Huayu: I'm reborn, but you still force me to be a scumbag?

Chapter 459 Offending the Entire Audience
Baton Rouge, Louisiana.

"Mom, don't you think Chen is a little different today?" Susan grabbed two kernels of popcorn, stuffed them into her mouth, and stared intently at the TV screen as she spoke with great interest.

Karen Wilson replied casually, "You already said that he changed his hairstyle today."

“No, that’s not what I meant.” Susan shook her head. “I meant him… well, I don’t know how to explain it to you.”

"You mean he's rude, right?"

"What do you mean rude? That's called cool! Mom, you're so outdated."

"Outdated? Heh."

Susan continued, "No, it's not outdated, it's that you clearly like it too. I saw you laughing a lot just now. You just don't want to admit it, just like you don't want to admit that you secretly went to see 'Twilight 4' by yourself, and twice at that!"

"What are you talking about?"

"Your ticket stubs!" Susan said proudly. "One is from December 19th, when you went by yourself, and the other two are from a couple of days ago, January 2nd, when you told me you went to Aunt Mad's house. Turns out, it was probably with Edwin, when you two went on a date and went to see her again!"

"Nonsense!" Karen Wilson said, somewhat flustered. "Where did you see that?"

"Mom, I told you you're so outdated! You put the ticket stub on the microwave... Hahahaha!" Susan suddenly burst into laughter. "Here we go again! I knew it! Hahahaha, I knew Chen wouldn't let him off the hook! It's killing me! Hahahaha!"

……

“I don’t blame Brad,” Chen Nuo said loudly on the stage. “Because that’s how this era is. If you don’t change something, you simply can’t succeed in this industry.”

“Like me, I didn’t get anything today, I can only be the host here. I have another friend, he’s different.”

“Harvey Weinstein. One day in March, he asked me to do him a favor and count the hairs on the top of his head.”

"Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!"

“I’m like this—ONE…” Chen Nuo raised one hand, making a rummaging motion, “Um… um…”

"hahahahahahahahahahaha!"

"TW...no, not...uh..."

His expressions and movements were so realistic.

Whether in a living room in Baton Rouge, a hospital ward in Toronto, or in thousands of homes across the United States, Canada, and even the world watching television, almost everyone was laughing uproariously at his lifelike imitation.

On the big screen, Harvey Weinstein was also laughing, but his smile was hardly more like a grimace.

"That's about it. And then I saw him today."

"I have to say, it felt about the same as when I first saw Michael Jackson on TV."

"Hey Harvey, don't joke with me." He looked seriously at Harvey Weinstein in the audience and asked:
"Where's your hair? What happened to you? I swear to God, your hairline never looked like this before. Don't think you can get away with this so easily!"

"hahahahahahahahahahaha!"

"...That is why he is able to sit here today, having accomplished such great feats."

Chen Nuo added, "I recommend that balding men give it a try. Last year he couldn't even afford $100, but this year he has two films nominated at the same time. It's definitely related to the hair on his head. Could you give me the phone number of a hair transplant clinic later, Harvey? I'll give it to my dad. He's been having the same problem lately."

"Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha."

Amidst the laughter of the entire audience, Harvey Weinstein felt all eyes on him. His face flushed red, and his hands quietly clenched the seam of his trousers.

F·U·C·K!

Without a doubt, this year has been a banner year for The Weinstein Company.

Following last year's *The King's Speech*, this year's *The Artist* and *The Iron Lady* are unstoppable. *The Artist* already won Best Actor at the Cannes Film Festival, and now it's nominated for four Golden Globe awards, vying for Best Picture and Best Director alongside *Inception*. *The Iron Lady*, co-starring Meryl Streep, is also a top contender for Best Actress at the Golden Globe.

Logically, Harvey Weinstein should have been the center of attention, a revered symbol of power, and a figure worshipped by the film industry.

But now?

This bug from China actually mocked him in public?!

In front of a global audience, they launched a blatant personal attack on him and even made fun of his newly transplanted hair!

And everyone in the room... actually laughed along!
what is this?
Is this still Hollywood?
Harvey has attended countless award ceremonies and heard countless jokes. But those offensive jokes rarely involve his appearance—that's politically incorrect!
But tonight, from Michael Jackson's nose to Pitt's chin, and then to Harvey's head, it was one wave after another, turning the Golden Globe Awards into a black talk show, completely unrestrained!
And those who were laughing weren't some fat-assed Nigger from the Brooklyn Comedy Club, but rather a select group of the world's top filmmakers and television personalities!

