Huayu: I'm reborn, but you still force me to be a scumbag?

Chapter 458 Michael's Nose and Pete's Chin
"As everyone knows, I fed a bunch of people who couldn't feed themselves with pizza at the Oscars last year..."

"Hahahahaha-"

Amidst the opening bursts of laughter, Chen Nuo continued with a broad smile:

"This year, the people from the Oscars came to me again, saying, 'Chen, please, please, you should host the Oscars, otherwise they'll starve. We only found out last year that they do get hungry even if they don't eat.'"

"Hahahahahaha!"

“I said, ‘Sorry,’” Chen Nuo shrugged and said, “If I stay with those overgrown children any longer, I think I’ll die before them. No, this year I just want to find a place to have a drink by myself.”

"Hahahahaha."

"And so I came here."

"That's what I think, although you guys... well, it seems you're not much better off. Especially those on this side."

He gestured to the people at the central movie table, where Woody Allen, George Clooney, Martin Scorsese, Leonardo DiCaprio, and numerous glamorous Hollywood actresses were gathered. This was the area frequently captured by television cameras; the other side, at the television table, had far fewer people.

Amid the laughter, he continued, "But at least here, I don't have to feed you. I just need to have a couple of drinks, act a little crazy, and make you laugh."

"And as everyone knows, this is not difficult."

"Because after you fill your faces with all that random stuff, you can basically only make one expression. That's smiling. Right?"

"Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!"

A burst of laughter erupted in the Hilton International Ballroom, a glittering and magnificent hall.

Chen Nuo smiled subtly as her gaze swept over the actresses and movie stars in their glamorous gowns below the stage.

The nominees for Best Actress in a Drama are Glenn Close for *Albert Noboris*, Viola Davis for *The Help*, and Meryl Streep for *The Iron Lady*.

The nominees for Best Actress in a Musical or Comedy are Kristen Wiig for *Bridesmaids*, Michelle Williams for *My Week with Marilyn*, Charlize Theron, and Kate Winslet.

On the television side, the nominees for Best Actress in a Drama Series include Claire Danes from *Homeland*, Julianna Margulies from *The Good Wife*, and Michelle Dockery from *Downton Abbey*, among others.

They sat around the table, each one dressed to the nines, with smiles on their faces.

Then he shrugged, making a "I knew it" expression, and said, "Look at you guys now, wow, it seems my information was right, this really is the only expression you have. Leon, Leon, where are you?"

The big screen showed Leonardo DiCaprio with a helpless expression.

He hadn't even said anything yet.

The laughter, which had subsided slightly, rang out again.

Chen Nuo glanced back, nodded, and said, "Thank you for the information, Leo. It turns out that your knowledge of Hollywood actresses puts even the real FBI agent, 'J. Edgar,' to shame. Next time, remember to tell me about the authenticity of other parts besides the face. You know what I mean."

After he finished speaking, he looked down at himself.

"Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha."

The scriptwriting team initially thought this opening joke was risky; repeatedly targeting women could easily lead to awkward silences, especially since Hollywood actresses aren't exactly known for their magnanimity.

However, at this moment, Chen Nuo noticed that the women's reactions were surprisingly positive.

He doesn't seem to be easily offended, doesn't have a cold face, and his smile is very natural... It seems that the feminist armor he wears can withstand this kind of group attack.

The start was good.

Chen Nuo's mind settled down.

So, it seems there's no need to overthink it anymore; it's time to get serious.

……

In a Toronto hospital room, the bald-headed girl wiped away the tears that had welled up in her eyes from laughing and asked curiously, "Miss Zhang, is what Chen said true? They all had plastic surgery?"

Before the Chinese nurse could speak, a large white woman exclaimed, "That's right, my little Zoe, these Hollywood stars aren't good women. Don't be like them in the future."

Miss Zhang glared at the older woman and said, "Don't listen to her, Zoe, it's just a joke. Have you forgotten what your mother said on the phone? These are all jokes tonight, just Chen's jokes. Don't take them seriously."

The girl blinked and said, "I understand."

……

"Ladies and gentlemen, as an actor myself, I completely understand you..."

"Don't laugh, Ryan Gosling, and I'm including you. From my angle, your nose doesn't look as normal as it did in 'The Ides of March.' And we all know that, generally speaking, the nose and chest are the most problematic areas for Hollywood stars. You'd better tell me honestly what you've been doing for the past six months since filming."

"Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!"

