Shocking! The school heartthrob who was adopted by a wealthy family is actually a heiress!

Chapter 342 Safe Word

Lin Jianwei: "The core idea of ​​this guide is that your goal is not to 'cure' her, but to create an absolutely safe environment for her so that her brain can heal itself."

"As for how to become her safe base, we must first reach a consensus on three things."

First, this is neither your fault nor hers. It's her nervous system's self-protective mechanism based on past trauma, something that reason cannot control. Don't personalize her reaction.

Second, our goal is 'safety,' not 'sex' or 'outcome.' The success of an interaction is not measured by the completion of some intimate act, but by whether she felt safer and more trusting.

Third, you are a 'teammate' or 'safety officer,' not a therapist. You are not responsible for solving problems, but for providing support, patience, and adhering to the rules we have established together.

Your own feelings and emotions are just as important. You don't need to, and shouldn't, give up your hobbies and friends. On the contrary, you should have your own hobbies, friends, and personal time. If you have any questions or need an outlet for your emotions, feel free to reach out to me anytime.

After her introduction, she outlined some specific behavioral guidelines.

The core principle of all actions is PAC (Personalized Conduct).

P-Predicatable means that all actions should be predictable and communicated.

A-Ask, continuously obtaining verbal consent.

C-Calm's calmness was a guarantee of her security.

Shen Yanci had read relevant books beforehand and quickly understood the plan and ideas proposed by Lin Jianwei.

Lin Jianwei also answered the questions he was concerned about.

During the joint talks, the main topics were confirming safety terms and the "intimacy gradient table".

Lin Jianwei first welcomed Shen Yanci and set the tone for the meeting. She then gently questioned and tested Shen Yanci, allowing Qin Zhao to hear firsthand that he truly understood her situation.

“Very good.” She looked at the two of them. “So, our goal is to learn together to make your interactions feel safer and more relaxed, rather than immediately reaching a certain level of intimacy, right?”

Qin Zhao pursed her lips slightly, glancing at Shen Yanci out of the corner of her eye. Shen Yanci's voice clearly reached her ears: "Yes."

He seemed to notice Qin Zhao's gaze, turned his head slightly, and smiled at her.

Lin Jianwei took out a consent form and had the two of them sign it.

Shen Yanci cooperated well throughout the process, and Lin Jianwei smiled when she saw Qin Zhao relax.

The second part mainly consists of skills instruction and practice.

Includes "check-in" techniques, instruction and practice of safe words, and creating intimate lists.

Lin Chien-wei: "Let's practice using the 'in' tool first. This isn't an interrogation, but rather like a dashboard, it's about looking at readings."

She looked at Qin Zhao: "If we score from 0 to 10, where 0 is complete relaxation and 10 is extreme anxiety, what is your score now?"

Qin Zhao paused for a moment: "3 points."

“Very good, the 3 points you gave is a very important statistic.”

Lin Jianwei looked at Shen Yanci: "Yanci, I'd like you to recall a detail. When we were signing and confirming the consensus, I noticed that you were very serious and calm. At that moment, I observed that Zhaozhao's body relaxed a bit."

“What I want to point out is that it’s very likely that your calm and non-reactive attitude created a safe space for her, allowing her to remain in that 3-point state.” “Your calmness just now was itself a silent, powerful support. It conveyed the message: I can handle your situation, I won’t panic, I’ll be there for you.”

Shen Yanci knew that Lin Jianwei might be trying to empower or affirm him by creating a success story and building a positive perception of hope for them.

His heart skipped a beat.

He looked up and found that Qin Zhao was also looking at him.

Lin Jianwei: "So, we have learned an important pattern. Yan Ci's calmness + Zhao Zhao's perception and observation - enhances the sense of security."

Please remember this pattern. Yanci, your stability is her most important source of security. And Zhaozhao, keenly sensing this security and thus relaxing, is our core objective.

After the "check-in" exercise, it was time for the safe word section.

Qin Zhao chose "lemon" as a safe word, and looked at Shen Yanci: "Is that okay?"

When she was pursuing him, she gave him a lemon and said he smelled very good.

What's the difference between this and adding "I like you" after calling it off?
Shen Yanci's Adam's apple bobbed, and he lifted his eyelids slightly: "Okay."

During the safety word practice, Qin Zhao and Shen Yanci held hands, and she said the safety word to him.

She hesitated for a moment, then said, "Lemon."

Lin Jianwei observed and instructed from the side: "Okay, Yanci, you heard the lemon. Now do the first step, gently release your hands and step back a little to create some physical space."

After Shen Yanci finished, she continued to instruct: "Now proceed to the second step. Ask her in a calm tone whether you need space or a quiet hug."

"Zhaozhao, now please answer him based on your true feelings."

Qin Zhao's fingers curled slightly: "Space."

Shen Yanci looked down at her, his voice low and magnetic: "Okay. Do you want me to stay here quietly with you, or do you want to wait for you in the lounge?"

Qin Zhao's eyelashes trembled slightly, and his calm and focused face was reflected in his light-colored eyes.

Lin Jianwei's face showed an expression of admiration: "Wow! Please pause for a moment. Yan Ci's response just now was a textbook answer, far exceeding my expectations."

She turned to Qin Zhao and asked, "Zhao Zhao, I want to confirm something with you. When you heard Yan Ci say that, especially when you heard the option 'quietly staying here with you,' what was your first feeling? Did you feel deeply understood and supported?"

Qin Zhao: "Yes."

Their condition was much better than she had expected. Lin Jian smiled slightly and said, "Then let's take a look together at why this answer was so excellent. What makes it so good?"

"First of all, 'okay,' immediate agreement, without hesitation or thought, conveys unconditional acceptance."

Secondly, by starting with the phrase "you want," all control is completely and thoroughly handed over to the other party.

'Quietly keeping you company' is an empathetic insight. It shows that you understand space is sometimes not about physical distance, but about pressure-free companionship. It not only provides a sense of security but also avoids feelings of loneliness…

These parts combined mean, in words, that I fully accept your needs and deeply understand that your needs may have different levels. Whatever you want, I can provide it.

She looked at Yanci and praised her, "Yanci, this shows that you understand how to create an absolutely safe and supportive environment. You have very strong empathy and insight. Please remember what you said and how you felt when you said it. That's the support and sense of security you gave her."