Have all those bastards forgotten they're Democrats? Have they all turned into those cynical, conservative Texas cowboys?
“Calm down, Harvey, calm down. He’s deliberately trying to provoke you,” Bob Weinstein whispered to him, sitting next to him.

"Don't worry, I know."

"He won't be laughing when the Best Picture award is announced."

"Hmm." Harvey nodded slightly.

……

On stage, Chen Nuo's expression became more composed.

After a series of laughs, he finally spoke in a slightly calmer tone:
"Does appearance matter? YES. Capital Y, E, S. It's extremely important. It's the stepping stone for us actors, the foundation for success."

“But—” He paused, glancing at the large screen on the right, “Don’t forget, if it weren’t for Jean Dujardin, this French artist, who, with his superb acting skills, portrayed the charisma of a 30s Hollywood star in ‘The Artist’… even if Harvey Weinstein planted a rainforest on his head, he still wouldn’t have been able to get this film into today’s Golden Globe Awards hall.”

"Now, let us pay tribute to those who are even more deserving of respect."

Laughter and applause erupted simultaneously.

The big screen switched to the round table for "The Artist." That table was located in a corner because the film was originally an art-house film and was not given a central seat.

The camera panned to Jean Dujardin, the relatively unknown French actor, who gave a shy smile after Chen Nuo's praise.

This is the power of a Golden Globe or Oscar-level host.

A single sentence can make an previously unknown actor remembered by a global audience. Ultimately, regardless of whether they win an award or not, this exposure will bring about a huge increase in salary and career opportunities.

Especially the person who said that.

That year, thanks to the huge success of "Inception" and "Twilight 4", he solidified his status as a superstar and officially entered the "2000 million club".

His every word and action can create ripples that are far from simple jokes.

At this moment, the television actors surrounding Dujardin applauded and cast envious glances at him. For them, this was an extremely longed-for moment.

However, Chen Nuo would never forget that he belonged to the other side.

When writing the lines, Allison repeatedly reminded him that there was an invisible boundary that he should not cross.

Television and film actors... there's an invisible central line in Hollywood, and few can walk freely on either side without getting hurt. Allison's only reason for agreeing to Chen Nuo's role in "The Eagle Catches the Chicken" was simply: money.

Therefore, after a pause and waiting for the applause to subside, Chen Nuo did not look in that direction again. Instead, he gestured to the audience with his hand and said clearly, "Besides Dujardin, Harvey's success is also due to Meryl Streep. With her brilliant performance in 'The Iron Lady,' she declared that she is still the one and only Meryl Streep in the world. She doesn't need to fix any wrinkles on her face, because it is precisely these wrinkles that make her the best actress in the world."

—Thunderous applause erupted once again!
The big screen cuts to the round table of the "Iron Lady" crew. Meryl Streep, wearing rimless glasses, takes them off, smiles, glances at her husband, and whispers, "That's an exaggeration."

Her husband laughed and said, "I think there's more to this story."

really--

Chen Nuo pulled a long strip of paper from his suit pocket, looked down at it, and muttered to himself, "Call her the best actress... I'll give you a million... Harvey Weinstein..."

The audience burst into laughter and thunderous applause.

Chen Nuo stuffed the note into his pocket and smiled again, saying, "Charlize Theron isn't worried about wrinkles either. Tonight, she's nominated for her performance in 'Teenagers'."

As soon as he finished speaking, the big screen immediately switched to a picture of Charlize Theron.

On camera, she radiated glamour tonight, stunning everyone in a high-slit, fitted gold gown. She will later present the Best Supporting Actor award alongside George Clooney. But at that moment, upon hearing Chen Nuo suddenly mention her name, the South African beauty's eyes widened slightly, a fleeting look of surprise crossing her face.

She truly hadn't expected Chen Nuo to mention her on stage—Chen Nuo had never mentioned her before.

As Chen Nuo uttered her name, applause erupted throughout the hall.

Her face appeared on the big screen at the venue, and in front of hundreds of millions of viewers around the world. At this moment, which is considered the lowest point in her career and life, such public exposure may even be a lifeline for her.

