The goal of life is to break up all couples

"Is it really my fault?"

Nagasaki Suyo seemed to be asking Matsueda Azusa, but also seemed to be asking herself: "If I change, will everyone come back? I can not think about myself, and it's okay for me to be alone when I'm sad. If I'm not so selfish and not so unreasonable...will everyone come back?"

“…No, we won’t go back to the past.”

Matsueda Azusa hesitated for a long time, but still did not give the answer that Nagasaki Suyo hoped for.

The faint light in her eyes dimmed in an instant.

117

Chapter 117 The irreversible past.

"Yeah……"

Nagasaki Suyo closed her eyes. Even though the air conditioning was on full blast, she still felt cold all over. "Azusa, what kind of thinking is going on when you say that? Speaking of which... we used to be members of the same band, but I never knew why Azusa joined the band. Is it too late to ask that question now?"

Matsueda Azusa didn't answer immediately.

A moment of silence made the atmosphere awkward. Nagasaki Suyo tightened her grip on the blanket and said, "It's okay if you don't want to talk about it..."

"At this point, there's nothing bad to say."

Matsueda Azusa turned his head away, looking at the gloomy rain outside the window: "At first, it was for Toyokawa Shoko. Later, it was for my own place to live. Actually, in this way, it's no different from you."

"Zi and Xiaoxiang, how did they meet?"

Nagasaki Suyo asked this question subconsciously in a daze, but she realized that it was inappropriate the moment she blurted it out.

Matsueda Azusa had already shown resistance before, and now she was asking him such a question in person, wasn't that just rubbing salt into the wound? Thinking of this, Nagasaki Suyo hurriedly struggled to sit up from the sofa, and with her thoughts almost in a mess, she opened her mouth to try to make amends.

But what she didn't expect was that Matsueda Azusa was not angry.

He lowered his head and thought for a moment, then spoke calmly, "It was a beautiful day with clear skies and a beautiful sky. The flowers were blooming and the birds were singing. I was standing on the bridge by the river, looking down, and was about to jump into the river to commit suicide."

"Suicide?! Azusa...?"

A bolt of lightning seemed to flash through Nagasaki Sushi's confused thoughts, and Matsueda Azusa's somewhat sad expression appeared in her hazy vision.

This is why Matsueda Azusa was so angry and difficult to accept Ishida Shoya's suicidal thoughts, because he had thought about it before. However, the situations they faced were completely different.

Songzhi Zi sighed and explained, "I've told you about my family situation before, right? My parents often work away from home. They haven't really taken care of me since I was in elementary school, and we only see each other a few times a year."

"But even so... I also experienced a very happy time. When I was in junior high school, my aunt—my mother's sister—fell ill. Her health prevented her from traveling frequently with my parents, so she came home to recuperate."

"She could have gone to some nice nursing home in Tokyo, but she said that since she was back, she could take care of me. So she stayed in Chiba."

Songzhi Zi lowered his eyes, and through the dazzling sky, he seemed to see something else, and couldn't help revealing a look of nostalgia: "During that time, I seemed to have really become a child with a home. Every day when I returned home, there was someone waiting for me, someone to accompany me when I was bored, and someone to comfort me when I was in a bad mood..."

"She was a very positive person, who loved to joke and enjoy happy things, and sometimes she would play pranks on me on a whim. She told me not to be alone all the time and to be more cheerful, friendly, and make more friends - and I did what she said. She loved music and would teach me various instruments when she was physically able."

"I was truly happy during that time. I once thought, how wonderful it would be if those days could remain unchanged forever. But all happiness must come to an end. Her condition became increasingly serious, and she passed away when I was in my first year of high school."

Although Nagasaki Suyo had guessed the ending halfway through listening, she still couldn't help but subconsciously cover her mouth with her hand and looked at Matsueda Azusa with sad eyes.

Matsueda Azusa smiled at Nagasaki Suyo and said, "I felt the same way back then as you do now. I wanted to live a strong and happy life like she said. I thought that even if I returned to my old days, I would be able to persevere on my own as before. But that seems unlikely."

"If I had never seen the light, I could have endured the darkness. After experiencing those days, living alone would have become unbearable."

"So, after struggling alone for several weeks, a child named Matsueda Azusa decided to die."

Matsueda Azusa held his chin with one hand and looked at Nagasaki Suyo again: "I specially chose a day with clear skies. Maybe I can die in a more sunny way."

Nagasaki Suyo couldn't help but ask: "And then?"

"And then? Then he was stopped by Toyokawa Shoko."