On the big screen, Ryan Gosling, nominated for Best Actor in a Drama for "The Ides of March," looked embarrassed. Seeing his expression, the people around him laughed even harder, and Joseph Gordon-Levitt, sitting next to him, covered his face with laughter.

Chen Nuo turned his head and continued with a smile: "I understand you, because when a person's face and body are magnified ten or a hundred times and displayed on the big screen, all kinds of flaws will be magnified as well."

"We all have to face our own problems. Nose, eyes, eyebrows, ears—where is there a perfect person? As a result, we become increasingly unable to face ourselves in reality."

"Ten years ago, plastic surgery was still a secret."

"Whether in China or the United States, after each surgery, everyone points a gun at their plastic surgeon and says, 'If you dare to tell anyone, I'll shoot you dead.' Of course, in China we don't have guns; we just pretend to. Unlike you guys, I know many of you have shot people before."

"Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha."

"Back then, there was only one person in the world whose plastic surgery was widely known to have undergone cosmetic surgery," Chen Nuo said with a smile, "Michael Jackson."

He spoke casually, but when the name was played through the speakers, the entire audience erupted in uproar.

Some people were laughing, while others were a little nervous.

In the control room, all was silent. From the Golden Globe Awards directors to the screenwriters watching in person, everyone was intently watching the television.

Alison was among them, muttering, "Come on, come on, please, you can do it, Chen."

On the monitor, Chen Nuo remained calm and composed, as if what he said at the beginning was true, and that he really did drink three cups before going on stage.

Otherwise, if a living Michael Jackson was a target of public criticism, and any joke or slander could be thrown at him, then a dead Michael Jackson, without a doubt, had ascended to the status of a deity in the hearts of every Black person. Not everyone could withstand the public backlash caused by mocking or ridiculing him. This is absolutely daring. So why was he so calm?
However, it was precisely his relaxed and natural expression that made many of the celebrities in the audience laugh.

But most remained cautious, looking at the stage with serious expressions, ready to hear what he had to say.

Chen Nuo smiled and said, "Michael, I've never met him in real life. But I've seen him countless times on TV. I remember once, I was in China watching him dance on TV, like this..."

At this moment, Chen Nuo took three steps on the stage.

Just three steps of the moonwalk.

This was the result of his best efforts. Even the best black dance teacher in all of LA could only teach him to take three steps in about 10 days.

However, the effect was astonishing. The entire audience began to applaud enthusiastically.

This isn't for him; it's a tribute to the deceased King of Pop.

Chen Nuo stopped and said, "But I didn't look at his feet at that time. I was staring at his nose the whole time. I was only a teenager then and had no idea what was going on. I really want to ask..."

As if Michael Jackson were standing right in front of him, Chen Nuo looked at the camera lens, blinked, and showed an innocent and puzzled expression, saying, "Michael, I've been your fan since I was 7 years old. I've watched your music videos hundreds of times. You can't fool me. I'm 100% sure that your nose didn't originally look like this. What did you do to it?"

"Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!"

An enormous burst of laughter echoed throughout the hall.

The tense atmosphere, built up layer by layer, finally transformed into relaxed smiles. Everyone, regardless of their race, grinned broadly, and the atmosphere became completely relaxed, even more so than at the beginning.

Whether in a campervan in Detroit or a five-story apartment in Baltimore, many Black people smiled, revealing their white teeth.

"His moonwalk was pretty good. Do Chinese people like Michael Jackson too?"

"Of course, he's the King of Pop!"

"Chen was the first to post a tribute to Michael, right?"

"yup".

"Anyway, it's a good thing that he mentioned Michael's name at the Golden Globe Awards."

"Yes."

Alison, who was closely monitoring social media, was frantically scrolling through Twitter for news about "Chen Nuo's Golden Globe Award".

At this moment, she finally put down her phone, breathed a sigh of relief, and turned her head to ask, "How are the ratings now?"

The assistant director beside her couldn't hide his excitement, saying, "We're almost at 2000 million! It's only been a few minutes since the start of the film, Alison, we did it! Chen did a fantastic job!"

Allison smiled.

Yes, huge risks bring huge benefits.

Provocative topics naturally generate huge traffic and a reluctant audience.

Ricky Gervais messed up halfway through last year. But this year, Chen Nuo has chosen the same path, but it's even more thrilling and captivating than Ricky's. Will he be able to safely make it to the end?
Zoe, are you watching?
……

After the laughter subsided a bit, Chen Nuo continued, "As time has passed, cosmetic surgery is becoming increasingly common around us. People are starting to alter their bodies and faces; it's practically an open secret."