"When you hear the title 'Teenagers,' I'm sure the first thought that comes to mind is: 'My God, how old is she?'"

"Wow~~~~~"

"Hahaha!"

Laughter and gasps of surprise erupted from the audience, with many people covering their mouths as they laughed.

Making jokes about an actress's age is absolutely going too far.

But Chen Nuo shrugged and continued with a relaxed expression, "It turns out she did it. No matter what method she used, the wrinkles on her face really disappeared. I feel like she looks about fifty years younger now."

"Hahahahahahahahaha." Amidst the laughter from the entire audience, Theron also laughed.

If this age-related joke were applied to some female celebrities, they would definitely react with anger, like Madonna. But 36-year-old Charlize hasn't aged; she remains stunning. Faced with such a joke, she can still smile calmly. Moreover, in this context, such teasing not only didn't belittle her, but instead brought her back into the spotlight.

Seeing her smiling on the big screen made the laughter in the audience even louder.

Chen Nuo is really going to carry out Plan B to the end today, and is prepared to offend the biggest stars in the room.

After Charlize Theron, he immediately turned his attention to her, clapping and saying, "Just as courageous as Charlize is George Clooney, who was nominated for multiple awards today. Congratulations to him."

Everyone joined in the applause.

Amid applause, Chen Nuo said, "I'm not saying George is old too. I don't need to say that. His hair says it all."

When George Clooney's gray hair appeared on the big screen, the entire audience burst into laughter.

"I think it takes a lot of courage for him to direct and star in 'Presidential Crisis'."

“George, I think you should look for the reasons for the box office problems within yourself.”

"hahahahahahahahahahaha."

George Clooney covered the lower half of his face, laughing and shaking his head. His film, "Crisis in the President," only grossed a little over $5000 million at the box office.

Chen Nuo was completely in performance mode. With one hand in his pocket and his shiny leather shoes, he began to walk slowly, his gaze sweeping across the audience, passing over one smiling face after another. "Honestly, now that tonight's program has come to this point, aren't you all a little afraid of me?"

The audience burst into laughter.

"Stop pretending. When I saw Alec Baldwin sitting there like a frozen elephant, I knew you were scared." Amid the laughter, Chen Nuo pointed to Alec Baldwin in the audience with a smile, "He's nominated for Best Actor in a Musical or Comedy Series tonight for '30 Rock'."

applause.

This was a moment of glory for the nominees, and Chen Nuo wouldn't interrupt at such a time. By the time the applause subsided, he had already moved to the left side of the stage. "I have a special fondness for Alec. Because I've always felt that the reason my Oscar win last year was so highly praised was inseparable from the fact that he was the host of the previous year's Oscars."

"Hahahahaha."

"I'm not talking about comedic ability, I'm talking about appearance." Chen Nuo touched his face and said to the audience, "Alec, I've been advising everyone against getting plastic surgery, but you're the only one who should."

"Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!"

“Kate Winslet,” Chen Nuo suddenly raised his voice, “who played a role in ‘Carnage’ and was nominated for Best Actress in a Comedy Series.”

applause.

The TV stars were somewhat disappointed; they had expected to select several people… but in the end, they only selected Alec Baldwin. He ignored super-popular shows like "Homeland" and "The Big Bang Theory," even though he had a guest appearance on the latter.

“I noticed that Kate was smiling very happily just now. She probably thought she would make an exception for me,” Chen Nuo said with a smile.

Kate Winslet on the big screen cooperated perfectly, putting her hands together in a pleading gesture and seemingly saying "Please," which immediately drew laughter from the audience.

"Don't worry, Kate, I never intended to joke with you."

"Ladies and gentlemen, as you know, Kate has been advocating for equal pay for men and women lately. Let's give her a round of applause!"

Thunderous applause erupted, especially from some of the actresses who clapped enthusiastically.

"As far as I know, she received a lot of support."

“Many nurses, nannies, and waitresses were inspired by her and took to the streets to march. They chanted slogans—” Chen Nuo clenched his fist and imitated in a shrill voice, “'Gender equality! Kate Winslet only earns 5000 million a year, how is she supposed to survive?'”

"Hahahahahaha!"

“Even the plumber cried.” Chen Nuo pretended to choke up. “She’s so pitiful. How can the world be so unfair!”

