Huayu: I'm reborn, but you still force me to be a scumbag?

Chapter 526 Tokyo is no longer part of China

"OK, let me conduct the interview."

In Nanjing, China, on a laptop screen in a dormitory at Nanjing University of Aeronautics and Astronautics, a black-haired man walks off the stage and into the front row of the audience seats.

"Come here, you, please tell me, which country is Venice in?"

A Black man sitting on the right side of the first row stood up and answered without hesitation, "Spain."

Chen Duling burst out laughing.

"Hahahaha..." Laughter came from behind her; it was Zhang Yunfen from the next bed: "Really? You didn't even know? Is this an act?"

Li Qian, who was on the other side of the bed, explained: "It's all staged. SNL shows are all pre-arranged. This black man is one of their show's hosts."

"Haha, so it's a skit." Zhang Yunfen said with a laugh.

At the same time, laughter from the audience could be heard from the computer speakers.

However, Chen Nuo on the screen didn't laugh. Instead, he said seriously, "Very good. You actually know about Spain. Not many Americans know that. Brother, what do you do in America? I bet it's a high-end profession."

The Black man answered with pride, "Yes, that's right, I'm a programmer."

"Hahahahahahaha..." The black man had barely finished speaking when laughter from the audience erupted again from the computer speakers.

"What's so funny?" Zhang Yunfen asked, puzzled.

Li Qian asked, "Are there any Black programmers?"

Zhang Yunfen suddenly realized, "Oh, I see... Oh well, never mind, I'm not going to watch anymore. I can't even understand the English, let alone the meaning. I can't do it."

Zhang Yunfen seemed to have left, and Chen Duling didn't turn back.

At this moment, Chen Nuo's expression was still clearly visible on the computer screen in front of her—the live TV website's picture quality wasn't high.

He asked seriously, "Programmers are very ambitious, writing a lot of code every day using all sorts of complex and difficult computer languages. So, Mr. Programmer, do you know how to spell Spanish?"

“Of course,” the Black man said earnestly. “SPEIN.”

"very good."

Amidst a burst of laughter from the audience.

Chen Nuo returned to the stage, holding the microphone in his right hand and pointing to the audience with his left, "American."

"Hahahahaha." The laughter from the audience on the screen grew louder and louder.

Chen Duling finally couldn't hold back and burst into laughter, which was a bit unbecoming of her image.

Li Qian, who was behind her, laughed and said, "Chen Nuo is too mean, insulting someone to their face."

Zhang Yunfen's voice: "This is called cursing you while still making money off you. Amazing."

Li Qian said, "Fen, why are you talking like that? It sounds like you've betrayed us."

“I’m not a fan of his now, I’m just stating the facts,” Zhang Yunfen said. “Let me know when you’re done reading, I’ll read for a while, and then we can go out for dinner together.”

I heard the sound of turning pages behind me.

This kind of thing—trying to read a book around noon on Sundays, when it's almost lunchtime—is quite common at China Southern Airlines. So, Li Qian agreed and simply moved a stool over to sit next to Chen Duling and look at the laptop with her.

While looking at the computer screen, he clicked his tongue and said, "To be fair, Chen Nuo is indeed good-looking, don't you think?"

If it were before, Chen Duling would have readily agreed, but now... she felt embarrassed, so she nodded without saying anything.

Li Qian said, "It's just that his brainless fans are too brainless and ruin his public image. They're always criticizing this person for not being good enough or that person for not being good enough. What's so great about them? If you ask me, it wouldn't be a bad thing for my Liu Yifei to break up with him sooner. Don't you think so?"

Chen Duling looked at the man standing on the stage on the screen.

Behind him was the SNL band, guitarist, drummer, keyboardist, saxophonist, young and old, standing on the brightly lit stage, making him look as if he were back on the Cannes awards stage.

That feeling...

Chen Duling didn't know how to describe it.

However, for a 90s-born young person like her who grew up in the Hong Kong and Taiwan cultural circles and was influenced by Hollywood and American culture, if someone had told her 10 years ago, or even 5 years ago, that one day, the Chinese-speaking world could also produce a true superstar who stands at the forefront of international trends.

She would definitely think she was daydreaming.

It wasn't just her; Chen Duling felt that perhaps everyone in her generation felt the same way.

And if someone actually does achieve this one day, they won't be very happy. Instead, they'll start picking on all sorts of flaws in that person, and perhaps they'll even have a vague thought that they hope that person will fall from grace.

This mentality can be described as a rebellious mentality or a kind of stubbornness, but Chen Duling knew that most of the haters on Chen Nuo's website came from this.

Li Qian's case was relatively mild; the other woman's condition was actually much more severe than Li Qian's.

Logically speaking, this disease is not easy to treat.