"I have a friend……"

Before he could finish speaking, the whole room burst into laughter again.

Just like after riding a roller coaster, both body and mind relax, the audience gradually entered the rhythm set by Chen Nuo. Once again, like at last year's Oscars, every word he uttered could easily cause huge ripples.

At that moment, he was like a magician manipulating emotions.

"No, not him."

Chen Nuo shook his head, and then Leonardo disappeared from the big screen.

After five or six rehearsals, the coordination was excellent this time. Sure enough, this human-machine interaction immediately elicited a burst of novel laughter from the audience.

Chen Nuo said, "He's not the only friend I have. I'd like to introduce Brad Pitt, my good friend. He's been nominated for Best Actor for his perfect performance in 'Moneyball'."

Everyone started clapping and cheering.

The screen switched to a shot of Brad Pitt, who was nominated for Best Actor in a Drama for his role in "Moneyball" that night, and was sitting at a round table, smiling and clapping. Sitting next to him was Angelina Jolie, wearing a black dress, red lips, and her hair styled in an updo, looking intently at Chen Nuo.

“Brad, one day last year, he suddenly called me and said he was going to get his chin fixed.”

"Hahahahaha!"

Everyone laughed. Everyone knew he was talking nonsense, but it was really funny.

Frankly, there are very few comedians in the world who dare to make fun of Brad Pitt. This kind of blatant body-biting joke is something no host has ever done before.

“Really, he used that word—'repair'. I was absolutely stunned.” Chen Nuo said earnestly, “I thought to myself, is he some kind of Terminator? No wonder his chin is so square.”

Amidst the laughter, Chen Nuo watched Brad Pitt's smile begin to stiffen slightly in the audience, and felt incredibly pleased.

This is undoubtedly one of the reasons why he doesn't play it safe.

A gentleman takes his revenge even after ten years, but he had already delayed for almost a month, which he felt was too late.

“I asked him, ‘Brad, your chin is so sexy, what’s wrong with it? Why did you get it fixed? Angie told me she absolutely adores your square jaw. She said if you filled your chin with hot water, it would be better than an iron. Why did you tamper with your girlfriend’s home appliances without permission?’”

"Hahahaha!" The whole audience burst into laughter.

“He said, ‘No, I don’t care. I have to go. I want it to be sharper—like you.’” At this point, Chen Nuo smiled slightly and pointed to the screen: “I think he meant that he was going to have it done like that.”

As soon as he finished speaking, the big screen suddenly switched, and a photoshopped picture of Brad Pitt appeared—he had been photoshopped with Chen Nuo's pointed chin, making him look like a rat's face with blond hair.

"hahahahahahahahahahaha!"

When the photo appeared on the television screen, even the most serious people in the room, such as Dustin Hoffman and his wife, as well as Morgan Freeman and Megan Wallis, who had been sitting upright the whole time, all burst into laughter.

This marks the first time in Golden Globe history that a spoof or photoshopped image has been used as a joke during a live broadcast.

This practice was later frequently used on shows like The Daily Show, The Tonight Show, and The White House Correspondents' Dinner. For example, in 2014, Obama used a photoshopped image to mock Donald Trump's taste at a press conference.

But before 2012, no one had ever done this in a formal setting—let alone on the internationally televised Golden Globe Awards stage.

Is it too much?
It's really too much.

80% of the people present felt that they would not be able to handle it if it happened to them, but... well, what can you do when they are friends?
At the nomination luncheon, many people witnessed Brad Pitt having a private chat with Chen Nuo, and Angelina Jolie's relationship with Chen Nuo is well-known. So, what's wrong with a joke between friends?
"My friend Brad gave up after seeing what he might look like in the future at the plastic surgeon's office."

"I asked him why, and he said you weren't happy with your chin?"

"He said that although his chin is better than it is now, he is worried that Angie's Gucci dress will tear."

“Angie, your boyfriend, I must say, seems a bit stingy.” Chen Nuo winked at Angelina Jolie in the audience and said, “I remember you’re richer than him, so you should draft a prenuptial agreement. If that day ever comes.”

"Hahaha, so prosperous and bustling!"

The stars, who knew nothing about the details of their relationship, burst into laughter again and again as they watched Brad Pitt's stiff expression on the big screen.

The same was true for the 2000 million American viewers in front of their televisions.

Last time it was Leonardo DiCaprio. This time, it's Brad Pitt. It has to be said, watching these global superstars in such a state is truly hilarious.

(End of this chapter)