I logged into Mr. Zombie

Purple clouds rise, and the red sun hangs over the lake.

The waves parted, and a tall, thin man in a long robe emerged, walking like a shrimp.

Beside him was a fat general with two long wisps of beard swaying in the wind.

“We have to send invitations to all three mountains and four places, nine caves and twelve caves.” General Fatty was unhappy. “Shrimp Clerk, you’re really making our Lake Dragon King lose face.”

He was originally a catfish in a lake. When an immortal flew by in the sky, he accidentally dropped a sour jujube, which he ate. Only then did he gain sentience and cultivate into the Catfish General.

I thought the Dragon King of the Lake was a great and upright figure, but who knew that he would have to send out invitations to people to drink and have fun during festivals, bowing and scraping.

"You know nothing!" Shrimp Clerk kicked his leg and sprang up. "The Dragon King has many friends and immortal companions all over the Three Mountains and Four Lands. How can you say that it's shameful for immortals to visit each other? You don't even have the right to visit those immortals!"

Just as General Catfish was about to speak again, a monkey dressed in human clothes darted out from in front of him.

Upon seeing the two of them, I first bowed and greeted them.

"I just saw two people emerge from the water, were they immortals?"

Unexpectedly, the monkey spoke, and even knew how to speak human language.

"Immortals? Hahaha." The shrimp clerk shook his head. "We are just sailors under the Dragon King of the lake. We have not received any divine teachings, so we dare not call ourselves immortals."

The monkey nodded, and seeing that the two sailors were easy to talk to, it seized the opportunity: "Generals, do you know where there are immortals?"

"Hahaha!" General Catfish laughed heartily, his belly bulging. "Do you know what day it is today?"

"I don't know, I don't know." The monkey's head shook.

General Catfish: "Today is my Dragon King grandfather's birthday, so the two of us are going to the nearby immortal's cave to deliver an invitation and invite the immortals to a feast."

"A deity?" The monkey exclaimed excitedly, scratching its ears and cheeks and jumping around. "A deity!"

But he quickly calmed down. He had been wandering around for countless years and had encountered some "gods and immortals," but those who could only swallow swords, breathe fire, catch ghosts, and capture demons were cultivators but definitely not gods or immortals, much less the gods he was looking for.

"Could it be that one can become an immortal and live forever?" the monkey asked hastily.

Shrimp Clerk and Catfish General exchanged a glance.

"You monkey have quite the nerve, wanting to learn how to live forever?"

Not to mention them, even their own Dragon King wouldn't dare claim immortality.

The monkey waved his hand: "I have been searching for immortality for many years, only to learn how to live forever. I don't need to learn any other tricks or games."

“The Three Mountains and Four Lands, the Nine Caves and Twelve Caves are all famous immortal sects, but they are probably not enough to achieve immortality,” said the Shrimp Clerk. “However, there is a place where a goddess lives in the mountains, and divine beasts protect the mountains. If you can become her disciple, you may be able to learn how to achieve immortality.”

The monkey's eyes lit up upon hearing this: "What goddess? Where is she?"

"The Cave of the Slanting Moon and Three Stars," said the Shrimp Registrar.

General Catfish said uncertainly, "They changed the name, didn't they?"

"If you can pronounce it well, it's called 'Crescent Moon and Three Stars, Spirit Platform and Square Inch.' Just follow the road from here until you hear the roar of dragons and the howl of tigers." The Shrimp Clerk continued, "The guardian beasts inside are the elders of our Dragon King. Monkey, remember to behave properly when you go up the mountain."

"Thank you both, Generals!" The monkey bowed again.

……

Su Daji has been doing quite well lately.

As a female cultivator who failed to ascend to the ranks of immortals, there are countless "immortals" like her, but those who have divine beasts such as the ferocious Zhenni and Suanni protecting their mountains are absolutely one in a million.

The mountain enshrines the statue of Tan Wenjie, the guardian deity of the Xuanjiao, and incense burns continuously.

To promote Tan Wenjie's fame, she frequently went down the mountain to exorcise demons, control floods, and cure diseases, and her fame grew.

