Uneasy daily life

"I'm not picking my teeth, I'm picking the hesitation stuck between my teeth."

Feng Bin and Hua (Bai Ying) waved the toothpick in their hands: "Shouldn't Dad talk to you about your situation?"

"Things? What things?"

Feng Bin's father took out his wallet and was about to call the waiter to settle the bill.

Feng Bin and Hua (Bai Ying) asked curiously, "How did you manage to have an affair, get a divorce, and marry into my family all in one go?"

"What are you saying?" Feng Bin's father glared at him, scolding him impatiently, "You're just a kid, don't meddle in adult matters..."

"But my older sister wants to know too," Toyohama Kazuka (Shirokage) asked with a smile, tilting her head. "Right?"

"..."

Sakurajima Mai (Wahana) thought it over and decided to remain silent. How would I know if my sister wanted to know? Besides, I'm not her sister, and this topic... I don't really want to delve into it.

"I don't want to know." Mai Sakurajima (Wahana) frowned unconsciously, revealing a somewhat conflicted look in her eyes.

Upon hearing his other daughter's answer, Feng Bin's father stopped paying, frowned, put his wallet away, and fell silent for a moment.

"Since Dad won't say anything and told me not to worry about it, am I just supposed to guess? You can't not even let me think about it, can you?"

After making a sarcastic remark, Feng Bin and Hua (Bai Ying) didn't press or press for details. Instead, they seemed quite interested: "So, Dad, you've passed away..."

Feng Bin's father: "?"

"Wait a moment..."

“Oh, I misused my words,” Feng Bin and Hua (Bai Ying) corrected. “If Dad had passed away: on that day, the house would be filled with a somber atmosphere, and all that would be left of Dad would be a gray face, imprinted on a small photograph…”

……

……

Today, the father of the famous actress Toyohama Kazuka passed away. His passing was somewhat sudden, and the funeral arrangements are quite busy.

A somber drama of mourning is unfolding in the house, with a small number of relatives gathered together, expressing their longing for the mature man in the photograph.

Feng Bin and Hua stayed in their room, listening to the monks chanting outside. They did not go out to show their filial piety, nor did they allow their friends to come and offer condolences or help.

Kazuka Toyohama, who overtook others by using her writing skills to submit scripts for TV dramas, movies, and variety shows, thereby gaining roles and building popularity, eventually became a big star. She is looking at the messages sent to her by people in the industry on her phone.

Many friends, actors I've worked with, and well-known fans have all tagged me with their condolences.

Feng Bin and Hua sat on the bed, hugging their legs as before. Their faces, now mature, still retained some of the naivety and elegance of their youth. Their deep eyes were fixed on a message on the screen, seemingly oblivious to the funeral taking place in the living room.

[Sakurajima Mai: @Toyohama Kazuka, my condolences.]

Should I also send my sister a message of condolence?

Toyohama and Hana pondered this somewhat absurd question and asked Sakurajima Mai through private chat, after all... he was her older sister's father, wasn't he?

[Sakurajima Mai: When someone passes away, it's polite to offer condolences to the family. I've already done that.]

[Toyohama Kazuka: I received many messages today, and they all seemed to think I'm very sad.]

[Sakurajima Mai: Isn't that how it is?]

[Toyohama Kazuka: No.]

After much thought, I realized I needed to express my feelings to everyone in my own way.

Feng Bin and Hua adjusted their emotions, thought for a moment, and slowly tapped their phone screen to post a status update.

Thank you all for your comfort. Perhaps because I don't feel sad, your comfort makes me feel a little awkward. It's like, for some reason, the obvious kindness and tolerance shown by those around me makes me feel cautious and embarrassed.

Common sense dictates that a father's death should indeed cause grief for his children, but I can't lie to myself; I don't feel grief.

Life is like a chat account. One day, on a whim, you take stock of your friends and discover that the last message you exchanged with some people ended at a certain time, with no further follow-up; you find that some people have long since stopped logging in, their avatars now covered in a layer of dull gray; you see some familiar nicknames that evoke vague memories—some accounts were just fleeting encounters, with no further conversations, yet I feel the same melancholy.

[This is what happened with my father's death.]

