Who would study psychology if they didn't have some kind of problem?

Chapter 145 Three Choices
If we want Li Minglu's situation to improve, then any intervention related to his "perception of life" is no longer a direction that can be effective in a short period of time.

Of course, this is a problem that must be solved. But there are priorities, and Nan Zhuren plans to put this problem on hold for now.

He wanted to change the direction of intervention and improve Li Minglu's condition as quickly as possible.

Fortunately, the information they had just gathered wasn't entirely useless; Nan Zhuren even felt that he already knew the answer to the next question.

However, out of caution, Nan Zhuren still did not make any hasty guesses.

Further investigation is needed.

……

Nan Zhuren handed a tissue from the table to Li Minglu: "Now I know why you are so determined about your 'ideal life'. If I had gone through all that, my thoughts wouldn't be any different from yours."

First, based on empathy, offer support to the client who is at an emotional low.

This helps pull the other person out of their current emotions and gives them the energy to continue the conversation.

Li Minglu took two deep breaths, took the tissue, and said, "Thank you."

Nan Zhuren forcefully raised the corners of her mouth and cheeks, then quickly lowered them, revealing a smile meant to comfort her.

"I now understand why your [cognition] is so solid."

After Li Minglu's emotions calmed down, Nan Zhuren ended the empathy session and brought the topic back to counseling.

"But you also have an unusually stubborn attitude towards your own 'realistic' factors. This makes me a little puzzled."

Nan Zhuren stated his question directly.

“When you were telling me about your week, you expressed strong aversion to the idea of ​​your wife taking you to meet her friends, but in the end you suppressed your dissatisfaction and chose to endure it.”

Nan Zhuren recounted the details with great familiarity: "Besides here, you also expressed dissatisfaction when describing 'life now' and 'life in the past,' and the dissatisfaction was mainly concentrated when you mentioned the word 'wife.'"

"Your words didn't actually contain any negative adjectives; you embellished your expression. But emotions—emotions can't be hidden."

Nan Zhuren looked at Li Minglu and said, "You're dissatisfied with your wife."

Li Minglu opened his mouth as if he wanted to say something, but stopped after taking a deep breath.

[The act of refuting, and subconsciously at that, has become almost a conditioned reflex.]

However, because the consulting relationship had been built up quite solidly, Nan Zhuren was now able to freely explore the places that Li Minglu had been protecting and hiding.

therefore.

"Am I... dissatisfied with Sui Sui?" Li Minglu didn't immediately refute Nan Zhuren, but instead asked himself a question.

At this point, he also changed his way of addressing his wife to a nickname.

This is an alternative form of defense, except that the target of the defense is not Nan Zhuren.

“You’re dissatisfied with her.” Nan Zhuren chose to break through this defense directly.

Li Minglu let out a long sigh, then sank into the sofa as if he had lost most of his strength.

"I shouldn't have been dissatisfied with her."

[Feeling guilty.]

Nan Zhuren understands.

Then continue reading the expressions.

Is this guilt... very similar to the guilt I felt when I was reminiscing about my parents?

No, it's not similar, it's related.

Nan Zhuren was puzzled for a moment, but then quickly understood.

Nan Zhuren said, "When your family had that accident, your wife—who was just your girlfriend at the time, or even not your girlfriend yet—stayed by your side the whole time, right?"

Li Minglu's clenched hands suddenly clenched tightly again. "Teacher Nan... how could you tell?"

Nan Zhuren did not respond, but simply smiled.

Li Minglu didn't want an answer; his eyes simply turned sorrowful: "Yes, I'm very grateful to her. She stayed with me the whole time; without her... I probably wouldn't have made it through that period."

Nan Zhuren paused for a moment.

"Besides gratitude, do you feel guilty about this?"

Li Minglu replied without hesitation, "Yes. Because I believe that in a relationship, both parties should support each other. But during that time, I did almost nothing; it was just her making the sacrifices..."

Okay, I feel grateful and guilty.

In addition to taking care of him now due to his depression, I also feel a layer of gratitude and guilt.

How can you ever repay the kindness your wife has shown you?

……

When one experiences a sudden and significant change and is comforted by others, feelings of gratitude and even guilt arise. This is the effect of a sense of unworthiness.

In addition to feeling unworthy, Li Minglu is now exhibiting a layer of excessive self-blame.

This is also an important manifestation of depression. In this state, the patient will feel guilty when blamed, guilty when cared for, and guilty even when they have done nothing or been done for by others.

It's hard to say whether excessive self-blame is a cause or a symptom of depression, but once it appears, its interference with cognition is terrifying.

Including the previous topics of cognitive dissonance and regression, this consultation covered a lot of information.

But this is normal. A mental illness that develops over many years can have a variety of causes, symptoms, and manifestations.

That's why intervention is so difficult.

Nan Zhuren paused for a moment, then decided to interrupt Li Minglu's recollection.

If Li Minglu is allowed to continue dwelling on his memories, his current way of thinking will interfere with subsequent consultations.

All the information has been obtained, and Li Minglu has been adjusted to the most suitable state by Nan Zhuren.

Nan Zhuren is preparing to bring this consultation to a close.

He went straight to the "Summary" and began to drastically adjust the direction of the consultation.

"When we were discussing the main causes of your current 'situation', we mentioned [cognitive dissonance]."

"To solve this problem, you either need to adjust your perception or change your reality."

Nan Zhuren's tone and posture changed, causing Li Minglu to involuntarily become fully focused.

"In my opinion, the best thing you can do in the current situation is to change reality."

"There are three main options in this direction."

Nan Zhuren looked into Li Minglu's eyes and spoke slowly, bit by bit.

He can give Li Minglu general directions, but he can't help visitors make direct decisions.

Therefore, he had to explain each point in detail, while observing Li Minglu's expressions during the process.

"The most straightforward method is to break away from your current life and end the family that causes you distress."

"Second, you must strive to change your family's situation and bring it closer to your ideals."

"Third, your wife works hard—making your family life closer to your ideal."

Nan Zhuren watched Li Minglu's reaction to the three choices.

(End of this chapter)