Horse-head Wall Reflects the Qing Dynasty

Chapter 79 For whom does a stick of incense burn, and what words are uttered under half a candle?

She stuck the last incense stick in her thumb and forefinger together, straightened her bent back, and saw her senior brother standing facing her. Liu Yuzhi's gaze softened with a hint of composure.

The green hills cannot block out the long clouds, and Liu Yuzhi's sorrow cannot conceal the clarity that should be in her heart.

The cigarette smoke drew flowing lines like seal script characters, intertwining with the unrestrained clouds in the sky, and disappearing into the depths of the green mountains.

“There are some things they have to do themselves; asking them won’t help.” Noticing Liu Yuzhi’s gaze, the senior brother said helplessly, “Why don’t you go back to the Liu family and stay with her? It’s better than just thinking about it here.”

Liu Yuzhi sighed at her senior brother's words, thinking of her strong-willed cousin Jiao'an, who secretly longed for someone to rely on. Every word she uttered was filled with sorrow: "After all, he is her father. How can I get involved in this?"

"Then what exactly is your purpose?"

"For what?" Liu Yuzhi couldn't understand her senior brother's meaning for a moment, muttering and repeating his words. "What exactly is it for?"

"for what?"

Even the most enlightened Taoist is not a god. Gods still abide by the laws of heaven because they may make mistakes, let alone humans—Liu Yuzhi can advise the world, but she cannot advise herself.

Therefore, things that were clearly clear to her, she couldn't even understand her senior brother's question at this point. What Liu Yuzhi couldn't understand was actually her own heart.

“If you want your cousin's future to be peaceful, then you should advise her to follow the proper order of father and son. If it is for the truth and for her own happiness, then you should let her do what she wants.”

Standing aside, the senior brother was naturally insightful and did not criticize Liu Yuzhi's confused state of mind: "No matter what the outcome is, at least this life will not have been in vain."

"As family members, of course no one wants their loved ones to be hurt."

"But you also need to think clearly: are you trying to help your cousin, or are you trying to help her achieve what they want?"

Liu Yuzhi remained silent, not revealing her true feelings, as her senior brother's words made sense.

Just as Liu Yuzhi was thinking about how to respond to her senior brother's words with her own confusion, the latter suddenly changed the subject and brought up Guan Yin: "That girl who came with her is very insightful. Some of her ideas are definitely not something that ordinary people can teach."

The rising wisps of smoke drifted towards the two people who were talking, eager to hear some stories from them.

But Liu Yuzhi and her senior brother remained silent. The former stared blankly at the latter, who looked back at her... Finally, Liu Yuzhi set off and walked towards the Ancestral Hall not far away.

The Ancestral Hall enshrines Zhenwu the Great, and it is usually crowded with worshippers, most of whom come here to draw lots. The Zhenwu lot in the hall is exceptionally accurate, and people who come here for wealth, education, or children do not miss it.

This was the first time Liu Yuzhi had touched the divination sticks in the hall outside of her duties, but it wasn't for her own sake.

“You’ve never even consulted a fortune teller for your own sake.” The senior brother followed behind, knowing that Liu Yuzhi would even need him to interpret the fortune herself, otherwise she wouldn’t be able to calm down. As soon as the latter shook the fortune slip to the ground, the senior brother stood up and focused his gaze on the fortune slip in front of him.

"Brother, this..."

The divination slip was not good; it was even a very ominous sign, indicating that someone in the family would inevitably suffer injury or death. This was Liu Yuzhi's first time drawing the slip, but she had already interpreted it thousands of times before.

The fortune stick on the ground wasn't exactly common, but she remembered that both the richly dressed and the destitute had drawn it. So, when Liu Yuzhi saw the number on the stick, she was startled.

She didn't even dare to let her senior brother interpret her fortune.

"Every fortune stick has its good and bad aspects. If fate is predetermined by this little bamboo stick, then what's the point of drawing a fortune stick?"

Seeing Liu Yuzhi's current dejected state, the senior brother, who had been joking just moments before, couldn't help but feel a surge of anger. Therefore, his words were no longer as gentle as before: "If you can't even see this clearly, how are you any different from those pilgrims coming and going? What are you seeking—immortality, immortality, and enlightenment?"