Unless, of course, he is your roommate's older brother.

Chen Duling said, "Yes, I think so too."

Upon hearing this, Li Qian immediately perked up and said, "That's right! Looks like Lingling, you haven't betrayed us, haha. In this world, no one can live without anyone else. Besides, it's not appropriate for an employee and boss to date. Liu Yifei might be better off developing her own career independently than at Huanxin, where she'd be competing with Fan Binbing..."

Before he could finish speaking, he was interrupted by the sound of a door opening.

Before the person even appeared, the voice arrived: "Damn, Old Liu has really gone mad. He's been nagging me for almost an hour. How's it going? Has it started yet?"

Li Qian immediately stopped talking and gave her a wink.

Chen Duling ignored her, stood up, turned around and said, "It's starting, Xiao Yi, come on."

Pan Shouyi rushed in, panting, and stood up, asking, "How long has it been going on?"

"Not long after, come on, Xiao Yi, sit here with me."

"Oh, no, you can sit here."

"It's alright, sit down, sit closer so you can see clearly. I'll go get a stool." Chen Duling pulled Pan Shouyi over to sit down and went to get a stool from Pan Shouyi's bedside.

Li Qian, who was standing next to her, didn't show it on her face, but she was really surprised inside.

Their roommate, the school beauty, has always been extremely aloof.

Even though she was close to Pan Shouyi last semester, it was obvious to everyone that it was all just a case of the red flower needing green leaves to set it off. Perhaps only Pan Shouyi, a country bumpkin from Xichuan, was too oblivious to notice. Even though Zhang Yunfen, who also came from a less-than-ideal background, was much more perceptive, she was well aware of this.

but now?
The pretty and charming campus belle from Nanjing University personally carried a stool over and sat behind the dark-skinned girl from Xichuan. She also took out a bag of Fujian dried meat from her drawer and said, "Here, Xiaoyi, have this to fill your stomach first."

Good heavens! Li Qian has been sitting here for so long, her stomach has been growling countless times, and this person hasn't even given her a single shred of meat to eat!
How did our relationship become so much better after traveling abroad together?

Also, these two people are from completely different parts of the country, how did they end up going abroad together? Judging from Pan Shouyi's appearance, they don't seem to come from a family that can afford a trip to Europe. Is Chen Duling's family really that well-off that her parents would be willing to spend money to send an ordinary classmate, who's just there as a foil, on a trip to Europe?
I can't figure it out. I can't figure it out.

But when asked, both Chen Duling and Pan Shouyi gave evasive answers, and no one knew what secret they were hiding.

How curious.

There aren't many idiots who can get into China Southern Airlines.

Li Qian stood silently to the side, her eyes flashing with thought. Chen Duling noticed this, after all, the fact that she and Pan Shouyi had taken leave without permission to travel abroad was the talk of the class, and many people wanted to know what had happened. Even the counselor, Lao Liu, had called Pan Shouyi over earlier to inquire about the situation. In ordinary university life, this was indeed something that would arouse curiosity.

However, Chen Duling only glanced at it and didn't pay much attention to it.

Guess, guess whatever you want, just like she broke up with her ex-boyfriend yesterday.

Who could have guessed?
After all, the truth is so bizarre that even if it were told, perhaps no one would believe it. How much effort did it take for her to believe it all in the first place?
"Hahahahaha..."

Just as Chen Duling and Li Qian were lost in their own thoughts, Pan Shouyi, who was sitting in front of his laptop, suddenly burst into a loud laugh that was hard to describe. "Hahahaha, my brother... oh my god, I'm dying of laughter."

……

Chen Nuo was unaware that a girl in China described his behavior as "cursing people and making money off them."

Otherwise, he should feel quite wronged.

Because, clearly, he didn't write the script.

He can only fill in the blanks with his own ideas, but the main storyline of tonight's topic was written in advance by the SNL writers.

What is it written?

According to what the writers said in the previous meeting room, after the production team surveyed their SNL fans, they found that after watching him host the Golden Globe Awards, what these SNL fans most wanted to see him perform on SNL was to hear him roast people.

To this, Chen Nuo could only say, "As expected of SNL airing late at night, the fans all have heavy tastes."

After discussion, the show's writers decided to follow the fans' wishes and include him in the script to criticize people.

Who are they going to criticize?
The target wasn't just anyone, it was the Americans.

According to the writers, this would surely create a deep sense of immersion for SNL fans, bringing them to a climax.

What is Chen Nuo supposed to do?
As a guest there to promote the TV series, he naturally had no choice but to follow the director's orders.

After using his Venice Film Festival award as an opening joke, the teleprompter in front of him began to read: "When I first came to America..."

Chen Nuo said, "Can someone give me a cigarette?"

