Late Ming Dynasty: So what if Emperor Chongzhen was inactive?!

Chapter 4 The emperor was so poor he was urinating blood! Where did all the money go?!
Zhu Youjian was somewhat troubled and finally understood the emperor's helplessness. Theoretically, the emperor could do whatever he wanted, but in reality, whenever he did something out of line, someone would inevitably step in to stop him. So, was it feasible to force things forward? Actually, it wasn't impossible, but it would come at a price.

For example, his current reluctance to make Lady Zhou empress has put pressure on him from both Lady Zhou and her sister-in-law. It's foreseeable that this matter, once it escalates, might even attract the attention of officials outside the court. After all, empress, empress dowager, and crown prince are not merely titles; they are positions wielding immense power!
If the selection process is simply carried out step by step, then the foreign officials can't really say anything. But if any unexpected changes occur, then there will be a huge uproar, which could even escalate into factional strife or even civil war!

This made Zhu Youjian feel somewhat awkward, as if everything had returned to its original course. His best option was to ensure Zhou's smooth ascension to the position of empress, rather than making changes to satisfy his whims. Perhaps this is why so many Ming emperors were eccentric and rebellious—because they were constantly compromising.

The meal ended up making everyone unhappy.

The next day at the small court assembly, Zhu Youjian sat upright on the dragon throne in the Hall of Supreme Harmony, his eyes still sleepy.

Last night I was thinking about things and came to the conclusion that my life was destined to be a tragedy, so I couldn't sleep because of it. The so-called tragedy is an unsolvable dilemma, where no matter which choice you make, it's wrong. The protagonist of a tragedy is often trapped in a structural predicament where everyone is right, there is no absolutely bad person, yet the final outcome is an inevitable slide into the abyss.

Furthermore, the weather was incredibly hot, and the bamboo wife he was carrying was soaked with sweat. Can you believe there were mosquitoes in the palace?! Zhu Youjian felt utterly lonely being emperor. The buzzing mosquitoes kept him awake, and he arranged for palace maids and eunuchs to help drive them away, but having someone standing next to him felt like a thorn in his back, making it impossible to sleep.

Zhu Youjian looked at the civil and military officials lined up on either side of the main hall, each one looking quite spirited, and he became furious. These scoundrels, in winter they have maids to warm their beds, and young girls of sixteen or eighty hold the stinky feet of an eighty-two-year-old man, warming them with their soft breasts; in summer they probably don't even lack ice, living more comfortably than he, the emperor.

Have you not heard that in winter there is a charcoal tribute, in summer there is an ice tribute, and there are also farewell tributes, festival tributes, birthday tributes, congratulatory tributes, door tributes, and even the mother's tribute of rouge and powder to the women of the superior's family!

He, as emperor, has to pay for tribute and return gifts for receiving it. These people just take it all! Who is the real emperor here?

It's like eating pickled vegetables and tofu; even the emperor can't compare to me.

After Zhu Youjian sat down, four men dressed in flying fish robes cracked their whips. The whips, amplified by three mechanical phenomena, eventually exceeded the speed of sound, emitting a sharp, explosive crack. Three cracks of the whips signaled the start of the court assembly.

Hundreds of officials knelt in a dense mass, performing the five bows and three kowtows. Looking around, the front was red, the middle blue, and the back green, forming the three primary colors of optics. Zhu Youjian observed his hundreds of henchmen and noticed that not a single one of them had a buttocks as round, perky, and alluring as Song Jiang, played by Li Xuejian.

Civil officials' robes were embroidered with birds, while military officials' robes were embroidered with beasts. Civil officials were on the right, and military officials were on the left.

In ancient China, the left was considered superior. Xu Da's appointment as Left Chancellor underscores the fact that, at the beginning of the Ming Dynasty, military officers held a higher status than civil officials. However, after the Tumu Crisis, the military's backbone was broken. Now, although a group of dukes and earls still fill positions in the court, they often merely stand there as figureheads, remaining silent on important matters of state.

Even their primary responsibility, concerning military affairs, was taken over by the Ministry of War. The Five Military Commissions became mere puppets. In reality, according to the normal structure, the Ministry of War was just a department that provided logistical support to the army, at most acting as the military police. Now, however, they were doing everything at once, with the commanders-in-chief necessarily being civil officials, and military commanders becoming as rare as pandas.

