The goal of life is to break up all couples

Seeing the other person's resistance, you should realize how terrible your actions have been. If you continue to pursue them in this situation, your apology may just be a form of self-satisfaction to atone for your guilt.

Ishida Shoya nodded.

Matsueda Azusa pressed the issue: "Do you want to be forgiven, or is just an apology enough?"

This is a completely different concept.

If you just want to apologize, but don't take any real action and just say empty words, not caring about how the other party responds - that is nothing more than self-righteous self-consolation.

If you want to ask for forgiveness but do nothing, and just expect the person you hurt to give you a result that is favorable to you, that is even more despicable.

Even if you do something, the focus isn't on the apologist's actions, but on the victim's willingness. If the other person clearly doesn't want to forgive, but you still do things that bother them and flatter yourself, you'll not only become abominable, but also cause a second injury to the other person.

Matsueda Azusa looked at Ishida Masaya.

The feeling that Ishida Shoya gives to Matsueda Azusa now is a bit like Nagasaki Suyo, who desperately apologized to Matsueda Azusa in order to retain him when Ishida quit Crychic.

Ultimately, the apology didn't seem to be the point. Ishida Shoya gave Matsueda the feeling that if he could apologize and be forgiven, he would have achieved a certain goal and could do something.

Apologies are not seen as sincere repentance, but as a tool to achieve an end.

Songzhi Zi doesn't like this.

Ishida Masaya smiled bitterly and lowered his head: "I want to be forgiven, but... if Nishimiya-san doesn't want to, that's normal. Someone like me did that kind of thing and still dreamed of being forgiven..."

"I hate myself. I'm selfish and inconsiderate of others. I've been living by belittling my classmates. In seventeen years, I've never been a good person..."

Songzhi Zi's brows were deeply furrowed.

These words seemed to be directed at him. Selfish, inconsiderate of others, loathing himself, yet yearning for the sincerity of others.

Looking at Ishida Masaya, Matsueda Azusa began to understand Yukinoshita Haruno's extreme attitude towards Toyokawa Shoko.

If Matsueda Azusa saw the beautiful scene of Isen Rina chasing Momoka Kawahara back, he would only feel relieved and happy from the bottom of his heart, and fantasize about whether there was another possibility that he would feel the same way, then what he saw now when he saw Ishida Shoya...

It was like seeing another, incomparably loathsome version of myself. Disgust for this rotten person, mixed with disgust for myself...

"That's about as good as it gets."

Matsueda Azusa couldn't help but interrupt Ishida Masaya, his tone cold: "It's enough to keep these words to yourself to condemn yourself. What's the point of saying them to others? Are you hoping for something? Do you think that just a few words of scolding and scolding yourself can make the shackles of sin any lighter?"

"If you harbor such thoughts, then your negative comments about yourself are precisely correct. However... in this case, your self-blame becomes completely meaningless. Because whether you realize it or not, you won't change at all. All of this self-condemnation is nothing but self-gratifying abuse, unable to compensate others or change yourself."

The speech was too fast and there were too many words, so even though Nishimiya Shoko tried hard to listen, she couldn't hear clearly what Matsueda Azusa was saying. All she could hear was a blur of mixed sounds.

She carefully tugged at Songzhi Zi's sleeve, and when she saw him turn around, she timidly wrote on the notebook: "Please don't be angry because of me."

After thinking about it, she crossed out the words and changed them to: "Please don't be angry."

Matsueda Azusa sighed.

Forget it. If the parties involved didn't intend to pursue the matter, why should an outsider like him be so self-righteous and talk too much? Wouldn't that just be wishful thinking and self-satisfaction?

A bad person like Matsueda Azusa is willing to do something for himself out of self-righteousness, but he will not go up to others and do things for them.

He was about to answer when he heard Ishida Masaya say bitterly: "That's true... People like me really don't deserve forgiveness. I originally thought that if I couldn't apologize, I wouldn't have the right to end this rotten life, but now it seems that I don't even have the right to apologize... So let it be..."

What nonsense are you talking about?