"Hahahahahaha!"

The laughter, screams, and cheers that this sentence elicited were even more enthusiastic than the opening skit.

Chen Nuo looked around and saw countless hands raised in both the upper and lower tiers of the audience seats. He observed for a moment and then pointed to a woman in her thirties who looked like a housewife in the front row.

The brown-haired woman gasped, immediately pulled a pack of Marlboros from her bag, rushed over, and tried to shove the whole pack at him. Chen Nuo shook his head and said, "Just one. I only need one."

The woman smiled shyly, took out a cigarette, handed it to him, and thoughtfully took out a lighter.

Chen Nuo observed the smoke and then smelled it.

He was about to return to China, so he couldn't afford to joke around.

However, it's really not satisfying without having one.

Perhaps only on a stage as unrestrained as SNL can he truly be a person without any inhibitions. It must be said, isn't this another kind of performance, and doesn't it give him a sense of release and exhilaration?

He lit a cigarette and took a drag.

The audience erupted in cheers once again.

Exhaling a puff of pale blue smoke, Chen Nuo said, "To be honest, that guy was nothing special. I'm used to the way you Americans behave. When I first came to America, I was preparing to audition for Warner Bros."

In the US, to be an actor, you need to register as a member of a union. So I went with my agent.

The person in charge of this at the LA Actors Guild was a woman in her forties. She was very kind and welcoming, and didn't look down on me because of my age. After learning I wanted to register as a member, she personally helped me with everything. She was especially happy when she learned I was from China, saying she loves China and had just gone to Tokyo with her family for vacation last year.

"My expression at the time was like this..."

Chen Nuo's eyes widened suddenly, revealing an expression of disbelief and disbelief at his hearing.

Upon seeing this, Pan Shouyi smiled, and Chen Duling smiled too.

The Americans at the scene laughed even harder.

Chen Nuo laughed and said, "Then I said, I'm sorry, ma'am, maybe one day it will be Chinese, but right now, it certainly isn't."

The audience burst into laughter again.

Chen Nuo said, “I see you’re all laughing, but I bet more than half of you are faking it. You’re thinking to yourselves, ‘What the hell is he talking about? Tokyo isn’t in China?’ while clapping your hands, nodding and smiling at me, as if you know everything.”

"Hahahahahaha."

The laughter from the audience suddenly grew even louder.

Chen Nuo took a drag of his cigarette, a pack, and enjoyed the laughter.

It has to be said that sometimes this sense of presence is a different kind of exhilarating experience than hearing the audience applaud your performance in a movie theater.

This feeling is like an emotional amplifier.

Chen Nuo said, "Of course I won't blame her, because it's obvious that Americans are very, very interested in China, right? Am I wrong?"

A cheer immediately erupted from the crowd.

Chen Nuo smiled and said, "But when you talk about China, it feels like you're talking about some alien country, like some strange kingdom on Pandora where everyone has blue skin, long ears, and can summon dragons... To be honest, that's probably what you're all thinking right now, right? You're probably thinking that if this yellow-skinned kid gets upset, he might summon a dragon to kill everyone, so let's just laugh it off."

"Hahahahahaha~~"

In the studio.

Lorne Michaels laughed as he said, "You know what, Don, what I love most about him is when he's rambling on like this. It's definitely a talent. I don't know if it has anything to do with his acting, but I just want to say that although we've had a lot of big stars on SNL, and there are even bigger stars than him, if he could be a regular on SNL, I'd be willing to give him $50 a episode. Because the audience might be happy to listen to him ramble on for an hour. At least I would be."

Director Don Roy King looked at the monitor and said calmly, "I heard that his total salary for this TV series is over $4000 million. If it's $50 per episode, our contract might just be burned over there."

Lorne said, "Don't underestimate yourself like that. We're SNL."

"Oh? So what do you think he'll do?"

"It has to go into the shredder at least. Okay Tang, we can't come up with as much interesting nonsense as him, let's just watch his performance."

……

"But to be honest, ignorance isn't a stereotype people from other countries have of you, because I know many Americans are quite knowledgeable. For example, Christopher Nolan—I swear to God, he's one of the most knowledgeable people I've ever met. He's a Londoner. London, many of you have probably heard of it; it's located on the west coast of America, and it's very scenic..."

Laughter erupted from the audience.

Chen Nuo suddenly stopped talking, a smirk playing on his lips, and said, "Those of you who didn't laugh, I've caught you, haven't I? Admit it, you're all those half of the fools who were just pretending!"

"Hahahahahaha~"

"Ouch, ouch!"

On the living room sofa in Barutunri, Susan was laughing so hard she was clutching her stomach. "These people are so silly, it's hilarious!"

“It’s all scripted,” her mother said from the side.