Let professionals do professional things. If you use civil officials to command troops, who can you blame if you can't beat the wild boar? Of course, according to the theory of a makeshift team, anyone can be in charge, and eventually you can always find a few talented people.

Indeed, chaotic times produce heroes, and the survival-of-the-fittest mentality of the late Ming Dynasty sifted out a large number of talented individuals. Unfortunately, what good are talents if they are ultimately dragged down and killed by the beasts of the court? After the ceremony, officials from the Court of State Ceremonies began to announce the list of officials who had matters to report: Xue Fengxiang, Minister of Works; Fang Zhuangli, Minister of Personnel; Lai Zongdao, Minister of Rites; Guo Yunhou, Minister of Revenue; Cui Chengxiu, Minister of War…

"Cui Chengxiu?!" Zhu Youjian frowned. This man was a member of the eunuch faction. Actually, it didn't matter which faction he belonged to; there were all sorts of strange people who were neither from nor from any faction. But he couldn't be a useless person.

Zhu Youjian decided to make changes, to get rid of this useless person and replace him with someone knowledgeable in military affairs. The country was on the verge of collapse; the Ministry of War was extremely important. How could he allow such a useless person to remain in this position?

Who should replace her? Zhu Youjian was racking his brains, unable to think of a suitable replacement. This was truly a difficult task for him. He was face-blind, unaware of his wife's beauty, and didn't recognize many officials. He would easily confuse the four Grand Secretaries if he didn't think carefully.

The cattle and horses of the Court of State Ceremonial were unaware of the emperor's deep thoughts; he continued to shout the news at the top of his lungs.

"Even the Five Military Commands have come back to life?!" Zhu Youjian sensed a dangerous atmosphere; it seemed that today's court meeting was about to become quite interesting.

The Central Army Commander Zhang Weixian, the Vanguard Army Commander Huang Wei, and the Rear Army Commander Hei Yunlong jointly submitted a memorial. What kind of names are these? Zhu Youjian thought to himself, "Huang Wei is an amateur..." "Second Battalion Commander, where the hell is my Italian cannon?!"

After the announcement was read aloud, the officials on the list began to formally present their reports in order.

The Minister of Works, Xue Fengxiang, that old scoundrel, said that the construction plan for Emperor Xizong's mausoleum has been completed. It will be modeled after the Qingling Mausoleum of Emperor Taichang, Zhu Changluo, known as the "One-Month Emperor," and the budget will be 200 million taels of silver.

Guo Yunhou, Minister of Revenue, said, "I work from 8 a.m. I have no money, but I can take your life. The Ministry of Revenue can contribute a maximum of one million taels of silver. The Emperor can figure out the rest."

Zhu Youjian wanted to say, "I miss you, mother. I'm the emperor, and it's already good that I don't take money from the national treasury to fill my own private coffers. You actually have your eyes on my pitiful private treasury."

After Wanli's death, rumors circulated that the emperor's private treasury contained thirty million taels of silver. These officials, believing the emperor to be very wealthy, brazenly asked him for money whenever they needed it. Although Zhu Yijun (Emperor Wanli) was frugal his entire life and had indeed saved some money, he certainly didn't have thirty million taels; he didn't even have ten million. Then came the disastrous defeat at Sarhu, and the Tianqi era was also turbulent, with uprisings here and border raids there, and the money had long since been spent.

When Zhu Youjian ascended the throne, he checked the accounts and found that the imperial treasury had only 404,000 taels of silver left. This amount of money was barely enough to feed the tens of thousands of eunuchs and palace maids in the palace. Their wages were in arrears and could not be paid. He was even afraid that he would be strangled to death by a palace maid who was driven mad by poverty in the middle of the night.

Why palace maids? Because eunuchs always found ways to make money for themselves, while palace maids could only hope for rewards from their mistresses, and even if they stole something, it was difficult to sell it.

Zhu Youjian discovered they were stealing but didn't want to interfere—that's only human nature. He himself was tempted to steal; rather than let them sell it cheaply, he'd rather auction it off publicly himself. Shame?! Which is more important, face or head?!

(End of this chapter)