People flocked to the mountains seeking immortality and Taoist teachings.

A gust of wind blew by, and Su Daji sent the scholar with no chance of becoming an immortal back to the foot of the mountain. She turned to look at the ferocious creature, which hissed and activated the formation, opening up a fog to prevent anyone from going up the mountain.

"Roar!" The Suanni roared, raising its head.

"A monkey went into the mountains and even figured out the maze?" Su Daji exclaimed in surprise.

When she renamed this place Xieyue Sanxing Cave, Tan Wenjie told her never to take a monkey as an apprentice, but unexpectedly the monkey actually came.

After admiring Tan Wenjie's brilliant strategy, she turned her attention to the monkey.

"It turned out to be a clever monkey."

It's just a monkey, but since the other party has come, we should at least report it.

Unexpectedly, as soon as she sent the message to Tan Wenjie, she immediately received a reply, saying that the other party was flying towards her on clouds.

In the cave of the Crescent Moon and Three Stars (Su Daji version), a monkey wanders in the mountains, unaware that two figures are hovering above his head, watching him.

In a world where Erlang Shen is the protagonist, the only character who can rival him is the famous Sun Wukong, who is also Chenxiang's master in the original story of Lotus Lantern.

Just as Su Daji was about to ask, a golden light flashed across the sky.

A Bodhisattva of Compassion, standing on a lotus flower, slowly appeared before us: "Amitabha, Venerable Tan, how have you been?"

"Guanyin Bodhisattva, it's been a long time." Tan Wenjie nodded in greeting.

Su Daji hurriedly bowed, for she could never normally meet such an important person.

Guanyin Bodhisattva: "That monkey has a connection with my sacred mountain."

Tan Wenjie: "But now he wants to become a disciple of Miss Su, who is by my side."

Despite their good relationship, the monkey possesses exceptional talent, placing him on par with Yang Jian, who has a super bloodline and protagonist-level cheat abilities.

Of course, he also needs to be able to teach him well. Otherwise, given the other party's ability to cause trouble, Tan Wenjie's connections in heaven will be useless, and he will definitely be attacked by the crowd.

Now is the time to talk about the benefits.

Guanyin Bodhisattva said, "If he can become a disciple of the Mighty Spirit Heavenly Venerable, it will be his good fortune."

Tan Wenjie: "I have very high requirements for the appearance of my apprentices."

Guanyin Bodhisattva remained silent, only smiling as she looked at him.

“Um…” He took two steps forward, walked to the Bodhisattva’s side, and lowered his voice, “My believer is watching from the side. If I give you the monkey directly, it will make me lose face. How about you pretend to be extorted by me and give me some benefits? Everyone will be happy.”

He must be crazy to agree to educate a naughty monkey. It would be so much more fun to plant trees and pick fruit with fairy sisters like Chang'e, the Seventh Princess, the Dragon Girl, and the Third Holy Mother.

"Yes, that's fine." Guanyin Bodhisattva nodded with a smile.

Upon seeing the nod, he felt much relieved.

"Hey!" Tan Wenjie suddenly jumped back two steps to Su Daji's side. "So there's no room for discussion?"

“That’s Guanyin Bodhisattva.” Su Daji reached out and quietly tugged at Tan Wenjie.

As someone from the era of the Investiture of the Gods, she knew the origins of all the gods like the back of her hand. Among them, the four great bodhisattvas of the Western Paradise were gods of the same level as Master Tan Wenjie.

Guanyin Bodhisattva continued to smile.

“Okay!” Tan Wenjie nodded. “Since we’re all familiar with each other, I can let you take the monkey away, but you have to leave something behind. Just give us some lamp oil, wicks, Buddhist scriptures, or relics of a certain Buddha. You don’t need too many, a few dozen will do.”

Su Daji: Σ(っ°Д°;)っ!
Asking the Bodhisattva for relics, how arrogant!

"can."

They agreed so readily; I should have ordered something else.

