Inheriting a Taoist temple, the story begins with Wu Zetian offering incense.

Chapter 182 Dongfang Shuo: Your Majesty, I want to take a gamble! [Seeking monthly votes]

It was noon in the world of Emperor Wu of the Western Han Dynasty.

Liu Che, with his hands behind his back, strode to the altar set up by Dongfang Shuo and asked with a smile:
Have the gods appeared?

Dongfang Shuo forced a smile:
"No, this morning the sky was cloudless and there wasn't even a breath of wind."

Liu Che laughed heartily:
"Since they didn't come, it means they don't object. Let's continue building the Yiyuan Platform. I'm still waiting to hear the teachings of Immortal Yiyuan."

After saying this, he picked up the red dates from the offering table and ate them. Dongfang Shuo said:

"These are offerings to the gods. You're eating them before they've even been taken down. Aren't you afraid the gods will be angry?"

Liu Che spat out the date pit and said in a loud and boisterous manner:
"I have a lifespan of seventy years. Even if the gods wanted to punish me, they would have to wait forty years... A date can be remembered for forty years. Are the gods really that petty?"

Dongfang Shuo opened his mouth, wanting to refute, but then felt that what he said was indeed true, so he simply grabbed a date and started eating it.

Liu Che was immediately delighted:

Why are you eating too?

"The food for the guests has been prepared, but the guests have not shown up yet. I can't let myself starve to death just because the guests aren't coming."

Liu Che waved his hand:

"Take these offerings back and eat them. I need to check today's military situation."

Upon hearing this, Dongfang Shuo quickly blocked Liu Che's path:

“Your Majesty, during the Jianyuan era, you summoned virtuous and talented people from all over the country. I submitted a letter recommending myself and thus obtained an official position… But I want to be a general commanding troops, not a close advisor who tells jokes to amuse you.”

Liu Che was somewhat curious:

Why did you suddenly decide to lead troops?

Dongfang Shuo rolled up his sleeves and vigorously flexed his biceps:

"I heard that Su Jia went to the battlefield to earn military merit, and I also want to go and try my luck!"

When Liu Che first ascended the throne, he summoned virtuous and talented people from all over the country. Dongfang Shuo from Pingyuan County wrote an extremely long self-recommendation letter, which used more than 3,000 bamboo slips and filled an entire cart. It took Liu Che more than two months to read it.

After reading it, Liu Che felt much healthier... Moving those bamboo slips around was more effective than lifting weights. However, it was this longest self-recommendation letter in history that made Liu Che remember Dongfang Shuo. He thought the man was quite interesting and summoned him to Chang'an to await orders.

Dongfang Shuo was nine feet three inches tall, which, in modern terms, is roughly between two and a half meters. Such a large man was indeed suited for the battlefield to earn military merit.

But this guy had a strangely comical quality from the self-recommendation incident, and he was also very witty in his daily speech, so Liu Che appointed him as Grand Master of the Palace and kept him by his side.

Upon suddenly hearing this large man request to go to the battlefield, Liu Che said:
"You're almost forty and you're still clamoring to kill the enemy. Are you planning to go to the battlefield and tell jokes to make the Huns laugh to death?"

Dongfang Shuo bowed and said:
"If I can make them laugh to death, that will be my achievement. At that time, I would like Your Majesty to bestow upon me the title of Marquis of Joy or Marquis of Laughter."

Liu Che raised his wrist and looked at the digital watch that Huo Qubing had sent via messenger:

"I'll also call you 'Sassy Monkey.' First, build the Yiyuan Terrace. When Wei Qing and Huo Qubing return, if you can defeat Wei Qing in the sand table simulation or Huo Qubing in the cavalry duel, I will appoint you as Protector-General. If not, you'll stay in Chang'an and tell me jokes."

After saying this, Liu Che strode out.

Dongfang Shuo pursued relentlessly:
"The General is preoccupied with official duties and may not have the time... What do you think of the analysis with Li Guang? Everyone in Chang'an says that Li Guang's strategies are unparalleled, and the Xiongnu people are terrified of him. I am not talented, but I am willing to challenge the highest peak of the Han Dynasty!"

Liu Che said in an annoyed tone:

"Get out of my way! Do you really think I'm so old and blind that I don't know who's a fraud?"

While the emperor and his minister were negotiating, on the northern grasslands of Dingxiang, the brothers Su Jia and Su Wu finally found the location of the central army and reported to Wei Qing.

When Sima Qian saw his colleagues arrive, he warmly served them a pot of stewed horse meat.

"If you two had arrived two days earlier, you could have gotten some of the credit for defeating the Xiongnu. That night, our special forces launched the first attack and fought until our wrists were swollen. It was so exhilarating."

The battle alone resulted in the deaths of over ten thousand horses. Recently, the army has been eating nothing but horse meat. Huo Qubing even had the meat cut into large pieces, rubbed with salt from a nearby salt lake, and then hung up to dry. This is all top-quality food and cannot be wasted.

Zhang Qian rode up on horseback, handing two roasted potatoes to Su Jia and Su Wu:
"Two days have passed, and the Xiongnu's provisions are still burning. These are potatoes that Huo Biaoyao buried. They are soft and glutinous. You brothers should try them. After you have eaten, the general will arrange military affairs for you."

Although you can't earn military merit by killing enemies, you can still do some odd jobs. Anyway, as long as you win a battle, you will be rewarded.

Moreover, if Su Jia, who was in charge of the pursuit, made a great contribution, the two brothers might be granted a title such as Marquis of Guannei... It was very common in the Han Dynasty for a father's great merits to benefit his children.