Matsueda Azusa shrugged. "To me at the time, Toyokawa Shoko's sudden appearance was probably like an angel descending from heaven. She persuaded me that no matter what happened, life was the most important thing. I can't remember those words anymore."

"But... the only thing that left a deep impression on me was that I almost instantly regarded her as some kind of salvation, just like a drowning person desperately grasping at a lifeline."

"At the time, her family also went through some changes, which were similar to what I was going through in some ways. So we comforted each other and supported each other through a difficult time."

Matsueda Azusa thought about it, then shook her head. "No... whether it was mutual or not is debatable. To this day, I still don't know if she needs my support, but... I'm truly inspired by her."

Nagasaki Suyo looked at Matsueda Azusa cautiously and couldn't help asking: "If that's the case... Azusa, then why are you so resistant to Xiaoxiang now? You used to be so..."

"I've thought about this question carefully myself. After all, to anyone's eyes, my current attitude towards Toyokawa Shoko seems a bit like an ungrateful person repaying kindness with enmity, right? I can't refute this point."

Songzhi Zi subconsciously clenched the fingers of both hands tightly, "Actually, it's nothing more than these few points..."

"The first thing that came to my mind was the feeling of betrayal by the very thing I thought I'd saved. We'd agreed not to give up no matter what happened. We'd promised to be each other's support, to support each other for the rest of our lives. We'd also promised that even if we ended up breaking up, we'd still be friends, and that we'd overcome any difficulties together. But in the end, I received a sudden and drastic breakup notice. Without telling me anything, without mentioning any of the vows we'd made, he just left on his own."

"But perhaps this emotion was also mixed with self-loathing. I clearly longed for true love, but I created this deformed relationship myself—seeing her as my salvation. I self-imposed expectations on her, and in the end, I was disappointed. In fact, back then, and perhaps even now, I have never understood what love really is."

"So I just let my emotions run wild, knowing full well it wasn't entirely her fault. Sometimes I wondered... if I had relied on her less, tried to understand her more, been more reliant on her, allowed her to give me more confidence and trust, would this have ended differently? But in the end, all my struggles turned into hurtful words."

"No one has ever taught me how to love. Even if I have experienced being loved, it is only a fleeting moment. Even if I reflect on myself, it is too late."

Seeing Nagasaki Suyo looking a little confused but looking at him seriously, Matsueda Azusa couldn't help but say out all the words that had been pent up in his heart. As the words fell, he felt that even his breathing became much lighter for a moment.

I usually have these random and chaotic thoughts running through my head, and the more I think about them, the sadder I get, and the more negative my mood becomes. Unexpectedly, after I talked about them with others, my mental journey became much clearer, and I felt better.

"In the final analysis..."

Matsueda Azusa looked up at the white ceiling. "Today, although everything is irreversible and the past has been turned, perhaps I still owe Toyokawa Shoko a thank you and an apology."

118

Chapter 118 Bird Poems.

After Matsueda Azusa heard the truth about Toyokawa Shoko from Yukinoshita Haruno that day, she did subconsciously feel angry. But when she thought about it carefully, it didn't make much sense.

Toyokawa Shoko's decision to leave abruptly did hurt everyone, but it does not mean that the touching feelings she once brought to everyone were false or non-existent. And just because she did something wrong, it does not mean that what Matsueda Azusa did was right.

He did have reason to be angry, but... he also had reason to blame himself.

But all this is in the past and there is no need to mention it anymore.

"That's right..."

Nagasaki Suyo felt that she should think carefully about many of the things Matsueda Azusa said, but her drowsy brain was unable to support her to do so.

Her voice lowered, as if she was about to fall asleep. She murmured, "Then... Zi, will you continue to form a band?"

Matsueda Azusa was stunned. He hadn't expected Nagasaki Suyo to ask this question out of the blue. However, it wasn't difficult to answer, as he had already formed a new band. So, he nodded without hesitation, "Yes."

"Really? Why…"

Nagasaki Suyo asked as if she was mumbling in a dream: "Mingming Zi and I... don't really care about the band itself, right? Whether it's a band or something else, it doesn't really matter... What's important is the people... If those people are gone, what will the new band do..."

"Maybe it's because I haven't learned any other ways to find or build a new home. I guess I can only form a band."

Although he said this, Matsueda Azusa couldn't help but think of the members of the Supervisory Department and Hiratsuka Shizuka and others.

Perhaps all good things must come to an end. Even if we just accompany each other for a while and enjoy a moment of sincerity, is it enough?

Aren’t Matsueda Azusa’s current friends also important people?

At the beginning, it was obvious that such a strange society was established just to take revenge on society, but what was gained in the process was more than that.