“Alright, leave this to me. Does the Bodhisattva have a suitable candidate? I’ll send the monkey over.”

He follows the rules when accepting money and operates with integrity.

"Then you can become his master."

"Don't joke around." Tan Wenjie waved his hand, resolutely refusing the title offered to him. "However, I know someone who knows most of the magic in the world. He is all-knowing and a rare master in the Three Realms. He once taught two top experts in the Three Realms with extraordinary cultivation."

Su Daji cautiously inquired, "Who is this expert you're talking about?"

"Me and Yang Jian." ...

"Me?!?" Master Yu Ding raised his voice.

"It was an outsourcing project from Guanyin Bodhisattva." Tan Wenjie pushed aside Yu Ding Zhenren and reached for the grapes on the plate.

One of the twelve celestial immortals, yet the grapes he eats aren't even celestial fruits—how beneath him!

“No way!” Master Yu Ding shook his head. “I have to meditate and cultivate every day. Where would I find the time to teach a monkey?”

Tan Wenjie stuffed two more grapes into his mouth, puffed out his cheeks, and said, "Uncle-Master Yu Ding, this monkey is no ordinary creature. It sprang from a crack in a rock, born of nature, and its talent is no less than Yang Jian's. Who else in the world can teach it skills besides you?"

Master Yu Ding was a little smug, but still shook his head: "So what if you have good talent? What about your personality?"

"Then you can rest assured even more," Tan Wenjie smiled. "He's definitely better than Yang Jian."

Just as Yu Ding Zhenren was about to sit down and offer his comments, Tan Wenjie said, "Yang Jian only dared to rush into the South Heavenly Gate, but the Monkey King is different. He might be able to break into the Lingxiao Palace, kick the Jade Emperor aside, and become the Jade Emperor himself."

"Clang!" Master Yuding sat down on the ground with a thud.

"Uncle-Master, what's wrong?"

"Ah Jie, we don't have any grudge against each other, do we?"

"Although you're stingy and always hide the good food when I come, and even gods don't have any principles, um... we probably don't have any grudges."

"Then why did you betray me!" Jade Cauldron Immortal cried out in grief and indignation. "Yang Jian's maternal uncle is the Jade Emperor, so he has someone protecting him at least. But what about this lawless monkey?"

“The Western Vulture Peak is protected by the Buddha and Guanyin Bodhisattva.”

The grief and indignation on Master Yuding's face suddenly disappeared.

She glared at Tan Wenjie, wondering why he hadn't said such important information sooner.

"Ahem, on another note..."

"This is your chance to prove your teaching quality," Tan Wenjie said patiently, lowering his voice. "You're Yang Jian's master, and many people must say you were incredibly lucky to have met a top genius. But what if you teach another monkey?"

Master Yu Ding nodded: "That makes sense!"

But then he shook his head vigorously.

In all the years since the Heavenly Court was established, how many times have there been attacks on the Heavenly Court? One Yang Jian is not enough. If he were to raise another monkey, even if his master were Yuanshi Tianzun, he wouldn't be able to protect him.

"Then use a fake identity."

"Who can you fool?"

There are so many gods in heaven and on earth. The Investiture of the Gods has just ended. Putting on a disguise is the same as revealing one's true identity. Why bother?

"You're kidding me."

"..."

"And if you don't agree, I'll have to go find other martial uncles. If they end up teaching a monkey even more powerful than Yang Jian, then your title of the number one teacher in the Three Realms will be..."

"Wait!" Master Yu Ding suddenly raised his hand and stared at Tan Wenjie with a serious look. "Ah Jie, you've taken the bribe, haven't you?"

"Damn, you can even tell that?" Tan Wenjie was surprised, then said helplessly, "This kind of power-money transaction is too dirty. I don't want to offend your ears, Uncle. I'd rather sacrifice myself than let this evil trend affect you."

"It can occasionally get on me."

The two stared at each other.

"The Bodhisattva agreed to invite me to the South China Sea as a guest, and even said he would give me some of Buddha's lamp oil." Tan Wenjie lowered his voice. "Buddha's lamp oil is a good thing. After lighting it, it can improve the efficiency of practicing skills."