As they were talking, a scout's voice came through the walkie-talkie:

"Reporting to the General: We have found the Xiongnu's reserve provisions in the Daqingshan area. There are more than a hundred stacks of them, and the preliminary estimate of the amount of millet and other grains is tens of thousands of shi!"

Upon hearing this, everyone was so excited they couldn't sit still. Wei Qing picked up the walkie-talkie and gave the order:
"All provisions must be sealed immediately, and no Xiongnu shall approach within one mile." After such a great victory, the depleted provisions have been replenished instantly, and there is even a surplus, which greatly boosts morale.

Gongsun Ao had thought he could only reap some credit for his victory, but when he saw the Xiongnu's grain stacks, he was so excited that he almost fell off his horse.

After giving his orders, Wei Qing dispatched a portion of the central army to the Daqingshan Mountains to assist Gongsun Ao and to capture all the Xiongnu herders.

The herders in the Daqingshan area were surrendered Xiongnu people, but the fact that Xiongnu granaries appeared nearby indicates that these herders were not truly loyal.

If they're not sincere, then arrest them and have them repair the roads!
Recently, Wei Qing has been reading a lot of military works and historical books from later generations. The more he reads, the more he realizes that blind forgiveness will not gain support, but will instead breed a tiger that will cause trouble.

The best solution is still labor reform. Only by making these herders suffer enough will they cherish the hard-won peace.

Huo Qubing reminded him:

“Master said that we should eradicate their history. He suggested that we educate the next generation of Xiongnu people to be Han Chinese. After three to five generations, everyone will be Han Chinese and no one will know about the Xiongnu.”

Wei Qing thought his nephew's suggestion was good, but he was only a Grand General, not the Chancellor, and could not overstep his bounds.
"When you return to Chang'an, tell His Majesty that I am only responsible for fighting and will not concern myself with anything else."

Knowing his uncle's temperament, Huo Qubing didn't try to persuade him further, but instead brought up another matter:

"In later generations, there were the Ten Philosophers of the Martial Temple. The selection criteria was that they had to have military writings. Uncle, when you have time, why don't you summarize the key points of those large-scale battles? I've looked through the whole history, and there aren't many generals who can command hundreds of thousands of troops. Your disadvantage is that you don't have any military treatises to pass down to you."

Wei Qing nodded:

"I understand. Once your men have rested, they can head in the same direction as Su Jian and his men to scout out the battle situation ahead."

"Follow the order!"

Meanwhile, inside the Hunyuan Palace, Zhou Yi changed the incense in the Zhongtian Hall and sat in the hall looking at his phone.

Just then, the blind man suddenly called:

"Did you go to a villa community a couple of days ago?"

Zhou Yi nodded:
"Yes, I heard from Boss Fang that the villa at the very back of their community is inhabited by a director of the Feng Shui and Folk Customs Association. I think this is a blessing from nature, so I wanted to go and harvest some of it... What's wrong, Lao Han? Is this blessing about to bite?"

The blind man said:

"No, it's just that it has attracted even greater merit. I've invited a few friends to go to another city to hunt them down. You shouldn't get involved, and don't come to the city recently. After I finish what I'm doing, I'll deal with that director with you. He's extremely good at controlling other people's fates, and I'm worried you'll fall for it."

Zhou Yi felt that Lao Han was overthinking things. How could a mere evil cultivator dare to touch his destiny? Wasn't that courting death?
However, just in case, Master Zhou slyly stuffed Wang Lingguan's red leaf into his pocket... Now, that evil cultivator could gamble on whether Wang Lingguan was a good-tempered immortal.

The blind man continued:

"Several directors have fled to the provincial capital. I have successfully obtained the legal person status and ownership of the association. Are you interested in joining the association?"

Zhou Yi refused, saying:
“No interest, but I can introduce Uncle Ming to your association later. He’s quite well-informed and can help me search for some uncommon wild merits.”

Although Zhou Yi confirmed that Lao Han was not a bad person, he still habitually emphasized merit when chatting with him.

I'm here to accumulate merit; if you dare lay a finger on me, the patriarch will not forgive you.

The blind man said:

"Jiang Wenming's fate is full of ups and downs. Only when he is near you is his life stable and on the rise. Just wait, he will come to you for protection."

Oh dear, it sounds like Uncle Ming will be coming after by his enemies.

So it's not unreasonable to ask him for a Yangwang U8 this time, right?

After hanging up the phone, Zhou Yi went outside. The scorching sun was blinding, but in terms of the efficiency of photovoltaic power generation, the power output in this kind of weather would be absolutely phenomenal.

He went to the kitchen, took a bottle of chilled mineral water from the refrigerator, unscrewed it, and took a big gulp. The refreshing feeling made him breathe a sigh of relief.

He was the only one at Hunyuan Palace today, and he just had some hot and sour noodles for lunch.

If there's nothing to do in the evening, I'll go down the mountain to town for a good meal. I can't treat myself badly just because I'm all alone.

The path to immortality is long and arduous; be kind to yourself.

Back in the Zhongtian Palace, Zhou Yi sat down and was just about to think about what to eat for dinner when he suddenly felt a pang of heart palpitation. Then, the leaves in his arms gradually warmed up, and the statue of the Ziwei Emperor next to him seemed to come alive, its eyes becoming very bright.

Zhou Yi patted his chest and took a couple of breaths.

Once the palpitations subsided, he immediately ran to the Sanqing Hall and took out the Bagua abacus hidden under the offering table, intending to find out where the palpitations came from.

I was just saying that evil cultivators wouldn't dare to attack me, but I didn't expect to be proven wrong so quickly.

That's perfect, giving the Taoist priest a reason and motivation to go down the mountain and eliminate demons!
(End of this chapter)