He was talking nonsense about wanting to end his life, wanting to commit suicide, etc...

"You want to commit suicide?"

Songzhi Zi couldn't bear it any longer. "You want to end all the links and sins related to yourself in this way... What? Don't you have parents either?"

107

Chapter 107 He still has to thank us.

"what?"

Ishida Masaya didn't expect that Matsueda Azusa would suddenly say such a thing. He looked at him blankly, speechless for a moment.

"I'm asking you a question, can't you hear me?"

Matsueda Azusa crossed his arms, looking like a vicious villain, and asked again: "You don't have parents, right? Or do you have no other relatives? Do they ignore you and would rather pretend you don't exist?"

"No, no!"

Ishida Masaya finally couldn't help but refute. He clenched his fists tightly and said angrily: "Don't say that about my mother! She raised me alone, she is gentle and strong, and can tolerate my shortcomings. Even if it is hard outside, she will always smile at me when she comes home... She is the greatest mother in the world! It doesn't matter if you scold me, but... but don't insult her!"

Songzhi Zi's eyes turned cold.

He clearly already had what he had always dreamed of, yet he still had such a disgusting look on his face. It was truly unbearable...

"Am I insulting her?"

Songzhi Zi asked without hesitation.

Ishida Masaya was frightened by Matsueda Azusa's vicious eyes and subconsciously took a step back: "You..."

"How did I insult her? Can't you hear me? I was insulting you!"

Songzhi Zi took a step forward and said, "You are the one who betrayed your mother's love, right? I am scolding you. You look like a stray dog ​​on the street who either lives in a family with no love or care from his father or mother, or has no father or mother at all."

"If that's the case, then it's understandable that you keep talking about suicide. In that situation, since no one cares about you and no one cares about you, your choice of whether to end your life is only about you and has nothing to do with anyone else."

"But you're not like that."

Matsueda Azusa kept cursing, and even when Nishimiya Naoko pulled his sleeve with a worried look, he had no intention of stopping.

Because he was not scolding Ishida Masaya for Nishimiya Shoko, but Matsueda Azusa wanted to do so himself.

"What else did you say? You think apologizing to Nishimiya-san is a way to gain the right to end your life. You are simply obsessed with gain and loss!"

"You used apologizing to those you hurt as a means to an end. Your means are despicable! You used ending your own life as the purpose of your apology. Your purpose is despicable! In your heart, your mother, who loves you so deeply, is not as important as apologizing to others. Your heart is despicable!"

"Are you doing this to give Nishimiya-san the choice to end her own life? Do you think that your apology followed by suicide will make the person accepting your apology feel good? If it were me who accepted your apology, I would certainly feel good, because you deserved to die. But I'm afraid Nishimiya-san won't be able to get over it so easily, right? Even at the end, you actually want to do something that hurts others again."

"Besides, have you considered your mother's feelings about wanting to end your life? Didn't you say yourself that your mother worked hard to raise you and loved you immensely? Have you ever thought about what a blow it would be to her if you committed suicide? Have you considered her feelings?"

"You're willing to die, yet you're afraid to live for your mother. You clearly have love, yet you betray it. You clearly have a family, yet you've never considered their feelings... You're simply a completely cowardly and selfish person!"

"Just jump from this river and end your pathetic life. Besides causing irreparable harm to others, what else have you left behind? Your entire life has either been about hurting others or on the way to hurting others. Even your final death was a weapon used to hurt others."

Matsueda Azusa panted slightly, clenching her fists tightly. Regret wouldn't make the evil she had done go away. Wanting to die was the most irresponsible choice.

He was scolding Ishida Shoya, but wasn't he also scolding himself? He was also the same jerk who was clearly seeking love, but only knew how to hurt. But Ishida Shoya was even worse! It would be fine if he was just a jerk, but he actually allowed himself to hurt the people who loved him. He clearly had love, but he didn't care, blindly ignored it, and finally even betrayed it.

It was as if Matsueda Azusa saw a weaker, more beastly, and more clownish version of himself. How could he not be angry and disgusted?

"That's not true... I've been working non-stop lately, and I've left all the money I earned to Mom..."