"I want half."

"That's too much." Tan Wenjie sighed helplessly. "Oh well, what can I do? You're my uncle-master. But remember to protect your identity, or you'll have a hard time getting by in the Three Realms and Six Paths."

"understood."

"I'll go and bring the monkey over."

The exact locations of Lingtai Fangcun Mountain and Xieyue Sanxing Cave are unclear, but in this world, using materials from nearby Kunlun Mountain would be a good option. Besides, Kunlun Mountain is large enough to accommodate even the most powerful beings.

Watching Tan Wenjie's departing figure, Master Yuding laughed triumphantly. Having known him for so many years, he had long known that Tan Wenjie would not act without a reason. He never expected that a little trickery would bring him such benefits.

……

"I was planning to put the scriptures, lamp oil, relics and the like together for you to choose from."

Tan Wenjie had no intention of being a cunning middleman; he was prepared for the worst. However, he didn't expect that Master Yuding had such a small appetite and dared not set a price.

"I'll also give him a few scriptures later."

After flying back, Tan Wenjie transformed into an old monk and landed not far from the monkey.

"Lang li ge lang, lang li ge lang, the scenery is so beautiful under the bright sun, red flowers and green grass, I run forward happily, having traversed countless green hills, I am still young~"

"Old Immortal, Old Immortal!" The monkey saw him flying through the air and immediately bowed, "Greetings, Old Immortal."

He had a very strange feeling after hearing Tan Wenjie's two lines of doggerel, so he took the initiative to greet him.

"Hey, what's that talking monkey?" Tan Wenjie stopped. "A deity?"

The monkey shook its head.

"monster?"

The monkey shook its head again, and seemed to find it rather strange.

"I've heard there's a goddess on this mountain. Have you ever seen her, old immortal?"

"Oh, you mean that one?" Tan Wenjie said with a sudden realization, "I've seen her, the goddess of the Crescent Moon and Three Stars Cave, but she doesn't take monkeys as apprentices, and besides, if we're talking about learning skills..."

After he finished speaking, he turned to leave, but the monkey grabbed his sleeve.

"The old immortal said he wanted to learn skills, but who else can teach him?" the monkey asked hastily.

He had been wandering in the mountains for a long time, was starving, and had long guessed that the mountain goddess probably didn't want to take him as her disciple, because he had encountered this situation many times before.

The reason I'm not leaving now is because I'm unwilling to give up.

Tan Wenjie cleared his throat: "Well, once upon a time, there was a mountain, and on the mountain was a temple, and in the temple lived an old man... uh, an old immortal who knew magic."

The monkey asked anxiously, "Does the old immortal know anything about immortality?"

Tan Wenjie smiled slightly and stroked his beard: "I understand the heavens and the earth, and can distinguish between yin and yang. As for whether I can live forever, that depends on my fate."

"Please, gods, help me!" the monkey said, bowing as if imitating a human.

"Everyone has their own destiny, so don't force it."

Tan Wenjie turned around and disappeared without a trace, leaving the monkey scratching its ears and cheeks on the spot.

What is karma?

Just as the monkey was getting anxious and didn't know what to do, he suddenly noticed a piece of cloth hanging on a tree in the distance. He climbed up the tree and took the cloth down, and saw a line of words written on it.

“Go east for 280 li, take a boat out to sea, and travel by day and night. You will very likely encounter an old man with a white beard.”

So that's how fate works.

The monkey bowed repeatedly, saying, "Thank you, deity!"

When the monkeys took a boat to the sea, Tan Wenjie, along with the Three-Headed Dragon, the Rain-Worker Sheep, and the Power-Generating Chicken, had been waiting for a long time.

The animals were released, and immediately the wind and lightning struck, and the water churned and surged.

While the monkey was being shaken until it was dizzy, he used a magic spell to send the monkey all the way to Kunlun Mountain in one breath.

I am definitely the best at providing after-sales service in the Three Realms. (End of Chapter)