Damn it, I'm in the garbage book I wrote

Chapter 732 730.5 A Waste of Time

People can be really interesting sometimes. If you can put aside things like status and position, as long as you get along well, you can have a lot of fun together.

The problem is that setting aside one's status and position is as difficult and illogical as setting aside the facts. However, it is a great joy to travel with like-minded friends on a certain journey.

"Let me tell you, yesterday I secretly touched the clams of a colorful bird," Emperor Jingtai said in a low voice beside the campfire.

"You've got a few flaws," Li Shimin said, leaning against the tree trunk with a smile. "If you really asked, would she refuse? Would she dare refuse?"

"Whether or not you dare to do it is hard to say, but it's pointless to use your status to pressure someone. You know, I'm the emperor of a country. Even if I just glance at a woman twice, I can have someone send her to my bed. But is that interesting? It's so boring, like a boar in heat. But look how much better this is. You sneak up and pinch her. The plumpness of that mature woman is so refreshing."

As he spoke, Emperor Jingtai put his hand under his nose and took a sniff: "Ah...a delicacy."

"Damn it..." Li Shimin turned his head and pointed at Emperor Jingtai, asking Xia Lin, "Has this guy always been this sleazy?"

“He’s always been like this.” Xia Lin nodded gently. “He’s been like this since he was young, so you could say he hasn’t forgotten his original aspirations.”

Li Shimin silently shook his head, and after a while suddenly asked, "Is it really that big?"

"She's very big. She usually wears loose clothes so people can't see her clearly, but you can tell how heavy she is when you pick her up."

Li Shimin pursed his lips: "If I have the chance again next time, I'll also try to pinch it."

"Each of us must stand on one side; we absolutely cannot let her have any free time."

Xia Lin was leaning against the side, whittling a wooden stick with a knife. They had already set off from Hangzhou and were on their way to Ningbo Prefecture. They were in the mountains, and the three of them insisted on taking the mountain road instead of the proper official road, saying that there was a lot of wild fun in the mountains.

Emperor Jingtai gladly accepted the invitation, but in reality, they probably knew perfectly well that what they wanted was not the thrill of the wild, but to get rid of the foreign servants who had always followed them. Xia Lin did not expose them, after all, they had spent most of their lives in the army and the palace, scheming against each other. Now they finally had a chance to let loose, and they didn't even know when the next opportunity would come. It was a once-in-a-lifetime chance in a different sense.

Ultimately, they embarked on the path of no return to climb the mountain. Fortunately, Xia Lin's wilderness survival skills were top-notch; otherwise, the emperor and the prince would have starved to death in the wild. Perhaps Li Shimin would have fared a little better, but the deep mountains of the south are not comparable to the vast Gobi Desert of the northwest. There, one only needs to be able to discern directions and have abundant martial virtue to survive, but here there are many more things to be careful of.

While they were chatting, the trap bell rang. Xia Lin immediately rushed out like a leopard, and the other two were not far behind, arriving at the trap. Inside, a small wild boar was trapped, while the grumpy old sow was circling around it.

At this moment, Li Erfeng got excited. He grabbed his lance and went up. Although he didn't have a horse, his fighting skills were undeniable. Even a tiger would be afraid of a strong sow, but in front of Li Erfeng, it was just a matter of three stabs.

"A mere wild boar is nothing to fear."

"Who asked you?" Emperor Jingtai's expression was quite interesting: "So what if you can fight? Go tell my cannons."

"You rotten person, I don't want to say anything to you. If you're so capable, go and kill a wild boar in three hits."

Emperor Jingtai curled his lip: "A trivial skill."

"Damn it..." Li Shimin spat on the ground, grabbed the sow's hoof and walked back, while Xia Lin stabbed the piglet to death with a wooden stick and then took it back.

"Killing an entire family is rather cruel."

“Cruel?” Li Shimin turned around and gave Emperor Jingtai a strange look: “If you don’t kill it, don’t cry out in pain when it brings its whole clan to gnaw on your thigh.”

"Really?" Emperor Jingtai asked Xia Lin in a low voice, "Wild boars eat people?"

"Hmm." Xia Lin nodded and said, "Pigs are very strange creatures. They eat almost anything, including people. If we release them, wild boars will come looking for revenge."

"I still think it's a bit cruel, sigh..."

About an hour later, when Emperor Jingtai took a bite of the piglet's hind leg, his mouth full of oil, he exclaimed with delight, "So delicious!"