“Senior brother, this is a matter of life and death. If it were just me, it would be one thing, but my cousin… she’s clearly not going to find an enemy, but her own father.” Liu Yuzhi never expected to receive such a fortune slip.

Whether it's a bumpy road or being trapped in an inescapable cycle, it shouldn't result in "casualties." Does Jiao'an and her father really intend to fight to the point of no return?

From what perspective do you view this matter? Do you hope to obtain the truth or a so-called peaceful resolution?

Liu Yuzhi understood that her senior brother's words made sense, and she had even said the same thing to her own cousin, but she couldn't get over it in her heart...

"Calm down and think about it yourself. 'Those who are attached to something do not understand morality.' You should think clearly about what you are attached to, rather than worrying about it in a confused way."

The senior brother's words made Liu Yuzhi, who was already at a loss for words, even more silent. She nodded, respectfully put the bamboo sticks and the stick container back in their original places, bowed three times to the statue of Zhenwu the Great, and then turned around and walked out of the main hall.

That night, the candlelight was dim, and Liu Yuzhi still couldn't sleep. She sat up and flipped through the scripture in front of her, the "Taishang Laojun Shuo Chang Qingjing Jing"—a scripture that she had memorized long ago, but even now she couldn't suppress the melancholy in her heart.

"If only..." Under the same dim light, Guan Yin muttered to himself in thought.

She overheard the conversation between the two students that morning, yet no one suspected her identity. Although there was nothing that could threaten Guan Yin, the students' use of "older sister" or "studying" still filled Guan Yin's heart with worry.

If his identity were discovered, Guan Yin felt there would still be countless ways to resolve the issue, both directly and indirectly. However, the social environment was something Guan Yin wanted to do but knew he couldn't overcome.

Even though the brothers knew that their sister was better suited for studying.

These brothers clearly had no interest in studying; they preferred to inherit the family business and become merchants.

As a result... things didn't go as planned. Even if those girls wanted to study, and even if their parents were relatively open-minded, they could only hire a tutor to come to their home... It was almost as if they would have to walk out of this door for the rest of their lives and then into the next door.

Why can't we teach them?

What good would it do to teach them? They'd have ideas, but they'd still have to go through the same steps, and even after receiving an education, they'd still be taught the meaning of "marriage." Even with an education, they couldn't do what they wanted to do…

Guan Yin, a teacher, couldn't stand such situations. Whenever she saw such information in the news, she would always feel sorry for their misfortune and angry at their lack of resistance. But when she was actually in such an environment, Guan Yin realized that there was so little she could do. Even if they fought, they would only be shattered to pieces.

The dim light shone on him, and Guan Yin frowned, unsure of what he could do or say, let alone change anything.

"I might as well take the imperial examination myself. Even if I fail to enter officialdom, at least I can give a group of young women hope."

While he told himself this, Guan Yin knew perfectly well that those women who "stood up" in history were still repeatedly condemned by historians.

Guan Yin also understood that this was not an adversarial relationship between men and women, but rather a matter of choosing and negotiating interests.

"And what should we do then?"

"So what?" Guan Yin was only brought back to his senses when a drop of ink from his hand spilled onto the Xuan paper. His gaze fell on the students' smudged homework, and he suddenly remembered an interesting story that had once circulated online.

The young teacher spilled oil from spicy snacks on a student's test paper. She tried everything—stamps, drawings—to barely cover the stain. When Cheng Heng couldn't think of a solution, he could still meet Guan Yin in his dreams and seek solace from him.

But at this moment, Guan Yin was all alone in the not-so-small room, silently facing the dim light, thinking about things he knew were impossible.

Since he couldn't change an era, Guan Yin's reluctance to change history was also an excuse for himself to escape.

Guan Yin, of course, could not admit that this was his excuse. So such light, such loneliness, it was hard not to affect one's emotions—Guan Yin even worried that one day he might be driven mad by this environment before he could find a way back.

"Guan Yin, what exactly are you after?"

"Did you do this for me?"

When an unfamiliar voice rang in his ears, Guan Yin knew he was dreaming.

