Fatal Desire

Chapter 147 What She Wanted Was Very Simple

Language is sometimes inadequate.

The explanation only has a brief moment to truly take effect; once that moment is over, it's gone.

Song Xi didn't want to tell Zhao Yansen much about her meeting with Gu Beixiao.

Her emotions rose and fell suddenly; her eyes hurt, and her head ached.

After all that fuss, Song Xi had almost forgotten what she truly needed.

She doesn't actually need him to admit he loves her, so what does she need?

No matter how hard she racked her brains, she couldn't remember.

Song Xi had a splitting headache and clenched her fist to pound her head.

Noticing her actions, Zhao Yansen grabbed both of her hands with one hand and frowned: "Headache?"

Song Xi's face was deathly pale, and her voice was weak and feeble: "Can you please leave me alone?"

“Back then, when you sent me abroad, I begged you so many times, but you still insisted on sending me. Even if I understand your intentions now, so what? You've seen it yourself, I'm no longer the Song Xi I used to be.”

Twenty-three-year-old Song Xi could not forgive him on behalf of eighteen-year-old Song Xi.

The pain and torment of those years, and the resulting mental illnesses, cannot be erased.

Sea snails look strange, yet they have a calming effect. They have no concept of social life and grow quietly. However, they possess a strong sense of individual dignity.

In the past, Song Xi was like a conch shell, possessing extremely strong individual dignity. She abandoned her personal dignity to beg him, only to be trampled to pieces.

Song Xi spoke vaguely, but Zhao Yansen understood what he meant.

Or rather, he understood what she meant from the beginning, but he felt that her safety and her future were more important than anything else.

Zhao Yansen gently cupped Song Xi's cheek with his large hand, leaned closer to her, his high, straight nose pressed intimately against hers, his voice deep and solemn:
Sending you abroad was a mistake. I shouldn't have sent you away in the first place. I apologize, I'm sorry, please forgive me.

She repeatedly said that he never thought he had gone too far.

Actually, what she wanted was very simple.

She just wanted him to admit he was wrong, to apologize to Song Xi who was shattered like glass back then, to pick up the pieces of the past Song Xi piece by piece even with his hands full of scars, and to hear him say sorry.

In an instant, Song Xi's tears burst forth. She hugged Zhao Yansen's neck, her tears falling onto the nape of his neck: "How could you be so cruel to me? During the four years I was abroad, I hated you so much, but I couldn't really hate you. I just... I just missed you so much."

"It won't happen again. I miss you too." Zhao Yansen sighed, gently patting her back to comfort her.

"I...I begged you so much, how could you be so heartless?" Song Xi sobbed, crying out, "I'm almost driven crazy by my brother."

Was she driven mad by him?
Who's really upset whom?

Zhao Yansen found it amusing, but also secretly breathed a sigh of relief. His tone was helpless: "Stop crying, or you'll get dehydrated."

As a result, she cried even harder.

After a moment, the tear ducts stopped working.

Song Xi buried her face in Zhao Yansen's shoulder, wiping her tears all over him: "My eyes hurt so much..."

"Let me see."

Zhao Yansen pinched the back of her neck, slightly widening the distance between them, and looked down into her eyes. Her eyes were red and wet, a sight that was heartbreaking to see.

He frowned slightly: "Go to the hospital for a check-up."

"No need to go to the hospital, it's probably because you cried too much." Song Xi shook her head.

Zhao Yansen studied her face for a moment, his dark eyes deep, and asked again, "Do you still want your brother now?"

Song Xi looked up at him, paused for a moment, and said, "Yes, I want it."

Upon hearing this, Zhao Yansen's brows relaxed, and most of the heavy burden on his heart was lifted.

"What about Gu Beixiao?"

"Gu Beixiao? Who?" Song Xi feigned ignorance, her face full of innocence. "I don't know him."

Zhao Yansen laughed and didn't argue with her anymore.

He reached into the back seat, pulled out a delicate cake box, slowly unwrapped it, and handed her a fork: "Have something sweet."

Song Xi sniffed and took a small bite. The cake was petite, with green apple puree and vanilla cream pudding, sandwiched with passion fruit cream cheese, and a crispy almond cookie base. You could even taste a few walnut pieces. It was absolutely divine.

"When did you buy the cake, brother?" she asked, looking up with sparkling eyes.

"On the way." Zhao Yansen reached out and tucked her stray hairs behind her ear.

Song Xi said "Oh" and continued eating cake to replenish her energy.

Zhao Yansen watched her eat the cake quietly, quite naturally, and Song Xi accepted it as usual.

The two lived peacefully together, just like many times before.

When Song Xi was seventeen, Meng Weixian organized some close classmates to go camping in the snow-capped mountains and enjoy the starry sky and celestial phenomena.

At nine o'clock at night, a heavy snow fell, burying most of the roads and footprints, and everything in sight was a vast expanse of white.

Song Xi was all alone in the tent and began to feel scared, so she called Zhao Yansen.

She spoke haltingly, her pronunciation erratic, but Zhao Yansen still understood her.

The last sentence was that he wanted to eat cake.

Zhao Yansen always handled her affairs personally, including this time. A helicopter arrived carrying supplies and freshly baked cakes.

Hearing the noise, Song Xi excitedly ran out to greet them, but she didn't pay attention and tripped, rolling around three or four times in the snow.

Zhao Yansen frowned and went over to check her body. She wasn't injured, but she had a mouthful of snow.

He didn't give her another chance to jump around. He grabbed her arm, squatted down with his back to her, and easily carried her on his back.

They walked in the darkness along the deep snow.

Song Xi chattered incessantly on Zhao Yansen's back, "Brother, did you bring a cake?"

"Bring it."

"Great! My classmates and I came here to ski, and before we even got to ski, we've already eaten snow twice."

Zhao Yansen frowned slightly: "You fell twice?"

"Yes! The first time was when we first came here and had a snowball fight," Song Xi said.

"Come with me later, we're going to the hospital for a checkup."

"That won't do! I made plans to compete with my classmates."

Song Xi was sickly from a young age, but she loved to play. She would become depressed if she wasn't allowed to play. Zhao Yansen found her a ski instructor, and she learned diligently and improved quickly. Later, she learned piano, horseback riding, traditional Chinese painting… Gradually, she developed a dream, dedicating herself to the medical industry, developing drugs to treat cancer, and becoming increasingly energetic.

Zhao Yansen didn't scold her, he just said, "Your health is the most important thing, so be obedient."

“When I was little, every time my mom went out, I would cling to her and she would tell me to be good.” Song Xi leaned against his broad back and asked out of the blue, “Did your mom often tell you to be good too?”

Zhao Yansen remained silent.

After a long silence, he suddenly smiled and said, "There's no chance."

A sudden flash of inspiration struck Song Xi, and she angrily smacked her forehead.

Oh dear, how could I have forgotten about that?

Zhao Yansen's tone showed no sadness whatsoever, but Song Xi felt that she had brought up her brother's painful past.

Although she didn't have parents, she did have an aunt. Later, her aunt got married and had children, so she spent less time with her, but she got a new brother.

Throughout Song Xi's childhood, she was accompanied and cared for by her elders, while her brother was not.

My brother wasn't born an elder.

Song Xi wrapped her arms around Zhao Yansen's neck, her warm breath brushing against his skin, and whispered in his ear, "I'm sorry."

Zhao Yansen glanced at her sideways, then subtly looked away.

That "I'm sorry" came from the lonely yet dazzling snowy night, traveling through a time tunnel, and reappeared between the two of them.

Song Xi's answer resonated perfectly with him.

The snowstorm never stopped, and they remained together.