"Mom, you're such a spoilsport. I know it's scripted, but it's really funny, and that's enough."

“Whatever,” Karen Wilson said, her gaze returning to the television, the smile on her lips never fading.

A brilliant call-back brought smiles to the faces of many families across America watching SNL, from those with a low threshold for laughter like Susan to those with a high threshold like Karen Wilson.

At this time, SNL's ratings, after a strong start, suddenly and quietly began to rise again on Nielsen's personal ratings tracker.

What no one knew was that at that time, in a large house in Washington, a middle-aged black man, after a busy day, was finally able to rest. He picked up the remote control, hugged his wife, and turned on the television.

Which channel should we watch?

"Whatever, something easy. OMG, my head hurts so much right now, I want to relax."

"...There's SNL tonight, wanna watch?"

"OK."

……

"Let's get this straight, to save you the time of going home and flipping through your geography books. Listen carefully: Tokyo is in Japan, Venice is in Italy, and London is in France. From now on, I think at least 40% of Americans should call me Mr. Chen."

"Hahahahahaha."

The atmosphere at the scene was getting better and better, and Chen Nuo felt that his condition was also getting better and better.

He couldn't even tell whether he was playing the role of a blunt, outspoken stand-up comedian, or whether such a person was inherently hidden within him.

However, regardless of other topics, he really has a lot to say about criticizing Americans, both in his past and present life.

“I’m from China. You can call me Chinese or Asian… By the way, speaking of which, have you heard of the TPP? Okay, I know I asked a stupid question.”

"Let me explain to you, TPP, let me explain to you—TPP stands for Trans-Pacific Partnership, it's a trade agreement that your current US government wants to bring together countries including Japan, Australia, Canada, and Singapore."

"Okay, now for the important part: there's no China inside. And what is the TPP's purpose? It's that you Americans want to establish an economic and trade sphere in Asia that excludes China..."

Chen Nuo looked seriously at the camera and said, "I'm telling 2 million Americans right now, if you Americans can accomplish anything in Asia, excluding China, I'll come here next time and give you a public demonstration of smoking with my penis. Remember my words, I mean what I say."

There was a "pop" sound.

The Black man in the big house had just taken a sip of water when he immediately spat it onto the floor, followed by a violent coughing fit.

At this moment, all the families watching the program burst into loud laughter.

In New Orleans at a little past 11 p.m. Central Time, someone sat on a rocking chair on a porch, beer in hand, laughing hysterically at the television.

In Los Angeles at a little past 8 p.m. Pacific Time, a party crowd in the living room of a beachfront villa is eating pizza and laughing hysterically at the TV during a break.

Around 9 p.m. Pacific Time in Seattle, a light rain was pattering against the windowsill. Three or five college roommates were huddled on the sofa in their dorm living room, eating popcorn and laughing heartily.

Meanwhile, in Honolulu at the same time, the Pacific breeze blew into the yard, and a family wearing floral shirts sat around the television in the open-air courtyard, thoroughly enjoying themselves.

Laughter echoed across time zones and oceans, reverberating through the American night sky.

But in a dormitory in Nanjing, China, three girls simultaneously let out a cry of disappointment.

"what happened?"

"Wow, you blocked me at the crucial moment."

"Lingling, come and see what's going on."

Indeed, just as Chen Nuo finished saying "I'm speaking to 200 million Americans right now," the screen on Chen Duling's computer suddenly froze.

Pan Shouyi was extremely anxious.

However, even after Chen Duling spent a long time trying, the rotating circle in the middle of the screen remained just a circle, and refreshing it a few times would result in a "server busy" message.

Chen Duling, holding his laptop, said disappointedly, "This website has a delay. The server is in the United States. I suspect it crashed because too many people are viewing it."

Li Qian asked, "So what exactly did he say?"

Chen Duling said, "I want to know too, but it seems I can't see it anymore."

Zhang Yunfen, who had been reading a book, suddenly said happily, "Perfect timing! Stop reading and let's go eat together. I'm starving!"

Pan Shouyi said, "You guys go ahead, I'll use my laptop. Maybe it's a problem with Lingling's computer."

"Oh, let's go," Zhang Yunfen said. "Who is Chen Nuo to you? Why are you so concerned about him? He won the Venice Film Festival Best Actor award but didn't come back to China. Maybe he doesn't even consider himself Chinese anymore. Let's go, let's go."

Pan Shouyi paused for a moment, but hadn't said anything yet.

There was a loud "bang".

Everyone was stunned.

Suddenly, Chen Duling slammed her laptop to the ground, shattering it into pieces. Without even glancing at it, she frowned at Zhang Yunfen and said, "What are you saying? Can't you speak properly?!"

(End of this chapter)