They were on a mountain again, surrounded by clouds and mist. Looking down through the clouds, Guan Yin saw the familiar Taoist temple, and in his eyes, he saw that familiar figure—Liu Jiao'an's aunt.

So Guan Yin naturally felt relieved.

"for……"

Is it for the sake of going back, or for the sake of uncovering the truth?
"If you don't know how to get back, why don't you just think about the truth?" The voice still echoed in Guan Yin's ears.

"You're Tongtong? You are..."

"No, I am not Tongtong." The other person's voice was calm and frank, clearly indicating that they had no intention of teasing Guan Yin.

So Guan Yin decided to listen carefully. She knew that going back was a vague and distant goal, while the truth seemed to be the foundation for her and the people around her to live a good life.

"Guan Yin, of course you want to go back."

"Yes." This was utter nonsense. Even with Guan Yin's good temper, he didn't want to hear these obvious facts when he was already worried.

Guan Yin could no longer bear it and shouted at the person who refused to show himself, "So what? So who are you?"

"I am you."

"Are you me?" Guan Yin felt like he was going crazy, actually talking to himself in his dream.

Even in my dreams, I feel self-loathing, and I can't control what another so-called "self" says or thinks.

"You grew up in this new era, how can you be so superstitious?"

"Who's superstitious?" Guan Yin retorted instinctively. "When did I become superstitious? It's just these dreams..."

"I am you, your subconscious."

Guan Yin was curious whether his subconscious was a type of argumentative personality. No matter what he said, the other person could immediately retort—this wasn't his personality, so how could it be his subconscious?

"You've figured it out, so go to sleep."

As expected, Guan Yin did not dream again. When he woke up, he felt dizzy and had a slight headache.

Looking up, he saw that the window opposite was open, and the night wind from last night had been blowing directly on Guan Yin all night.

"Sir's voice is..."

Guan Yin's cold made it exceptionally difficult to imitate Cheng Jianwei's original voice. Fortunately, the students only took it as a common cold and didn't think much of it—after all, what the teacher said was even more profound than before.

This different perspective allowed students to see more possibilities for their lives and future.

"It's nothing, just a bit of a cold." Guan Yin rubbed his temples, trying to avoid thinking about last night's dream again and again.

Last night's dream made me even more disoriented.

The so-called "subconscious mind" doesn't actually say anything, but it evokes the thoughts in one's heart.

What is it for?
“I’m not just doing this for my cousin, but also for the truth of the past… I still remember the Ghost Festival back then, and I still remember those ordinary people.” After a night, Liu Yuzhi suddenly found her senior brother, and the first words she spoke were still a little disorganized, as if she hadn’t sorted out her thoughts.

"Once you've done it once, you'll naturally do it again."

"If honest officials are truly wronged and corrupt officials are allowed to go unpunished, wouldn't such things happen again in the future?"

"If those people are not punished, they will naturally think that these things have no cost, and they will do them again and again."

“They don’t think that if it doesn’t happen to them this time, it might happen to them next time… or that their descendants might encounter the same thing but have nowhere to seek justice, or even lose their lives.”

"Ah."

The senior brother knew that Liu Yuzhi had figured things out.

"I figured it out."

It is the “purity”, “nothingness”, “mind”, and “desire” in the scriptures that ultimately lead to the discovery of the “formless, emotionless, and nameless” Great Dao, which becomes the mother of all things.

"I think these things should be done for an answer, not for anyone else."

"So, are you going down the mountain to find her?" Instead of following up on Liu Yuzhi's words, the senior brother threw his question at her, "If you want to go down the mountain, I'll prepare more money for you."

"If you want to go, your senior brother and master will not stop you."

The surrounding clouds and smoke seemed to freeze because of Liu Yuzhi's silence, but this stillness did not last long. A moment later, the senior brother saw the person in front of him shake her head.

"We'll support whatever you want to do. Actually, you..."

"No, I won't go down the mountain."

“Let her do what she wants on the mountain,” Liu Yuzhi said. “If she comes looking for me, I will help her. I believe she will never lose in her pursuit of the truth and her innocence.”