"Hahahahahahahaha!" The laughter from the audience was like a tsunami, and the big screen showed the female stars in the audience laughing one after another.

Viewers across America were laughing hysterically in front of their televisions.

After the laughter subsided slightly, Chen Nuo suddenly changed his tone, becoming solemn: "Besides Kate, there is another nominated film tonight that also focuses on social issues, namely 'Spotlight.' This film reveals a fact: 5% of priests in the United States have... unusual relationships with underage children."

After everyone became serious, he paused, then added, "As far as I know, the film immediately caught the attention of Roman Polanski, who immediately bought a ticket to see this... what he considered a beautiful love story."

"Hiss—hahahahaha!"

The audience gasped in shock, then burst into laughter.

"This is insane," Alison heard the assistant director mutter backstage.

She turned to him and asked, "How are the ratings? Have they broken 2000 million?"

"It's broken." The assistant director took a deep breath and said, "These are the numbers. There are 2003 million people watching our show across the United States right now. This is the best ratings in five years."

“Very good.” Allison nodded. “The opening is almost over. Let’s see how high it gets in the end. I think that should be the highest rating tonight. Not many people will be able to stay up until the end.”

The assistant director nodded and said regretfully, "It's a pity there's no pizza segment."

Allison said calmly, "Tell the Foreign Press Association that they want this, and remember to shortlist us next time."

"haha ok."

On stage, Chen Nuo and the others' laughter subsided again, and they smiled and said:

"Alright, that's enough of my jokes for tonight. Before the awards ceremony, I have one last thing to say."

"The Foreign Correspondents' Club invited me because they felt Ricky Gervais's hosting style last year was too over-the-top, so they dropped him and hoped I could salvage a more mellow atmosphere..."

“And all I brought them was a bunch of these.” He made a gun gesture at the camera. “Rickie, I got your revenge.”

The whole crowd laughed.

"This shows that they are just a bunch of drunken old journalists who have absolutely no sense of character. So if you win an award tonight, please, don't get too cocky—because nobody cares about this award as much as you do, okay?"

"Don't get too excited, and don't say too much. Let's finish this quickly."

Laughter broke out.

"In short, the Golden Globe Awards, no offense intended, are really just a bunch of old journalists giving you a broken metal award so they can take a picture with you, nothing more."

Chen Nuo said with a hint of jealousy, "I've won a Golden Globe before. So I don't care at all about not being nominated this year, really."

"I have too many trophies at home, and the cabinets can't hold them all. I use some to block doors, and I keep others to fight off thieves."

"Do you know what I did with my Golden Globe Award?"

"Here's a hint, look at its shape..."

"Hahahaha." Half of the people understood and laughed wildly, while the other half were confused.

Chen Nuo explained, "Okay, just kidding. It's too big to fit in."

"Hahahahahahahahahaha." Everyone understood now, and the laughter almost lifted the roof off.

The off-color jokes he had never used before were used to blow up the room, and the effect was just as expected—extraordinary.

In Baruthon, Susan asked, seemingly understanding but not quite, "Mom, what did Chen mean?"

"It doesn't mean anything, don't ask. If you say another word, you'd better go to sleep right now!"

Chen Nuo laughed and said, "Alright, this is really over. This is my last joke. When I told this joke to Philip before, he said, 'If you keep telling jokes like this, I'm worried they won't come to the Golden Globes anymore.'"

"I said no, why would a movie star refuse an opportunity to win a Golden Globe?"

He paused for a moment, then said, "Anyway, the film company has already bought the awards, so you don't have to pay for them. Don't you think so?"

“Hahahahahahahahahaha——”

"Okay, okay, there really aren't any more. This is definitely the last one."

Once the laughter subsided, Chen Nuo said in a serious tone, "Now, let's get serious."

"The Golden Globes are different from the Oscars. They are unbiased and do not recognize racial prejudices. They honor every outstanding person in the television or film industry."

No sooner had he finished speaking than bursts of laughter erupted again.

"Next, we'd like to welcome our first award presenter of the evening. At this time last year, he was one of the world's most sought-after movie stars..."

"But this year, I've already taken that title from him."

Everyone applauded his boasting, and laughter, cheers, and whistles filled the room.

Amidst the enthusiastic atmosphere, Chen Nuo beamed and raised his voice, shouting, "Let's welcome Johnny Depp!"

(End of this chapter)