficial.

“Xiao Zhuang—may I call you that—what I’m about to tell you might be a bit counterintuitive, and might even challenge the values ​​you’ve always held.”

Although Nan Zhuren was still smiling, his expression became slightly more serious; as compensation, he changed to a more affectionate form of address.

This posture was just like a teacher's, and Zhuang Junzhe subconsciously straightened his posture as well, and began to concentrate.

“You work very hard. I know students who have studied and taken exams all the way from a small town to where they are today. You must be constantly pushing yourself and never daring to slack off for a moment.”

"And I am even more certain that you motivate yourself by constantly putting pressure on yourself."

"And it's not just ordinary 'pressure,' it's almost 'suppression.'"

Zhuang Junzhe remained silent, still in the same position.

But he clenched his teeth and pursed his lips, as if he were enduring something.

[A stiff body, but a slight forward lean, does not necessarily indicate "dislike."]

[It's about resisting certain emotions or scenes that are being re-experienced.]

Nan Zhuren continued, "Like the thinking you just expressed in the Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy, you used to consistently discard your rational beliefs that affirmed you, only fixating on your irrational beliefs..."

At this point, Nan Zhuren made a slight detour.

“I’ve encountered students in similar situations to yours before,” Nan Zhuren said, looking into Zhuang Junzhe’s eyes. “Back then, they said, ‘Those seemingly reasonable beliefs are like making excuses for one’s own weakness.’”

Nan Zhuren observed every change in Zhuang Junzhe's eyes: "'Being inferior to others is being inferior to others. You shouldn't make excuses. Instead, you should use those excuses to motivate yourself so that you can improve.'"

"In other words, in order to 'progress,' these students will use some obviously flawed and irrational beliefs that are overgeneralized to negate themselves, thereby generating the motivation to progress."

"Just because—of habit."

"In the past, others rejected them; now, they reject themselves."

……

Something seemed to have been touched.

Zhuang Junzhe blinked rapidly and swallowed hard.

He then took a few deep breaths, as if trying to draw the courage from the air into his body.

He then spoke, his voice low and inexplicably hoarse: "Teacher, what did you say to them back then?"

Nan Zhuren smiled.

I told them—

He lowered his voice and softened his tone:

"You've always worked really hard."

"Besides, you are excellent."

(End of this chapter)