[Football] Bad Boy Batty

"Look, who's coming!"
"Where are you going? The gym? I heard you didn't change your plans. Isn't that a little unreasonable?"
"Yeah, Reuben, don't you want to add more?"
"We have new sandbags for you, with pictures of Haaland on them... Don't look at me, that was Batistuta's idea - ouch! My head!"
"You're such a slug, Bernardo, you can't keep any secrets - yes, it was my idea, you're welcome."

Ruben Dias: …

He had experienced this every day for the past week, sometimes more than once. In the two days after the first leg, these childish guys teased him almost every minute, and would imitate the situation when they scored in the training match to celebrate, and then laugh until their stomachs hurt.

"You guys, it's time to stop."

The Portuguese defender tried to remain calm as he walked past his teammates who were huddled together and laughing. He walked into the locker room, put down his backpack, sat down and began to change his clothes.

"First of all, it wasn't just a push. Haaland is much stronger than you think. Secondly, it was my mistake," he said. "Yes, I made a mistake. I wasn't prepared. It had nothing to do with whether I was in the gym or not."

"Oh my god, Reuben! How could you not be prepared!" Batistuta opened his eyes wide with innocence, and deliberately acted innocent and surprised. "You are a defensive player, and Haaland almost had a one-on-one chance, but you, my dear friend, were not fully prepared. This is a professional problem!"

Reuben smiled with difficulty: "No, I mean--"

"What? You're not unprepared?" Batty interrupted his explanation rudely. "Why? Is it because you're so weak that you can't withstand the push from the Norwegian?"

Reuben's eyes gradually lost their highlights.

It's either frail or a bad attitude, how to choose? It's like choosing between sugar with poison and poison with sugar, both are terrible.

Batty blinked. "So, which one are you?"

"Come on, spare me, everything I say is wrong." Reuben waved his hands like he was shooing away a fly, then made a 'you're so annoying' gesture to Batty.

Batty fell on Walker next to him with laughter.

The king triumphed, once again.

"Oh my god, I love this game," Barty said. "I can do this all day."

This Captain America-style oath caused laughter in the locker room, and even De Bruyne, who was drinking water not far away, almost choked. He did not really participate in the "locker room bullying" led by Batistuta, at least not openly. He preferred to say a few words to finish the job at the right time.

Reuben let out a sigh of relief.

Even if this kind of friendly ridicule (let's call it friendly) continued for another week, he would still be completely helpless against these guys.

Well, to be precise, there is no way to deal with Batty.

He couldn't treat him like he did with others, like kicking his butt or picking him up and throwing him into the swimming pool. Theoretically he could, but that was Batistuta, the little king of Manchester City, Guardiola's baby, and the most difficult little bastard recognized in the locker room. What could he do?

"Honestly, if you don't have experience, you have no right to speak." Ruben looked up after changing into his training suit and said, "I accept ridicule, but the prerequisite is that the one who ridicules me must have played against Haaland."

"what?"

"You heard me. If you've tried that guy's strength and still think I'm exaggerating, then no problem, you can do anything to me." Reuben stood up and turned around. "Now, everyone, I'm going to go to training."

The fun was over and the others quickly dispersed. Batistuta folded his arms and stayed where he was, squinting his eyes as he looked in the direction where Ruben Dias left.

Okay, that's what you said.

Isn’t it just a confrontation? Just give it a try.

……

As a false center forward, Batistuta has almost no chance to directly defend Haaland in the game (if he is needed to defend him, it means that there is a big problem with Manchester City's defense), not to mention that it is very dangerous to move on Guardiola's chessboard without authorization.

But there are always more solutions than problems.

If you want to collide with Haaland, you don't necessarily have to do it in a regular ground fight, a set piece or a throw-in can also be done.

Batistuta was fully prepared and even gave Guardiola a secret shot of prevention.

Everything is ready.

4月15日晚上，20-21赛季欧冠1/4决赛次回合在伊蒂哈德球场拉开帷幕，曼城坐镇主场迎战来访的多特蒙德。

In the player tunnel before the game, De Bruyne helped Batistuta put on the captain's armband. "If you chase him (Haaland) for half the court, Pep will go crazy," he said.