Ishida Masaya was hurt by Matsueda Azusa's words and breathed in pain. The words of explanation came out subconsciously without thinking.

"Snapped!"

Azusa Matsueda slapped Shoya Ishida hard.

Ishida Shoya was slapped to the ground, covering his face with one hand, looking at Matsueda Azusa blankly and dully.

Obviously, he never expected that Matsueda Azusa would suddenly attack him.

"Oh, then you're a hopeless jerk."

In fact, Matsueda Azusa had no intention of taking action at all. After all, the matter of Ishida Shoya had nothing to do with him. It was just that he couldn't stand it and felt very unhappy, so a few words of scolding would be enough.

No matter what, Matsueda Azusa is not Nishimiya Shoko, and she has no qualifications or reasons to punish Ishida Shoya.

But Ishida Shoya's last words of defense were really unbearable for Matsueda Azusa.

"The sincerity, time, love invested in you, the bond between family members... you actually measure them with money?!"

Matsueda Azusa grabbed Ishida Shoya by the collar and angrily said, "Let's not even talk about how much money a high school student like you could save by working for a while. Compared to the money your mother spent raising you, it's nothing... You actually think that the money you leave for your mother in preparation for your death is a form of compensation for her?!"

"Why do you do this? A loving mother, a close-knit family, selfless devotion... these treasures that the world strives for have already been within your reach. Why, instead of cherishing them, do you cruelly trample upon them? Is it because you feel they came too easily? Or do you think this is how the world should be? Do you feel you deserved these things at birth, so no matter how they are treated, it doesn't matter?"

Matsueda Azusa fiercely shook off Ishida Shoya, rubbed his right wrist with his left hand, and said, "I am Matsueda Azusa from Sobu High School. If you are dissatisfied with the fact that I slapped you, you are welcome to come and find fault with me."

Ishida Shoya slumped to the ground, stunned. His mind was in a tangle. It was strange. He'd been so mercilessly scolded by a complete stranger, completely savagely criticized, his actions and personality degraded to the point of being a cockroach or water flea... Logically, he should be furious.

Aren't teenagers like this? Even if it's their own fault, they'll always try to be stubborn and stubborn. When someone reprimands them for their own mistakes, they'll develop a grudge against them and blame them instead.

But... despite this, Ishida Shoya did not feel any anger after being insulted.

He looked up at Songzhi Zi, sighed deeply, and simply lay down on the ground.

Songzhi Zi frowned. What was he doing? He knocked him down with a slap? He was trying to scam me, right?

But soon Ishida Masahiro spoke up: "You are right, Matsueda-san."

He looked up at the sun in the sky. The dazzling sunlight made him cry subconsciously, and he couldn't help squinting his eyes. "Actually, I haven't thought clearly about everything related to me. To be honest, I don't know what I want, what I should do, or how to face it. Do I want to make up for my mistakes or satisfy myself... I don't understand any of this."

"I wanted to apologize to Nishimiya-san, but I often thought about what happened in the past and felt that I didn't deserve it. It wasn't until I used death as an excuse that I had the courage to face this matter. I obviously didn't want to make my mother sad, but I felt that someone like me had no right to be loved, and I lost the courage to live..."

"In the end, I still don't understand anything. I don't understand everything, nor do I understand myself. I just live selfishly and want to die selfishly."

Ishida Shouya covered his face and said with a slight sob: "I'm sorry, Nishimiya-san. And...Matsueda-san, thank you."

108

Chapter 108 Cosplaying Pingzi-kun (?)

What the hell, how can I make someone submit by scolding them?

Honestly, when Matsueda Azusa slapped Ishida Shoya, he was already prepared for a passionate brawl. After all, he had no right to condemn the other party, and Matsueda Azusa didn't think it was a problem if the other party wanted to fight back.

However, what was unexpected was that after being scolded, Ishida Masaya actually started crying and repenting for the mistakes he had made.

In this scene, Matsueda Azusa even felt that if he put on a suit and held a book in his hand, he could cosplay as a priest.

