Who would study psychology if they didn't have some kind of problem?

Chapter 144 The Most Unsolvable Trauma

Nan Zhuren organized his thoughts, trying to steer the consultation in the direction of the "best strategy."

"Compared to your current situation, I am more curious about your cognition, or rather, the power and motivation that supports your cognition."

“Your understanding of your ‘ideal life’ is quite firm—a firmness that surpasses that of most people I know.”

"You're so determined that no matter what happens to you, you're unwilling to compromise."

Nan Zhuren spoke slowly, her gaze sincere: "Can I know why?"

When it comes to topics about the "backstory," it's often easier to uncover deeper issues.

Nan Zhuren anticipated that he was about to create something big.

Of course, such open-ended questions also carry the risk of visitors simply answering "I don't know," which can be awkward.

Fortunately, after such a long conversation, Nan Zhuren had opened up Li Minglu's mind, and he would no longer set up self-protective "defenses".

Therefore, after hearing Nan Zhuren's words, Li Minglu only thought for a moment before immediately replying:
"Because...that's how it used to be in my house."

"The life I'm talking about is actually the life I lived when I was a child."

……

Li Minglu answered quickly, which shows that he has always had a clear mind, knows what he wants, and knows why he wants them.

This demonstrates his strong motivation.

At the same time, the topic has finally seen a breakthrough in its extension.

As is customary, Nan Zhuren would now take the opportunity to ask, "Have you discussed your life with your father and mother?"

but.

Nan Zhuren's eyes narrowed.

[Wide nostrils, furrowed brow, downturned corners of the mouth and eyes.]

[Hands clasped together in fists, trembling, as if suppressing extreme emotions.]

Sadness? No, something more serious than sadness...

[Much more serious...]

There's no longer a need to read micro-expressions.

Li Minglu's eyes reddened at a visible speed.

[...is "grief".]

Nan Zhuren paused, swallowing back the words that were about to come out.

Then, involuntarily, he leaned forward to appear concerned.

He lowered his voice, changed direction, and spoke in an unusually gentle tone: "Our counseling seems to have never touched on your family—your family of origin."

The soothing effect of Nan Zhuren's voice was effective.

Li Minglu's eyes reddened, but he remained calm and didn't break down.

He continued, following Nan Zhuren's words, "In my previous consultations, I never mentioned my family's problems."

It's been almost two years since I've even reached out to my family?

Nan Zhuren frowned.

……

"Family of origin" is a simple noun, a neutral term. It carries no negative or positive connotations.

But the public has given "family of origin" a certain connotation. Nan Zhuren doesn't know whether this is a good thing or a bad thing.

Meanwhile, the public's perception of the problems stemming from one's family of origin has already undergone several reversals.

From "Don't blame your family of origin for your own shortcomings," to "Any problem can be traced back to the family of origin," and then to "If it's a problem with the family of origin, you can determine your family background." While attributing all responsibility and consequences to the "family of origin" is indeed irresponsible.

However, the influence of one's family of origin is indeed the greatest and most stable.

After two years of discussions, the issue of family problems has not been addressed. Either the counselor's focus is not on delving into the issues, or Li Minglu is simply too defensive about this topic.

……

Thinking of this, Nan Zhuren subconsciously became cautious and repeated his explanation of Li Minglu's words.

"You seem reluctant to talk about your family of origin."

Li Minglu nodded after hearing Nan Zhuren's words.

"Correct."

His voice was muffled: "Because my parents are no longer here."

The body begins to curl up.

It means "regression."

Regression is a psychological defense mechanism proposed by the psychoanalytic school. It refers to the phenomenon where people, when faced with setbacks or abnormal states such as anxiety or stress, abandon the relatively mature environmental adaptation skills they have learned and regress to using certain behaviors from earlier stages of life to satisfy certain desires.

Regression can manifest on multiple levels, including in emotions, behaviors, and thoughts.

Li Minglu's curled-up posture at this moment is an outward manifestation of behavioral regression.

Nan Zhuren could also guarantee that the other party definitely had some mental regression.

"Mom and Dad... are both gone." Nan Zhuren drew out his words and lowered his tone to express his regret and empathy.

He then asked, "When did this happen?"

Li Minglu took deep breaths, his chest heaving violently.

“Mom, I was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer when I was in high school. Everything happened so fast. I was a senior in high school and living at school. My family didn't tell me until after my college entrance exams…”

Li Minglu held his forehead with his hand, as if his neck was no longer strong enough to support his thinking head.

"My dad passed away when I was a sophomore in college, from a sudden heart attack. He's been living alone ever since my mom passed away, with no one to take care of him..."

Nan Zhuren understood even more.

"You feel guilty about your parents' passing. You blame yourself for not being able to see your mother one last time and for not being able to take good care of your father because you were in college."

"……Correct."

The logic regarding cognition is all explained.

The happy childhood gave Li Minglu the most beautiful memories, which should have become his great strength in the future.

But before this force could be transformed into a pillar, it collapsed completely within just three years.

So, what takes its place is—trauma!
"You are still blaming yourself, unable to reconcile with yourself, unable to let go of the past."

Nan Zhuren offered another explanation: "The 'ideal life' you pursue is partly a longing for your past family, and partly an act of 'atonement.' You feel that only by becoming a parent like your former parents, providing your children with a family environment similar to yours, can you be worthy of the deceased."

Nan Zhuren's words struck at the very core of Li Minglu's thinking, uncovering the most tightly wrapped part of his logic.

"Yes." Li Minglu nodded repeatedly, tears streaming down his face.

This time, Nan Zhuren did not try to appease Li Minglu's emotions, but let him vent.

Nan Zhuren has gathered almost all the information he needed. He now understands why Li Minglu has such a strong motivation to maintain his own cognition, and why he is so determined to direct that motivation towards himself.

To solve this problem, we must undoubtedly confront Li Minglu's trauma.

This trauma is associated with the death of a loved one and the breakdown of a family, making it the most difficult type of destructive trauma to intervene in.

It might even accompany you for a lifetime.

(End of this chapter)