If continuing with this approach can allow his current life to continue, if it turns out to be another viable, new way to build a home and gain a family besides forming a band... Matsueda Azusa is willing to keep trying.

"So that's how it is... That's great, Azusa... You don't look unhappy..."

Nagasaki Suyo's voice was so soft that it was almost inaudible, as if she was half asleep and half awake. "If only I could find a new 'home' too..."

Looking at Nagasaki Suyo who had been unable to restrain herself and gradually fell asleep, Matsueda Azusa was silent for a moment, then casually picked up the guitar that was placed beside him, held it in his arms, gently plucked the strings, and hummed softly:

[You and I watch the contrail gradually dissipate in the sky]

We are always so weak, afraid of the light, and therefore escape.

The beautiful past has disappeared into the sky like a speeding plane.

However, both Matsueda Azusa and Nagasaki Suzuyo feared the destruction and disappearance of their homes, and wanted to try their best to restore their former homes and families, but they lost themselves in the process.

Because we are afraid of losing, we try our best to hold on to the past and dare not touch the future.

I hate myself and take my anger out on others. In pursuit of sincerity, I escape my own sincerity. I pursue love, but I escape it.

In the end, we are all just lost children on the journey of life.

There was no one to offer guidance, and everyone could only move forward blindly, step by step.

From that day on, nothing has changed.

【It is always difficult to remain unchanged】

However, if you are lost for too long, so long that you lose yourself and remain stuck in the regrets of the past, you will never be able to embrace the future.

Even if you fail again, fall again, even if you get lost, even if you have to start all over again, you must strive to move towards a new future.

Songzhi Zi's thoughts were wandering.

At this moment, he thought of many people.

The members of the Inspection Club who chat and act together are Kazuhiko Numizu and Anami Yanami.

Hikigaya Hachiman reminded him worriedly.

Shizuka Hiratsuka gently stroked his head and cared for him like a mother.

Although old-fashioned and proud, Yukino Yukinoshita is honest and kind-hearted.

Saki Kawasaki, who has the same self-esteem but is completely different from Shoko Toyokawa.

There are many people I know... Goto Ichiri, Ijichi Nijika, Yamada Ryo, Isen Nina, Kawahara Momoka...

and also……

Yumiko Miura braved the storm and put an umbrella in his hand.

He has been talking to himself, having a bad temper, and being extremely willful all the time until now, but are there actually so many people who are worth caring about and worrying about?

Songzhi Zi's mouth couldn't help but curl up slightly, revealing a smile.

The good things in the past can no longer be pursued, but there are always other people waiting ahead on the road.

Even if everything now will eventually be lost in the future, at least just hold on to the present... Even if it's just a moment of happiness, Matsueda Azusa wants to hold it tightly in her hands.

[With deep regret in my heart, I quietly let go of your hand]

[Even if that little bird can't spread its wings and fly high]

But one day it will rise against the wind.

……

When the song ended, Nagasaki Suyo had already fallen asleep on the sofa wrapped in a small blanket.

Matsueda Azusa put down the guitar and couldn't help but shook his head helplessly.

This guy was way too careless. Did he really trust him so much? They were just teenagers, after all. Knowing they were unconscious, they actually fell asleep in someone else's house without any warning...

This is a single man and a single woman, right?

Although Matsueda Azusa really doesn't have any feelings towards Nagasaki Suyo.

He casually turned up the temperature of the air conditioner in the living room a few degrees, took out a box of cold medicine from home, and placed it on the table in front of the sofa together with a thermos cup filled with hot water.

If she had the contact number for Nagasaki Suyo's family, Matsueda Azusa would probably have her family come and pick her up. Although she just said that her mother was working overtime, even if she was working overtime, she would probably rush back after hearing about this situation, right?

Unfortunately, he didn't have Nagasaki Suyo's phone number and couldn't touch her cell phone at will.

Back in the bedroom, Songzhi Zi sat on the edge of the bed, stunned for a while, then carefully opened the drawer of the bedside table.

Inside was an exquisitely packaged gift box, which Songzhi Zi protected very well.

Inside was a letter and several well-packaged music CDs.

Songzhi Zi's fingers stroked the envelope carefully.

Written on it in beautiful handwriting:

[Dear Zi, I once told you that if there is something beyond death beyond the grave, I will definitely find a way to contact you.]

You told me not to make such unlucky jokes, but I'm serious.

So I arranged this package so that if I die someday, it will be delivered to you.

[If there is truly a way to cross the gap between life and death, I will definitely intercept it before the package reaches you.]

If you read this letter...