If Ishida Shoya had continued to be stubborn, Matsueda Azusa could have continued to scold her, but now that she was in this state, he couldn't say anything more. The main reason was that Ishida Shoya's tears were indeed very sincere.

Come on, does this count as saving a misguided teenager?

Although it was a happy ending with the family reunited, Matsueda Azusa was a little unhappy.

After all, after he repented, he went home and had a mother who loved him. After Matsueda Azusa's angry scolding, he got nothing and instead made himself angry.

Forget it, things have come to this, let's just leave it at that. Ishida Shoya can cry if he wants to, what does it have to do with him, Matsueda Azusa. Not intending to stay here any longer and waste time, Matsueda Azusa turned around and left.

Nishimiya Shoko looked at the crying Ishida Masaya in confusion, then looked at Matsueda Azusa who turned and left. After hesitating for a moment, she hurriedly jogged to catch up with him.

Songzhi Zi heard footsteps behind him and explained without turning his head: "Xiao Jing asked me to come find you just now. Now it's been a bit delayed. They might be waiting anxiously..."

At this moment, Nishimiya Naoko tugged at Matsueda Azusa's sleeve.

Matsueda Azusa subconsciously looked at her, thinking that she wanted to thank him for helping him drive Ishida Shoya away, so he waved his hand without thinking and said, "Don't thank me. I just said that it was Xiaojing who asked me to come. If you want to thank someone, thank her..."

But the next moment he saw the words written on the small notebook held up by Nishimiya Glass: "Matsueda-san looks very angry. Although she is very angry, it seems that Matsueda-san is very sad."

Nishimiya Shoko hid the lower half of her face behind the notebook, still looking at Matsueda Azusa with that timid but worried look.

Matsueda Azusa's words froze, and he couldn't come up with an answer for a moment. Angry? He had indeed been truly angry when he'd been cursing Ishida Shoya, but in the end, all that was left was emptiness.

Even if someone made a mistake and behaved so awfully, he still had a home to return to, a family that loved him. People would rejoice for him and cry for him. But what about Matsueda Azusa? He had nothing. Faced with such a reality, how could he not be heartbroken?

However, when asked this by Nishimiya Shoko, Matsueda Azusa found it difficult to answer.

A guy covered in thorns will of course feel at a loss if he is occasionally treated gently.

Seeing that Matsueda Azusa didn't answer, Nishimiya Glass wrote again: "I'm sorry, I didn't hear most of what everyone said just now. Matsueda-san, are you angry because of me? I'm sorry."

She clearly had no idea what was going on, yet she kept taking the blame. This was completely different from Matsueda Azusa, who preferred to blame others rather than herself. While this behavior was equally pathological, Matsueda Azusa had no right to blame her.

Matsueda Azusa sighed helplessly and answered clearly, word by word: "It's not because of you. It's because of what Ishida Shoya did and said that made me very angry."

Nishimiya Glass lowered her head, clutching the tattered notebook tightly in her hand. It seemed that even after Matsueda Azusa's explanation, she still felt that this was related to her.

"Nishimiya-san, can I ask you a question?"

Seeing Nishimiya Glass's self-blaming expression, Matsueda Azusa hesitated for a moment before speaking: "Why... do you always feel that these things are your fault?"

Nishimiya Glass lowered her head and was silent for a long time before finally writing: "Because, wherever I am, bad things always happen. No one likes me, and Ishida-san was bullied because of me... So, I always bring misfortune to everyone. I must have done something wrong..."

Logically speaking, in this situation, Matsueda Azusa should probably say some comforting words, saying that it was not Nishimiya Shoko's fault.

But Songzhi Zi couldn't bring herself to say such corny words, and such bland comfort was meaningless. Empty, superficial words wouldn't even necessarily make the person being comforted feel better, so what was the point in saying them?

So Matsueda Azusa thought for a moment and asked, "Nishimiya-san, do you... think you are important?"

Nishimiya Shoko looked at Matsueda Azusa blankly, having never expected that he would ask this question.

After a long pause, she hurriedly wrote down her answer: "No! I never felt that way."