"You just felt pity for them."

"I just didn't expect it to smell so good."

The jungle at night is really tough. At this time, wild wolves, mountain dogs, and even leopards, tigers, and bears are everywhere. The three of them not only have to take turns standing guard, but also have to be on high alert.

Xia Lin genuinely thought these two gentlemen were crazy, but then she thought, wasn't this a novel experience for them?
At this moment, whether it is the real dragon emperor in the virtual world or Li Shimin, the embodiment of destiny in the history book, they are all living people. They also need emotional value and need to experience the ups and downs of life. If a person's life consists only of wine, women, wealth and power, then they will really become depressed.

The mountains of Jiangsu and Zhejiang are like man-eating beasts at this moment. Dangers always lurk among the towering peaks, but they are happy to live there and even wish they could stay in these mountains all day long, far away from the conflicts of the outside world.

It was early morning again, and Emperor Jingtai was still fast asleep. Yesterday was his last shift. There were no emperors or princes in these mountains. If there was work, you had to do it. Otherwise, these mountains don't support idlers. If you're going to die, you really will.

While Emperor Jingtai was sleeping, Xia Lin and Li Shimin processed the large wild boar by the stream. They hung the processed pork to air dry. After a few days of drying, the 300-pound boar would be reduced to less than 50 pounds, enough for the three of them to carry as provisions for a while.

Xia Lin then went to pick wild vegetables, while Li Shimin began to prepare to collect the dew that had been collected from the leaves of large trees the day before.

When they first entered the mountains, Li Shimin and Emperor Jingtai were very curious. Why couldn't they drink the crystal-clear stream water directly, even though the southern region had no shortage of mountain streams? Why did they have to go through all that trouble to drink rainwater and morning dew? Wasn't that crazy?

There was nothing Xia Lin could do, so he had to explain to them that they should avoid drinking raw water in the wild if possible. Putting aside chronic parasites, acute gastroenteritis in the mountains is not just a simple stomachache. As the saying goes, even the most insignificant illness can be fatal in the wild.

What should have been a three-day journey by official road took them a full twenty-two days to complete in the mountains. The guards responsible for protecting them were all in tears. The entire secret service of the Investigation Department, including the "Wind, Flower, Snow, and Moon" faction, practically dug up every worm along the line from Hangzhou to Ningbo, but they still couldn't find these gentlemen.

The local official was constantly in tears. He was more concerned about his dignity than his own life. He had a bodyguard team of over two hundred people, yet three people managed to shake them off right under his nose.

If word gets out, the Investigation Department will be doomed. All the so-called top agents inside will have to commit suicide in resentment, unable to live on. "What should we do? We must hurry back and ask Prime Minister Zhang to take charge! If we can't find him, something terrible will happen."

Out of sheer desperation, Lao Zhang was invited from Jinling. After arriving at the location where Xia Lin and the other two had disappeared, he unfolded a map and took a look.

Then, using a compass, he marked sections on the map. The scouts next to him couldn't understand it but didn't dare to ask, so they just stood there quietly waiting.

"They went to Ningbo, on the 20th." Old Zhang muttered to himself for a while, then looked up after a moment of silence, pointing to two places he had marked on the map and said, "They either died here, or they've already reached here."

Upon hearing the first sentence, the regional head of the Investigation Division next to him broke out in a cold sweat, but by the time he heard the second sentence, the sweat had already dried up.

"Zhang Xiang, is it true?"

"Well, generally there shouldn't be any problem. Judging from their abilities, they won't die so easily. They should be in the latter part of the mountain now. We can find them by going up the mountain from the southeast."

What are we waiting for? Let's send people to search right away!

The group traveled along the official road to the foot of the mountain closest to that point, and then began searching up the mountain following the markings on the map.

They soon made a discovery: some places showed obvious signs of survival. With signs, things became easier. They followed the path and found a still-warm fire less than three miles from the line drawn by Zhang Xiang.

The group quickly assembled and headed downstream towards the water source. They eventually found traces of human activity by a small river. Old Zhang naturally followed along. After parting the dense grass, they saw a person wearing a wild boar skin hopping around on the mudflats of a mountain stream, and two other people washing their clothes naked under a waterfall.

Old Zhang took out his binoculars and looked around. He discovered that the people washing clothes were Li Shimin and Xia Lin, and the person wearing a wild boar skin on his head and doing a lion dance was obviously there too.