"I'm not that stupid, Kevin." Batty moved his lips like a goldfish. "If I did that, he would have kept me on the bench until next year."

"As long as you know."

"Don't worry, nothing will happen." The king patted his loyal knight's arm. "To be honest, a real confrontation may not even happen. I just want to find an excuse to reasonably laugh at Reuben, that's all."

……

But having said that, Batistuta really wants to try his luck against Haaland.

after all--
He has yet to face an opponent with ridiculous physical strength, not in Brazil or in Europe, ever.

It is true that Batistuta is a striker, but under Guardiola, players in any position have the obligation to participate in defense. On the wing, he often participates in chasing back and often interferes with the opponent's wing players. Even if his defense is very poor, he can occasionally make one or two standard tackles.

So, after Reuben was knocked over by Haaland, he really wanted to give it a try.

Unfortunately, at the end of the first half, Batistuta didn't find a suitable opportunity.

The two teams fought back and forth in the first half, and both goalkeepers were fully tested, but no goal was scored and the score of 0-0 was brought into the halftime break.

It wasn't until the 68th minute of the second half that the opportunity came.

[——Ah! Batistuta's shot hit the wall. Manchester City's free kick tactics were exposed. Dortmund grabbed the ball and quickly launched a counterattack. Dahoud, the ball was given to Reus. Let's see how he will operate? ]

Due to the free kick attack just now, Manchester City's overall defense line was raised very forward. Haaland is not a shooter who relies solely on his muscles. He took the opportunity to quietly distance himself from Laporte who was responsible for defending him, and was ready to sprint at any time.

That's how it is on the court, always stay alert because you never know when opportunities and loopholes will appear.

Haaland just seized the opportunity.

"lapo!"

The Hornets quickly turned from defense to offense. Ruben realized the problem in advance and reminded Laporte, but he was still a step too slow. Haaland had already started and had a distance of one body length from Laporte.

Manchester City's defense immediately chased back.

[Danger! Reus passes the ball directly to Bellingham, and Haaland is rushing towards the penalty area like a bulldozer. Manchester City should be careful! ]

And this is exactly the opportunity Batty wants.

He had just taken a free kick and had not yet returned to the frontcourt, but he decisively turned around and accelerated to chase after Haaland.

Batistuta didn't pay attention to the pass from the other side. He just relied on his peripheral vision to judge the position of the opponent player who was dribbling the ball. All he could think about now was knocking Haaland down before he could pose a threat.

Now it is a little different from what he expected. He did not expect such a crisis situation to occur in the backcourt. Going back directly would involve a certain degree of risk.

"Buddy, Buddy! Oh my God—Roddy, Kevin, watch your position!"

Batistuta's ears were filled with the whirring of wind, mixed with the shouts of his teammates and opponents. He heard Guardiola shouting his name from the sidelines, but he ignored it. Risk?

Come on, there is no risk in the game.

[Oh? Batistuta is running back to defend Haaland at full speed, I can't believe it! Laporte and Walker are almost left behind by him, haha! The last person who made Batistuta cross the half-court right to chase back was Mbappe who played for Monaco in the 16-17 season. ]

"Erlyn!"

Seeing that the defense around him was about to fall into position, Bellingham made a diagonal pass. At the moment when his boots hit the ball, he saw Batistuta, who was following closely behind Haaland, adjusted the angle and made a tackle.

"Behind you, watch your back!" he shouted.

In the emergency moment, Haaland had no time to respond. He slowed down slightly and prepared to face the collision and receive the ball.

[Ohhh! Batistuta made a tackle!] The commentator raised his voice, [Like Lucas, he used a very physically demanding and easily injured method, throwing his center of gravity out to tackle his opponent. This is not very smart. Everyone can see that there is a huge difference in size between him and Haaland. I believe that if it was Lucas, he would never take such a risk.]

However, what Haaland did not expect was that the impact on his back was much smaller than he imagined.

After staggering half a step, he steadied himself.

"I****!"

Accompanied by an incomprehensible bird language (Haaland was sure Batty was swearing), he seemed to catch a glimpse of a blue figure rolling past his feet in his peripheral vision.

Oh, that's good.