He had no presence at home; my mother made all the decisions, big and small. Therefore, my main enemy during my childhood was my mother, while my father was someone I often forgot about. He probably didn't like staying at home; he rarely came home and seldom spoke to me. I gradually got used to this, and even after he retired and had more free time, we remained like different subway lines, traveling our own routes, occasionally passing the same station.

Aside from that, I didn't have a good opinion of him. Fortunately, he's gone, so I can finally express my opinion of him.

His marriage to my mother was his second marriage; he had a wife with a child from his previous marriage. As far as I know, he and his ex-wife had a child shortly after their marriage, making it seem more like a shotgun wedding. At that time, they were both very young, around twenty years old. Shortly after his wife gave birth, he divorced her and married my mother through a matrilocal marriage arrangement. I was born a year later.

I have grievances against my father. He's a snob, abandoning his wife and children to marry into my mother's family. If you include the time they spent together, he cheated on my mother, at least emotionally, while my wife was pregnant, and he was willing to give up his own surname to marry into her family.

The outcome may not have been what he wanted. My mother always held the dominant position at home, so he simply left the family to her, including matters concerning me. He was often away from home, rarely returned, and didn't seem to care much about my mother or me.

It's often said that a dog won't choose a poor home, and a child won't despise its ugly mother. I often feel guilty about these thoughts, and I'm also puzzled as to why I think this way. Shouldn't we overlook and tolerate each other's shortcomings if we're family? The same applies to social relationships; the closer the relationship, the more we should understand and tolerate each other's differences, even their flaws.

I suddenly realized—people are only prone to nitpicking the moral standards of strangers.

Perhaps I saw him as a father, or perhaps I was concerned about his relationship with my mother, so in the end I didn't voice my thoughts.

We live under the same roof, yet we live in two different worlds.

My recollection of him is mostly a rough sketch. He rarely mentioned his past to me, mature enough not to do anything detrimental to himself, and I, too, was mature enough to be detached and indifferent, never asking him about the past.

Fortunately, it's all over now. He left this world with dignity, and I've finally completed my duty of seeing him off. I can now speak of him—my father—without reservations.

In my heart, he is someone who cannot be trusted or relied upon.

"The following day, due to Feng Binhe's unconventional behavior, it sparked a wave of online discussion and condemnation! Some people criticized her for not fulfilling her responsibilities as a public figure, some accused her of spreading harmful ideas, and some immediately began spreading some vague and unsubstantiated rumors. In the end, Feng Binhe went from privately contacting Ma Sai online, to publicly interviewing Ma Sai, to privately bowing to Ma Sai, and finally to being urgently suspended by the company, losing her status and glory as a big star, and fading into obscurity!"

Feng Bin and Hua (Bai Ying) reluctantly ended the conversation, then immediately questioned him with heartache and indignation: "Dad! I never imagined you would be so malicious, trying to frame your dear daughter as an unfilial child! Tell me! How can you do this to me? Even in death you have to drag me down with you!"

"..."

Feng Bin's father looked blank and disheveled in the wind.

Thank you, I'm touched by your filial piety.

"Hehua! Don't talk nonsense!"

Sakurajima Mai (Waka) gritted her teeth; she was truly being laughed at—laughed at for being ridiculed! What do you mean by "Toyohama Kaka's private three-part series"? As a public figure, how could she be so stupid as to publicly share her feelings online? Do you think I'm an idiot?!

The dreadful heavy snow was so infuriating it was almost like something out of a jerk. If Dad hadn't been here, I would have slammed my fist on the table and kicked him right then and there!

"Where did I talk nonsense?"

Kazuka Toyohama (Shirokage) pouted and said, "Dad told me not to ask, so I'll just figure it out myself! This is how I, Kazuka Toyohama, think. Is there anything wrong with that?"

Mai Sakurajima (Wahana): "#!"

"Is your sister thinking about the same thing?"

"?"

How would I know what my sister was thinking? Although I do have those kinds of thoughts, how could those thoughts possibly escalate into the situation you described!

Feng Bin and Hua (Bai Ying) shrugged: "After all, given Auntie's personality, she wouldn't talk about her past in front of you. You can only guess, right?"