He was silent for a moment, then waved his hand and said, "You all go wait to the side and don't come any closer."

"Prime Minister Zhang, why... haven't we already found them?"

"What? You've found the person and you're all going to rush up and fawn over a king dressed in a wild boar skin doing a lion dance? Don't you want to live?"

"Oh...right, right, right." The regional leader raised his hand and lowered his voice, "Brothers, let's retreat!"

At this moment, Emperor Jingtai was still oblivious to the lion dance, and his posting was completely pointless. Old Zhang had already pushed aside the bushes and come within twenty paces of him, finding a rock to sit on, while he was still making thumping noises with his mouth while arranging that wild boar skin...

Just then, the people who had been washing clothes returned and began to spread their clothes out on the stones to dry. Suddenly, Erfeng and Xialin both turned to look at Lao Zhang.

But at this moment, Emperor Jingtai was still banging away...

"Stop banging on the door. Asking you to stand guard is really going to be the death of a dog."

Emperor Jingtai removed the wild boar head mask, blinked blankly, and said, "What is it now?"

After saying that, he also felt that the atmosphere was a bit off. He followed Xia Lin's gaze and turned his head to look over. Then he slowly turned his head and said, "Was that mushroom yesterday poisonous? Why do I think I saw that bastard Zhang Zhongchun?"

"No." Xia Lin, naked and swinging his penis, walked forward: "Why are you here?"

"Why am I here? You really didn't consider the time at all when you asked that question. You've been in the mountains for twenty days. The Investigation Department is almost going crazy. They summoned me from Jinling City to come here just to find you."

"Oh dear, time seems to stand still in the mountains, has it already been twenty days?" Emperor Jingtai turned to look at Xia Lin: "We've been here for twenty days?"

"Hmm." Xia Lin nodded. "Didn't you say we'd take it slow?"

"The Li Tang dynasty sent a letter saying that the King of Shu of the Li Tang dynasty had gone missing within the territory of the Great Wei and hoped that our country could assist in the search. I considered many reasons at the time, but I never expected that His Highness the King of Shu would be here watching His Majesty perform the lion dance."

"Hey..." Li Shimin scratched the back of his head, and the middle-aged man blushed.

"Gentlemen, have you had enough fun? If you've had enough, isn't it time to come down from the mountain? Otherwise, your subordinates will be terrified, and I'll be able to give an explanation to the envoy from Li Tang."

At this point, they really couldn't afford to be reckless anymore. Although they were still immature middle-aged people, if they continued to act willfully, they would cause serious problems.

So they didn't linger any longer, but waited for their clothes to dry completely before following Old Zhang down the mountain.

On the way down the mountain, Emperor Jingtai was quite curious: "Why couldn't they find it with so many spies, but you were able to find it so quickly?"

Old Zhang pointed to the sky: "There are four seasons in the sky. This is spring. Spring comes from the south and the water is plentiful. Although there is no shortage of food, we are prone to heatstroke from rain and flash floods in mountain streams. To prevent heatstroke, the chosen route must have places to hide from the rain. To avoid being swept away by the current, we need to go to higher ground. At this time, we only need to connect the caves on the mountain ridge to know which route you have taken. As for how I know how many caves there are, it is based on the previous exploration of this area by the New Army."

As he spoke, Emperor Jingtai nodded and exclaimed in amazement, marveling at the vast amount of knowledge available here. Meanwhile, Empress Erfeng was practically grinding her teeth in frustration.

He didn't take the others in the Great Wei seriously at first, since he hadn't had much contact with them. Although he had heard that the three prime ministers of the Great Wei, apart from Xia Lin, were all top-notch shrewd individuals, he still didn't take them seriously.

Just now, after hearing what Old Zhang said, he was filled with both hatred and anger. After hearing these words, he knew that Zhang Zhongchun would never have the chance to lead troops into battle. Otherwise, with his positioning method, he would have been able to beat countless generals to a pulp on the battlefield. He was truly a man of both literary and military talent.

As for his inability to lead troops, putting everything else aside, all he needs to do is draw a point on the map, then order generals at all levels to camp at that point, and that's it. The commander-in-chief doesn't need micromanagement; that's for the generals...

After realizing this, Li Shimin felt incredibly bitter...

The Great Wei was clearly on the verge of collapse, so where did it find these talented people? Why didn't its Great Tang have them?

(End of this chapter)