It took less than a second for Haaland to realize what had just happened. His adrenaline surged and he quickened his pace as he rushed towards the penalty area.

[beep——]
The referee blew the timeout whistle.

The Norwegian stopped in annoyance, spread his hands and looked behind him. He saw the King of Manchester City sitting on the ground. Soon his teammates surrounded him. Through the gaps, he saw the pair of innocent blue eyes wide open, full of disbelief.

"--What a fucking hell!" Batty gritted his teeth, hugging his knees.

Just now he made a tackle, and he imitated Lucas's fierce tackle.

But Haaland didn't fly out, he flew out by himself.

Yes!
It’s okay for those who are shoveled, but it’s not good for those who put the shovel there!

"Oh my God..." Batty looked at the team doctor taking over his right leg and complained frantically: "Did I just hit a piece of iron? I'm almost losing consciousness below the knee!"

De Bruyne arrived quickly and asked, "Is this what you mean by not messing up?"

"Oh my god." Batty stroked his hair irritably. "Please stop poking my heart, Kevin. I beg you."

"- Think about it on the bright side, at least you managed to block a one-on-one opportunity." De Bruyne held back the sarcasm and turned it into comfort, but it only gave Batistuta a fingernail-sized encouragement.

The referee showed him a yellow card.

[Although Manchester City escaped a one-on-one chance this time, the loss was heavy. Dortmund got a free kick in the front court, and Batistuta received an extra yellow card. Judging from the steps he took, his actions would definitely be affected.]

disaster!

Batty stretched his calves and cursed at the turf.

What a complete disaster!
……

The good news is that Batistuta's yellow card will not be carried into the semi-final, and his knee did not swell until he was substituted 10 minutes later.

Before that, he also provided an indirect assist.

"You call this good news?" In the locker room, De Bruyne couldn't help but snort.

"We won the game 1-0 and my knee is fine. Isn't this good news?" Batistuta half-lying on the bed, blinked at him obediently.

"Humph." The Belgian midfielder looked down at him, "Sophistry."

"Ah?" Batty was stunned. "What does that mean?"

"I mean you—"

At this moment, a knock on the door interrupted De Bruyne.

"Hey there."

English with a strong German accent sounded, Batistuta looked over and saw it was Dortmund captain Reus.

"I came to see you, how's your knee, Batty?" he asked.

"Ha! Are you sure you're not here to mock?" Batty smiled at Reus, then reached out and patted the ice pack on his knee. "As you can see, it's swollen, but the team doctor said it's not a big problem."

"I'm sorry, Erling he—"

"What do you have to apologize for?" Batistuta raised his eyebrows and interrupted Reus. "I tackled him, and the yellow card was also mine. I deserve to be laughed at."

"You can't say that."

"It's okay, you can laugh if you want, I bet no one has hurt themselves with a shovel yet."

"Oh, about this." Reus cleared his throat. "We just played a game against Bayern not long ago. Kimmich was intercepted and tried to make a tackle, but he got himself kicked. His injury was more serious than yours and he rested for more than eight weeks."

"Really?" Batistuta and De Bruyne looked at each other and smiled jokingly, "So I'm not the worst."

"It's obvious."

"Okay, I feel better now." Batty gave Captain Bumblebee a sweet smile, "But seriously, is that guy some kind of Nordic giant monster? It felt like I didn't hit him but a big iron block. Will you get crushed if you celebrate with him?"

"Uh." Royce's face was blank for a moment, obviously remembering some terrible experience. "To be honest, in our game last week, he assisted me to score a goal, and when we were celebrating, he almost threw me away."

"Really?"

"Yes, he was very happy at that time and he picked me up directly." He touched his forehead and said in a tired voice, "I almost thought I was going to leave this beautiful world, no kidding."

Batty whistled.

At this moment, in the cubicle of Manchester City's locker room, the two captains looked at each other and suddenly felt a sense of mutual appreciation.

At the same time, in the away locker room on the opposite side.

The Norwegian, who had just taken off his jersey, was about to take a quick shower when his nose suddenly started to itch and he sneezed loudly seven or eight times.

"What happened?" he muttered softly.

Is anyone thinking about him?
(End of this chapter)