"Almost, that's about right..."

Sakurajima Mai (Waka) vaguely picked up the conversation, "Is that what my older sister thinks? I either have to ask my older sister about this, or I can only secretly ask that bastard, right?"

"Alright, you two, stop teasing me!"

Feng Bin's father rubbed his forehead, looking a bit of a headache: "What's the point of bringing up the past... As for Hua, well, it wasn't exactly a shotgun wedding. She got pregnant with Mai two years after we got married. It's just that we got married relatively early..."

"Good morning? Auntie, you were twenty when you gave birth to my sister, right?"

Feng Bin and Hua (Bai Ying) tilted their heads slightly, as if they understood something: "Speaking of which, what's the legal marriage age again? Does your older sister know?"

“Male 18, female 16,” Mai Sakurajima (Wahana) answered succinctly, a strange feeling flashing through her mind.

Feng Bin and Hua (Bai Ying) nodded seriously and said, "Sister, you know so much? Hmm, I'd better not say."

Mai Sakurajima (Wahana): "#!"

It's clearly because you're an old woman and don't understand the impact of the internet and information technology!

"In short, we got married very young. Our families met when we were in school. It wasn't the kind of shotgun wedding you're thinking of. We weren't this old when we got married and had children back then." Feng Bin's father seemed a little unsure how to express himself, so he simply said, "The reason we divorced is that our feelings for each other faded."

"Huh? You got a divorce right after my sister gave birth, and you say your feelings have faded?" Feng Binhe and Hua (Bai Ying) snorted twice, looked up, moved their chairs to a different position, and said, "I think it's obvious that you cheated on me beforehand!"

The sunlight streaming through the window shone directly into Toyohama and Hana's (White Shadow) eyes, reflecting an eerie light.

"It was precisely because our feelings had faded that I persisted until Mai was born before divorcing her!" Toyohama's father said angrily, forced to recall the past, before glancing somewhat awkwardly at Sakurajima Mai (and Hana).

"Then it's better not to have it at all," Feng Binhehua (Bai Ying) complained. "Dad must have a big problem with Auntie and wants to drive her crazy, right?"

"You... it's an adult matter..."

"People who are not trustworthy or reliable—evolution! Scum who are not trustworthy or reliable!"

"Alright, alright."

Feng Bin's father frowned and sighed: "That all happened more than ten years ago, why talk about it now..."

“Yes, it’s been more than ten years, yet it’s still getting on my sister and me.” Feng Bin and Hua (Bai Ying) retorted with a smile. “If Dad has grievances against Auntie but doesn’t want to say it in front of my sister, then there’s no need for that—my sister had a big fight with Auntie a while ago.”

Mai Sakurajima (Wahana): "...Hmm."

"...?" Feng Bin's father was puzzled, but his agitation and headache subsided. After calming down and pondering for a while, he said, "It's my problem..."

Feng Bin and Hua (Bai Ying) suddenly rested their chins on their hands, their voice deep and chilling.

"This place is not safe. Beneath the seemingly ordinary environment lurks extremely dangerous elements. To successfully survive in 'society,' please be sure to abide by the following rules—"

"1: Common sense is noble. Do not argue with others about common sense. If someone who has refuted common sense no longer refutes it, be very careful and vigilant. He is no longer the same person."

"2: It is okay to listen to others say bad things about another person, but do not repeat the bad things to others."

"3: If you want to say something bad about someone, make sure the listener is wearing gray clothes and that he is not part of that person's group."

4. Don’t easily refute others; it’s best to remain silent and just think it to yourself.

"5: Do not agree with those in white clothes, agree with those in gray clothes but do not follow them, be careful of those in black clothes, stay away from them, they are dangerous."

"7: Groups..."

“Alright, alright, I’ll be honest,” Feng Bin’s father interrupted impatiently, and said succinctly, “To put it simply, we were both too young back then. She was pregnant with Mai, and her already strong personality became even more temperamental. I was laid off from my company due to layoffs, and could only look for jobs and do odd jobs everywhere… I would leave home anxiously during the day, and at night I would force myself to listen to her orders. No matter if I could sleep or not, I had to wake up at a certain time. I didn’t dare to let her worry too much, but she insisted on doing it every day…”

Feng Bin's father stopped criticizing, waved his hand and sighed deeply. His attitude became serious, and he said with some melancholy, "Later, I would occasionally look back on the past. But the more I recalled it, the more distant and indifferent I became. In the end, I was just watching my own youth from the sidelines."

"Now, I can't remember if that was really the case, or if my memory has embellished it to make it easier to point out her mistakes."

Feng Bin and Hua (Bai Ying) said, "To put it simply, two young people who are very confident and hopeful about the future are suddenly hit hard by life. However, they are both from ordinary backgrounds and can't offer any help. They can only grit their teeth and endure it."

"It's kind of true, I guess."

Feng Bin's father glossed over that period in a few words and continued, "During the last period, I was lucky enough to meet your mother and get a job at her company... I was the one who decided to get a divorce. Although I wanted to say that we had finally made it through and it was time to live together, when I held you, who had just been born, all I felt was a sense of relief..."

Feng Bin and Hua (Bai Ying) said knowingly, "It was during that time that, on one hand, it was like hell, where you had to be careful every day, your wife was more domineering than your boss, and coming home was more tiring than going to work, and on the other hand, you finally had a job that you could work with peace of mind, where you only had to deal with normal workplace relationships, and maybe even new interpersonal relationships... At that time, Dad probably had thoughts of divorce from time to time, right? And Mom was probably a gentle, cheerful, considerate, and silly girl back then?"

Toyohama's father wore an expression of utter astonishment, as if he'd seen a ghost... Just how awful has Kazuka turned out?!

Mai Sakurajima (Wahana) also wore a look of utter disbelief. A gentle, cheerful, considerate, and silly girl who loves to laugh? Which of these adjectives could possibly describe her mother?!

"Anyway, there were all sorts of messy things, and I'm not quite sure what my thoughts were like at that time—you said I was emotionally unfaithful first, and that's true. It was I who had the idea of ​​divorce, and it was I who said it."

Feng Bin's father gradually calmed down and dug out memories from more than ten years ago: "Back then, I seemed to be hesitant myself. When I was holding Mai, I had some thoughts that things would get better after we got through some difficulties... But I don't know if it was because I got used to it or because I took it for granted, she was still the same as when I was pregnant, so I said I wanted a divorce."

Feng Bin's father frowned, seemingly feeling that what he said was not quite descriptive, but he didn't know how to express it.

"It's also possible that she was like that from the beginning, strong-willed and stubborn. That kind of beauty stole my admiration, and she has been exceptionally different in my eyes ever since."

Feng Binhua (Bai Ying) suddenly read a few words in a gentle tone, then her voice changed, filled with emptiness, dejection and coldness: "It's just that life has worn down my spirit, and I don't find her dazzling and bright anymore, but rather noisy and chaotic."

"..."

Feng Bin's father looked at his daughter in surprise, unsure of what to say.

"Tsk tsk tsk, Dad really is a passive person." Feng Binhe and Hua (Bai Ying) clicked their tongues and shook their heads. "I used to passively accepting things because he married into the family. Now it seems that whether it's Mom or Auntie, their status is above yours."

"Ahem, what's with all this talk about status?" Feng Bin's father, feeling a bit embarrassed, forced the topic back to the present. "Anyway, it's all over the past ten years, you don't need to be affected... I have no right to say this, ultimately it was my choice to run away, and you and Mai will definitely be affected too..."

Feng Bin's father couldn't help but feel a little tongue-tied.

"Sister, what are your thoughts?" Feng Bin and Hua (Bai Ying) asked excitedly, "This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to make Dad do a hundred push-ups at the restaurant!"

Feng Bin's father: "???"

Sakurajima Mai (Waka) gave me a look: How should I know what to say! You handle it, hurry up!

"It seems my sister hasn't made up her mind yet. Let her call Dad when she does."

With a wave of his hand, Feng Bin and Hua (Bai Ying) breathed a sigh of relief, then Feng Bin's father asked in surprise, "Huh? Since when did you become the one in charge?"

"Then I'll go pay the bill."

Feng Bin's father got up and went to the counter.